Once burned
by Jinxgirl
Summary: Sequel to Comalies. After Faith emerges from her coma, she and Buffy must deal with the Council as well as their confused feelings in the aftermath of Buffy's having seen her memories.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author notes: This is the sequel to Comalies. Like Comalies, takes place at the beginning of the fourth season, Buffy and gang are about a month or so into college, she is not dating Riley, Willow is with Oz, Xander and Anya are confused-sexing. I know this first chapter is very short and just rehashing the end of Comalies, but it is just the prologue :)

Thanks: to all who read Comalies, and most especially lilyme for all her help with ideas for this and for generally being awesome :)

Prologue

They continued to travel without speaking, the three people in Giles's car; each was too distracted to notice the long period of silence. Giles was driving, his brow furrowed as he concentrated on keep his attention on the road, not allowing his worry or his weariness to distract into taking a wrong turn. Faith was sleeping, her body warm and limp against Buffy in the backseat, her head still leaned heavily on the older slayer's shoulder. And Buffy… Buffy was awake, but she could feel her thoughts winding down, could feel how her eyelids seemed to be gradually growing heavier.

There was less than an hour left until they would arrive back in Sunnydale, and Buffy knew that upon reaching their reluctant destination there would be no more time to do nothing, to simply rest in silence. Once more she would have to jump right into the swing of things… this time, not by way or slaying, or defeating another Big Bad, but by protecting a former Big Bad… or at least, a former Big Bad's former willing assistant.

A lot had been going on over the past two days; things had happened so quickly, with such intensity, that Buffy was still struggling to process them. It had all started with a phone call, a rather unpleasant awakening by Giles that had informed her that should Faith's coma not reverse itself on its own in four days' time, the Council would instruct the hospital caring for her to remove her feeding and hydration tubes, allowing her to die. From that point onward, the slayer and her former Watcher had been involved in a race against time as they did all they could to save Faith's life- and possibly her soul.

First there had been the hospital breakout, and Willow's subsequent technological and magical cover-up of the fact. Then the three hour car trip with the comatose Faith, where Giles and Buffy had met up with Dr. Catherine Dean and Dr. Miriam Kent. The doctors had then connected the slayers' minds with their advanced techno-psychological equipment, in essence sending Buffy into the midst of Faith's mind- and her memories.

Buffy knew she could never forget what she had seen inside Faith's mind, the horrible visions of the younger slayer's past. She had literally been inside her, felt her range of emotions along with her, and finally felt she could understand Faith and her actions of the past. Eventually Faith had 

emerged from her coma, and now, almost helpless, weakened physically, but healing, she was coming back with them to Sunnydale, where her future remained very uncertain.

Faith's future wasn't the only thing that was uncertain, however… it seemed to Buffy that everything was up in air, and she had no idea when it would all come crashing down on her. The Council… they were supposed to have Faith killed tomorrow. What would they do when they found out that there was no record or recollection of her ever having been at the hospital? Where would they stay, how would they hide Faith until they could figure something more permanent out?

Where did she and Faith stand in regard to each other? Buffy knew now she loved Faith… she knew that Faith had once been attracted to her, once strongly desired her love and attention. But was this still true today? What did Faith feel about Buffy, about Buffy's newly realized concern and affections for her? Was she even aware of them? What did she want from Buffy, from Giles and the Scoobies? What did she feel about what Buffy had done for her, about their abrupt, only-briefly-explained departure with her back to Sunnydale?

Buffy didn't know, couldn't be sure. And considering how much time she had spent inside Faith's mind, she was having a hard time guessing, especially considering how much time Faith was spending sleeping.

She would never want to go back into Faith's mind, never want to see what pain she had witnessed and experienced inside it again… but as she sat in silence with the still-sleeping Faith slumped against her, Buffy found herself wishing that she could in some way get insight into the other slayer's thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Buffy's head lifted jerkily, her eyes snapping open from their slowly dropping, heavy-lidded state as she felt Giles pull his car to a stop. At first, before she had fully emerged from her not-quite-sleeping, not-quite-awake limbo, she thought that they must have already arrived at Sunnydale. But as she blinked her eyes, her momentarily blurred vision quickly cleared, and she realized that he had pulled into a combination gas station/rest stop.

"What are we doing?" Buffy asked him, her voice slightly foggy; she hadn't realized until now just how close she'd been to sleep. "How far is it until Sunnydale?"

"About another forty-five minutes or so," Giles replied, undoing his seatbelt or opening his door by one of the gas pumps. "We need gas, and frankly, I need a break for a few minutes. If you need to stretch your legs, or, er, use the lavatory, go right ahead."

He stepped out of the car, going over to open the gas tank at its side, and opting to pay inside with the cash. As Buffy faintly heard him muttering to himself in disgust about the gas prices, she felt Faith shifting in her close proximity to her, her head moving on Buffy's shoulder as she began to stir awake. Buffy felt her heart squish quickly, not unpleasantly, as Faith's eyes opened slowly, and her brow furrowed in confusion. She seemed uncomprehending as to how she had ended up so close to Buffy.

"Morning," Buffy smiled at her, reaching over to gently but swiftly tuck a lock of hair off of Faith's face and behind her ear- a lock that just as quickly fell right back in place. "Well, I guess it's more like afternoon. Or evening. I'm not sure what time it is, really, do you know? No, of course you don't, you've been in a coma, and you were sleeping on and off all day, you're bound to be a little confused time-wise-"

She forced herself to shut up a bit abruptly, feeling her face go pink. Okay, Buffy, calm… get a hold of yourself. Incessant babbling is not the way to go.

Faith didn't seem to have been listening, however; she was still frowning, and as she lifted her head off Buffy's shoulder rapidly, she seemed to be somehow pulling away from her even as she remained where she was, her formerly relaxed body suddenly stiff at Buffy's side. She glanced at Buffy warily, her dark eyes slightly anxious, almost afraid, even as she seemed to be working to adjust her features into a blasé blankness.

"Didn't mean to crowd ya, B, sorry about that," she muttered, her voice hoarse with sleep, and if she could have, had she possessed the strength and coordination necessary, Buffy suspected she would have scooted clear to the other side of the car. "Don't know how I ended up over there, I didn't think I was that mobile yet."

"Oh, no, don't worry about it, Faith, I was the one that moved you," Buffy assured her quickly, her voice just a little too rushed, her tone a little too cheery. "You looked uncomfortable, so I just, I thought you could use a pillow, and my shoulder didn't mind, so…"

Okay, Buffy, enough of the babbling and the not-making-sense, which is really the same thing as babbling, she told herself in disgust. Isn't it? Or not? Can babbling make sense sometimes, or is it just-

Okay, stop, now, stop it now!

Faith was very carefully avoiding Buffy's eyes, seeming determined not to even look up. Buffy's heart squeezed again, less pleasantly this time; she still couldn't understand what Faith was thinking. Why was she acting like this, so skittish and stiff? Didn't she WANT Buffy to be nice to her? Didn't she still feel the same way that she had in her head, in her memories? Didn't she understand what Buffy felt for her as well?

Or had none of that really been real at all? Had it all been only memories- did the current Faith, the Faith here with her now, feel differently? Or had none of what she thought Faith felt been real at all? Had it all been just a delusion after all?

No, no- it was real, Buffy told herself quickly, it was real, I know it. I know what I saw, what I felt, was what Faith did. I know it really happened to her- I know what she really felt…

Then why did that seem so hard to remember now, when looking at this Faith? Why did she seem to be behaving as if this were not true?

Buffy pulled away from Faith slightly, giving her a little space, like she seemed to want, as she watched the other girl carefully. Despite the slight distance between them now, Faith did not look up at her, did not seem to gain any relief; if anything, her body seemed to tense further in a way that probably pained her weakened muscles. Of course, she said nothing to indicate if this were true, and Buffy stopped herself from asking.

Space… she needs space to think, to work out what's happened to her, how she feels. She needs time. Give her time…

"Faith, I'm going to go to the bathroom," Buffy changed the subject quickly, clearing her throat awkwardly. "Do you need to go too?"

Faith's eyes flew up to hers briefly, and Buffy saw them widen as Faith shook her head so fast she could winced, having apparently hurt a neck muscle.

"No, no, I'm good, B," she said quickly, and Buffy noticed the flicker of near alarm that corssed her face.

"Are you sure?" Buffy asked her with some concern. "We still have a while until we get to Sunnydale, and-"

"Think about it, B," Faith interrupted, and there was a trace of her old smirk beginning to twist her lips. "Even if I did, like I said, I'm not exactly Miss Mobile here. You gonna carry me in like a bride on her wedding night or somethin'? Kinda ruins the whole incognito-fugitive effect."

Buffy felt herself flush again, whether this was in response to Faith's comment about a bride on her wedding night or her own quick but vivid visualizations that followed, she wasn't sure.

"Well… I can sneak you in somehow, maybe, if you need too…" she said lamely. "We need to get you a wheelchair or something. But- but you're not a fugitive, Faith. No one's looking for you. Well, except maybe the Council. But we're going to take care of that! We-"

"B… didn't you say you had to pee or somethin'?" Faith interrupted her, and though her voice was level, neutral, there was a strange edge to it.

"Oh… oh yeah, yeah, I did," Buffy stumbled and she opened the car door, starting to get out awkwardly. Still half hanging out the door, she turned back to Faith again. The other slayer was still watching her with a too-blank expression, too-carefully-hooded eyes.

"I'll get you something to eat and drink, okay? You need to, like, help your metabolism and all, you've lost weight and muscle tone and stuff, and you need to get your strength back. So… so I'll get you something, okay?"

Not waiting for Faith's reply, be it protests or agreement, Buffy shut the car door, walking towards the gas station interior with a little more speed than was necessary. She could feel her heart, pounding harder than she preferred, a strange, nervous tingling running up and down her arms.

What is your problem, Buffy? Since when did you become Miss Speed Talker? What the hell is THAT all about?

Obviously, it was about Faith. Okay, she got the whole give-her-space thing, she got that Faith apparently wanted that, the space, she really did. But it would be nice if she had a general idea of for how long she had to give it. Or at least a general idea of how much Faith remembered and what she was thinking…

If there were any nice, mouthless demons around about now to make with the spreading of mind-reading, I wouldn't even mind the side effects of pain and insanity, Buffy thought to herself a bit grimly as she made her way to the not-exactly-sanitary bathroom in the back of the gas station. Okay, so maybe I would, but you know what I mean. Okay, so maybe I don't know who this you person is, and maybe they don't' know, but I know what I mean-

Okay, stop brain, stop!

The women's bathroom was a very small, single stall, not exactly wheelchair or even cripple-friendly. Even had Faith agreed to let Buffy take her with her, they would have a hard time maneuvering in the tiny, cramped space.

As Buffy thought about it, a whole new problem, previously not thought of, came to her mind. How WAS Faith going to get to the bathroom- and undress herself, and take showers? She couldn't even stand up, barely had control over even her hands yet. Obviously, it would have to be Buffy who did those things for her.

For the third time in five minutes, Buffy could feel herself blushing at her own thoughts. Sure, she'd realized she'd have to help Faith a lot, carry her around and watch out for her, but somehow, personal care issues involving seeing and touching Faith's body had not crossed her mind.

Damn… I just figured out that I might be attracted to Faith, that I might love her, which means I might not be strictly straight, and already I'm gonna be heading straight to third base with her. And I don't even know if it's a good thing or not that it'll be totally necessary and platonic…

Buffy, damn! What the hell is wrong with you and your brain today?!

Buffy hurried back into the store section of the gas station, attempting to distract herself with the task of getting Faith food. She settled on getting her a pint of chocolate ice cream, figuring that it 

was high in sugar and calories, both something Faith probably needed, and also soft and easy for her to eat and digest after such a long time of steady nutrition via veins. Plus, she knew full well that Faith was a major sugar addict, especially in regards to chocolate.

Getting in line with her ice cream and a bottle of water and taking a plastic spoon from the small food preparation area, Buffy got in line to pay. She noticed from the corner of her eye that Giles was standing at the back of the store near the restrooms, talking on the pay phone. Turning her head with a slight, curious frown, Buffy realized that he was talking more than listening, his expression very intent. She wondered who he was calling… maybe someone having to do with Faith.

Having paid for her purchases, she headed back to Giles's car, opening the door to the backseat and sliding in beside Faith. Faith had been slumped back against the seat slightly, her eyes already half shut, but she jerked her head back up when she heard Buffy come up to her. Buffy smiled at her, keeping her voice friendly and mild deliberately as she spoke to her.

"You're really tired, aren't you? You'd think a coma for four months would be plenty of sleep, but I guess not, I guess that's different."

Okay, stop the rambling, Buffy, now, please…

"I brought you some ice cream," she said quickly, holding it out for Faith to see along with the water. "I figured you'd want chocolate, right?"

Faith's eyes widened with surprise and brief but unmistakable joy as her gaze went to the container in Buffy's hand. Any threatening weariness disappeared as she smiled widely, an unthinking expression that sent a little thrill up Buffy's spine to witness.

But no sooner was Buffy daring to hope that she might have succeeded in making some headway with Faith, found a way to open her up a little, then Faith seemed to be already checking herself. Her eyes dimmed, and she pulled her lips straight again, purposely and obviously stifling whatever emotions she was feeling as she quickly lowered her eyes.

"You didn't have to get that, B. I didn't ask you to or nothin'. I'm not hungry anyway."

"The hell you aren't," Buffy countered, confused and a little annoyed by Faith's strangeness. "All you've had for the past few four months is pudding and glucose. Even Giles and I had more than the last couple of days, Catherine brought us stuff in the lab. So no lame excuses, eat it."

"I told you, B, really, I'm not hungry," Faith insisted, carefully avoiding looking at the ice cream, and Buffy fixed her with a half-serious, half-playful stink eye.

"Faith. Do you really expect me to believe that you don't want chocolate ice cream? You, who ate a chocolate Easter bunny that had been under my bed since I first moved to Sunnydale? Keep talking like that and I'll think you got brain damaged," Buffy jabbed lightly, but she was really watching Faith's face more closely than she let on. "Even if you're not feeling hungry, you need to eat anyway. And besides, I just paid 3 for this tiny little thing, so you're eating it," she finished off, hoping that the last bit, if nothing else, would make her.

Faith looked over at her with an odd hesitance, something strangely poignant in her gaze, her slight frown, as if she didn't' understand what Buffy was really saying. Finally she looked away, and her shoulders tensed once more when she spoke, her voice very controlled.

"Thanks…"

"No problem. Can you do it yourself, or do you need help?" Buffy asked her, prying the top off the ice cream for her. At least Faith was going to eat something, although she still had no idea what all the resistance had been for. Was Faith just trying to be difficult- and if she was, did that mean she didn't remember anything? How was she supposed to act- what would she do if Faith didn't remember anything from their experiences inside her mind?

"No, I've got it, B," Faith said, detracting Buffy from her yet-again-drifting thoughts and bringing her focus back to her.

"Okay, if you think so…"

She handed the spoon to Faith and set the container on her lap. Faith stabbed the spoon into the ice cream, but she seemed to be having a hard time doing so with enough force to break through much of the frozen surface. She had to try a few times before she got any on her spoon, for her grip was a little too loose, her hand shaking slightly. She brought the small bit she'd managed to get on the spoon to her mouth with a jerky clumsiness that bumped her nose, dotting it with ice cream first before she got it in her mouth. Watching her, Buffy wanted to cringe with a mix of pity, guilt, and agonized impatience. If this was the rate she'd have to feed herself at, Faith would starve to death first.

"Faith, just let me do it for you, okay?" Buffy said to her quietly, trying not to let the sympathy she knew Faith didn't want to show up in her voice or face. "I know you can do it, but it'll be faster if you let me, and you're burning as many calories as you're putting in right now."

Faith looked over rapidly, her face stiffening defensively as she dug into the hardly dented container again, the chocolate still on her lips and the tip of her nose.

"I'm fine, B, I've got it. I'm not a complete invalid ya know."

"Faith, I get that you don't want to have to be helped, I get that you'll have to learn to walk and move around again," Buffy said in the same quiet but firm tone, and she did get that. Faith had always been so independent, always prided herself on her ability to take care of herself. It was something she'd had to learn, given her childhood… for back then, if she didn't take care of herself, no one else would have either.

Yes, Buffy understood that for a girl used to asking and accepting help from no one, to be basically helpless must be hard to deal with. Especially for a girl used to having slayer powers. Buffy had experienced that to herself to a smaller degree on her eighteen birthday, when forced to undergo the Cruciatum ritual from the Council. Maybe this was even partly why Faith was 

acting so strangely, closing off her thoughts Buffy could not read them. Maybe she just hated being unable to do anything, was frustrated and humiliated by it.

It scared Buffy in a way, not knowing what Faith was really thinking and feeling. It reminded her of the old Faith, made her feel as if nothing had changed between them, despite what she and Faith had experienced in her mind. Her fear was that maybe it hadn't… for if Faith really could not remember, how could it have? How could anything Buffy had said or did inside her head have made any difference?

"I get that you don't want anyone to have to help you, I really do," Buffy continued quickly, seeing that Faith was looking at her strangely and realizing she had paused for too long. "And trust me, I'll let you practice all this plenty. But right now there isn't much time, ice cream is messy and you know Giles is about his car and messing it. And you need to eat. So let's save the eating lessons for later and just let me feed you, okay?"

Faith hesitated, her fingers subconsciously gripping the spoon tighter, whitening her knuckles as she frowned, lips tightening. Finally she nodded jerkily.

"Whatever, B."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Buffy smiled at Faith, taking the ice cream carton and spoon from her hands and wiping off her chin and nose before beginning to spoon it into her mouth. Faith was watching her warily with each swallow, still frowning slightly, her eyebrows drawing together slightly. She looked as if she almost expected Buffy to suddenly yank the spoon away from her and toss the ice cream out the window, or else begin eating it herself.

Buffy had lowered the partially eaten, slightly melting ice cream to her lap and was holding the water for Faith to drink when Giles came up to them, sliding into the driver's seat. Glancing back at them, he said a little distractedly, "Ah yes, Buffy, that's probably a good idea. She'll need to stay hydrated. I should have thought of that…"

Upon realizing that Giles had seen Buffy helping her drink and hearing his mild comment, Faiths stiffened, her face reddening in apparent embarrassment, and she almost choked on her mouthful of water. As Buffy's hand went to her back in alarm, and she started to ask her if she was okay, Faith, still coughing, clumsily reached for the water in Buffy's hand, seeming to be trying to hold it herself. Instead, she only succeeded in spilling part of it down Buffy's shirt.

"Oh god!" Buffy yelped in shock at the cold as her shirt promptly stuck to her chest, in a not-exactly-decent-looking way. "Faith, I told you, let me do it before you waste the whole thing!"

"Sorry," Faith said quietly, and her voice was smaller than Buffy had ever heard it, her face still flushed with the mortification she had never before seen in Faith's expression- a mortification that Faith had not yet managed to shove back. As Giles quickly handed Buffy some napkins from his glovebox to dab at herself with, she softened almost immediately at the look on Faith's face, impulsively squeezing the girl's shoulder and feeling the tightness of her muscles.

"It's okay, Faith, it's just water." She barely stopped herself in time from making a crack about Faith wanting to see her in a wet T-shirt. Somehow she just didn't' think it was the time.

As Giles started up the car again, Buffy, holding up the water for Faith to drink from a second time, said to him, "I saw you on the phone in there… any news?"

"Ah yes, Buffy, I was just calling Xander and Willow again," he replied, glancing back at her as she screwed the cap on the water and offered Faith another bite of ice cream. "When we get back to Sunnydale, we're going to go to Xander's basement to meet together- he assures us that his parents will not be home," he said somewhat dryly. "We have much to discuss, as I'm sure you know."

Buffy saw his eyes go to Faith in the mirror; Faith seemed to have seen it too, for her jaw muscles tensed, and she muttered to Buffy that she was full. Hearing her, Giles glanced back at her.

"If you are finished, Faith, then I'd like to speak with you."

Without waiting for her reply, he pulled into the parking lot of a McDonald's, shutting off the car engine and turning to face her in the back seat. Buffy's eyes moved quickly between her two companions, seeing the rigidness of Faith's muscles, the apprehension in her features, and the controlled-yet-determined calmness of Giles's. She could feel herself frowning, wondering what it was that Giles wanted to "talk" to Faith about- and just how Faith might take it, whatever it was…

Giles took in a slow breath, giving Faith a small but genuine smile, and when he spoke to her there was real concern in his quiet tone.

"How are you doing, Faith? Or, to be more precise, how are you feeling?"

Faith shrugged, glancing up quickly at the older man's eyes that were trying to catch her own, then just as quickly looked away again. Buffy knew what her reply would be a few seconds before she ever spoke it, and wasn't happy to hear it.

"Me? I'm five by five," she said, her voice lower than usual in both pitch and volume.

She could not have helped but feel both Buffy's and Giles's eyes on her, even as she stared at her feet fixedly, determined not to look at them. After a few moments, Giles sighed; when he spoke, his voice was still quiet, but there was a steely edge to its surface mildness that made Faith look up at him almost involuntarily.

"I see. I'm afraid that's what concerns me, Faith. You see, I don't believe that what you just said to me is true, and what's more, I don't believe that you really expect us to believe that it is. And yet you have said it anyway… an answer, and a behavior, we could have expected from you in the past."

He paused, trying to catch her eyes, but Faith was looking away again, lowering not only her eyes, but also her entire face. She seemed very uncomfortable, as if she were trying to block out Giles's words, but couldn't quite manage to do so. Watching her, Buffy wanted to touch her knee or shoulder, to try to give her a measure of comfort and reassurance of her support, but she made herself hold still.

"Faith… we have done a great deal to try and help you, to save your life, over the past couple of days. Not just Buffy and Catherine and Miriam and I, but also Willow and Xander. I am sure that others will become involved as well. I am not sorry for our decision to do so, and I am certain that Buffy is not either," he said, his eyes going to Buffy briefly with a knowing yet oddly sympathetic look that made her flush at its implications. For even knowing that Giles knew of her feelings for Faith, somehow knowing that he had thought about them was discomfiting to Buffy.

"We have every intention of continuing to do our best to help you, Faith," Giles went on, his eyes returning to the dark slayer sitting a slight distance apart from Buffy. "No matter what responses you might give me, we will continue to fight for your life and your salvation. Not only as a matter of ethics and principles, but because you are a young girl whose future we care about. Because you are a PERSON we care about. I want you to understand that," he said, his voice going softer still as he looked with a probing insistence into Faith's lowered face.

When Faith only licked her lips, exhaling, his tone hardened slightly, and Faith found herself looking up at him again with some surprise.

"However, Faith, I also want you to understand that in return I expect you to be honest with me. At this moment I really do not care what your answers to anything I ask you are, as long as they are truthful. Whatever you say will not stop us from helping you, whether or not we like your reply- but whatever that reply might be, Faith, it had better be truthful."

Faith hesitated, and Buffy could hear her beginning to breathe in a slightly raspy uneven way, her chest moving visibly with each breath. Her shoulders hunched in a little further, and it struck Buffy suddenly that she was not just nervous and uncomfortable… she was afraid. Afraid of Giles?! Did she really think he might hurt her?!

Buffy looked at Giles sharply, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything, to tell him to lay off of Faith, nor to reassure her that she was okay. For honestly, she was interested in what Giles was about to ask her, and what Faith's response would be.

"Okay…" Faith muttered finally, and there was none of the confident bravado in her tone she was probably wanting to convey.

"Faith," Giles began again, seeming slightly satisfied to have gotten a response out of her, "I realize that in your current condition, you are simply not capable of any sort of physical threat or elaborate manipulations. But I also know that you will get stronger, and with your slayer healing and Buffy's helping you, you will do so at a faster rate than the months or years it might take an average human with your condition. It is for this reason that I need to hear you tell me honestly whether you plan on making us regret our helping you when you are once more in possession of your full strength. I need to hear from you that you will be on our side of the battle, Faith… I need to hear that you will not attempt to harm us."

Buffy's eyes widened at Giles's bluntness, and she looked at him with some indignation; how could he talk to her that way, how could he accuse her after all he'd done to help Faith, after what Buffy had seen?! Didn't' he remember what Buffy had told him- didn't he trust her?!

But then she realized… he hadn't really accused Faith at all. Rather, he had given her a chance to state otherwise, to prove her new trustworthiness. He did want to trust her… he just wanted a reason provided by Faith herself. After all, Buffy really hadn't yet told him very much, really hadn't explained…

Buffy's eyes went back to Faith, and she found that she too was watching her, awaiting her answer. Of course, she trusted Faith, she KNEW that Faith would not harm them, even if she didn't know what the other girl was thinking, remembering… but she would still like to hear her say so herself.

Faith, for her part, was shifting herself awkwardly, then winced at the soreness that must have shot up through her nearly-dormant muscles. She glanced up quickly at Giles, then Buffy, and there was no mistaking it this time- Buffy had seen the glimmer of fear in her eyes, coupled with ambivalence. She looked down again before she responded to them, and when she spoke, her words were low, tight, but the sincerity in them was obvious.

"I… I don't know," she stumbled, and it sounded to Buffy like she was gritting her teeth, having to maintain fierce control over each syllable. Buffy looked at her with concern, her eyes narrowing- was Faith crying? But no, her eyes were dry; if she was near tears, she was doing a very good job of holding them back.

"I… I can't say, I can't tell you, I don't know. I mean…" she paused, still breathing a little too hard, too audibly, and Buffy fought against the urge to take Faith's hand and squeeze it as the other girl visibly tried to calm herself, to put words to her thoughts. Giles waited patiently, his brow creased slightly as he watched her.

"I… I want to. I mean, I do, I do want to… I don't want… I, I fucked up, and I don't… I mean… I'm s-sorry," Faith managed, seeming to nearly choke on the last word. She looked paler to Buffy suddenly, almost ill, and Buffy was about to scoot closer to her, to touch her, ask her if she was all right, when Faith spoke up again, sucking in her breath shakily and still refusing to look up at either of them.

"I… I want to. But sometimes… sometimes I try, and I want… I want to do somethin', I want to, but… it just, somethin' happens, and it doesn't, it just, somethin' happens, and I can't, even if I wanted. I mean… I want to, but I don't know, I can't say that I will… because I don't know if stuff will happen," Faith finished, and her voice was so small by the end of her words that Buffy and Giles could barely hear her.

Somehow, looking at her slumped over, pressed against the door in such a way that is seemed she was wishing to escape, if not disappear altogether, she looked more helpless and vulnerable to Buffy than she had even when she had been in a coma. Looking at her, Buffy was reminded of the childhood versions of Faith she had seen in her mind, and her stomach knotted with empathy.

She didn't know what to say, what she should do, though her urge to touch Faith, reassure her, had increased; as she glanced at Giles, Buffy realized that he had been regarding Faith with a thoughtful scrutiny that was not ungentle.

"Faith… Faith, you may not know what you will do, you may not have faith in yourself and your future choices. But Buffy does," he said quietly, and Buffy looked over at him quickly, wondering why she had not said so herself. Somehow it didn't sound as meaningful when Giles said it for her.

"Buffy has assured me that she trusts you, Faith, and I trust Buffy," Giles went on, and he continued to look at Faith steadily, waiting for her to look back. "What's more, Faith, I myself believe you, that you do indeed wish to… to avoid any further mistakes, shall I say. I am not saying that I give you my total trust yet… but I am more than willing to give you opportunity to earn it, Faith. And I do believe that you want and will be able to do so… and as I said, we will do all we can to help you."

Giles paused, taking a breath as he let his hands drift up to his glasses, taking them off and cleaning them with an almost nervous movement. When he put them back on and peered through them at Faith, his expression was still serious, but his tone was still soft, even concerned.

"I want you to understand that as I see it, Faith, what's done is done. You have made mistakes, no doubt, but so have I; I do not believe that your actions were entirely your own fault. I was 

once young as well, and I have done much I am not proud of- even now. Even in regard to both you and Buffy. I will not dwell on your past, Faith, nor your past actions… that is, if you do not give me reason to."

For a long while after Giles had finished his little speech, Faith remained very still and silent, her only sound her still-slightly-noisy breathing, her only movement the rise and fall of her chest. Buffy could see her pressing her lips together tightly, and her chest tightening, she lay her hand on Faith's arm impulsively, unable to keep quiet any longer, unable to stand just watching her.

"Faith… Faith, Giles is right, I do trust you. I'm not angry with you, or resentful of you, or afraid you might do something to hurt me when you get better. You know that, don't you?" she asked her quietly but with some urgency, giving Faith's arm a little squeeze.

For several more moments, Faith did not look up, did not respond… and when she finally breathed out shakily, her eyes lifting enough that Buffy could see them, it hurt her to see the pained confusion in their surface.

"What… what do you want from me?" she almost whispered, and Buffy was not sure if she was speaking to her, Giles, or both of them. "What do you want me to do?"

"We just want you be honest with us, Faith," Giles told her almost kindly, "we just want you to allow us to help you, and to in return try your best."

"We want you to be safe, Faith," Buffy added, squeezing the girl's arm again; she wanted to hug her to her side, to cup her face in her hands and tell her again how she cared for her, believed in her, but she knew that she couldn't. Not now, and not here.

"We want you to be happy," she finished, keeping her fingers lightly on Faith's arm as she looked into her still-mostly-averted eyes.

Faith's chest rose and fell again as she let out another shuddering breath, and for a moment Buffy was sure she was about to speak, if only to mutter a sarcastic comment. But she didn't…

After a few minutes, Giles muttered something about needing to get to Sunnydale and started up the car again, pulling back onto the highway. He called a bit awkwardly over his shoulder for Faith to keep in mind what they had said to her, but judging from her conflicted expression and rigid posture, she didn't need the instruction.

Buffy kept her hand on Faith's arm as Giles drove, somehow needing to receive the comfort of touching her more than Faith seemed to be obtaining herself from her touch. As Faith stared out the window, seeming to be more agitated than anything by Buffy's hand, Buffy held her arm helplessly, frustrated, confused, wishing more than ever that she knew Faith's thoughts, knew what she should be doing.


	4. Chapter 4

Author notes: I know, some of this is probably boring… Buffy keeps obsessing over Faith and what she's thinking/feeling. But it's kind of necessary I think, since she's newly discovered she might love her, and she knows she isn't happy… or is it going overboard? Give your opinion…

Chapter 3

In a little under an hour, Giles was parking his car in front of Xander and his family's house. There were three vehicles parked outside of it: Xander's pizza delivery car, his apparent new occupation; Oz's van, for he had apparently come along with Willow; and a car Buffy did not recognize. Buffy frowned at this third car, curious; she had thought that Xander had said his parents weren't home. Whose car was this, then?

Faith had started to drift back to sleep about fifteen minutes into the remainder of the drive back to Sunnydale; she had somehow started to lean in towards Buffy slightly, her eyelids just barely keeping from shutting all the way as she seemed to be fighting to stay awake. She had flinched when Buffy lightly touched her shoulder, her eyes opening wide momentarily with surprise, but then almost immediately starting to sink shut again.

"It's okay, if you're tired, go back to sleep," Buffy had told her gently, keeping her hand resting on her shoulder. "Obviously you need it."

Faith had looked at her somewhat blearily, as if she didn't understand what she was saying. After a few moments she had leaned her head back against the seat, starting to close her eyes, but Buffy spoke to her again softly.

"Faith… you can lean against me again, if you want. You might be more comfortable."

Faith had opened her eyes again, frowning at Buffy in an almost suspicious way. Only when Buffy had assured her again in a deliberately nonchalant tone that she didn't mind, then scooted herself closer to Faith so she could make the move on her own if she chose to, did Faith hesitantly, almost warily follow Buffy's suggestion. She had rested her head against Buffy so gingerly at first, kept her body so stiff and slightly separated from Buffy's side, that Buffy knew she was probably more uncomfortable in this position than she had been by herself. But as she 

began to slip into sleep, her body had gradually relaxed, grown heavier against her, and Buffy had instinctively slipped an arm Faith's shoulders, holding her closer to her side. She found herself absently playing with strands of Faith's hair as her thoughts had slipped back to what the younger girl had said, how she had reacted, during her talk with Giles…

Buffy was almost certain now that Faith remembered at least some, if not all, of what had happened between them in her mind. Why else would she be so worried about herself and what she might do, so obviously guilty, so ashamed and sorry for her actions? Obviously she was no longer evil- not that she had ever really been in the first place. And that lent credence to the theory of her remembering.

But then again, Buffy had thought Faith was different, that she was sorry, before she ever set figurative foot inside her head. Based on Buffy's dreams, Faith's action in her head before Buffy got through to her, even some of the things she had said to her on the roof top that fatal night… given all that, Faith had been sorry long ago, before Buffy even realized. And if she could remember… then why didn't she seem to remember that Buffy had told her she loved her?

Maybe she DIDN'T remember… or maybe Faith just couldn't believe it. Maybe she was ashamed or afraid to be the recipient or Buffy's affection… maybe she didn't think herself worthy of it. But why then had she awakened when Buffy told her she loved her?

Whatever the case, Buffy was almost certain now that Faith was purposely trying to reject her not because she didn't want Buffy, but because it scared her that Buffy wanted her. She was going to have to take it slow with her, just as she'd thought… she'd have to show Faith enough support and caring for her to gain confidence in herself and to realize that Buffy did care for her, but not so much that it further accelerated her fears. It would be a tricky balance, one Buffy was not sure she could accomplish.

As Buffy gently held the sleeping brunette to her shoulder, she had noticed Giles glancing back at her in his mirror once more, trying to catch her eye. There was some perplexity about his expression, but also a softness that made it clear to Buffy that even if her former Watcher wasn't yet clear on the details, didn't quite get what had happened between the two girls, he did not judge her. He trusted her, supported her… a big relief for Buffy, to have someone willing to understand.

Now, as he glanced back at them in Xander's driveway, announcing rather unnecessarily to Buffy that they had arrived at their destination, she could feel Faith awakening again, lifting her head. As Buffy smiled at her, getting out of the car and carefully lifting Faith into her arms again to carry her into Xander's house, she could sense the other slayer's tension, felt it in her suddenly brick-hard muscles. Obviously the thought of going to see the others made her nervous, if not scared.

"Hey, Faith, it's okay," she told her quietly, pitching her voice low where Giles wouldn't hear it as she began to carry her to the front door, one of Faith's arms loosely around her neck in an attempt to partly support herself and make herself easier to carry. "They want to help you too, all right?"

Faith didn't say anything, but Buffy could tell just from the way she felt in her arms that the other girl was unconvinced, her flat, deliberately blank expression notwithstanding. As Buffy and Giles made their way into Xander's house and down his basement steps, she was careful not to jostle Faith too much or to lose her balance.

The first thing Buffy realized when she reached the basement floor was who the mystery third car must have belonged to.

"Anya," she blurted, blinking with surprise as she looked from the slim girl to Xander, standing in a nervous, fidgety manner a few feet apart from her, his usually messy hair a little more unruly than usual. Willow and her boyfriend Oz were there as well, sitting together on Xander's beat-up love seat, but it was only the ex-vengeance demon Xander had gone to prom with that she had eyes for at the moment.

"Anya… I thought you left Sunnydale before the…" she cut herself off quickly, glancing down at Faith still in her arms, and busied herself with setting her down on Xander's couch/bed as she attempted to change her wording. "So, so, what are you doing here?"

She sat next to Faith absently, still looking between Anya and Xander curiously.

Xander looked suspiciously edgy and guilty; he kept flicking his eyes about nervously, and when he spoke his words were just a little too quick.

"Yep, Buff, Anya's back, isn't that great? Don't ask me why, because I don't know. So don't ask, I am not Mr. Answers here! And hey, look, everyone, Faith's back too! Isn't that great! Hi, Faith!" he babbled, giving her an obviously forced, overly enthusiastic wave.

"Yeah, everyone's back. Kind of like a family reunion," Oz said neutrally form where he sat with an arm draped around Willow's shoulders. Almost as an afterthought, he added a beat later, "Right up to the awkwardness. Hi Faith. Buffy, Giles."

For Oz, that was an extremely long speech; Buffy would have stared, had Willow not taken up his slack with her own greeting.

"Yeah, uh, hi everyone… hi Faith. I, I see you're out of your coma, I mean, Giles told us, but now I, I see it, because you're here, so obviously I see you, and you seem okay, I mean, other than the not-walking-thing, but other than that you seem okay-"

She would have undoubtedly rambled on for an indefinite amount of time, growing more and more flustered, had Anya not interrupted her. Giving Xander a pointed glare after her initial open-mouthed, indignant-yet-anxious staring at Faith, who was once more avoiding everyone's eyes, she spoke to the room at large with clear incredulity.

"Wait a minute, just hang on a second here! Everyone, while we're all 'Hi-Faith'-ing… let me get this straight. This is FAITH, right- THE Faith? The one who wanted to have Mr. Anaconda eat the entire town during Ascension: The Return? THAT Faith- is this THAT Faith?"

Buffy could feel Faith stiffening beside her, an ambiguous mixture of anger, embarrassment, shame, guilt, and hurt flitting rapidly over her features before she hardened them once more. Her jaw tightening and shoulders drawing together as she stared fixedly at some point past Anya. 

Instinctively, Buffy took her hand, squeezing it in supportive reassurance. Faith looked over at her rapidly, her dark eyes wide, nearly panicked as she hurriedly looked from their joined hands to Buffy's face, then back at the others. Realizing she was probably pushing things with an inner jolting, and also noticing how Willow and Xander too had looked at them, startled, Buffy took her hand away reluctantly, moving it instead to Faith's arm.

"Yes, she's that Faith, Anya," Buffy said in a tone that dared the other girl to cross her. "And by the way, it wasn't an anaconda, it was more like a basilisk or something. Like in Harry Potter- which book was that?"

"Well actually it was in more than one-" Willow began, but Anya cut her off, tossing her hair off her shoulders and rolling her eyes.

"Whatever. Anaconda, basilisk, giant rabid bunny- it's the same psycho killer girl either way. And you're just going to sit there and be all 'Hi Faith!' and 'Let's help you get your strength back so you can rise up and murder us Faith!' ?!"

Buffy could feel the heated anger surge through her veins, settling heavy and oppressive in her chest; she could feel her face flushing as she narrowed her eyes at Anya fiercely, her hand on Faith's arm tightening unintentionally with her intensity.

"Don't you talk about her like that again, Anya!" she nearly growled, her hazel eyes flashing at the utterly maddening girl dangerously. "You don't know what the hell you're running your mouth about, so you'd better keep it shut if you don't want me to shut it for you. Who are YOU to be calling people psycho killers anyway- how many people have YOU maimed and mutilated over the past millennium?"

"Hmm, let's see, I'm not really sure," Anya mused, frowning in all seriousness as she put one finger to her chin, musing. "I used to keep count, but that one day there were so many all at once I lost track, and so from then on I didn't' bother to make an exact tally. I could make a rough estimate maybe, give or take a few thousand-"

Seeing the disbelief and discomfort on the others' faces and the annoyed frustration on Buffy's, she paused, her frown deepening.

"Oh, was that one of those questions where you didn't really want an answer? Because I don't understand those! Why are you ASKING if you don't' want me to answer you?"

"It's called making a point, Anya," Buffy said through gritted teeth. "My point is you don't' know what you're talking about, and you're being a hypocrite. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Well if you're making a POINT, you should just SAY it," Anya sniffed, scrunching up her face with confused irritation. "How am I supposed to get your point if you don't SAY your point? Just say, 'Anya, you killed people too,' don't ask me how MANY I killed, that's too confusing. And anyway, that's all different. I'm a vengeance demon! Or, I WAS one, before I got stuck here as one of you stupid powerless humans. Killing people was my job, most of the time, and it was all very civilized. I didn't just go around killing people to kill people, I had to be ASKED, it was my JOB. Just because I enjoyed it- okay, it was just different, okay?" she said finally, seeing the unconvinced look on Buffy's face and the mix of bewilderment and slight revulsion on the others'. " I didn't bring about an Ascension! I was a VENGEANCE DEMON. She was just a GIRL, that makes her a LOT scarier than me. And as for me being here, I-"

Xander butted in on her monologue hurriedly at that point, a strange horror shooting across his face.

"Well, normally I'd argue with you there, Ahn- normally I'd say that it's her being a girl with slayer power and easy maiming moves that would make her scary… but on second thought, normal girls are scary too," Xander interrupted, his eyes darting between Anya and Faith as if he were expecting something horrible to happen and was praying it wouldn't, that his talking would somehow divert it. "Wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded! I mean, I like girls, I don't think they're scary because I'm SCARED of them, like in a third grade way. Although some of those third grade girls can be viscious… but, but I mean, girls are- I'm not scared of you either, Faith, that isn't what I meant," Xander said quickly, looking at the dark slayer almost pleadingly, as if he expected her to jump up and stake him. "Well, okay, that was a lie. But I'm scared of Buffy too! I mean, not, I'm not, really, just, more like sorta intimidated. Because she could literally kill 

me with one hand if she wanted to. Oh god, I'm sorry, I wasn't going to talk about killing! I'm not afraid of- you know what, I'm shutting up now," Xander cut himself off lamely, his face a brighter red than Oz and Willow's hair. "Right. Now."

He turned his face away slightly, cringing; Buffy glanced at Faith, wanting to gauge her reaction. The younger girl had actually looked up at him with a bewildered disbelief as he spoke… and as he dug himself into a deeper and deeper hole with his own words, Faith not seemed to be angry, embarrassed, or offended, but rather amused. A little smirk played at the corner of her lips, and Buffy's heart lifted a little to see it. It was another reminder of the old Faith- the old Faith when things had still been okay.

"Hey Xander?" Faith said suddenly, her tone quiet, level, but with just a very slight undercurrent of mischief in it that made all the others turn to look at her in shock. This was the first thing she'd said since Buffy carried her down to them. Faith continued to look at Xander, not nearly with the cocky assurance she would have been before, but despite her low tone, her still slightly lowered gaze, that little smile still turned up her full lips.

"Maybe these ain't the best first words… but your fly's down, man."

Xander's eyes dropped down to his crotch at an amazing speed, and his eyes bulged with a horrified embarrassment that only emphasized his already crimson face as he turned around hurriedly, fixing his zipper. Giles, from where he stood a bit awkwardly just outside the younger people's circle, looked nearly as flustered as Xander; while Oz smiled faintly, Willow seemed frozen, her face wavering between surprise, startled laughter, and strangely, an almost resentment as her eyes moved between Xander and Faith.

Buffy found herself grinning as she looked over at Faith, whose smirk lingered for a few seconds, then abruptly disappeared as her lips thinned out again and her expression grew shadowed once more. It was almost as if she were forcing herself to be still and quiet, making herself stifle anything that would bring attention to herself… or maybe anything that would make people think of her personality or her thoughts, of anything to do with her on a more than surface level.

As Buffy's smile faded, and she frowned, watching Faith almost physically draw back inside herself again, she had another sudden thought occur to her. Maybe Faith was, in her way, trying so hard not to be as she had been before her coma, to make the same mistakes and betray what little bit of trust in her they might collectively possess, that she was afraid to say or do anything at all, for fear they might be reminded of pre-coma Faith. Maybe she herself was afraid to be reminded, afraid that behaving in an at all similar way as she had before might make her slide right back to what she had been…

Of course, Buffy couldn't be sure that any of these theories were true. Faith wasn't giving off a whole lot of clues as to how she was thinking, and Buffy had to admit that she wasn't someone particularly gifted in perception at times. However it was obvious that whatever Faith had been thinking and feeling all day, it wasn't anything happy… somehow, her controlled expression were to Buffy, almost as painful and miserable to look to at as if it was desolate anguish.

She was still holding Faith's arm, still felt how cool and hard it was under her hand… nearly like the arm of a statue rather than a girl. An impulse came over her once more to rub it, to take Faith's hand again… but just as Buffy had shifted in her seat slightly, was moving to do so, she could see Willow's eyes turn to look at her with sudden suspicion. The redhead was frowning slightly at her, her eyes resting on where Buffy's hand still lay on Faith's arm. There was a confusion and discomfort her expressive face could not hide, as well as what looked like the beginnings of a very slowly dawning realization… indications that Willow was beginning to pick up on her own how Buffy felt about Faith.

Seeing Willow watching her like that halted Buffy's impulse; she and the other Scoobies had barely even began to deal with the fact that Faith was even here. Adding to the mix her still-not-fully-figured-out feelings for her, without even knowing Faith's take on them, was definitely nothing Buffy wanted to mess with right then.

Taking her hand off Faith almost too quickly, causing the brunette to look at her in surprise, Buffy tried to focus her attention back on Xander and Anya, who had started spatting again a few minutes ago and not let up yet.

"You know though Xander, you could have SAID something about her coming over!" Anya was sniping, jerking her head towards Faith. "Don't be going off on me, just because you're too distracted to remember to zip your-"

"When was I supposed to tell you, you showed up twenty minutes ago, and then Willow and Oz came-"

"What, you couldn't take your tongue out of my mouth before they came for long enough to tell that a-"

"What?!" Buffy sputtered, her eyes bulging with startled disbelief as five pairs of eyes, even Faith's, turned to gawk at Xander rapidly. She wouldn't' have thought it possible for a person to go any brighter red than Xander already was, but he was making a whole new definition of th color across his face.

"Anya- for the love of god-" Xander sputtered, but Anya, seeming oblivious to his torment, went on.

"Okay, so maybe not when we were alone, I'd have thought you were gay or something if you stopped in the middle of a climax to tell me- but you could have said when those two showed up-"

"Oh dear god, will you PLEASE stop this nonsense?!" Giles burst out with. As the others turned to look at him, startled, he strode forward nearly aggressively, pausing in the midst of them like a man reclaiming his role of authority figure. Buffy was surprised he hadn't spoken up sooner, as he usually had little stomach for any mention of sex from any of them. Maybe he was more tired than she had thought.

"We have no time for this bloody foolishness, and even if we did, I would still rather club myself upside the head with a troll hammer than listen to that prattle," Giles went on with much more ferocity than usual, looking from Xander to Anya with a glare that made Buffy's eyebrows shoot up… for this was one of the rare instances where she could see a trace of evidence in his actions 

to make her believe in his past as Ripper. "We are here to come up with plans to deal with our dilemmas in regard to Faith, and we are here to begin putting those plans into action. If any of you do not wish to contribute in a useful manner, then please leave us so we can move forward."

He fixed an unblinking stare at each of them for a few seconds. Nearly everyone squirmed in discomfort and guilt when his eyes came to rest on them. Buffy could sense Faith cringing again beside her, and she put a reassuring hand on her back between her shoulder blades, not caring in the moment who saw or what they thought. She hated to see how she was behaving, how clearly she was beating herself up.

"No one's leaving? Very well then," Giles concluded when no one spoke up, even Anya. "We can use all the help we can get."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4

Giles turned towards Willow, asking her in the same brisk tone from before, "Now, as you all, except Anya obviously, are aware of, the Council is calling the hospital tomorrow to order the removal of Faith's feeding and hydration tubes. When they discover that Faith is missing and Willow has spelled staff into forgetting her existence and our removing her from the hospital, they will likely send a representative or two to take her, and possibly Buffy and myself as well, back to England, for rehabilitation at best, possibly prison or other punishment at worst. Any suggestions on how to keep this from happening are greatly needed, for frankly, I am in short supply of logical solutions."

Willow wrinkled her brow with uncertain anxiety, making a thoughtful noise as she turned her head up towards him.

"Well, I've been looking things up, spells and all… but I was wondering, I modified the hospital staff's memories- couldn't I do that with the Council representatives? I mean, it wiped me out the last time, but that was a lot of people, and I'm sure by tomorrow-"

"I'm afraid that would not be a workable solution, Willow," Giles said in a more gentle tone, apparently softening a little just to see that someone was actually trying. "If you only modify the one or two people who would probably be sent to get Faith, then the rest of the Council will still be unaffected, and will merely send out more. Memory modification of any sort will be of no further help to us, because they will already expect and be prepared for it. Besides, even if it were possible for you to modify the entire Council's memory, you could not do so from such a distance. Your practice this summer has increased the strength of your powers considerably, but not to that extent, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, I kinda thought so," Willow muttered, disappointed. "It's just that it worked so well with the hospital and I thought if I could just-"

"Um, don't get all huffy and tell me to leave or give me those scary angry looks again, because I'm not saying that I won't help with NOT-A-Psycho-Killer-Girl here," Anya said, not seeming to notice Buffy's eyes narrow in warning at her as she put sarcastic emphasis on the word 'not' 

in her reference to Faith. "If that's what humans are supposed to do, help people no matter how scary and bloodthirsty they are, then I guess I'll have to get used to it, even if it's really stupid and strange, if you ask me-"

"We didn't ask you, Ahn," Xander broke in, and Giles added, "Precisely. I _am_ asking that you remain still unless you have something of value to add to the conversation."

"I_ am_ being still, I'm being nearly entirely motionless!" Anya protested, narrowing her eyes in confusion. "I can't help blinking and involuntary twitches, you know! Those don't' count! And how am I supposed to know if you consider what I have to say as being valuable? Maybe YOU don't but I do, doesn't my opinion of what's valuable count? What about-"

"Anya-"

"Look, I'm not trying to tick anyone off or anything, I just want to know, I just want someone to explain to me. Does anyone mind telling me why we're trying so hard to protect someone who tried to kill us all?"

The words were barely out of Anya's mouth before Buffy was already across the room and standing before her, very much in the way of the other girl's personal space. As Anya blinked at her, startled, a little unnerved, yet also scoffing slightly, Buffy took her roughly by her shoulders, pressing her fingers into her flesh none too gently as her eyes bore hard into Anya's.

"Look, Anya. You've got two options here. You can either shut up and leave, or you can shut up and help us in whatever way we ask you to. For the moment that would be just by standing there and shutting up. But if you say one more derogatory thing about Faith being a killer, then I will have to assist you with accomplishing the first option," Buffy hissed through gritted teeth, staring deliberately into the taller girl's widened brown eyes. She could feel the others staring at her, shocked, anxious, but unwilling to say or do anything for risk of turning her anger upon them as well.

"Okay, okay, I'm shutting up now, I won't say anything about her being a killer, even though that's what everyone else is thinking and they just won't say it- okay, okay, I'm shutting up now, I'm shutting!" Anya backpedaled hastily as Buffy's hands dug harder into her slim shoulders, and her hazel eyes flashed dangerously. Anya's eyes hurriedly went to the side, avoiding Buffy's as she muttered somewhat resentfully, "Okay, I'm quiet, I'm helpful. Not like there's a whole lot else I can do as a stupid human."

Buffy eyed her sharply for a few more seconds, then released her abruptly, causing Anya to stumble a few steps back. As she strode back to sit by Faith on the couch again, she heard Anya muttering under her breath, "You know, it's really not very fair of you to use your strength like that to make your point. Oooh I'm the slayer, I can beat you up, yeah that's really fair-"

She stopped when she saw Buffy turn and look at her pointedly, her resentful expression freezing and then flickering into a forced, nervous little smile. As Buffy sat beside Faith, she could see the younger slayer sneaking glances at her that hovered uncertainly between bewilderment, shame, and a faint amazement. Faith was frowning slightly, and Buffy got the impression somehow that the other girl couldn't decide if she was feeling more prominently embarrassment, guilt, or a reluctant pride in Buffy's defense of her.

Buffy put her hand on Faith's shoulder and squeezed it gently, wanting to flinch when the girl cringed, her eyes skipping away from her. When would Faith stop going on the defensive every time she touched her?

She could feel the others still watching her warily, the silence following Anya's eventual quiet heavy and highly awkward. It felt to Buffy like everyone was judging her, staring at her hand on Faith, replaying her outburst with Anya, and deciding to themselves that she was insane.

Was this how Faith felt right now? If so, no wonder she was so stiff and quiet…

"Well, then… so memory modification is not an option," Giles finally said awkwardly, attempting to get them back on track.

For a few beats no one said anything, and then Willow, her eyes going to Buffy with an almost skittish reluctance, spoke up hesitantly, clearly nervous about doing so, but seeming too troubled to stay quiet. Her brow puckered, and her eyes were worried as her eyes flitted between Buffy, Faith, and Buffy's hand on Faith.

"I-I want to help, really I do, and I'm not trying to make you mad, Buffy, I'm all about the helping-and-staying-calm here… but… but Anya, she has a point. How do we know that, that Faith is okay now? I'm not saying she isn't!" Willow said hurriedly as Buffy looked over at her, "I'm really not, you say she is, and I trust you, Buffy, really… it's just… Anya kind of has a point, is all. I'm not saying she isn't okay… I'm just saying… how do we know for sure she IS?"

"Willow-" Buffy began, more than a little exasperated frustration coloring her tone, but it was Faith this time, surprisingly, who interrupted her, causing everyone to stop whatever they were doing to look at her, almost stunned. She seemed to be trying to ignore them as her dark eyes went to Willow, her shoulders still hunched slightly as she spoke to her quietly.

"You don't, Red… and you shouldn't."

As everyone stared at her, not quite knowing how they should interpret those slightly ominous-sounding words, Faith hesitated before continuing in the same soft tone.

"You're… you're right, not to trust me. I wouldn't trust me either… hell, I DON'T trust me."

She paused again, dropping her eyes and drawing in a slow breath. Through their slayer bond, which had been steadily intensifying since Faith awakened from her coma, Buffy could feel Faith's heart begin to beat harder, faster; she knew the girl was feeling stronger emotion than she let on. She squeezed Faith's shoulder again, giving her silent support as she along with the others waited for Faith to get to her point, finish explaining herself.

"Like I said… don't trust me. I don't deserve it. Just… I don't know," she said, and her voice was smaller, weaker. "I want… I want to make it better."

She didn't' say anything more, didn't look up again, and Buffy knew she was finished. Whether because she had nothing more to say, or because she couldn't bring herself to say it, Buffy wasn't sure. She squeezed Faith's shoulder again, feeling her lips tighten with sympathy at how hard and tense it still was. Between how weak her muscles already were and how Faith kept letting them tense up, she was going to make herself ache more than she should have, and that was not going to help with her healing any.

Everyone was quiet again, taking in what Faith had just said. Hearing her slightly heightened breathing beside her, her still-hammering heart, Buffy slid an arm around her shoulders, giving her a quick but caring half-hug that Faith did not respond to, other than to pres her lips together tightly and quickly blink her eyes. Buffy's heart sank slowly… what the hell would it take to make Faith accept any small sign of affection from her? Was it possible that Faith really didn't like her at all?

She knew the others were watching Faith, measuring her sincerity… after several moments that seemed much longer to the both of them, Giles cleared his throat.

"Ah, well, thank you, Faith," he said a bit awkwardly, but he smiled at her gently. "Now, we really must get back on track here. Does anyone have any further ideas?"

"Well… we could hide her…" Xander said doubtfully, somewhat reluctantly looking away from Faith to Giles. "Maybe. I don't know where though. They'd probably find her anyway, and we'd have to hide with her-"

"Maybe… maybe we could do a glamour," Willow said hesitantly. "You know, make Faith look like someone else to fool the Council?"

"I thought of that," Giles replied. "It could work temporarily, but not in the long run. You would have to keep refreshing the glamour- you couldn't keep it on her forever. And besides, they will still be looking for Faith if we used a glamour, for they would think we had hidden her 

somewhere. They would probably keep very close watch over us in an effort to determine where we had hidden her, and eventually we would slip up in our concealing of Faith."

"Well, could we pretend we didn't' have her?" Oz said thoughtfully. "Say something had gone wrong, and she died or something?" He looked over at Faith briefly, giving her a small smile. "No offense."

Faith didn't say anything, but her lips twitched in a hesitant, quick little smile in return that Buffy was glad to see. At least Oz seemed to have little difficulty accepting her back. Maybe this easy view of her came from his being a werewolf, which meant being a bloodthirsty, would-be-killer three nights out of every month. Maybe he could identify somewhat with her past and current struggles…

"Yeah, maybe that could work!" Willow said excitedly, giving Oz an appreciative smile. "Maybe we could glamourize something that's already dead so it looked like Faith, if they want to see the body or something- and then, they could take the body and bury it, or cremate it or whatever they wanted to, and it would be okay because it was really already dead-"

"That is good thinking, but for a feigned death, there would be no new Slayer called," Giles reminded them. "The Council would be aware of this and realize that Faith was not really dead."

Willow's shoulders slumped, and her face darkened in disappointment. "Oh, darn…"

They talked for perhaps another ten minutes, trying to come up with a feasible solution. They rejected nearly every idea as soon as it was spoken, getting more and more stumped. Buffy could feel the general anxious and tense atmosphere of the room increasing, only amplifying her own apprehension. What if they COULDN'T think of anything- what if they simply couldn't do anything to stop the Council from taking Faith?

Of course, no matter what, she'd do all she could to stop them; she'd fight them with all she had. But what if it wasn't enough?

Faith seemed to be thinking along the same lines; she had not said anything since her fumbling half-apology almost fifteen minutes ago. Her face was motionless, but there was a dimness to her eyes that Buffy thought probably echoed her frame of mind. And how could she really blame her?

"Looks like it would've been better off for you guys if you'd've just let me die," she muttered finally, seeming to be trying to sound flippant, but there was a slight rasping catch in her voice that made it clear to Buffy that she was serious as well. "A lot less hassle for ya…"

"Faith, don't say that!" Buffy exclaimed, horrified, turning to fully face her as her eyes grew round with dismay. She tried to meet the other girl's eyes, but Faith was carefully looking past her. "Faith, look at me. Don't EVER say that. It would NEVER be better for you to die, do you hear me? We're going to figure this out. We WILL- do you hear me?"

She was holding Faith by the shoulders, and still gripping them, she turned to look back at the others, wanting them to back her up with the pep talking. But Willow was staring at the two of them intensely, her forehead scrunching into a frown of concentration…

Suddenly her face lit up with happiness, and she beamed excitedly, her eyes glowing.

"That's it! That's it, we could KILL Faith! That's what we can do!"

Needless to say, every eye in the room bulged comically as they shot over to Willow, and several mouths dropped, Buffy's included.

"W-what?"Buffy sputtered. "Did you say kill? Did I hear the word KILL?"

"Is this where the strange Willow humor comes in?" Xander asked cautiously, "because I don't get it."

"Yes, Willow, pray explain yourself," Giles added, blinking rapidly and peering at her through his glasses with a frown.

"Oh, so it's okay for WILLOW to talk about KILLING Faith, when all I have to do is say that FAITH killed people and you all just jump down my-" Anya started, but Willow held up her hand, her eyes still shining excitedly.

"No, no, you don't get it! Not KILL her kill her, but just, like, make her die a little. Well, I guess we have to kill her to do that- but look, just listen, listen to what I mean! There's, there's a spell we can do, I read about it- the Tublahkah, it, it can make people die- really die, but in a controlled way! And we can bring them right back! See, you, you lay her down, and we extract her life force from her, it'll come right out in a mist-like vapor, the book said. And you catch it in a jar and close it, and her heart will stop, she'll really be dead. But all you have to do to bring her back is release her life force back into her, she'll come right back! People used to do that in the ancient times, to make people think they were dead so they could start their lives over. Spouses that fell in love with someone else, people tired of their restrictions- this could work, I know it!" Willow nearly squealed, and she hugged Oz ebulliently.

"Why didn't I think of this before?! See, she'll be dead, like you were with the Master, Buffy- really dead, so that should activate another slayer, even if it's only for a few minutes. So they'll have to believe us because there will be another slayer, and they'll know about it, so they'll HAVE to know Faith died! And then, then, we can do a glamour if we still have to, if they still come, but maybe we won't even have to. Maybe they won't even come if they think Faith is dead. But, but if they do we can make her look like someone else. A, a friend, or maybe your grandma or something. We could tell the council she died during your mind meld… or, no, wait! We can tell them she died in the hospital… and, and that you were so upset, Buffy, that you broke her body out, because you wanted to… I don't know, raise her from the dead or something. And you didn't mean to break the law or the Council rules or whatever, but you were just, just grieving! And, and we can say we stopped you, and we buried her or something. And we had to do all the memory modifying to hide all the slayer moves you did to get to her… to, to protect the Council and Slayers and everything, so people wouldn't know! And, if they wanted to see Faith's body, we could do a glamour on some other body, there's plenty of those around here. We could SO do this, I think this could work!" Willow finished exuberantly, almost hugging herself with satisfaction.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5

The others just stared at Willow, still trying to digest what she had just said. For several moments it was very quiet…

Finally Xander summed up everyone's thoughts in one breathless word. "Wow…"

"So what do you guys think?" Willow asked anxiously, looking around the room at everybody, still fidgeting, as if she simply could not contain her excited energy. "Don't you think it will work? I really think it might could work…"

"Well it's certainly something to consider," Giles said slowly, regarding Willow thoughtfully. "Quite honestly, that is the most likely idea we have heard mentioned so far…"

He paused, clearly still thinking it over, and then looked back at Faith with the same scrutiny he had shown Willow before addressing the redhead again.

"Yes… I do believe this could be doable, Willow… with careful planning and very precise actions, you are correct, this may be very effective. The Tublakah… the spell is much rarer than it once was, there is scarcely any use for it in these times. I'm surprised you have come across it described in such detail, Willow… but if you are certain you can perform it accurately…"

"Yes, I can!" Willow said eagerly, nodding. "To be so old a spell, it didn't sound so complicated, just very, very exact. And I still even have the book, or, well, I know where to get it, it's back at college. I could go get it now-"

"Well, it seems that perhaps you should at least bring it back to us, so we can see exactly what the ritual would require," Giles told her. "And if it seems as workable as you believe, then this would seem to be our best option as of now."

He looked over at Faith suddenly, frowning a little, as if just remembering something. "That is, of course, if Faith is amenable to the idea."

Faith looked briefly mystified at the word 'amenable,' but seemed to get the gist of what Giles was asking her, as well as what Willow had suggested. She frowned slightly for a few moments, 

shaking her head, but she didn't seem to be truly troubled or disturbed by their talk. If anything, she seemed to Buffy to have relaxed her posture slightly… to almost look relieved, even hopeful.

"Damn, maybe I should be careful what I wish for around you guys," she muttered, but her tone was not resentful. "Make one comment about me dying and you run fifty yards with it… but, but yeah, okay. Go for it, Red." She shrugged, her expression calm, neutral, a marked contrast to the flabbergasted shock on the features of the older blonde slayer beside her.

Buffy had sat there as Willow described the Tublakah ritual, as Giles and Willow discussed it further between them. She had sat there, listening to their reasoning, and could not find thew words or ability to make herself speak up, make herself put into action the rapidly spreading horror that was turning her blood to ice, rising to block her voice and close up her throat…

It was bad enough to listen to Willow and Giles speaking, to hear them calmly discussing ways to end Faith's life- the life they had just went to such extremes to save- even with their intention of bringing her back. But when Buffy heard Faith herself speak up and agree with them, and she _knew_, she _remembered_ how Faith had desired to die…

_And still might…_

Before she was even aware that the fear choking her, cutting off her voice, had suddenly eased, Buffy could hear herself reacting to them passionately, her voice loud and shrill with panic.

"WHAT?! You can't _do_ that, you _can't do that_!" she sputtered, her eyes huge, blinking rapidly as her head whipped from Faith to Giles to Willow rapidly, addressing them each in a collective order and plea. "You _can't_ kill her! You cannot_ kill_ her, what the hell are you_ thinking_?!"

"Buffy, it wouldn't be for forever, we'd just kill her a little bit," Willow tried to reason with her in a logical tone, her eyes going wide at Buffy's strong emotion. She shrank back against Oz subconsciously, a little intimidated but trying not to show it. "It would just be for a little bit-"

"I don't care!" Buffy almost exploded, and Willow flinched. She could sense the others almost gawking at her; even Faith was staring at her an oddly defensive, yet also strangely troubled gleam in her eyes. None of this was enough to deter her.

"I don't _care_ how short a time you think it will be, she'll still be _dead_! How the hell can you even _consider_ killing her in any manner?! Aren't you _thinking_ about this!? What if something goes wrong? What if you say a word wrong, or you don't' set it up exactly right? What if you 

don't' catch all of her life force, or you drop the jar and break it too soon or something? What if it just doesn't _work_?! Then she'd just be _dead_, you'd just be doing the Council a favor! How could you even _think _this might be a good idea?!" Buffy cried, gesturing wildly for emphasis as she spoke. She was so worked up that she barely noticed her quickened breathing, and heart rate… but she did notice through her slayer bond with Faith that Faith's had sped up as well.

Giles took a step closer to her, his eyes soft but firm as he attempted to speak to her in a calming manner. "Buffy-"

"No! Don't 'Buffy' me! She cannot _do_ this!" Buffy hissed, turning her glare to Giles. "Do you not even _remember _that she was just in a coma less than two days ago?! She was unconscious for four months, and you're wanting to _kill_ her?! She can't even _walk_- she can't even feed herself, for god's sake-"

"Hey, I can feed myself!" Faith objected, her tone defensive, more prickly and lively than Buffy had heard from her yet as she looked at Buffy a bit sharply, actually making eye contact. "You just wouldn't _let_ me, is all."

Earlier Buffy would have been pleased by the eye contact, especially paired with any flash of emotion that wasn't immediately pushed back by Faith, but now she didn't notice, barely even heard Faith. She went on in the same manner as if Faith had never interrupted.

"She doesn't have any of her slayer strength back, she doesn't even have the strength of a normal person! She's weak- she can't even stay awake for more than few hours at a time, at the most, and you want to _kill_ her, you're going to let her _die_ for a while?" Buffy shrilled, almost hitting Faith in the face when she thrust out her arms in frustration. "Even if you do everything right, she might stay dead because she isn't strong enough to come back!"

"That shouldn't happen, Buffy," Willow ventured cautiously, watching her with the wariness one might watch a large dog straining at its chain. She seemed to be remembering how Buffy had earlier reacted to Anya, and fearing a second round with her in the ex vengeance demon's place. "If I do everything like I'm supposed to, it should be fine. A body naturally tries to draw back its life force once it has been released again. It, it shouldn't require strength."

"Well, I don't know," Anya piped up, "this ritual is usually performed by shamans, you know. People who actually know what they're doing. I heard about a man one time who attempted this on his brother and he didn't catch all of his life force, and when he tried to return it to him, part of it was missing. Turned out it was the soul part. Another time-"

"This is where you need to shut up again, Anya," Xander cut her off, giving her a very pointed look, and she narrowed her eyes back at him, annoyed.

"Excuse _me_, Xander, you weren't so eager for silence when you had your hand up my-"

"Buffy, I understand your concerns, and I share them as well," Giles broke in overly loudly and meaningfully, giving both Anya and Xander stony stares that immediately made them straighten up, both literally and figuratively, and go silent. Turning back to Buffy, he continued more quietly, "It is a risky plan, I know. But it is also the most reasonable one we have heard so far mentioned."

"Oh yeah, because it's _reasonable_ to knock out the life force of someone who can barely stay conscious as it is?" Buffy sputtered.

"B, that's not true," Faith said in the same slightly hurt, defensive tone from before, and she frowned at Buffy with some irritation. Despite this new showing of emotion, however faint and un-Faith-like it seemed, she still seemed to be faintly detached from everyone- or rather, was detaching herself. "I'm alright. And Red said she'd be careful-"

"Oh yeah, sure, you're just fine, aren't you, Faith?" Buffy almost spat back at her, fixing her fierce glare on her as well before she could stop herself. Without meaning to, more words were spilling out her mouth, born not of true feelings and meaning, but rather her frustration and fear. Frustration and fear for the situation at hand, of course… but also for the build-up of all that had happened in the last few days.

"You're just _fine_, you say? Of course you are, Faith is always fine, Faith Lehane is always five by fucking five, aren't you, Faith? I _saw_ you, Faith- you_ know_ that I saw you, you know what I'm talking about! So how can you say that, how can you keep saying that?!"

As soon as the words had left her mouth, sat there hanging almost visibly in the air, seeming to nearly echo in her ears, Buffy wanted to snatch them back. She wanted to grab them and stuff them back into herself, so far down she'd never feel them, let alone speak them… she wanted to cry, could feel her body tense with horror, the shamed, self-loathing tears rising thickly in her throat. And the room was so silent… no one would speak, no one would look at her.

Except for Faith.

Faith's face was paling slowly, her dark eyes dilating as her lips parted slightly, and she stared at Buffy, speechless. She seemed frozen, completely stiff and motionless beside her… all except for the feelings flickering starkly in her eyes. Anger, hurt, guilt, pain… fear, fear so prominent it was almost panic.

Buffy wanted to choke herself; she felt her heart seize at the look in Faith's eyes, the look she knew she had put there. In two minutes she had managed to destroy any headway she might have managed to make with Faith, any trust she might have built. She had just shattered her plan of going slow, letting Faith come to her, letting her confide in her on her own time, in her own way, if she chose to…

Oh god… what could she do now to repair what she had done? Faith had never been one to cope well when made to face things before she was ready… what was she going to do now that Buffy had shoved her denial in her face?

But Faith didn't do anything… she just stared at Buffy, breathing in a slightly uneven rasp, her torso shuddering slightly so that Buffy's stomach knotted. She wanted to take her into her arms and cry, beg her to forgive her, to forget what she had said. But Buffy couldn't bring herself to speak, let alone to apologize…

It was Willow who finally dared to break the room's awful silence, and she was clearly very nervous about doing so, her eyes darting about as she spoke.

"Um… B-Buffy… I promise, I, I would do it very carefully. I'll read it ten times if I have to, to make sure I get it right. I won't let anything happen to mess it up. And… and I can get Tara, I can have Tara come help, to make it safer. It should be much safer for Faith if Tara helps me…"

Buffy's eyes drifted over to the redhead slowly, and she frowned, trying to make sense of her words, when all she could think about was Faith.

"Tara…"

"Yes, Tara Maclay," Willow said, nodding in an anxious-to-please manner. "You haven't met hr yet… n-none of you have, actually. She's, she's a girl in the Wiccan group I started last week. But she's a lot better than the other girls, she actually knows what she's talking about! Her, her mom was Wiccan, and Tara's been practicing for years and years. She knows as much as I do- more! She's really strong, really good with her powers. I know if she helped me I can do this 

spell, for sure… and we can totally trust her, I know we can. She's really sweet, really shy, so she won't say anything, really. I… Buffy, I really think we can do this," Willow said a bit falteringly, looking at the blonde and biting her lip. "And anyway, it was Tara's book that I read about the Tublakah spell in…"

Willow had never mentioned this Tara to Buffy before… all she'd said about the Wiccan group was how lame they were. At any other time Buffy would have wondered at this, but right now she was too distracted. As she looked from Willow's earnest expression to Giles's intent one, to Xander, Anya, and Oz's slightly puzzled but seemingly willing ones, Buffy could feel herself wavering, torn between her strong instincts to protect Faith from possible damage from the spell, and to protect her from the Council…

Finally her eyes went back to Faith. Faith's expression had smoothed itself out, her eyes blank once more, but as she looked back at Buffy, Buffy knew she had not truly rid herself of her feelings.

"Faith…" she almost whispered, and she could feel the tears behind her eyes, blinked against them hard. "You can't do this. I can't let you do this…"

"You can't _not_ let me, B," Faith replied quietly, and strangely, there was no anger in her tone…. Her voice was, in fact, almost gentle. "There's not a lot of other choices. I have to do this… you have to let me do this."

She was looking at Buffy's eyes, actually LOOKING at her, for perhaps only the third time since they had began their journey back to Sunnydale… and Buffy was staring back at her, sensing her fear and determination struggling within her, and her determination winning out, willing her to let Willow try. Wiling _Buffy_ to let Willow try…

No…no, she couldn't, she couldn't… what if she lost her, what if something happened, and Faith was gone before she could ever make it right?

But if she didn't… then Faith would still be gone. The Council would come, sooner or later, and they would take her, do god knows what to her. This spell- the Tublakah- it might take Faith away from her… but whatever happened, it would prevent the Council from doing so.

Buffy looked at Faith, seeing the fear in her eyes, and she knew that the younger slayer was not afraid of what would happen if they performed the spell on her… she was afraid of what would happen if they didn't. And so was she… god, so was she.

Buffy exhaled shakily, closing her eyes… when she opened them, she knew that everyone was watching her, awaiting her reaction. But Faith's were the only eyes she could see.

"Okay," she nearly whispered, her voice hoarse, defeated. "Okay… but god, Willow, be careful. You and, and Tara… _please_, be careful."

"I will, Buffy," Willow reassured her, her words solemn, but a slightly silly smile of relief crossed her face. "I promise, I won't let anything happen to her. We'll bring her back fine… I, I'll go right now, I'll go get Tara right now and bring her back with the things we need…"

She stood up quickly, glancing back at Oz, and he stood as well, walking with her to the basement stairs. As they left together, the others began to talk a bit uneasily and forcedly. Soon Anya and Xander were sniping at each other again, with Giles inserting exasperations. Buffy couldn't focus on what they were saying, and neither, it seemed, could Faith. Faith was no longer looking at her, seemed to have slid back into the process of shutting herself off from Buffy. She kept her eyes averted, her body tense, slightly turned away…

Buffy wanted so badly to touch her, to apologize, but she didn't' know what to say, what to do. So far she had done absolutely nothing but screw things up with Faith… and now she was afraid that in letting her go through with this ritual, she was making her biggest mistake of all…


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

In some ways Buffy was actually relieved when Willow and Oz returned. Yes, she was less than eager to start the Tublakah spell, to watch Faith die, when she had just brought her back to consciousness, was so worried about both her mental and physical recovery. But the longer she sat waiting for it to happen, to the longer time she had to dread and obsess over it- and anything that might to wrong with it. As the minutes went by, her anxiety was steadily increasing… and it was only made worse because she knew that she had just pushed Faith farther away from her, perhaps made it where she would be distracted, less likely to fight for her life if something went wrong…

God, why had she agreed to let them do this to her? Worse yet, why the _hell_ had she said that to her?

Giles had tried to talk to them both, seeming to be simultaneously attempting to assess Faith's current physical and mental state even as he reassured them both of the measures they would go to in order to perform the Tublakah correctly. Somehow his attempts to set Buffy at ease only made her feel worse, for he could not conceal the undercurrent of worry in his own tone…

She had tried to talk to Faith quietly as Anya and Xander continued to bicker with increasing volume and Giles had withdrawn from them, seeming to sense that they needed to attempt to repair the damage Buffy's thoughtless words had caused. And Buffy had tried to apologize, forcing the hushed, awkward words up her throat… but even though Faith had shrugged her off, telling her that it was cool, Buffy could see that her posture had not changed, and her quick little smile was forced and quickly disappeared.

So when Willow and Oz came back, with Willow's Wiccan friend Tara in tow, Buffy was glad for a diversion, if not for the reason of the diversion. As the three arriving began to set down the candles, a small, elaborately shaped jar, a heavy-looking and obviously old spellbook, and various spell ingredients, Willow began to make introductions in a voice that was almost grating with its nervous energy.

"Everybody, this is Tara… Tara, this is Mr. Giles, the ex-librarian of my old high school, and Buffy's ex-Watcher. This is Buffy, the vampire slayer… and this is Faith, the other slayer. The one we're doing the ritual on. This is Anya, the ex vengeance demon-"

"And I'm Xander," Xander interrupted, giving the girl a smile. "The normal one! I assume Willow might have mentioned that I'm the only one without special powers or shapeshifting abilities here? Major points to you for not seeming all freaked, by the way. But then again, if you're a witch too I guess this stuff is all old news to you-"

"Oh, you're_ special_ all right, Xander," Willow teased with a mischievous little grin, "don't worry, you're our _very_ special boy-"

"What? Why is he your special boy?" Anya interrupted Willow's jabbing with a frown that seemed suspiciously jealous. "What does he does for you that's so special? He's very talented with his hands, yes, and his tongue as well, but I didn't know he had demonstrated his special skills with _you_-"

"It was a joke, Anya, a joke!" Willow said hastily, but Anya was still frowning.

"How's that a joke? It's not funny. Xander _does_ have special skills, but how do _you_ know-"

"Pleased to meet you, Tara," Giles interrupted, holding out his hand to Willow's friend, who had been standing rather close to Willow, looking very awkward and nervous, almost intimidated. She ducked her head as she shook his hand quickly, barely meeting his eyes before lowering her own in seeming self-consciousness.

"P-pleased to meet you t-too, Mr. G-Giles," she stammered, glancing back at all the others in the room as well. "N-nice to m-meet all of you."

Buffy looked over at her curiously, interested; this was Tara, the powerful Wiccan friend Willow had somehow neglected to mention…

Tara was taller than Willow, Buffy, and Faith, perhaps Anya's height, but much more solid and voluptuous than Anya was. Her hair was dirty blonde, hanging half in her face, and she wore baggy clothes, further accentuated by her awkward slouch, and little makeup. Her demeanor and lack of eye contact, as well as her overall appearance, made it obvious to all that she was a very shy but gentle person- in a way, a bit like a more extreme version of what Willow had been like when she was younger.

Faith seemed to be eyeing Tara too; she smirked a bit, arching an eyebrow.

"So you, you mess with the mojo like Red? Should I be callin' you Terror instead of Tara?" she said a little slyly, and Buffy glanced at her, hopeful, encouraged by the playful words and tone. 

But no sooner did Faith catch her watching her did her small smile slip, and her eyes quickly flickered away.

Damn it…

Tara flushed, glancing again at Willow uncertainly, and Giles took the opportunity to attempt to drive them forward once more.

"Right then, well, shall we have a look at the spell, then?"

"Oh, um, y-yes…" Tara picked up her book, fumbling through it for the right page. "H-here it is…"

Everyone went to look over her shoulder, which seemed to worsen her skittishness- everyone except Faith, who couldn't, and Buffy, who didn't want to. She didn't want to think about the details of how they would do this until she had to… and to be honest, she also was reluctant to leave Faith's side until she had to. This could be the last she would see of her, the last-

No! She couldn't think like that. Willow and Tara would bring her back… they HAD to.

"Well, this does seem surprisingly simple, all things considered," Giles murmured thoughtfully, after he and the others had read over the text several times. Glancing from the text to Willow and Tara to Faith, he said, "If you are very careful, and sure…"

"We can do it," Willow finished, looking at Tara with a pride that made the taller girl flush and smile bashfully again. "Can't we, Tara? We've practiced together several times, and it's really amazing, in just a few attempts this week we've already done some really amazing stuff together-"

"'Stuff'?" Xander repeated, his voice a combination of irony and eager hopeful fantasy that made Willow scowl at him, and yet she as well as Tara flushed.

"Spells, Xander. It, it's really cool, we, we seem to have this energy in our auras that mixes really well together, and when we combine it, we can do so much more than we can alone. It's really-"

"Well, well, that's very good, Willow," Giles broke in politely but firmly, "and I am sorry to interrupt, but shall we begin now? We really haven't much time, and frankly, I believe that all of us should like to get this over with as soon as possible."

"Oh yeah, yeah, of course!" Willow said hurriedly, startling slightly and glancing at him with oddly widened eyes, and then, inexplicably, sneaking a look at Oz as well, who was standing beside her patiently. "Yeah, let's set it up… we, we need to clear a place out on the floor and lay Faith down on it- we can lay down a blanket first, I guess, the basement floor's kind of hard and dirty…"

She, Oz, and Xander began to clear out the space they would need, soon announcing that it was ready. Buffy looked at Faith, swallowing hard as her stomach cramped with sickening dread… there was no more putting it off now.

"Faith, are you sure?" she asked her, her voice shaking slightly, as she touched her arm, not caring in the moment whether or not Faith wanted her to. "Are you really, really sure you want to do this?"

For a second Faith hesitated, and Buffy drew in her breath, almost praying for her response… but the brief conflict in her eyes was pushed aside, and Faith nodded briefly.

"Yeah… yeah, I'm sure, B. Let's get this thing started."

Sighing a deep, slightly shuddering sigh, Buffy lifted Faith again, carrying her over to her blanket Xander had laid out for her and setting her down gently on her back, straightening her out carefully. Willow and Tara busied themselves setting three candles in a triangular arrangement around her, with one at her head and two spread widely at her feet. As Willow lit them, the others hovered nearby while keeping a distance at the same time, allowing only Willow and Tara to sit close to Faith, one on each of her sides.

"Okay, Faith, now close your eyes, and then we'll put the ingredients in the jar and start this off…" Willow said with just a little too much nervousness than for Buffy's liking. As Faith closed her eyes, taking a deep breath that was obvious to them from her supine position, Tara 

held the jar over Faith's body, and Willow carefully measured out the three ingredients needed, dropping them in order into the jar.

"Here goes… wolfsbane… scotsridge… and cintimilla…"

As she spoke the name of the third ingredient, dropping it into the jar, a sudden light flashed inside it, as the contents mingled, swirling, meshing together into a single golden orb-like vapor. Still holding the jar in one hand, Tara took Willow's hand with her other. Quickly covering the jar's opening with their joined hands, she turned it over so that its contents spread over them. The strange vapor seemed to grow, thinning out as it stretched itself over their joined hands, covering them in a thin golden sheen that suddenly seemed to be illuminating from their own flesh, rather than simply wrapping around it. Buffy stared, fascinated in spite of herself even as she barely could stop herself from holding her breath….

Still joining hands, Willow and Tara moved them further up Faith's body, letting them hover about a foot above her upper chest. With Tara still holding the jar, now bringing it down closer to Faith's face, they met each other's eyes, then began to chant in unison the same two words, over and over.

"Tublakah. Hakalbut. Tublakah. Hakalbut. Tublakah. Hakalbut…."

As Faith's eyes remained tightly shut, Buffy watched her and the other two young women with rising tension, barely aware of Giles and Xander close to her sides. The two young witches' chanting grew faster, less distinct, and it seemed that their voices were one, their words melting into one command.

"Tublakahhakalbuttublahkahhakalbut…"

Suddenly Faith's body stiffened, each muscle abruptly pulling itself rigid and flexed with such obvious strain that Buffy gasped in alarm, afraid that she was somehow hurt. Her back arched, and as her eyes flew open, a shrill cry escaped her that made Buffy's heart freeze over in near terror for her. She tried to stand up, to run over to Faith and lift her into her arms, to stop Willow and Tara from whatever it was they were doing to her. But to her further horror, she found that she could not make herself move. She couldn't even speak, couldn't scream for Willow and Tara to stop… and judging from the others' silence and motionlessness, they either couldn't or wouldn't either.

Through her slayer bond with Faith, she could feel the younger girl's cold as her body began to shake violently, could feel her heart racing faster and faster… she could feel Faith's terror, and it choked her, paralyzed her so that she thought that she too would die…

Faith screamed again, and the sound felt as if it were assaulting Buffy, physically harming her inside. She could feel her own heart rate quickening, feel herself beginning to shake as well, as if she were experiencing a sympathetic lesser version of what Faith was going through. Willow and Tara continued to chant, their glistening, dark with the magic channeled through them, and Buffy thought it would never be over.

But nearly as soon as the despairing thought crossed her mind, it was… Faith's body suddenly went still, with nearly as much force as it had began trembling. Her limbs crumpled back down limply, and her eyes slammed closed. Buffy knew from her slayer connection that Faith's heart had stopped… when she did not see her chest rise and fall with her breathing, Buffy felt as if she herself could not breathe.

She had barely began to process the intensity of the pain suddenly swelling in her chest, so vivid and intense that she would have fallen, toppled right onto her face had Giles and Xander not both grabbed hold of her shoulders. She had just began to process that they were touching her at all, when suddenly a golden vapor very much like the one surrounding Willow's and Tara's hands began to seep out slowly but steadily from Faith's nose. Unclasping hands, Tara quickly stuck the jar under Faith's nose, catching the small bit that had began to escape and all the rest that came out as well for the next minute or so. Buffy could feel her chest heaving with her deep, shuddering breaths, as Giles and Xander kept protective hands on her shoulders.

Finally it seemed that the mist-like gold that was Faith's life force had stopped coming, and after waiting for a few more seconds, Tara quickly screwed the jar's lid back on. Inside the jar, the life force swirled obliquely, seeming to Buffy somehow both incredibly strong and incredibly fragile and delicate at the same time… something like the person it belonged to.

As Tara held the jar carefully, there were several moments of nervous, tense silence that no one seemed eager to break. No one wanted to look at Faith's body before them, with its carelessly arranged limbs and the fact that it was obviously no longer living. And yet, no one seemed able to look away from it. Buffy's heart and respiration seemed unbearably loud to her, especially given the absence of Faith's.

Finally Willow spoke up hesitantly, her voice small and uncertain. "Um… I think it's okay for us to talk now… her, her life force is nice and safe in the jar, and our hands aren't all glowy… so…"

For a few seconds more the silence remained, and then Xander, as was usually the case with him, blurted out what no one else had wanted to say aloud.

"Wow… that was… just a little bit scary…"

"Did that look painful to anyone else?" Anya burst out with, her face scrunched up with anxiety. "It looked really really painful to me. Are you sure you did it right, because I don't' think I remember hearing about it being so painful-looking-"

"It seemed as if the ritual went very well," Giles interrupted her deliberately, giving the girls a smile that nevertheless seemed unsettled to Buffy. Turning to her, he asked her with concern, "Are you all right, Buffy? You seem…"

He didn't finish his sentence, but he didn't need to for Buffy to grasp his meaning. She looked, she was sure, as wretched and terrified as she felt.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Giles… I'm, I'm peachy," she said with no conviction, and then, abandoning her attempts at calm, looked at him with pleading near desperation. "Giles, how long does she have to stay like that? When will another slayer be activated? I'm sorry, but I don't like this, I really, really hate this… when can we bring her back?"

Her voice got higher as she went along, and Xander and Oz looked at her with a sympathy that only made her feel worse. Willow too gave her a cringing empathetic look; it was obvious that she was more shaken by Faith's reaction that she had expected to be. In fact, Oz was the only one present who seemed undisturbed, and Buffy knew that was because Oz never looked disturbed by anything.

"Why, yes, of course, Buffy," Giles said, blinking, and he squeezed her shoulder briefly but reassuringly. "If Faith's life force is gone from her, which it is, then a new slayer has already been called. In a way, this is truly intriguing… this is the first time in history, I believe, that there will be three slayers present at once-"

"Giles," Buffy cut him off, her voice taut with impatience, "can we bring her back now, or not?"

"Oh… yes, I suppose so," Giles said slowly, blinking again. "Yes- Tara, Willow, if you are ready…"

"Oh yeah, sure," Willow replied hurriedly, glancing at Tara. "Tara, are you-"

Tara nodded, stammering that she was, and as she held the jar cautiously up to Faith's face, beginning to unscrew it again, everyone fell silent once more, watching with bated breath.

The golden vapor- Faith's life force- began to eke out slowly from the container, disappearing once more up Faith's nose, as if she were breathing it in. Buffy watched, her breathing shallow with her nerves. She kept waiting, praying to see Faith move, to see some indication of her return to life.

But nothing was happening… it wasn't very long before all of Faith's life force had vanished inside her… and yet nothing had happened, she had displayed no signs of vitality…

As they waited with rising alarm, watching for a breath, a movement, that would not occur, Buffy's heart pounded at a dizzying tempo.

"Oh my god," she gasped at last, her voice sharp, splintered with shock. "What's wrong, what's _wrong_ with her?! Why isn't she alive, why isn't she breathing?!"

"She- she is alive," Tara said hesitantly, her face pinched with worry as she knelt over Faith, feeling her face and neck. "Her- her life force is in her, I-I can s-sense it. I-I can feel her p-pulse, her heart is beating… b-but she's n-not breathing. For some reason, she's n-not breathing, and I d-don't know why…"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 7

Buffy's breath stuck in her throat, sharp and jagged, painful. Her lungs felt cold, as if an icy wind were trapped inside them rather than oxygen. And yet somehow words were pouring out of her, somehow she was speaking in a high, keening cry so distraught it would have alarmed her, had it not been for the sight of Faith, motionless and unbreathing before her…

"Oh my god… oh, god, no… oh god…"

She could feel herself beginning to shiver violently, and she felt like she was falling apart, like her limbs would come undone, go flying across the room as she shattered inside, melting and freezing in the same insane instant. Her breath began again, but it came in harsh sobs that tore at her chest and throat, as hot tears seemed to scald her icy cheeks.

Faith… oh god, Faith…

"No, no, you h-have to fix her! You h-have to s-save her… SOMEBODY FIX HER, SOMEBODY BRING HER BACK!" Buffy screamed, and her tears were blinding her. She closed her eyes against them, unable to stand it, any of it…

Giles's arms were around her, he was holding her, perhaps as much to keep her partly upright as to comfort her. Buffy could tell that he was speaking, his voice loud and urgent, but whether he was addressing her or Willow and Tara, Buffy couldn't tell.

Willow was talking too, her voice high and panicky as she tried to think of a reason for Faith's lack of respiration, tried to come up with a spell or magical solution to rectify it; her desperation was increasing as nothing came to mind. Anya was yelling something about curses and hexes; she had jumped to her feet and was gesturing wildly at Faith, her face earnest with her obvious worry as she rambled on unhelpfully about ex evil beings getting their comeuppance and her being next. Tara just sat there, her face an unmoving near caricature of guilt and terror. Only Oz seemed to be showing any calm as he repeatedly asked Tara how regular Faith's heartbeat was, if anything had obstructed her throat or nose, but the blonde witch didn't' seem to hear him. No one did…

No one, except, perhaps, Xander. In the chaos going on at the time, it was never made clear whether his actions were born of his own thoughts or instincts, or if Oz's questions prompted 

them. Whatever the case, he acted on them within the first thirty seconds of Tara's announcement, though to Buffy, those thirty seconds of no one acting seemed an eternity.

"Everyone, get back, out of the way!" he almost yelled, and he rushed to Faith's side, falling to his knees beside her. When Willow and Tara just gawked at him blankly, not moving aside, he yanked Willow aside without bothering to take the time to be very gentle about it.

He knelt his face down close to Faith, checking her pulse at her throat with one hand while putting his ear against her lips, apparently to listen for any breaths. His face tightening when he realized none were coming, he quickly put a hand under her neck, gently lifting it and tilting up Faith's chin. Pinching her nose shut with his free hand while still supporting her neck with the other, Xander sealed his mouth tightly over Faith's, blowing into her mouth twice very rapidly. As Faith's chest rose and fell with the oxygen he was breathing into her lungs, he pulled apart from her slightly, drawing in a breath of his own as he put his ear to her lips, felt her neck again, making sure her heart was still beating as he also listened for her breathing.

When she still did not breathe, Xander tried again, breathing his own air into her mouth and lungs. The others watched him anxiously, stunned silent by his efforts as he tried again, then again.

It was on the fourth try that his attempts prevailed. As Xander's exhalations into Faith's mouth caused her chest to rise again, it sank back down rapidly, then rose of its own volition, shallow, jerky. A gasp, almost choking, escaped her, and Faith's eyes flew open, wide, wild, and filled with panicky terror. As Xander pulled his face away from her, letting go of her nose and still holding her neck up with his left hand, Faith began to cough harshly, almost gagging as she struggled to regulate her breathing. Xander helped her sit up, and she clutched at him instinctively, her grip tight, needy, as she continued to cough, involuntary tears dripping down her cheeks from the force of it.

Everybody had started to talk again at once, their voices loud and insistent with their shock and excitement, and their attempts at helpful suggestions and surprised exclamations, but Buffy was not listening. She was too busy staring at Faith, hunched over where Xander was half supporting her in the candles' triangular formation. She was too busy listening with an almost ecstastic wonder to the sound of Faith's coughing, to air being expelled from and drawn into her lungs…

Buffy's heart seemed to be expanding in her chest, swelling with a joy that was just as intense and temporarily paralyzing as her previous desolation. She wanted to laugh with delight, to shout aloud her relief, to cry even more with the sheer exhilaration of her emotions.

Faith was alive… Faith was alive…

With one swift movement she broke herself out of Giles's arms, almost hurling herself on the floor beside Xander and Faith. Tara had the presence of mind to finally back away, giving her room, and Willow remained where Xander had shoved her aside, a funny mixture of relief, guilt, and brief but fairly strong resentment and wariness flickering across her eyes.

"Faith! Oh god, Faith…" Buffy almost sobbed, reaching to touch her hair, her shoulder, her hand, with badly trembling fingers. She felt two more tears drip down her face, one of them dropping onto Faith's arm.

Faith's slightly bleary eyes glanced down at it, then up at Buffy as her coughing began to ease, and she merely drew in long, still-raspy breaths, ones that nearly sounded painful. Her eyebrows were knitted together, but she did not seem angry, or distant… if anything, she looked almost needy, as if she wanted physical or verbal comfort and reassurance… or maybe both.

And Buffy didn't hesitate to give it to her, needing it herself on a more desperate level than Faith. She wrapped her arms around the still-dazed girl, hugging her hard against her, despite who awkward it was with Xander still half supporting her. Faith did not fight her, or stiffen against her, but rather partly sank back against her, blinking excessively. Buffy got the feeling that had she been able to, Faith might even have hugged her back. She could feel Faith's heart beating, feel her shuddery inhalations against her cheek, and the sweetness of the sensation choked her even further.

"Faith, Faith, god, you scared me… you scared the shit out of me! God, you're okay, you're okay…" she babbled, hugging her tight to her, one hand combing shakily through Faith's hair. "Are you okay? God, are you okay? I'm so sorry, I… god…"

Nobody else was speaking; they wouldn't have thought to. They were too busy watching the scene before them, too busy staring with something that, for most of them, was near astonishment at Buffy's words and actions. Near astonishment, and a slow stunned, realization of the reason for her behavior. Buffy was too wrapped up in the moment to realize this, and even had she not been, she doubted she would have cared.

After several moments, Faith seemed to be breathing almost entirely normally. Still enclosed in Buffy's arms, and partly in Xander's as well, she remained slumped back against the two of them, her face was very pale and almost haggard. She was still blinking often, her eyes too dark, shadowed, and when she spoke, her voice shook. It took them a few seconds to understand her.

"D-de ja vu m-much, X-Man?"

After she deciphered what Faith said, Buffy began to laugh. Once she started, it was hard to stop; all the tension and adrenaline was relaxed, released with her laughter, and a nearly giddy relief and glee replaced it instead. Xander had grinned goofily, as well at Faith's words, but when Buffy's laughter went on, he looked at her with some worry, as had the others, who had not heard her.

When some of her hilarium had finally tapered off, she squeezed Faith even more fiercely, pressing her hot, damp cheek against Faith's cool one. Faith did not flinch or cringe away, she was gratified to note, nor did she try to pull away or even tense up at her touch. Extracting one arm from around her, Buffy pulled Xander into her hug as well, feeling her love for him rising as well with her relief and gratitude.

"Xander, god, thank you, thank you so much…"

"Hey, not like I've never had to do it before," he tried to shrug her off modestly, seeming a little embarrassed at her obvious happiness with him. "What's with you slayers and needing me and my resuscitation services, anyway? If you really want a little mouth to mouth action with me, you know all you gotta do is ask."

Buffy laughed again at that, squeezing him again, and even Faith smiled weakly. As she let go of him, turning to look down at Faith again, Giles cleared his throat. As they turned towards him, startled, Buffy noticed and was faintly amused by the stricken, pissed-yet-panicked look on Anya's face. This was probably her reaction to Xander's liplock comment.

"Faith… are you quite all right? Perhaps we should examine her…"

"She seems to be breathing fine now, but she's very pale," Oz observed quietly, and Willow glanced over at him, her eyes wide, as if she had just remembered he was there.

"Yeah, maybe we should look… I, I'm so sorry Buffy… Faith. I, I don't know what happened, I thought-"

"M-maybe we should move her t-to the couch," Tara suggested hesitantly, her eyes narrowing with worry. "S-she looks tired…"

"Yes, I believe that is a good idea," Giles said, giving her a quick little smile that made Tara look away, reddening slightly, and as Xander began to gently take Faith from Buffy, lifting her into his arms, Buffy's eyes darted up to him, looking from him to Giles to Faith's slowly drooping eyelids with sudden and intense concern.

"But- but Giles, should we be doing that, should we really be letting her sleep? I mean, she was just dead, and she was in a coma before that, isn't conscious the way to go right now?" she asked worriedly.

"I, I believe she will be all right, Buffy, as long as we watch her," Giles replied slowly. "As long as her breathing and heart rate are normal. If she does fall asleep- which it appears that she will- we will awaken her within an hour to be sure. It may be that she needs this for a short time."

Buffy still wasn't sure she liked that, but she just pressed her lips together, not replying. As Xander lay Faith down carefully on his couch, Buffy and the others trailed behind him. Willow was still apologizing anxiously, even as her eyes flitted between Faith and Buffy, glimmering with a reluctant darker suspicious sentiment. Tara added a soft apology as well; only Oz and Anya remained silent. Oz because this was typical of him, and Anya because for once, she seemed to have nothing to say.

Faith seemed to be fighting against her obvious exhaustion, but she was clearly losing the battle. Her eyes blinked often, growing heavier and heavier as her breathing slowed, even with the noise the others' talk around her was making. As Buffy knelt beside her, however, she heard the dark slayer breathe out her initial.

"B…"

"Yes? What is it, honey?" Buffy asked her softly in return, smoothing back Faith's hair with one hand as she quickly scrubbed at her cheeks with the heel of her other hand. "Do you need something?"

It was few moments before Faith spoke again, her words faint, almost breathy; her eyes were nearly entirely closed.

"B… did it work?"

Buffy let out a slow breath, nodding. Realizing a few seconds later that Faith probably hadn't seen her, she took her hand and squeezed it, answering her out loud.

"Yes, Faith, I think so… I think we'll be okay. I mean, we still have to figure things out… but I, I think it's definitely the Chosen Three now."

A slow sighing breath escaped Faith as well, and she nodded faintly. "Okay…"

Her eyes slipped closed, and after a few seconds Buffy knew that she was out- either asleep or unconscious. Tenderly she gave her hand another squeeze, then lay it gently at her side, watching closely for a few moments to make sure she was breathing. She felt Giles's hands on her back again as he caringly moved her aside, kneeling before Faith to check out her pulse and breathing for himself.

As the others began to back away, talking amongst themselves, and Willow and Tara began to plan the glamour spell they might use on Faith and/or any possible dead bodies they might need, Buffy's eyes kept going back to her repeatedly. All she could think was that Faith was alive… she was alive, and she had not cringed at her touch…


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8

It had eventually been decided as Faith continued to sleep, that for now, Willow and Tara would do a glamour on Faith that made her appear to all but Giles, Buffy, Joyce, and the Scoobies, and of course Faith herself, to be a blonde female college student. They had discussed other options- a child or baby, in case someone wondered at Buffy and others having to carry her around, a male, even an elderly woman- but eventually they had decided that the best cover-up would be to disguise her in the closest thing to the truth. As a child, older person, or male, it might be too easy for Faith to say or do something to blow her "alter-ego." Going with making her another friend of Buffy's who happened to need a place to crash seemed less suspicious than suddenly having a child, grandma, or boyfriend staying with her- if, of course, the pretense was even truly necessary.

The truth was that no one was very sure whether or not they believed it was, for no one, even Giles, was very sure what the Council might do now that they believed Faith to be dead. Because of this very uncertainty, they could only make the vaguest of plans, could only decide how they might react in hypothetical situations.

For now, they were merely waiting it out, for it seemed there was nothing else they could do; with Willow's vague plan of Faith's-dead-story in mind as a possibility, they could only wait for the Council to act in order to react.

Buffy had called Joyce shortly after Willow and Tara had performed the glamour on the still-sleeping Faith. Assuring her that both she and Faith were back in Sunnydale and all right for the moment, she had told her mother that she would come home with Faith within an hour. She knew she needed to get Faith settled in somewhat, at least for the rest of the day. Faith needed to eat again, no doubt, and obviously she needed to sleep for more than an hour at a time. It probably wouldn't hurt her to have a real bath either, after four months of sponge ones… but maybe Buffy should put that off until a little longer. And then there was all the movements and exercises she would need to do with her, helping her manipulate her arms and legs to gain some strength and muscle tone back.

No, it wasn't good for Faith to be dragged around by her and Giles all day long. When all this business with the Council was over with, Buffy would finally be able to really help her… maybe even on a more than physical level. She knew that she and Faith desperately needed to talk, whether or not Faith wanted to.

Buffy knew she must be getting way behind in her work at college, having missed four days of class. Even with Willow taking down notes and assignments for her in the classes they shared, Buffy knew the workload would be terrifying when everything had settled down enough that she could actually do it. But as it was, she would have to take off at least one more day tomorrow as 

well. No way could she go to school, leave Faith alone with the Council's unresolved threat still hanging over their heads…

Giles and the others had promised to call if and when they came up with any further ideas or insights once Buffy and Faith were home. Regardless of whether they did or not, they would almost certainly meet tomorrow again. Somehow knowing this gave Buffy a tiny spark of optimism; how could she not have hope, while Faith was still alive and here with her?

From where she sat perched on her armrest of Xander's couch, up near Faith's head, Buffy glanced at her watch a little nervously, checking to see if it was time yet to wake Faith up, or at least check her again. To her impatience, only half an hour had passed. She could still allow her to sleep at least a few minutes more, but she was very tempted not to. She hated this… watching her, worrying… even though she could see that Faith was breathing normally now, could faintly hear her vitality through their slayer bond, it made her uneasy to let Faith sleep, let her slip out of consciousness when she had already come so close to losing her so many times.

It didn't help, of course, that everyone talking had just suddenly drifted into a silent standstill, and Buffy could sense them standing around uncomfortably. Even Oz, with a casual arm around Willow, seemed more troubled and distracted than usual. Buffy could almost feel them, watching her watching Faith, and yet trying to pretend not to.

Of course, Anya had left about ten minutes ago, muttering something about strange humans and not having patience for it. Buffy suspected that it was not her lack of patience, but rather her feelings of helplessness and awkwardness, two things she had not been accustomed to as a vengeance demon, that made her flee. After Anya's departure, everyone had suddenly gotten very busy with the talking, pointedly avoiding talking to Xander about Anya, her return, and just whatever it was they had been doing when Willow and Oz showed up.

But now, unfortunately, everyone had shifted the avoidance focus to not talking about what they'd observed going on with Buffy's actions in regard to Faith… and it seemed that they had run out of ways to attempt subtlty with it.

Their too-long, too-deliberate quiet and lack of eye contact was starting to make Buffy almost as edgy as Faith's sleeping was. As much as she dreaded the confrontation she knew would come sooner or later, she almost wished that one of them would just say something, so she could have it done and over with. Damn- Buffy never would have thought she'd be sorry to see Anya and her blunt ways leave…

Then again, it didn't really seem like it would be right to talk to them about Faith with her right there, not only asleep, but also with them not having worked anything out between them yet. Buffy didn't know what she would say, if they should ask, for all she was sure of was her own feelings…

No, actually she wasn't even sure of that. Who was she trying to kid?

Still… god, if someone didn't just SAY something…

And then finally someone did… Willow finally spoke up, her voice nervous, strained, and she glanced around quickly at everyone else first before she dared to flit her eyes towards Buffy.

"Buffy… um… Buffy, this is, this will sound really weird, and, and I really don't know how to say this, actually… and, I mean, I know you, something happened, with you. And… Faith. In, in her mind. And, and I'm sure it was crazy in there, in Faith's mind, because it's Faith… I didn't mean that like it sounded!" she said quickly, her eyes widening, as she looked at Buffy nervously, expecting her to jump down her throat. When Buffy just raised her eyebrows at her wearily, she went on, seeming relieved.

"I just, I mean, that it must have been weird, inside her mind, and I know you feel bad for her, that, that you forgive her, and maybe you're right, maybe she's okay now, I don't know… but, but Buffy… I get that, I get you want to help her, but… it… it kind of looks like, I mean, you're kind of acting like maybe there's something, something more…"

Her voice trailed off uncertainly, and she looked away from Buffy with a guilty embarrassment- and yet when her eyes came to rest on Tara, they quickly skipped away from meeting hers as well. Everyone else suddenly seemed more intensely preoccupied with imaginary thoughts that were immensely distracting- ones that involved much eye-avoiding, of course.

Buffy sighed, cringing inwardly. Here it was… she knew it was going to have to come, but somehow she hadn't realized it would have to be so soon. Where was Giles and his pointed interruptions and redirections when she needed them?

But no such luck- he was polishing his glasses with exaggerated care, undoubtedly as anxious/dreading to hear her response as the rest of them.

Buffy sighed again, knowing there would be no escaping this. And really, she shouldn't even care what they thought… she'd gone through this before, with Angel. No one had been too enthralled when she was in love with him either, especially the second time around, after he'd already , as Angelus, attempted to kill every one of them. And he HAD killed Ms. Calendar…

No, she hadn't cared then… well, she HAD cared, but overriding that had been her feelings for Angel. They had outweighed the opinions of others, mattered much more to her than anything they could have said and done. So why should it be any different now with Faith?

Because Buffy had known that Angel loved her back… and with Faith, she could not have the security of that certainty. And with Angel, Buffy had known all along it could not last… and with Faith, a fellow Chosen One, her sister slayer, she knew there was at least a possibility that it could. And this was enough to make her situation with Faith very, very different.

Still…she knew she had to say it. They already knew… all that was left to do was for her to say it out loud.

Buffy sighed again, and then, slowly, quite deliberately, she let her hand drift over to rest atop Faith's head. Not yet replying to Willow, she began to comb her fingers through her hair slowly, stroking it, as she gazed down at her, smiling softly. She moved her hand to caress Faith's face as well, letting her fingers linger on her cheek. She knew that the others' eyes were on her every move, understanding even as they waited for her to spell it out to them.

She turned her face back to them slowly, looking Willow in the eye; for it was she that Buffy knew would have the most difficulty accepting.

"I… I think I love her," Buffy said quietly, simply, and as she spoke her words to them, she was surprised by the sudden peacefulness that came over her. Let them take it as they would… they knew now, and Buffy was not ashamed or regretful for it.

If she could only know for absolute certain that Faith wasn't either… but right now, as she held the sleeping slayer's face in her hand, the new calmness and security of spirit that had come over her did not allow her to entertain any possibilities that Faith might be.

As she could have predicted, Giles's face had tightened with awkward unease at her proclamation, and he'd started cleaning his glasses in earnest. He had already known, of course, and Buffy didn't think he had a problem with it; she suspected that, in his own way, he might 

even be, given enough reason, willing to approve. But hearing her say it out loud was probably different than vaguely knowing based on observation… it would definitely be an adjustment for him. Buffy knew how it made him squirm to think of any of them in terms of their sexuality, but for Buffy in particular, his ex-slayer, with his other once-half-adopted slayer… she was surprised she had yet to hear any outbursts of "oh dear" and "good lord" from him.

She could tell that Giles, at least, was trying to straighten out his expression into one of neutrality; Oz was already calm, no doubt having accepted and moved past her words long before she spoke them. Sometimes Buffy was certain that he watched everyone much more than the seemed to be, and therefore had a much deeper understanding than he let on.

The others, however, were making no such efforts at blank-face. Tara's cheeks were flushed, her eyes downcast, but Buffy wasn't sure if this were really in reaction to what she had said, or rather her sensitive reaction to the others' reactions- her discomfort at their discomfort. Xander's expression shifted rapidly from surprise to thoughtfulness to apprehension and concern… and Buffy was amused to realize that there was an undeniable gleam of delight as well, no doubt at the mental images probably running through his helpless male mind.

The others may have looked a bit startled and awkward at Buffy's proclamation… but only Willow's face reflected near despair. A complex mixing of her emotions flickered in her eyes, tensing her features, all of them negative. Shock, fear, anger, confusion… but mostly, a sorrow, a hurt that conveyed to her Willow's feeling of something akin to betrayal. As Buffy made herself look into Willow's eyes, facing her emotions, she could feel her stomach clinching in sadness and discomfort. God she hated this… why couldn't anything ever be easy?

Oh, ha ha, good one, Buff… like 'the life of the slayer' and 'easy' can be used in one sentence. Unless, of course, the word 'not' or 'really really not' is in front of the word 'easy.' Or unless you're referring to her sex life, in which that case, 'easy' may describe some slayers, but not, of course, Buffy-

Willow interrupted her rapidly detouring train of thought, quickly bringing her back to the current situation. She was biting her lip, her eyes round and poignant with her confusion as she held Buffy's gaze almost pleadingly, shaking her head.

"Buffy… I-I don't understand. How… why…" her voice trailed off, as if she could not find words adequate to express her thoughts.

Buffy sighed again, and she looked down at Faith, continuing to gently stroke her hair as her heart squeezed softly with a wave of affection for her. Asleep, Faith looked so sweet, so innocent and vulnerable as her child self had been. It made Buffy want to hug her, or at the very least kiss her cheek or forehead. She was so glad that Faith seemed for now to be doing okay…

Looking back up at the other briefly before letting her eyes come to rest again on Willow, she told her quietly, "I don't know how or why, Willow. All I know is that it's there… and I think it always has been."

"Really?" Xander blurted out a bit too loudly, a bit too excitedly, his face brightening with simultaneous shock and incredulous near glee. "So all that dancing then, it wasn't just touchy girly stuff! I _knew_ it, Cordy just kept hitting me and saying I was a pervert! All that wanting to be alone to go slaying- was all that just a code for-"

He stopped himself abruptly, off Giles's fierce look and Oz's brief but pointed elbow in the side. Coloring slightly, he muttered to himself, "I _knew_ it, I_ knew_ there was a sneaky subtext going-"

"But… what?" Willow almost whispered, her face still stricken, her brow puckering as her eyebrows drew together over wide hazel eyes. "How can that… I-I don't get it, Buffy, I don't understand…"

"I'm not asking you to understand, Will," Buffy told her softly, still keeping one hand lightly resting on Faith's head as she continued to watch her best friend carefully, praying that they would get through this, that she would not lose her friendship and respect to any degree. She knew Willow loved her, would do almost anything to help her… but Faith had always been a sore spot for her. She was willing to help Faith to please Buffy, even to save her… but to know that Buffy_ loved_ Faith… well, that was different in her eyes, and Buffy knew it.

"You don't' have to understand, I don't ask any of you to. I don't even understand myself. And you don't have to agree with me, you don't have to like it… but please… just, just don't let this come between us," Buffy finished in the same low tone, almost pleading with her eyes and her voice. She glanced down at Faith again quickly, then looked back at Willow, all her fears and insecurities stark in her expression.

"Will… guys… I don't want this to change things between us. I know things will change, they couldn't have helped but change anyway now that she's back. But I don't… I don't want this to be any harder than it has to be, for any of us."

"But… but Buffy, you're, you're _straight_… aren't you?" Willow asked, her voice filled with confusion as well as unhappiness. Suddenly her face lit up, her eyes bright with hope as she asked with rapid, excited animation, "You _are_ straight! So, so you do mean, when you say you _love_ her, do you mean like a friend? Like one of us? Because, because that would be still kinda weird, but-"

"No," Buffy said gently but firmly, cringing at the happiness that had been in Willow's voice and gestures, and then at the way her face fell, crestfallen. "No, Will, not like that."

For several moments there was a highly uncomfortable silence as everyone took in her words. Nobody seemed to be able to bring themselves to look at her; even Oz was watching Willow instead, his hand on her tensed shoulder supportively. Giles's glasses had been polished so long and hard Buffy suspected he was close to accidentally breaking them. And Buffy could only sit there in extreme discomfort, her stomach cramping as she waited for someone to speak…

"So… so, does this mean you're gay?" Xander asked finally, thankfully appointing himself as icebreaker, though not in the most discreet way. "Well, then what was with the Angel thing? Actually on second thought, he was kinda girly. I mean, there's the name, the hair gel, the sensitive persona-"

"I don't know, Xander," Buffy cut him off, grateful for both his looking at her and his willingness to talk, even accept, what she was saying. "I just… I think I love her. That's all I know."

"Buffy…" Willow began falteringly, and she quickly looked at the others, as if gauging their reactions, or maybe attempting to garner their support. "Buffy, I know you, you want to help Faith… I know you feel bad about her life, and, and about her coma… that you-"

"It isn't about that, Willow," Buffy broke in somewhat tightly, knowing where the redhead was going and not wanting to hear her say the words aloud. "None of this is because of that-"

"And it's not that I care if you're gay-" Willow talked over her determinedly, her voice getting louder, almost aggressive. For some reason she looked at Tara when she said that, and Buffy 

wasn't sure, but she thought she saw an odd new sentiment flit briefly across her features before she glanced quickly back at Oz, then met Buffy's eyes again. "Because, because I don't. That doesn't matter to me. It's… it's just that it's FAITH! Does, does she even know how you feel? Would she care? I, she never seemed like a monogamous kind of girl to me, Buffy, and, and if she just plays with you and then hurts you… either physically or emotionally… I mean, I know she's all weak and cripple-girl now, and she doesn't seem so psychotic. But she's fooled us before, you know. I'm not trying to make you mad… but what if when she gets better-"

"She won't," Buffy headed her off a bit edgily, but Willow was persistent.

"I know you don't think so, but what if-"

"She won't, Willow," Buffy said almost sharply, but then softened her tone. "You don't understand… Faith's different now. I know she is. I was in her mind, in her memories… I felt what she felt, knew her thoughts and feelings. She's… she's been through a hell you can't even imagine," she told her, and her voice was choking, going hoarse, as she blinked against suddenly rising tears.

"It was bad in there… you don't know how bad it was, how bad she had it," Buffy went on, trying to bring her voice back in control. "She… she's trying, Willow. Please… don't make this harder for her. If you have to, to be mad at someone, or upset, do it with me. Please?"

Willow dropped her eyes, sucking in a deep breath; she was obviously still shaken, unhappy. There was more heavy silence for a while, until Xander once more spoke up.

"She, she does seem different to me…"

"Yes, she does appear to be genuine," Giles said softly, and everyone turned to look at him, startled. He put his glasses back on at last, and blinking back at them with a slightly troubled, thoughtful frown, he went on, "I have been observing her, of course, and I myself have spoken with her… and I do trust Buffy's views. I do not yet fully trust Faith, of course, but as of now I trust her intentions, and I do believe, as Buffy has stated, that she is trying."

"But- but how can you be sure?" Willow stuttered again, blinking quickly, and she darted her eyes about at the others, seeming if anything to be more unsettled rather than reassured by their words. "How can you-"

"She won't hurt Buffy," a quiet, small, but certain voice said from a slight distance beside her, and everyone's heads swiveled in surprise to regard Tara. The witch reddened, her eyes flickering away briefly, but she brought them back to meet Willow's again determinedly.

"She won't hurt anyone… but especially not Buffy."

"Why do you think that, Tara?" Buffy asked the other girl curiously, tilting her head toward her slightly. "Not disputing you, but you just met her… so why are you so sure?"

"I… I can s-sense things," Tara stammered, after a moment's pause, still averting her eyes and flushing awkwardly. She glanced up at Buffy briefly, her expression tentative but earnest, before quickly looking away once more. "About, about people… it's p-part of my p-powers, I guess. M-my mother could t-too…"

Tara took a slow breath, and when she looked up at Buffy again, she held her gaze longer this time, her expression more determined and assured.

"She won't hurt you, B-Buffy… b-but she is still hurting. I… I think th-that's why she c-couldn't breathe, when we brought her b-back… she, she's weak ph-physically right now, b-but that's not why she c-couldn't come back without h-help. She… her, her life force was a little off, n-not as strong as it sh-should have been…"

She let her words trail off, and Buffy's eyes widened at the other blonde's implications. If she was saying what Buffy thought she was…

"Are you- are you saying that Faith is dying?" she almost whispered, her voice hoarse with her fear and horror. "Or- or that she's close to dying?"

"N-no!" Tara said hastily, her eyes widening, but before she could elaborate, Buffy cut her off again rapidly.

"So, so are you saying that she wants to die then? Is, is her life force weak because she wants to die, because she… because she doesn't want to live?" Buffy managed to choke out, feeling her throat begin to close up, her eyes growing hot and prickly with her suppressed tears. She looked down at Faith, wondering with a pang if her seemingly peaceful sleeping demeanor hid an inner turmoil Buffy had not realized the continued extent of…

"I-I'm not sure…" Tara said hesitantly, sensing Buffy's emotion and clearly wanting to be gentle with her, but also honest. "I th-think maybe… but she m-might have changed her m-mind. When she actually couldn't br-breathe, when she actually came b-back, I think it m-might have scared her… maybe she d-doesn't anymore… I, I d-don't think so…"

Buffy exhaled somewhat shakily, blinking again as she dropped her eyes. She ran her hand slowly over Faith's hair, taking a small measure of comfort from the gesture as well as Tara's assurance. When she looked at Tara again, her eyes were dry, her voice calm and level.

"What do you think I should do, Tara? What does Faith need from me… how can I help her?"

"I… I don't know," the girl admitted. "B-but she loves you, Buffy… I can s-sense that."

At that, Buffy felt her heart flip over abruptly… her chest ached with a strange mix of stunned amazement, intense relief, and most of all, a joy that was exhilarating, spreading so fast and vividly she tingled. Faith loved her… Tara had told her that she could sense Faith loved her. She had not imagined what she felt in Faith's mind, she was not crazy, not the only one…

Faith loved her… no matter how she was acting and reacting to her now, Faith loved her, and that meant there was hope. That meant Buffy could make things okay…

Her nearly enraptured thoughts were cut off at the sound of Giles clearing his throat, shifting his weight.

"Well, er, as necessary as this discussion may have been, I do believe we should be awakening Faith… she has slept for nearly an hour now, and we shall have to be careful with that. Also we should be getting her home with Buffy and Ms. Summers, preparing ourselves for anything that tomorrow might bring…"

As everyone muttered agreement, and Buffy moved to speak to Faith softly, gently shaking her awake and helping her sit up again, she could feel Willow's eyes on them, watching. The redhead's expression was still slightly troubled, for she was clearly not happy with Buffy's choice… but Buffy saw her look again at Tara, and when Willow looked back at Buffy, something had changed in her eyes, softened.

Somehow, but looking at her Buffy could tell she was trying to trust her, to accept her words, if only because of Tara's influence. As Buffy smiled back at her, relieved to see Willow's tentative smile in return, she knew that with her friends, at least, it would be all right. Now she just had to work with Faith…


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9

As Giles pulled into the Summers' driveway, Buffy undid her seatbelt, then Faith's, going around to the other side of the car to extract her from it for the last time that day. As she lifted Faith with her arms under her back and knees, she could feel the familiar tension in her body that the dark slayer had shown earlier each time she went to carry her, her obvious discomfort, and for a moment Buffy's heart sank. Why was she still doing that, why did it bother Faith so much for Buffy to touch her, especially in light of what Tara had told her?

But then Buffy realized… that probably wasn't it, or at least not most of it. Just as Faith had been nervous before going to face the Scoobies, she was probably nervous about facing Ms. Summers… maybe even more so. Faith had always seemed to like her, and Buffy's mother had certainly liked her as well… it would have to be hard for her to come in, after all that had happened before, and not only face up to her, but also stay at her house.

That had to be it… after all, since Faith's short-lived death and her resuscitation, she had seemed a little less guarded to Buffy, a little more accepting of Buffy's lack of ill intentions towards her. In the car ride to Buffy's house, she had made a few sarcastic Faith-like comments, even if they were muttered less loudly and proudly than Buffy was accustomed to. And again, she had allowed Buffy to touch her several times- helping her sit up after awakening in Xander's basement, touching her shoulder as she told her something, carrying her back up to Giles's car and buckling her in- without getting too tensed and rigid in her posture and expression.

All of that Buffy had taken to be very good signs. Faith never returned her touching, but she did not fight or flinch away from it either. Based on this and the occasional quick flicker Buffy saw cross her eyes at her touching, she suspected Faith wasn't opposed to it, but rather was not sure how to respond.

Shifting Faith a little in her arms, trying to make her more comfortable in her position even if the girl wouldn't help herself by relaxing a little, she started towards where Giles was waiting patiently for them on the doorstep, having gone on ahead of them.

"Faith, it's okay," she told her quietly, soothingly. "Don't worry, it's just Mom. She's not going to do anything-"

"Just your mom?" Faith repeated, looking at her incredulously. "You say that like it's nothin', B? She's your _mom_, _and_ she's a Summers woman. I should probably be fearing for my life about now, 'cuz she's totally gonna kick my ass." She laughed, but Buffy could hear the forced quality to it and knew Faith was almost completely serious.

"Hey, stop it," Buffy told her with mock sternness, smiling at her reassuringly. "She's fine with you being here, Faith, I told you that. She's probably been worried about you all day long. So relax, okay?"

On impulse, Buffy leaned her neck to kiss the top of Faith's head as she reached the doorstep. She could see Faith looking up at her sharply, startled, with a confused frown… but she also saw the hesitant pleasure in her eyes, and Buffy's skin tingled briefly with delight.

As Giles glanced back at them, then rang the doorbell, Buffy realized that she was feeling a little nervous too, in spite of herself. How was her mother going to react, really? Buffy had thought she had a good idea and that it was a positive one, but you couldn't ever know these things for sure, obviously. And she hadn't told her mother about her feelings for, obviously… what kind of reaction would she have with _that_?

Maybe tonight wasn't the best time to tell her. Maybe she could let that one go a while… make that definitely.

As Joyce Summers began to open the door, Buffy could feel Faith growing denser, heavier in her arms, her increased tension making her dead weight despite her slenderness. Buffy shifted her hold on her again, briefly hugging her more closely against her in an attempt to give her some comfort.

At first glimpse from Buffy's point of view, at least, her mother's face looked nearly as tense as Faith's, guarded, and her smile was not quite genuine, but rather slightly forced. However, as her eyes flitted from Giles, slightly in front of the girls, to the two clearly nervous and weary Slayers, Buffy still holding Faith in her arms as if she were an infant or child, Joyce's eyes widened, and her expression shifted dramatically. Her features softened, her forehead wrinkling with a clear motherly concern as she peered at her daughter and the girl she was carrying.

"Well, hello, Mr. Giles, thank you very much for giving them a ride, and doing so much to look out for them. I do appreciate it. Come in, you three," she said, gesturing towards the living room behind her. "Buffy, honey, are you sure you have her? Sit down, all of you. You look so tired… Buffy, isn't she too heavy for you? Not that you're heavy, of course, Faith-"

"Slayer strength, Mom, I'm fine," Buffy replied dryly as she set Faith on the couch, then sat beside her. Joyce did not sit, however, nor did Giles; both sort of hovered nearby, an awkward, suddenly energized tension between them as they glanced first at the girls, then each other a little too rapidly. If Buffy hadn't been so tired and knew how nervous Faith was beside her, she would have found this amusing. They'd been like that around each other ever since they'd had sex when Snyder's band candy had reverted them to their teenaged mindsets.

"Ah, well, yes, thank you, Joyce…" Giles said awkwardly, glancing at her quickly and beginning to shift his weight, his hand going up to fiddle with his glasses. Joyce's eyes darted hurriedly away as well, and she turned to Buffy and Faith with a smile that was at first slightly forced, but soon became genuine.

"Well, Faith, it's good to see you're awake and doing better. Do you have an idea of when she'll be able to move around more?" she asked Giles, glancing back at him before focusing her attention on the girls again.

"Well, we can't really know that now, of course…" Giles hedged, his eyes flicking over to Joyce as he continued to fiddle with his glasses. "Hopefully not too long, with Buffy helping her… I was thinking perhaps we should get her a walker, or something of that nature…"

"Yes, that, that sounds like a good idea," Joyce said quickly when his voice began to trail off, obviously not wanting there to lapse any awkward silences between them. Looking back at Faith, she said to her quietly, "It _is_ good to see you, Faith. I've missed having you around."

At that, Faith looked up sharply from her staring into her lap, her eyebrows drawn together, forehead wrinkling with defensiveness- it was obvious she thought Joyce's words were sarcastic. When Joyce just smiled at her, however, and it dawned on her that she was sincere, Faith's expression faltered, growing bewildered, oddly vulnerable, in a way that made Buffy want to take her hand and squeeze it in reassurance. So far, her mother was reacting towards her much better than she'd even hoped… Giles was getting more of Joyce's awkward-treatment than Faith, strangely enough.

"Buffy, you're probably hungry, aren't you, honey?" Joyce was saying, and Buffy's eyes went to her mother, a little startled. "Mr. Giles, would you like something to eat or drink? And I'm sure Faith needs to eat as well. I figured that having only recently awakened, she'd need to eat soft foods for a while-"

"Oh, no, I'm, I'm alright, Ms. S, I don't need nothin'," Faith blurted out, her voice uncomfortable as she guiltily looked away from her. Buffy knew she was going into the guilty-shamed-quiet mode she had with her and Giles before going to Xander's, and when she'd actually been at Xander's. Putting a hand subtly on her arm, she spoke up in contradiction to her, deciding that she wasn't going to let Faith get away with going down that path again tonight.

"Yes you do, Faith," she countered, staring into her eyes briefly but meaningfully before turning to her mother. "Don't let her tell you that, Mom, she hasn't eaten hardly anything today."

"Well, then, of course she needs to," Joyce responded. "And you too, honey. Mr. Giles, would you like anything?"

Giles declined, and Buffy picked Faith up, carrying her into the kitchen. The two adults accompanied them, with Giles behind, and Joyce leading the way, still displaying some of the slightly skittish yet concerned energy she had before. Buffy took the opportunity to lean her mouth closer to Faith's ear, telling her softly, "I told you, Faith, it's fine. I'm eating too, it's not a big deal."

As she set her down in one of the kitchen chairs, Joyce was turning to talk to them as Giles stood in the doorway a bit awkwardly.

"Now, like I said, I thought you should probably start with simple things at first, Faith-"

"Ms. Summers, it's okay, I- you don't have to do this, I'm not hungry," Faith interrupted again, still avoiding her eyes, her shoulders hunching almost protectively. Buffy gave her an exasperated look, raising her eyebrow; Joyce, however, just appeared amused.

"Faith, dear, I _do_ remember that appetite of yours, you know… now, I figured soft, simple, high calorie foods to get your metabolism started more efficiently. We already had Jell-O, pudding, and oatmeal, but I also bought a few things at the store. Let's see," she murmured, going to the food pantry and beginning to rifle through it, pulling out items as she spoke. "Ensure, protein shakes- we have some ice cream and popsicles. Baby food-"

"_Baby food_?" Faith blurted out in spite of herself, doing a double take. Buffy grinned at the stunned near-indignation on her face. Enough time with her mother, and Faith's quiet, downcast-eyes routine would _have_ to come to an end.

"Well, yes, it's a good way for you to get enough healthy nutrients until you've had a few moe day to let your digestive system get up to par again," Joyce replied nonchalantly, seemingly oblivious to Faith's disbelief.

"Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it," Buffy said lightly, giving her a mischievous little smirk. "Those split peas are _amazing_, Faith."

"Well, Buffy, go ahead and get you two fixed up," Joyce told her, squeezing her daughter's shoulder and giving her a warm smile that did not entirely conceal the flicker of slight apprehension in her eyes. "Mr. Giles and I will be in the living room, we have a few things to discuss. Please don't try to cook anything that requires more than microwaving- the kitchen has just barely aired out from your last little attempt."

"Oh, you're such an exaggerator, that was over two weeks ago!" Buffy called out a little indignantly to her mother's and Giles's retreating backs, but they ignored her. Turning to Faith, she stood, beginning to go the counters where Joyce had laid out Faith-approved foods.

"All right, Faith, what do you want here? and if you say 'nothin'' again, I'm going to force feed you pureed broccoli and carrots."

Faith did not reply for a while, and Buffy looked at her more carefully, her eyes narrowing with some worry. She was sitting in her chair slump-shouldered, her eyes and head lowered, but Buffy could read the confused confliction in her features. She looked very young to Buffy then, somehow, and Buffy thought she knew what Faith must be thinking. She didn't deserve this, she didn't' understand why Joyce and the others were not showing her the anger and condemnation she had expected.

"She-she didn't have to do that," she said finally, her voice very quiet. "I- why would she buy that for me?"

"Because she wanted to," Buffy told her softly, trying to meet Faith's eyes. "She cares about what happens to you, Faith. All of us do. She cares about _you_…"

Her throat closed over unexpectedly, and she turned away, busying herself picking up a few items and getting some utensils and a straw. When she carried them back to Faith, however, her voice was calm.

"Here, how about two of these Jell-O cups, do you like red? And then one of the protein shakes. Or do you want something else?"

"That's okay," Faith said slowly, still seeming lost in thought. "Will you let me feed my own self this time?"

"Do you think you can get more food in your mouth than on the table if I did?" Buffy asked wryly, raising an eyebrow. When Faith just looked at her, no humor in her expression, she grew more serious, resting her hand briefly on Faith's back.

"How about I feed you the first cup, just to make sure you get some calories in you before you go to sleep or something. I'm not saying you _will_-" she said hastily off of Faith's look. "Just- I'll let you go to it with the other one, okay? And you can do the shake on your own too, since I've got a straw for you and everything. No chance of spills."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Faith muttered a little sarcastically as Buffy pulled her chair closer to her, opening one of the Jell-O cups. Stopping her movements entirely, suddenly serious, and wanting her to see it, Buffy met Faith's eyes, shaking her head.

"No, Faith, I'm not. I don't mind helping you, I don't mind having to do anything for you that you need me to… but I'm not enjoying this, because I know you don't. I don't enjoy seeing you hurt like this."

Faith stared back at her, her eyes wide, somehow managing to hold strong sentiments of thought and emotion, and yet not being really easy to interpret. Her brow puckered, and she bit her lip briefly before looking down at the table.

"I… I'm sorry," she muttered, and Buffy could see that she had been shaken, for whatever reason. "I didn't mean…"

"Hey," Buffy took over for her, reaching out a hand to lay on her shoulder. Faith did not stiffen, exactly, but she remained very still, alert. Buffy could sense the quickening of her heartbeat, and a rapid warmth came over her when they came in contact. It tapered off in intensity after a few seconds, but she could still feel it, faint, but there…

It was enjoyable, strange… and oh so distracting.

"No sorries, Faith," Buffy went on quietly, squeezing the girl's shoulder gently and almost shuddering at the rush of rippling pleasant heat that ran up her arm. She felt Faith shiver slightly under her hand and knew she had felt it too. Keeping her hand there, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart and just barely slowing it, she finished up, "It's okay. Really. It's okay."

Faith lifted her head slowly, looking into Buffy's eyes with an intensity that seemed to be searching her out. Buffy waited, looking back at her, trying to show her a calmness and certainty she did not possess, along with support and affection for her she knew she did.

Eventually Faith nodded. It was brief, really more of a jerking of her head than anything else, but Buffy smiled, almost disproportionately relieved at the gesture.

"All right then… so that's settled. Now open up your mouth for gelatin goodness."

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Buffy had fed Faith one Jell-O cup, set her up to struggle with another, and had sat down beside her with a sandwich and piece of leftover pizza for herself before her mother and Giles finally returned to the kitchen. Buffy had almost forgotten about them entirely, but Faith obviously hadn't; as soon as they came into her line of vision, her eyes clouded over, and her head lowered, her shoulders drawing together. Her already clumsy handling of her spoon became even more awkward, and she dropped it, so that spoon and Jell-O bounced off her lap and onto the floor. Buff's heart squeezed in sympathy for her; clearly Faith was nervous, knowing that they had been discussing her.

She slipped a hand discreetly under the table, resting it on Faith's lower back, which only caused her to jump and glance at her in surprise. As Joyce bent to pick up the spoon and wipe up the Jell-O with a dishrag, she commented, "Well I see Buffy must have talked you into eating after all, Faith. That's good- you should probably have something every few hours or so for a while."

As she rinsed off the spoon and went to hand it to Faith, Buffy noticed that there was a difference in her expression now. Joyce was still smiling at Faith, a friendly, sincere smile, but there was no longer any lingering wariness in her eyes, the way she held her mouth. There was still concern in her gaze, but now it was almost entirely taking over her features. She was looking at Faith in the way you would look at an injured dog who was barking at you fiercely, or perhaps like a little girl who lashed out rather than cried when hurt. The increased sympathy and compassion in her 

expression made it clear that she and Giles, whatever their lingering awkwardness together, had managed nevertheless to pull themselves enough to have quite a conversation.

Faith, however, would not look into Joyce's eyes, and so could not see this change. She held the spoon loosely in her hand, not looking up, not taking another bite of the Jell-O or a drink of the shake.

"I- that's okay," she muttered, beginning for the third time to backtrack down the frustratingly familiar path of talking Buffy was getting so tired of listening to. "I, I don't need nothin', Ms. S, I'm alright. I'm done now… I, I'll just…"

Joyce shot her a pointed, narrow-eyed look that Faith must have seen from the corner of her eye, despite her efforts not to, for it froze her, cutting her words off abruptly. As the girl bit her lip again, swallowing, Joyce's face softened again, going into the concerned-loving-but-firm Mom talking mode Buffy had known and dreaded seeing addressed towards her for so long. Sitting in the chair on the other side of Faith as Giles stood slightly apart from them by the counters, Joyce pulled the chair closer to her so it was facing her, touching Faith's knee so the girl was involuntarily forced to look up at her. When she spoke to her, her voice held the same conflicting tones of both gentleness and steely strength and authority as her expression.

"Faith, I'm sure that you've had these kind of talks until they were coming out of your ears today, but I'm going to ask you to sit through one more before the day is through," Joyce began quietly but firmly, holding Faith's dark eyes with her own. "I do not approve of many of the choices you have made, as I'm sure you could have guessed. What you chose to do will never be okay with me, and I could cheerfully kill anything that threatens my daughter or her friends without losing any sleep over it whatsoever. But… I also want you to know that for as logn as you have no intentions or desires to become that kind of threat again, then you are welcome in my house, for as long as you want or need."

Faith lowered her eyes, keeping her head lowered slightly, her shoulders pulled together tightly; she seemed to be waiting, bracing herself for more of Joyce's words to her. She didn't even seem aware of Buffy's hand, slowly, subtly rubbing across the small of her back in an attempt to calm her.

When no further words came, and Joyce just continued to look at her seriously, steadily, Faith looked up, the stunned incredulity in her eyes mixing with her guilt and shame evident in her creased forehead and knitted brows. She frowned at Joyce, seeming unable to understand her quiet.

"Is- is that all you're gonna say?" she faltered, the disbelief heavy in her voice.

"I think that pretty much says it all, don't you think?" Joyce asked her lightly, giving her a smile.

Faith did not seem to trust her own hearing; she looked around at the three of them, one by one, in rapid succession. Buffy could see her breathing quickening, the bewildered near panic coming across her features, and she quickly slid her hand up higher on Faith's back, rubbing its taut muscles and startled by the huge knots she was finding. They had to be painful, but still Faith seemed entirely focused on Joyce. If she even noticed Buffy's touch, she was receiving little comfort from it.

"But… but, Ms. S… Ms. Summers, I mean… you can't- I don't-"

"No, honey, I think that's enough for now," Joyce interrupted her in a gentle but firm tone, patting Fait's knee. "If you understand what I'm telling you, then that's all the discussion we need to have tonight. You're tired, I'm sure. After you finish up in here, I'm sure you and Buffy will be ready for bed, won't you?"

As Faith just stared at her, seeming unable to speak, Joyce stood up, leaning to quickly kiss Faith's cheek before going to stand behind her. Putting one hand on the still-gawking Faith's shoulder and the other on her daughter's, whose hand on Faith's back froze guiltily, she said to Buffy, "It's getting late, sweetie, I think I'll start getting ready for bed myself. Just clean up in here when you two finished, all right? Faith, if you need anything, just let Buffy know. I'm sure she won't be shy about asking me if you don't want to," she said a bit teasingly, giving her daughter a little smirk that Buffy returned to her gladly.

"Yes, girls, I suppose I will be going as well," Giles added. "I will stay in touch with you tomorrow, let you know whatever may come up."

He looked first at Buffy, then Faith, his expression growing more solemn as he met each pair of eyes.

"Do not worry- we _will_ come up with something. Perhaps we won't even have to at all- perhaps this worry is needless…"

Buffy smiled back at him as she thanked him and wished him a good night. She had a feeling that her former Watcher was going to stay up all night thinking about what they would tomorrow- or at least fall asleep doing so.

As she finished up her sandwich and pizza, she realized that Faith was still quiet, still holding her spoon loosely without attempting to eat. Her eyes were narrowed, shadowed with thought and confusion in a way that made twinges of empathy for her squirm in Buffy's chest.

"Hey," Buffy said softly, reaching to touch her shoulder again. "You need to eat that, Faith. Okay?"

Faith looked up at her slowly, frowning as if she didn't quite understand what she was being told. Watching her, Buffy's chest twinges turned into full-blown aches.

She pulled the melting shake closer to Faith, sticking the straw carefully between her lips. Earlier she would have expected Faith to say something sarcastic, but now she just glanced at her briefly before beginning to sip it slowly, her eyes still hooded in a way that worried Buffy. She didn't make her finish her Jell-O; Buffy just threw everything away, then when she was finished with the shake, picked her up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. Faith was silent, limp and almost heavy in her arms, and Buffy had to swallow down a lump that rose in her throat at the younger girl's clear agonizing.

Why was it that showing love and kindness to Faith seemed to scare her, confuse her, even hurt her rather than help and reassure her? How was Buffy ever going to be able to do anything that would make it okay for her to experience this?


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 10

Once inside her room, Buffy set Faith down against the pillows of her bed, propping her so that she was sitting up. Faith had been barefoot since they took her from the hospital, so she didn't have to bother with removing her shoes. Instead, Buffy sat beside her, removing her own shoes as she spoke to her, deliberately not looking at her in order to give Faith some space to pull herself out of the half-dazed silence she had withdrawn into without pushing her.

"You're going to sleep here with me, okay, Faith? Do you need anything? Do you need to use the bathroom?"

Faith shook her head again quickly at that, and Buffy looked her over briefly, suspicious. If she woke up in wet sheets because Faith was weirded out about being helped to the bathroom… but she wasn't going to push it right now.

"Okay…" she said. Then, in a soft yet meaningful voice, she added, "Faith… you do get that I don't mind helping you, don't you?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you mentioned that a few times," Faith said dryly, but there was a flatness to her tone as well that made Buffy turn to look at her, frowning.

The brunette, to Buffy's slight frustration and more prominent worry, looked away from her again. How often had Faith actually looked anyone in the eye since she'd awakened? It was ironic, that the girl who had once been the master of the confident, assured stares that would make their recipient redden and look away from her hurriedly, could now not seem to bring herself to meet anyone's gaze…

"I mean it though, Faith," Buffy told her slowly, still frowning a little as she tried to think of what to say and how to say it so Faith would believe her. "That's why I keep saying it. I… I just wish you would trust what I'm telling you."

Not knowing what else to say, and doubting that Faith would respond in the way she really wanted her to anyway, she gave up, deciding to leave it at that. It was getting late anyway, and both of them were tired and stressed and confused. Faith had had enough 'meaningful conversations' today anyway, especially for a girl as uncomfortable with them as she always had been. Of course she and Faith still needed to talk- of course they had to sort out what was going 

on between them, how they felt about each other, where they stood- but tonight was not the time. Tonight Faith just needed to rest, and Buffy wouldn't mind some sleep herself.

She went to her dresser, pulling out a pair of blue pajamas with clouds on the bottoms and tank top, then another tank top and pair of pajama bottoms for Faith as well. Challenge number one with crossing-Faith's-personal-boundaries-and-tempting-Buffy's-new-and-strange-attraction-to-her… getting Faith undressed and dressed for bed. Well Buffy could handle it, she was Miss In Control here. No inappropriate thoughts- none. It wasn't like she'd never seen girls in their underwear before- even Faith, a few times, when they'd spent the night together before.

Yeah, but did you help them _out_ of their underwear, Buff? Did you help _Faith_ out of her clothes? And you know perfectly well you always looked away really quick when she changed in front of you. You thought it was because you were embarrassed, giving her privacy… but come on, thinking back, who were you kidding?

Well, she'd be in control now. She had to be, same with sleeping arrangements. She'd shared a bed with Faith before without wild lust attacks overtaking her. Now would be no different, especially with Faith not exactly limber and frisky here.

Of course, when she'd shared the bed with Faith before, she'd practically perched on the very edge of the bed, as far from her as she could get in an effort to avoid accidentally touching her. And still Faith, who was apparently a restless sleeper, had managed to roll over much closer to her than she was comfortable with. And Buffy had barely managed to calm down her too-heavy heartbeat enough to drift off.

But that was then… that was when Faith was healthy and mobile and Buffy was firmly in denial mode. Denial made it harder to deal with things than it did once you admitted it to yourself. Or so she hoped anyway. She could deal. She had to deal, because for a while, at least, until they'd worked things out better between them and/or Faith was better physically, there was not another option.

Buffy had turned her back to Faith and began to undress, slipping into her pajamas, when she heard Faith address her, her voice low, hesitant. At first she was not sure she had heard her at all.

"Why?" Faith asked her in an almost childlike way, her voice very small.

Startled, wanting to wince at the sound of Faith's voice and the feeling behind it, Buffy turned to face her, finishing pulling her arms through her tank and extracting her bra from underneath it as she asked her gently, "Why what, Faith? What are you asking?"

Faith's eyes were still downcast, nearly closed, and she blinked, pressing her lips so tightly together they formed a thin, pale line. When she finally spoke, her voice trembled slightly, seeming to waver as if she were trying hard to hold back strong emotion… or maybe tears…

"Why… why are you doing this?" she managed, her voice cracking slightly. "Why are you all of you d-doing this for me?"

"Faith…" Buffy began, her heart contracting with discomforting pangs for the other girl as she regarded her, biting her lip at the distress Faith could no longer conceal from washing across from her features. Sucking in her breath slowly, absently picking up the clothes she had selected for Faith in one hand, she crossed over to her, sitting down across from her on the bed. Looking into her face with a gentle yet almost pleading intensity, hoping she would look back at her, she spoke to Faith softly.

"Faith… I've told you. I've told you and told you, and I know you heard me… so why can't you believe me? We're doing this for you, taking care of you like this, because we want to. We care about you, Faith… I care about you," she nearly whispered, trying to meet her eyes. She found herself reaching out to Faith instinctively, cupping the younger Slayer's face in her hands… and for a few seconds she almost said it, the words were on the tip of her tongue… the words 'I love you…'

But she didn't… somehow she managed to force them back, swallow them before they could escape. She couldn't say that now… she just couldn't. Faith wouldn't want to hear that, she wouldn't understand or believe. Now was not the time.

Faith's face was shivering slightly under Buffy's hand, and she closed her eyes. Buffy could sense the tension in her, could almost feel the vivid tangle of emotion running through her mind, adrenalizing a body that could not find ways to work through it, either physically or mentally. Buffy waited, feeling herself tense up as well, her heart beat quickening; for several moments she was sure that Faith was going to cry.

But she didn't… a couple of minutes passed, and Faith was swallowing, still silent. Buffy could physically see her shoving back her emotion, burying it once more, her eyes going blank rather 

than truly calm. She was not going to break down tonight, not going to open up to Buffy, however desperately she might need to want to.

Sighing to herself, somehow even more disturbed at the way Faith had just rid herself of her feelings than she had been actually seeing them, Buffy took her hand slowly away from Faith's face. Her stomach was knotting with her frustration and worry for her as she stood; it could not be normal to keep doing what she had just seen Faith do. That could not be a normal reaction… but what could she possibly do about it? Saying anything would probably just push Faith further back inside herself, in this weird sort of emotional denial.

Standing up, she said to Faith with just a little bit of a tremor in her voice, "I, I guess you're ready for bed… let me get you dressed, Faith, okay? Just so you're more comfortable…"

Leaning over Faith, she began to undo her jeans zipper and button, finding herself flushing and fumbling with them slightly in spite of her fierce self-admonishments. The borrowed jeans slid off her easily, as Catherine was larger than Faith even at her normal size, and the girl had lost a good bit of weight during her coma. Buffy was almost shocked by how small and frail her thighs and legs seemed to her- she was probably close to Buffy's size now, only without muscle or strength. Buffy would definitely have to start helping her build up muscle tone soon…

She had helped Faith into her pajama bottoms and was in the process of pulling a tank top over her head, trying not to look too much or brush up against her breasts and stomach, when Faith finally spoke again, her voice soft, almost dazed.

"B… what day is it?"

Buffy paused briefly in her movements, looking once more into Faith's face. The other girl was still carefully neutral, and Buffy tried to respond accordingly, as she probably wanted.

"It's Tuesday, Faith… September 17," she said slowly, keeping her voice even. She resumed her actions again, attempting to seem nonchalant as she pulled Faith's loose, passive arms through the shirt straps, waiting, while trying not to seem obvious that she was waiting, for her reaction to her words.

She pulled the tank top down over Faith's stomach, wanting to wince as her hand brushed inadvertently against the scar on her abdomen… the scar that her own hand had caused. It was healed now, of course, but still very noticeable, the skin slightly raised and a reddish purple 

color. Even having covered it, Buffy her stomach flip over, and tears sprang suddenly to her eyes; for a few moments she was completely overtaken with guilt and regret.

Faith didn't seem to notice when Buffy drew in a shaking breath, blinking furiously… she hadn't even seemed aware of her hand brushing her scar. Her eyes had clouded over, and her limp limbs tensed up suddenly. Buffy was too busy regaining control of her own thoughts, realizing with both a sense of irony and dismay that she was trying to use the very same method of emotion-banishing that had worried her so much about Faith, to more than faintly register this change in the other Slayer at her words. It startled her when Faith spoke, despite the soft, vulnerable undertone of her voice.

"B… h-how did he die?"

For a few seconds, Buffy froze; she could hear her own breath catch sharply even as her heart sped up in its beats. She'd known that this discussion would have to come eventually… it would be completely unnatural for it not to. But somehow, she had still hoped that it wouldn't have to…

She knew exactly what Faith had meant with her question, but she found herself asking her anyway, hoping she was wrong.

"Who do you mean, Faith? Are you… do you mean…" her voice trailed off, and she looked away from Faith quickly, hoping the other girl would finish the sentence for her. When Faith didn't, she drew in her breath, making herself say it. "The… the Mayor?"

Faith nodded, the movement so slight Buffy darted over to her face in time to see. Her hands, where they now rested on her knees, were clamped around them, her fingernails digging into her flesh in a way that looked painful.

"Yeah…" she breathed, her voice barely audible. No more than a beat had passed, however, before her eyes shot up to Buffy's, widening with sudden alarm and dread that sickened Buffy to see. She had sat up straight, and she looked at Buffy with near panic, her voice louder, very uptight.

"No, I didn't mean it, don't tell me! Don't say it, B… I-I don't wanna know."

Buffy's heart seemed to be breaking in her chest, crackling in uneven, jagged shards as she heard the desperate shrillness of Faith's tone, saw the pain rising up once more in her eyes as she stared at her pleadingly for the moment, the dark Slayer was unable to push it back, and Buffy hurt seeing it.

"Faith…" she nearly whispered, her voice unsteady, and she scooted closer to her, laying a hand on her arm. With the renewed physical contact with her, she could sense the heightened emotions coursing through her even more vividly, to the extent that she was not sure which were Faith's and which were her own. She could hear Faith's shallow, shuddery breaths, could feel her arm trembling slightly under her touch, and she knew how perilously close Faith was to finally losing control. There was a darkness about her eyes that surpassed color, even as they shone suspiciously.

"He… he was like my father," Faith ground out through gritted teeth, and her voice was as fierce as it was emotional. "No-not that I ever fuckin' knew _him_…"

"Faith… Faith, I'm sorry…" Buffy began softly, and she was. Not for having killed the Mayor- he was evil, after all, not to mention far from appealing in snake mode- but that Faith had had to lose someone, even someone evil, that she had loved… someone who had loved her.

And they _had_ loved each other… Buffy had seen that, when the Mayor went to see Faith in the hospital, and when she had been inside Faith's mind. She hadn't understood, still wasn't' sure she did… but she knew it was true. Faith had lost someone she loved… Buffy had taken him from her. It was natural that she would grieve him, feel confliction over his death, even if she had come to feel that the Mayor was wrong, even if she understood that he had needed to die.

As if to vindicate Buffy's thoughts, Faith was trying to clarify, to make sure Buffy understood her position, even as she continued to struggle for control.

"I-I'm not saying I want- to, to still be with him or anything, B… I, I know it was wrong… I know. I know you had t-to do it… I get it, I… it's, it's just… god, I know you don't get it. I know you don't understand. I'm not-"

"No, no honey, I do get it," Buffy rushed to reassure her hastily, squeezing her arm. "I _do_ get what you're saying, I _do_ understand… it's okay, it's okay that you feel this way. I… I'm sorry…"

Both were breathing too quickly, too shallowly, swallowing often as they tried to shove down their emotions with attempts that were not entirely successful. Neither could look at the other girl, for neither could bear to see the pain and regret that she knew would be stark across her features… and both were almost certain they could not do so without breaking down. Buffy could sense how Faith was shaking harder beside her, having to put forth an immense amount of effort to keep herself together.

Before she could rethink what she was doing, give herself time to overanalyze and decide not to go through with it, Buffy found herself putting her arms around Faith, pulling her against her side in a tight embrace. At first she felt Faith's body stiffen against her, instinctively trying to separate herself from Buffy, to rebuff her attempts at comfort. But as Buffy persisted in holding her close to her, laying her cheek against the side of Faith's head, she gradually could feel Faith's muscles loosening until she was slumped against her, leaning into her even further than Buffy was holding her already.

Buffy was very aware of the trembling of Faith's body, the way the younger girl's breathing was shuddering through her harshly as she struggled not to cry. Faith's body was very warm to the touch, almost hot, but still she was shaking with the force of her emotions and her efforts to suppress them in her already physically weakened state. Buffy felt little bursts of chills sweep through her own body in sporadic spurts, and she held Faith more tightly, trying to ward them off…

A few minutes passed, and she didn't try to say anything, didn't know what she would have said anyway. She petted Faith's hair gently, waiting, as she felt herself slowly grow calmer. Faith too seemed to be calming slightly, but Buffy knew she was still upset. Even as her shaking began to ease, her breathing slowing, she could sense it. And still Faith would not- perhaps could not- cry.

When Faith spoke, her words were hoarse, almost pleading, and Buffy's heart twisted to hear it.

"Can we… can we please just not talk about this? Any- any of this… please. I know you want to… but please… I-I'm so tired, B. I just want… I'm so tired," she almost whispered, and her voice cracked. Buffy swallowed; she could not see Faith's eyes, and part of her was glad, for she didn't think she could handle seeing right now the pain she knew would be showing in them.

"Okay…" she said softly. "Okay, Faithy, that's all right. We'll just to go sleep then."

She gave Faith a last tight squeeze, very conscious of Faith's dark head against her neck and shoulder, her shoulder against her breasts. Giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head and 

feeling somewhat gratified when Faith accepted it, not flinching, she pulled away from her, smiling gently.

"Do you want to brush your teeth, or you just want to skip it?"

Faith mumbled that she wanted to skip it, and Buffy opted to go for that as well. Tomorrow they could go for the whole cleaning routine- tooth brushing, bathroom, showering- but for now, she knew how Faith felt.

Lifting Faith up by the waist for a few moments, Buffy pulled the blanket of her bed back, then settled Faith under it. Crawling in beside her, she rolled to face her, making sure they were a distance apart to give her space if she wanted it, and smiled at her again before switching off her lamp.

"Good night, Faith…"

She heard Faith mumble something back. Buffy lay there motionless, a tangle of thoughts flitted through her mind, along with an urge to reach for Faith's hand under the covers, if not pull her into her arms entirely.

She would have thought that Faith's proximity, her worries over the Council, and her continuing concern and heartache for Faith, it would have taken her a long time to sleep, but before she knew it, she had drifted off.


	12. Chapter 12

Author notes: Not sure how I feel about this chapter… they seem sort of out of character. Input on that? I tried in this chapter to insert a little more of the old Faith into some of her comments and behaviors. One of my concerns here is that by Faith being so weakened physically and fragile emotionally with her unbelief of others' concern and her regret for her actions that she has lost what made her loveable and Faith-like… which I do plan to change, of course- but anyway, do you feel this way too or do you think this is in any way realistic?

Chapter 11

Buffy was awakened rather abruptly some three hours later by an extremely loud noise; it sounded almost like something had come close to smashing through her floor. Along with the strange, sudden thudding she heard a sharp intake of breath, as if the person inhaling so noisily was swallowing back a scream. Even having just been ripped out of her sleep, Buffy knew that the said person was Faith, and she was instantly alarmed.

Sitting up hurriedly, groggy, yet rapidly growing more alert, Buffy's eyes darted about somewhat wildly as she blinked, trying to see what was going on. The room was too dark; all she could make out was the faint glow of her digital clock on her nightstand, reading 2:14 am. Still not fully awake, her heart already instinctively beating harder in her chest with her anxiety, Buffy reached out beside her quickly, fumbling to take hold of Faith in order to see if she was okay, to protect her from whatever was happening.

A jolt of shock ran through her when Buffy's hands felt only a twisted tangle of sheets that had been nearly entirely pulled off of her, half on the floor. She could not feel Faith… Faith was not in bed beside her…

As Buffy's eyes widened in horror, her breath catching, she sat up straighter, feeling for Faith more frantically. Her spot in the bed was still warm- but Faith wasn't there…

Oh shit… oh holy shit, where was she?! What had just happened, what had taken her?!

"Faith!" Buffy cried, her voice shrill, on the verge of panic, "Faith, oh god, where is she?! FAITH!"

Reaching clumsily for the lamp on her nightstand, realizing too late that this was what she should have done in the first place, she fumbled to turn it on. Squinting as the momentarily blinding light flooded the room, she looked around hurriedly, searching for Faith as well as whatever had caused the far-from-quiet noise that had awakened her.

She soon saw both, with the helpful illumination of her lamp. Faith was lying on the floor on her side of the bed, half tangled in the sheets and covers that she'd managed to take down with her when she fell out- which was obviously what had happened. Her eyes were wide, for it seemd the fall had momentarily stunned her as well as probably hurt her.

Buffy stared at her with equal parts astonishment, alarm, and relief. The shock in Faith's expression began to wear off, and anger, guilt, pain, and a strong sense of embarrassment began to flit across her features instead. Her expression, coupled with her sprawled position on the floor, would have been comical, if Buffy hadn't been so worried.

"Faith! Faith, what happened, are you okay?" she cried. She slid off the bed hurriedly, going to crouch down next to her as she began to gently untangle the blankest from her, moving Faith as little as possible. If she had really hurt herself, Buffy didn't want to move her any more than was necessary. She kept her eyes anxiously on Faith's face as she looked her over, first scanning her body with her eyes, then lightly running her hands over her arms and legs, trying to feel for any wounds she might have obtained.

"Faith, are you hurt?" she asked her, her voice still a little uptight with her worry for her. Her hands were shaking slightly as she carefully felt her over, and it was a mark of her anxiety that nothing came to her mind about her running her hands over Faith's body except immense relief that there didn't' seem to be any injuries. Her heart was still pounding, though she could feel it starting to slow down a little.

"No… no, I'm okay, B," Faith finally replied, and she was looking sideways now, her voice holding obvious embarrassment- a good sign. Still, Buffy looked at her severely.

"Now, is that a bullshit okay meaning you just want me off your back because you can't admit you're actually hurt, or was that real okay?" she asked sternly, her hands going to her hips; had she looked in the mirror, she would have been freaked by how much she resembled and sounded like her mother in that moment.

"No, I'm alright, B," Faith insisted, and when Buffy continued to peer at her, measuring her truthfulness, she muttered with a mix of resentment and reluctant amusement, "Just busted my ass bone and about had a freakin' heart attack, is all."

Buffy had to smile at that; Faith did seem to be all right, though she was probably sore. Maybe the 'restless sleeper' routine had just kicked it up to a new level tonight…

"Oh poor baby," she said sarcastically, but she smiled at her, showing her that she was serious as well. "You about gave me a heart attack too, you know. You scared me to death, waking me up with all that nose. I wouldn't be surprised if Mom came in here in a few minutes with a frying pan, or some other random object to attack the noisy monster within. She's done it before, you know."

Faith smiled a little in spite of herself, then more widely. Buffy thought she must be envisioning Joyce in her robe, her curly hair wild and flyaway, brandishing a frying pan with a fierce expression on her makeup-free face. Buffy knew _she_ was, and she laughed at her mental image. Faith's dimples were showing themselves, and Buffy felt her heart move at the sight of them. She realized that it had been quite some time since she had last seen them. She would definitely have to make Faith smile more.

"Well come on, let me straighten you out here," Buffy said, more to herself than to Faith, and she slid her arms under Faith tenderly, lifting her up again carefully and setting her back up on the bed. Despite her efforts or being gentle, she felt Faith flinch when she touched her and knew she was more sore than the brunette had admitted.

Straightening up, still half standing over her, she asked her with a wry shake of the head, "How did this happen, Faith? Obviously you fell off the bed… what, did you just roll over in your sleep? Am I gonna have to put up a guard rail or something to keep you from breaking yourself?"

The last comment as mostly joking, but she wasn't so sure Faith got it. The other girl had been making pretty good eye contact for a little while there, but at Buffy's words she looked away, her shoulders hunching. Oddly, she seemed to Buffy to be flushing, embarrassed.

"Uh… not exactly, B…"

"Well, then what happened?" Buffy asked, surprised and a little perplexed by Faith's reply. How else could she have ended up out of bed and on the floor if she hadn't rolled out?

"Well… I was, I was kinda tryin' to get up," Faith mumbled, still not meeting her eyes, the embarrassment in her tone even more evident now. "By myself, you know. Guess that wasn't too 

bright, huh?" she chuckled a little, but it sounded strained to Buffy. "Still sorta Spastic Legs here."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at her in confusion, cocking her head slightly. "You were trying to get up? Why didn't you get me to help you? You should have woke me up, Faith. What was it you wanted? Do you need something? Whatever it is, I'll go get it for you. You don't have to do that- in fact, please don't," she added, lightening her tone a little as she smiled at her. "Loud elephant-like thudding isn't the best thing to be woken up by."

"I didn't want to wake you," Faith muttered, still carefully avoiding Buffy's eyes, her shoulders still hunched in mortification and probably also frustration. "Though I guess that kinda got blown. I… I just feel stupid and lame with you carryin' me around everywhere and all, and I don't want you to have to do that, B, so I figured it was time to get my ass up and-"

Her words were starting to rush together, but Buffy stopped her, squeezing her shoulder as she sat down across from her. As Faith looked up at her slowly, a bit warily, she kept her hand on her shoulder reassuringly as she spoke to her.

"Obviously your ass had a different opinion, Faith, since it flopped itself right back down," Buffy said somewhat dryly. "Look, Faith, I know you want to get better and be more in control of your body, but you can't do that by pushing yourself like this when it's not ready for you to. You're just going to end up hurting yourself worse, which means it'll end up being longer until you can move around, and I _know_ you don't want that," she said in a almost threatening yet lightly teasing tone. Squeezing Faith's shoulder again, she repeated, "So let me help you, Faith. I told you, I don't mind. What did you need?"

For a little while, Faith wouldn't say anything… she was reddening again, her lips drawing together, and she looked like she'd be fidgeting around if she weren't so sore. When she finally muttered something reluctantly, Buffy couldn't understand her.

"What?"

"I gotta piss, all right?" Faith said more loudly, her tone annoyed, embarrassed, and resentful all at once as she lifted her eyes to Buffy's in a way that was almost challenging, defensive. "You see why I kinda wanted to try for myself on that one?"

She lowered her voice, obviously not intending for Buffy to hear, but her Slayer hearing picked it up anyway.

"Shit, this really fuckin' sucks…"

"Okay, no big deal," Buffy answered, trying to act nonchalant, casual, but she knew that she too was flushing a little, as much from being caught off guard as from what Faith had requested of her. "So I'll take you, Faith. It's okay. I asked you earlier if you needed to, remember? So… it's no big deal. How long have you been holding it for, silly? It's fine, I'll take you… it's, it's-"

"No big deal?" Faith finished helpfully, and there was a bit of mischievous smirk playing at the corner of her lips; not quite what Buffy was accustomed to seeing in the old Faith, but close enough that Buffy was flushing again, even as she smiled in spite of herself.

"You said it, Miss Smartypants," she replied, and she lifted her up again, careful not to bump Faith's head or feet as she maneuvered her down the hall towards the bathroom. In spite of her rambling assurances to Faith, her hands were sweating slightly, her stomach squeezing slightly and uncomfortably.

She knew this really shouldn't be a big deal. It was helping Faith get to a bathroom, and there was absolutely nothing sexy about a half crippled girl who needed help just to go pee.

Unless, of course, she happened to be Faith… stop it, brain!

She could do this… of course she could. It was no different than helping her get dressed, and she got through that fine, didn't she? Control, that was all.

Only it _was_ different- this was even more private and embarrassing for them both. Which meant, of course, that it was even worse if Buffy actually had stupid, pervy thoughts about Faith while she was half humiliated like that.

She didn't think it was that Faith was so much embarrassed that Buffy was seeing her and manipulating her body so much, or even her bodily functions. The younger slayer had never been exactly modest or ashamed of her body, though in her current frame of mind that might have changed a little. What Buffy was pretty certain humiliated Faith so much was that she was forced to require Buffy's help with nearly every aspect of her self-care. For a girl as fiercely 

independent and opposed to asking for help as Faith was- a girl who was a Slayer, no less- that had to be almost agonizing.

Still trying to be casual, to set them both at ease, Buffy carried Faith into the bathroom, setting her on the side of the tub. As she began to pull down her pajama bottoms, her hands fumbling slightly, Faith laughed a little, the sound sort of breathless, and Buffy looked up at her sharply, startled.

"Nothin'… just, thinkin'. You seem to totally know what you're doin' for a Twinkie girl, B," Faith said, and her expression was still embarrassed, a little guilty, but also amused by whatever thoughts she was having. A little smile lurked at the corner of her lips- not enough to bring out her dimples, but almost. Looking at her, Buffy suspected her thought and comment was born of her awkward feelings as much as anything else.

Buffy flushed slightly, but she was smiling too, even smirking, as she looked up at Faith.

"Think so, F? Well maybe you ain't the only one with mad skills around here…"

At Faith's suddenly widening eyes and near-shocked expression, Buffy was instantly torn between the urge to grin and the urge to slap herself across the face. God, had she really just said that?! She was flirting with Faith- at 2 am- as she pulled her panties down, no less?! Damn, what had happened to the control and casualness she had lectured herself about?!

Well that was pretty obvious… Faith had, of course.

Barely breathing, Buffy lifted Faith around the waist and set her on the toilet, careful not to look at her or come in contact with any part of her lower body. Despite her efforts, Faith's knees bumped her when she set her down, sending a shock up her body that Buffy couldn't deny wasn't horrible.

"Right… so, so call me when you're ready," she muttered to Faith, walking out of the room quickly in an effort to give her as much privacy as possible. Which, in this case, was not much.

As she stood outside the bathroom door, she took several deep breaths, exhaling and inhaling slowly in an attempt to calm her racing heartbeat. This was nervewracking. If she and Faith 

didn't get things nailed down really soon about their relationship as of now, she just might go a bit psychotic.

She heard the toilet flush and waited a few seconds before calling out, "Faith? You finished?"

When Faith called out a slightly hesitant affirmative, clearly still uncomfortable with all of this, Buffy entered the room, re-dressing her as quickly and neutrally as she could while still being very careful and gentle in her handling of her. She was much relieved when Faith was fully dressed and she had her in her arms again, preparing to carry her back to bed. Though Faith didn't say as much, Buffy could tell from the subtle difference in how she felt carrying her back to bed as opposed to into the bathroom that Faith was more relaxed too.

As she set Faith back in bed, drawing back the covers to climb back in herself, she heard her mumble, "Sorry for that, B…"

Turning to look over at her with a little frown, Buffy shook her head in exasperation. How many times did it take for this to get through the girl's thick skull?!

"Faith, it's okay. I don't mind."

"Yeah, well,_ I_ do, okay? Can you tell me that _you_ wouldn't mind if it was _you_, and if _you_ were the one havin' to have _me_ do all this for you?" Faith shot back, her voice rising slightly.

Before Buffy could censor herself, she heard herself blurting out, "Maybe not…"

"What?" Faith said in genuine astonishment, looking at Buffy like she had just sprouted polka dots. And just like that, Buffy was- well, at least two big red ones, one for each cheek.

Shit! Big mouth Buffy, bad big mouth Buffy-

"N-nothing, Faith, I was just kidding. Good night," she said hurriedly, and she reached to turn out the lamp, not wanting the younger girl to see her face anymore.

They lay there for an undeterminable amount of time, not speaking, but Buffy was no longer tired, simply could not fall asleep. She had moved around too much since awakening, and there were simply too many thoughts in her mind. From what she could tell, Faith was having the same trouble. The other slayer's breathing was too fast, too loud to give way to sleep, and Buffy could hear her heartbeat as well, far from slow and steady as that of someone nearing unconscious oblivion.

She lay there for a few more minutes, knowing that sleep wasn't going to happen for either of them… at least not like this, not now. Somehow the distance between them in the bed seemed both too close, and yet too far- lonely, and yet also suffocating in a way that made no sense whatsoever. And yet somehow Buffy thought that Faith felt the same way…

She knew exactly what she wanted to do, why her arms were practically twitching with the urge… and yet she also knew the risks she'd be taking, the line she would be crossing, both physically and emotionally- a line that she was not sure Faith wanted her to cross.

And yet… she loved her. Tara had told Buffy that Faith loved her… so what was she afraid of? Why wasn't she helping Faith face her own fears?

Back and forth, back and forth, all over an action that should be spontaneous. Nearly fifteen minutes had passed, and both girls were still awake, before Buffy's decision was finally made.

"Faith?" she called softly, rolling over so that she was facing her. "Can't you get to sleep?"

There was a hesitation, and then Faith sighed. "Yeah, B, of course I can, that's why I'm layin' here talkin'… good sleep aid, ya know."

She sounded edgy, and for a few moments it was enough to make Buffy lose her nerve. Btu after a few minutes of resumed silence between them, listening to their almost-in-unison breathing and heartbeat, Buffy found herself trying again.

"Faith?"

Faith's voice was slightly raspy when she finally replied. "Yeah…"

But Buffy didn't speak… instead, she scooted up as close to Faith as she could, spooning her from behind. She could feel Faith stiffen as she hugged her to her, and the younger slayer's heart pounded even more rapidly, its beat seeming to reverbate through Buffy's body as well.

"B-B, what's-" Faith started, her voice choked with shock and near panic, but Buffy put a finger to her lips, pressing down on them gently.

"Shh," she whispered close to Faith's ear, feeling her shiver as the breath stirred her hair. "It's okay… just relax. Just go to sleep. You don't' have to do anything but go to sleep."

As she fumbled for Faith's limp hand, squeezing it with one of the arms wrapped around her front, she could almost feel Faith's inner struggle. She heard her swallowing several times, her breathing growing even more uneven.

"B… B, why- why are you doing this?" she asked Buffy shakily.

Her heart stirring, Buffy hugged her even harder, stroking Faith's hand with her thumb. Was she ever going to believe?

"Because I want to," she whispered. "Because I want to…"

When Faith did not reply, just swallowed, still tense, still seeming almost terrified, Buffy loosened her hold on her a little, frowning as a sudden dread came over her.

"Faith… don't you want me to? If you don't…'

"I…no…no, I…"

That was all she seemed able to manage. And yet somehow Buffy thought she understood, though she knew was Faith meant. She did want it… she just didn't know how to cope with getting it, or maybe didn't believe that she should.

Gentling her hold on her somewhat, and yet still keeping her arms around her, Buffy put her face into the crook of Faith's neck, breathing in her scent.

"It's okay… just go to sleep, baby, I won't do anything but hold you. Just go to sleep…"

She wasn't sure how long it took or which of them drifted off first… but she did know that eventually she could feel Faith's body relax, hear her heartbeat slow, her breath evening out. And she knew that from the moment she first pulled Faith into her arms, the younger girl had not tried to break free…


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 12

Once again Buffy was awakened by a loud and highly unwelcome noise- this time, the shrill ringing of the telephone on her nightstand. She jerked, realizing with a foggy and irritable confusion that her arms were heavy, hard to move. Something was pinning one of them down, something warm and heavy, soft…

It took her a few seconds to realize that the "something" half anchoring her in her place was Faith. She was still lying in bed with her arms wrapped tightly around the younger Slayer; they were starting to go a little numb from their unmoving position, especially the one trapped partly under Faith's body. And still the phone kept ringing…

"Dammit…" Buffy grumbled hoarsely, blinking the sleep from her eyes groggily and somewhat irritably as she finally managed to read the numbers on her digital clock. 7:18 am. Who would be calling at that time, and why the hell didn't her mother answer the phone for her?

And then it dawned on her… Giles would be calling, that's who, or Willow, or Xander, or someone who had some kind of idea or information in regard to Faith and the Council…

Her irritation and lingering sleepiness vanishing almost instantly, Buffy tried to sit up, gently pulling herself out from her position half under Faith and wincing at the pins and needles feeling that pricked itself up and down her arms. Faith's face had been scrunched up almost as if she were in pain at the sound of the insistent ringing of the telephone, and as Buffy extracted herself from her, she moaned, turning to bury her face in the pillow.

"Shh, I've got it, baby, go back to sleep," Buffy whispered to her hoarsely, stroking her hand down Faith's arm reassuringly as she leaned over her to pick up the phone, stretching the cord so it was dangling a half inch above Faith's head. Well, that couldn't really be helped, she was in the way…

"Yeah… hello?"

"Buffy?" came Giles's voice, a little more rushed than usual. Buffy couldn't tell from his tone if this were a good thing or a bad thing.

"Yeah, it's me. Please tell me there's a really good reason you're calling me right now… happy good reason? Please? Because there hasn't been many happy good reason calls from you lately, Mr. In fact-" Buffy babbled nervously, but Giles cut her off.

"I trust you will be satisfied after you hear what I have to say, Buffy. Might I ask you first, though- how is Faith this morning?"

Buffy glanced over at the girl in question, who was still very close to her, her back touching Buffy's hip. Faith was turning her head, squinting up at her and the phone cord still hovering above her face in the same groggy, annoyed and confused manner that Buffy had awakened with a few moments earlier. As Buffy smiled at her quickly, Faith opened her mouth as though to ask her something, but Buffy held up a hand for her to stay quiet.

"She, she's fine, Giles. Well, maybe not fine, but okay, I mean- you know what I mean. Look, let me do the question asking! What's happened, what's going on?"

"I think we have a solution as far as the Council goes," Giles announced, and Buffy's heart flipped over with delighted surprise. She clutched the phone tightly, barely noticing that Faith was attempting to sit up now, frowning in concentration and worry as she struggled to move the phone cord back behind her. She finally managed to do so and turned towards her, questioning in her expression, but Buffy didn't acknowledge her intent on what Giles was saying.

"I have been contacted by Wesley, Buffy-"

"_Wesley_?!" Buffy blurted out in astonishment, her eyes almost popping with her astonishment. Faith too looked startled, and she watched her even more intently, her brow furrowing. "Wesley _Wyndham-Price_? Didn't he go back to England? What does _he_ have to do with anything?"

She had thought she had seen the last of Wesley Wyndham-Price after graduation day, when he had been knocked on his back in the first thirty seconds. She had not been sorry for his absence. As her and Faith's new Watcher after Giles had been fired, Wesley had not only been pompous and inexperienced, he had also been the one to send the Council after Faith- right when Angel had been on the verge of breaking through to her after she had accidentally killed the deputy mayor. If it hadn't been for Wesley and his interference, Faith very well might not have made the decisions she had later made. She might very well not be in this situation right now, nor would Buffy…

Buffy had placed a lot of resentment on Wesley for this, even blame, and she felt it all come bubbling up inside her now, heating her cheeks with her remembered anger. She clinched the phone even more tightly in her hand, her jaw tightening. Faith had tensed as well, her dark eyes narrowing slightly, and she was leaning in towards Buffy unconsciously, as if she were trying to hear Giles on the phone.

"If you would allow me to finish speaking, Buffy, then you would know, I wager," Giles said a bit dryly, provoking an impatient sigh from Buffy. "As I told you, I was contacted by Wesley a short time ago. As you were just now, I was, of course, rather startled. As you know, we have neither heard from nor seen Wesley in months, and the last I had heard was he had gone back to England-"

"Giles- like you said, I know," Buffy interrupted through gritted teeth, shifting herself restlessly. "Will you please get to the point here? What did he call for, what did he say?"

"Well, Buffy, as you may have heard, Wesley has been attempting to re-ingratiate himself as a Watcher with the Council, or at least one still part of its circle, since his return to England. His defiance of orders in fighting alongside us-"

"If you could call it that! He was knocked flat on his back in two seconds!" Buffy interrupted incredulously, and Giles cleared his throat pointedly.

"Defiance of orders from the Council, as well as his failure in molding both you and Faith into more- er- traditional- Slayers… well, he could have quite easily been terminated for such actions."

"Terminated!?" Buffy burst out with again, her voice rising. "You mean they were going to kill him too!?"

Faith's voice stiffened at that, and her eyes darted away, her shoulders drawing together sharply. Noticing this even in her own dismay, Buffy tried to smile at her; she knew how fake she looked and gave up, taking Faith's hand a little awkwardly with her free one and squeezed it. Faith showed no reaction.

"No, no, Buffy, not terminate, as in kill," Giles hastened to reassure her, sounding almost amused at her panic. "Terminate his employment. Fire him."

"Well why didn't you just say so?" Buffy asked in exasperation, blowing out a huffy breath and rolling her eyes. Faith was still watching her apprehensively, and she smiled at her quickly, trying to convey with her eyes that it was okay. She was not sure, however, that the younger girl understood.

"You know we live on Hellmouth, Giles, when you say terminate, I think kill, murder, mutilate."

"If you would allow me to continue, Buffy… as I was saying, Wesley has been trying to be reinstated in his position in the Council. He has been on probation, taking whatever tasks they assign him in order to prove his merit. Now, this is where the resolution begins. Yesterday, when the Council realized that Faith had died, and a new Slayer had been called, they called the hospital in order to see what had happened to her. When they were told that there was no record of her having been a patient there, and the doctors they asked to speak with had no memory of her, they handed Wesley his newest assignment… an assignment that is more personal to him, and would go farther still towards reinstating him in the Council's graces, as it would be a sort of resolving of his mistakes in his past."

Giles paused for a moment, taking a breath, and Buffy waited anxiously. She could tell that whatever he was about to tell her was good news, or he wouldn't be dragging it out for so long, torturing her like this. Still, she had no idea what it could be. What could Wesley possibly do to resolve anything?

"His orders, Buffy, are to come to Sunnydale to discover and ascertain the truth of what happened to Faith, as well as to check in on you. However, he has taken matters into his own hands, I suppose out of a sense of moral responsibility or the like. You see, Buffy, he is on his way to Sunnydale now, Buffy, but he has already contacted me, suspecting that we knew more about Faith's death and banishment than we let on. I have told him the truth of the matter, Buffy- and he is willing to help us."

"_Help_ us?!" Buffy sputtered, holding out her arm indignantly. "_Help_ us- what is _Wesley_ going to do to help _us_?! How do you know we can even trust him?! Giles- how could you tell him the truth like that?! What if he goes right back to the Council and squeals or they intimidate it out of him or something? Come on, Giles, this is _Wesley_- I can't believe you think_ he_ could actually help us out here!"

Her palms were sweating, and she was holding Faith's hand in the same absent hard grip as she was the phone; Faith, however, had began to squeeze back, her face pinched.

"Yes, Buffy, it _is_ Wesley," Giles was saying, and his tone was soft now, but also intense, reprimanding. "And, as you well remember, I am sure, it is also Faith. It is no different, our trusting Wesley and his intentions and promises, than our trusting Faith. If anything, we have more reason to trust him, for his failings were performed with good intentions and belief that what he was doing was the right thing. Faith, as I'm sure you'll recall, had no such illusion."

As Buffy's lips thinned, and she unconsciously squeezed Faith's hand, not liking where he was going with this, Giles went on, lowering his voice a little.

"Wesley wishes to help _us_, Buffy, not the Council, and he is in the position to successfully do so, at great personal and professional risk to himself if I might add. It was he who contacted me, not the other way around, and it was he who asked if there was anything he could do to help us- even before knowing the truth. And after he did know, Buffy, he was still willing to do so. Buffy… he knows that what he did with Faith was wrong," Giles said quietly, and though she could not see him, of course, she could imagine the intensity and concern that must be marking his features. "This is his way of trying to set things right again with her… with all of us. Just, I might remind you, as Faith is trying to do. And just as we are giving Faith an opportunity to prove herself, I believe that we should do with Wesley as well."

He cleared his throat somewhat awkwardly, and his last comment was in an even more serious tone than his previous ones.

"There aren't very many other options right now, Buffy. I admit this carries risk, as does anything, but it's the best shot we have here."

For a few seconds Buffy was silent; reluctant as she was to admit it, she knew that was Giles was saying made sense. Glancing over at Faith, she realized suddenly that she was still holding the younger girl's hand, only Faith was now doing most of the gripping. It was clear from her taut expression that she had probably heard her name spoken by Giles a few times, even if she couldn't hear all of what he was saying, and as a result she was very apprehensive.

Looking away from her for a second, she spoke quickly into the receiver about. "Giles- hang on a second…" Covering the receiver with her hand without waiting for a reply from him, Buffy turned back to Faith, once more squeezing her hand reassuringly as Faith looked over at her with caution and some surprise.

"It's okay, baby, don't worry," she told her softly, "Giles thinks he's got a plan about the Council. I'll tell you in a minute, okay?"

She leaned over and kissed Faith's cheek impulsively, involuntarily sucking in her breath as she caught the scent of her. When she squeezed Faith's hand again, she felt a warm tingling sensation shoot up her chest.

Faith was watching her, her eyes wide, a little wary, but there was also an odd softness to them, almost a slight pleasure, though she did not quite smile. Buffy returned to Giles on the phone, her voice slightly uneven.

"Okay, Giles, I get your point… but can we trust him, really? I mean, even if his intentions are good, will this actually work? I mean, what is it that he's going to do to help us, exactly?"

"Well, as I said, Buffy, he's to come here to ascertain the truth of Faith's death and any possible involvement you might have had in connection to her seeming disappearing existence in time. Wesley will come here to America as planned; he may or may not actually come into your home and see you and Faith, though he will definitely arrange a meeting with me. He will stay for a time reasonably long enough to seem to have conducted a thorough investigation, and then he will return to England and tell the council that all has been resolved. He will simply pass on a modified version of Willow's tale- that Faith died of natural causes in the hospital, and Buffy ws forced to remove her body from the hospital morgue and destroy it in order to protect it from being made into a vampire. In order for the hospital staff not to wonder and look for the missing body, Willow and I had to assist in removing evidence that Faith had ever been at the hospital at all."

"I think this is a fairly simple and realistic tale, Buffy, and it is likely they will believe it. Now, they may keep an eye cast towards us for some time, but with a new Slayer to focus their attention on, and given that you have always been unconventional, their interest in you and your doings should wane soon enough. After all, Buffy," and his voice was quieter now, "their main goal, for Faith to be dealt with one way or another, has presumably been met in their eyes; if no one remembers her, all the better, they believe. I doubt they will attempt any further testing or discipline of you in any way, given that you had declared yourself a rogue."

"I'd like to see them try," Buffy muttered, but she could feel herself beginning to grow hopeful, even excited. This sounded like it could work… this really sounded like it could work…

A thought struck her then, however, and she frowned, wary.

"Wait a minute, Giles… this all sounds great, don't get me wrong here. But this is Wesley we're talking about, remember? Do you remember what he looks like when he tries to lie? Who in the world would believe him?" she said logically. "The Council will probably take one look at him and send the whole gang over to prove him wrong. What are we supposed to do then?"

"If that were to happen, Buffy, then we would simply back him up," Giles reassured her dryly. "I trust you realize that it is easy to lie, and to do so convincingly, when one is protecting something of great significance. We will just have to trust that Wesley will find in himself whatever it takes to be convincing, as I do believe that this particular lie means more to him than you understand, Buffy."

He paused for a moment, and when he continued, his tone had altered slightly, grown quieter, almost reflective.

"Wesley wishes, as Faith does, to redeem himself, in his own way, for his past mistakes, and do to so by helping the very people that his decisions hurt. In a way, Buffy, he feels that he _needs_ to do this, in order to begin once more to respect himself, and to be respected… we will just have to have faith that he can achieve it."

Buffy did not respond for a couple of minutes as she thought over Giles's words, taking in and attempting to accept for herself what he was telling her. When she glanced over at Faith, the other girl was watching her very closely, her expression guarded. Buffy saw her swallow and could tell from the way she quickly dropped her eyes that she both dreaded and wanted desperately to know what was being said.

"Okay…" she said slowly. "Sounds like Faith's blonde days aren't quite over yet, at least to everyone else."

Giles chuckled. "Well I will contact you when Wesley arrives, Buffy. Until then, I suppose you should just go about your day- perhaps work with Faith a little, help her with her motor skill a bit."

"Okay, Giles… just, just let me know if anything comes up, okay?" Buffy replied quietly, finding herself glancing toward the still-tensed Faith again.

"Certainly."

"And Giles?" Buffy's voice was hesitant, but she made herself go on more strongly, her tone even and sincere. "Thank Wesley for me, will you? Tell him we really do appreciate this… that_ I_ really appreciate it."

She could almost hear Giles smiling proudly as he replied, "Yes, I will do that, Buffy…"

As Buffy hung up the phone, she took a deep breath, briefly closing her eyes. When she opened them again, seeing that Faith was staring at her, her full lips thinned and her shoulders drawn together nervously, she smiled at her more warmly, quickly slipping an arm around her and giving her a brief, comforting half hug.

"It's okay, Faith, we've got everything covered for now," she told her reassuringly. "Just wait until you hear this, you're not going to believe…"

As she began to fill Faith in on what Giles had told her, however, she found herself distracted, noting not only Faith's slightly baffled reaction, but also the way that she kept looking at her very closely, with a strange little frown, as if she were searching for more than Buffy's words to her. Faith didn't seem disturbed, or even anxious, so much as perplexed, even a little lost. Buffy found herself suspecting that though Faith was listening to her and taking in her words, she was also searching for a reason that would satisfy her as to why Buffy had held her last night, why she was still holding her hand as she spoke to her now.

Maybe Buffy should talk to Tara again, or have Tara talk to Faith… because she was beginning to feel as confused as Faith was in how she should be acting towards her, what she should do…


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 13

Once Buffy had explained to her how Wesley had intended to help them, Faith's reaction was much more slight than she had expected. Though she was undoubtedly nervous at the thought of Wesley Wyndham-Price, the man who had tried to throw her to the Council in the first place, being her unlikely savior, she didn't do much to express concern. Other than a few slightly sardonic comments and a slightly amused, slightly disbelieving smirk at the idea of it, Faith didn't protest or express much concern. Buffy guessed that she figured that with as few ideas as they had now, she'd better take the Wesley plan and run with it. After all, a girl who had already been willing to die in the name of their ideas in keeping her free of the Council clearly didn't have too many inhibitions about what she wouldn't do.

Faith didn't mention their sleeping position from the night before, nor did she mention anything about Buffy being the one to initiate it, of course. Though she was a little more talkative, a little more lively and rested than she had been the day before, she still didn't speak as often or as feistily as she had before her coma. Even if she was saying something flippant or playful, there was an awkwardness about her, a hesitance that went deeper than her limited, clumsy range of movement. Though she usually met Buffy's eyes when she spoke to her, Faith also looked away after only a few moments; occasionally, however, Buffy caught her watching her, her brow furrowed as if Buffy were behaving in a strange, completely foreign manner that the younger girl couldn't comprehend.

Buffy knew she and Faith needed to talk… but it still just didn't seem the right time. It was early, for one thing, and they'd barely gotten any sleep. Not ideal Deep Talk situation. For another, everything was still so up in the air- the Council, Faith's health, even Buffy's college attendance. She had already missed three days of school, and she had no idea what she was going to do now that Faith needed so much assistance getting around for a while. Adding her feelings about her to the mix, and the feelings Faith had for her… it seemed too much to cope with. And yet, she knew she had to- she needed to. _Faith_ needed her to… but right now she couldn't make herself start.

So instead, she avoided it, and both girls carefully skirted any mentioning of the night before. Instead Buffy continued to handle Faith gently, occasionally touching or speaking to her in ways that clearly showed her affection for her without actually speaking about it. And Faith, for her part, did not return any of it, but rather received it with a bemused, cautious, but faintly pleased attitude she could not quite hide from Buffy.

After she had explained to Faith about Giles's and Wesley's little scheme, Buffy had helped her in and out of the bathroom again, then carried her downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. Joyce Summers was already down there in her bathrobe, sitting at the table with orange juice and toast. She smiled at them as Buffy set Faith in the chair beside her, then stopped for a few moments to stand behind her.

"Good morning, girls. How are you doing?"

Faith quickly dropped her eyes again when Joyce smiled at her, muttering that she was fine; it sounded to Buffy like she had started to say 'five by five,' but stopped herself. Based on her hasty retreat into her shy-girl self-conscious routine, her slightly increasing boldness in her words and actions did not extend towards when she was around Joyce.

"Well, we were good until the nice ringing sound decided it was time to wake up," Buffy said wryly, raising an eyebrow. "I take it you heard too?"

"Yes, of course I did," Joyce replied, rolling her eyes back. "I tried to ignore it in hopes you would get it, but by the time I figured out you were probably doing the same thing it had stopped ringing. Did you answer it, honey- it could have been important. I really should have picked it up."

"No, I got it, Mom, it was Giles," Buffy told her, and when Joyce's head tilted, her eyes narrowing in concern, she went on, "He thinks he as everything sort of figured out with Faith and the Council. Wesley, of all people, is going to help us, apparently… so, so Faith's going to be okay here with us."

"Well, that's great then, honey," Joyce replied, and she gave her a genuine, relieved smile. "I'm glad Mr. Giles has that under control. I didn't doubt that he would, he's a very capable man…"

She stopped speaking abruptly, her face going stiff and wide-eyed with sudden realization, and she changed the subject hurriedly, to Buffy's simultaneous amusement and revulsion. Her mother and Giles… god, she would never get over that one.

"You ought to be able to eat more normal things before long, Faith, but why don't you have some oatmeal for breakfast now? Maybe you can have something a little less like hospital food for lunch," Joyce said, turning to her. "Did you girls sleep well? Before the phone call, of course."

At that question, Faith glanced over at Buffy with a too-rapid, too-skittish jerkiness that was very poorly concealed, and she quickly fixated her eyes on the backs of her hands, squirming in the restless fashion Buffy was used to seeing from before her coma. Her nonchalant words were blown by the slightly hoarse edge to her tone.

"Yeah, yeah, five by five, Ms. S."

"Yeah, it was fine, it was, it was of the good. Our sleep. We slept good. Well. I mean, we slept well, not well like the word well, or like a hole with water in it like Little House in the Prairie. You know what- I'm just going to say yes and leave it at that," Buffy concluded lamely, knowing her cheeks were flaming as much as Faith's, if not more. This babbling… definitely not of the good. Well… maybe she hadn't noticed. Buffy babbled a lot, after all, right?

She turned around quickly, standing to go make herself something to eat. Her mother was pulling Faith's instant oatmeal out of the microwave, however, holding a can of Ensure in her hand, and Buffy about collided into her in her haste to avoid her.

"Here, honey, can you give this to her?" she asked her casually, handing her Faith's breakfast as Buffy blinked and backed away hurriedly. As Buffy took it to her, then started to get up again, Joyce took her by the shoulder, stopping her in her tracks.

"Buffy, can you come here with me for a minute?"

She was looking at her in a perfectly calm, neutral way, not seeming to be suspicious or notice anything odd about innocent about their sleep. Regardless, Buffy's stomach flipped, and she swallowed nervously before forcing a casual nod and smile.

"Yeah, okay… you need help with something?"

She could feel Faith's eyes on them as they left the room, and she knew the brunette was suspicious. Well Buffy didn't blame her…private talks as a general rule were suspicious. And seeing as this one excluded her, it was pretty obvious it was about her. Though surely not about their sleeping arrangements from last night- her mom couldn't know that, right? Of course not…

Still, as she turned to face her mother in the living room, her smile was not quite as unconcerned as she wanted it.

"What's up, Mom?"

Joyce Summers looked at her daughter searching for a few moments, not replying right away. Buffy grew even more nervous as her mother peered at her, and she barely managed to restrain herself from flinching, shifting her weight, or looking away. What was with the look, why was she looking?! Was she trying to read her mind or something?

She was on the verge of blurting out something she would probably regret as soon as it was out of her mouth when Joyce spoke first, her voice as calm and level as her expression as she looked into her daughter's eyes. Even so, Buffy tensed automatically when she first heard her begin to speak, her mouth dry and pasty.

"Buffy, honey, I know you and Faith have something going on between the two of you. Either it's started already, or it will start, or you both want it to start but haven't actually gotten around to doing anything about it yet-"

"Started?" Buffy blurted, her stomach doing a spectacular dive even as her heart attempted to set a speed record. "Started, what do you mean started? I don't know what you're-"

"Buffy, don't waste time by launching into denials. You never were a very good liar, honey," her mother interrupted her quietly. "I know you have feelings for Faith…er, _romantic_ feelings."

At that, Buffy's body jerked slightly with shock, and she could only gawk at Joyce for several seconds, her mind going numb with shock and horror. Oh no, oh god… how had she known, how had she found out?! What was she going to do, what was she going to say?! If her mother's reaction to Buffy's relationship with Angel was anything to go by, then she was definitely, definitely in for it. This was so not the way she'd wanted her mother to find out…

And just how had she found out?! Buffy certainly hadn't told her, and obviously Faith hadn't either. So how…

Giles…Giles, it had to have been Giles. He was the only one who'd been around, and he'd probably felt obligated to play the Concerned Responsible Adult role. God, he and Joyce must have had _some_ talk the night before, all right. Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut until Buffy knew herself what was going on?!

"What?" Buffy tried to bluff, and it wasn't hard for her to insert much disbelief and indignation into her tone. "Who told you that? Giles? Because, because look Mom, Giles, he doesn't always-"

"Buffy, Giles didn't tell me," Joyce cut her off, lifting up a hand to silence the rapid, instinctive speech she was about to put forth. "No one told me anything. No one had to- it's pretty obvious just looking at you. So I'd really appreciate if you stopped trying to deny it to me, because frankly, that is rather insulting," Joyce finished quietly, but both her eyes and her tone had a steely edge.

Buffy could not respond right away; cold, squirmy discomfort was spreading through her body, making her feel restless and twitchy, almost panicked. What she really wanted to do was find some way- any way- to end this conversation, because she was certain it wouldn't end well.

It wasn't that she was afraid her mother was affronted by her being gay, or at least having strong gay tendencies where Faith was concerned. Joyce Summers worked at an art gallery, after all, and she was far from bigoted or homophobic. It was, rather, that she feared that as willing as Joyce might be to accept Faith into her home, she wasn't quite willing to accept her into her daughter's bed…

What would she do, if she was as pissed off as Buffy feared? Would she refuse to let Faith stay with them anymore, try to keep Buffy apart from her? She couldn't do that- she _couldn't_. She _wouldn't_- would she?

"Mom- Mom, listen, let me explain-" Buffy began rapidly, but Joyce held up a hand again to stop her. And as Buffy stared, astonished, she gave her a reassuring smile, even going so far as to reach out and squeeze her shoulder. Her expression was softer, gentler, but there was still a firmness to the kindly tone of her voice.

"Buffy, honey, I'm not asking you to explain anything to me. These things… I don't think they're really meant for any of us to understand. I'm not angry, I'm not disapproving. I'm not going to lecture you or tell you to be careful. I know you don't' need to hear that from me."

She paused, squeezing Buffy's shoulder lovingly and giving her a smile that the still-flabbergasted Buffy did not have the presence of mind to return. Joyce's voice grew more solemn and serious as she looked into Buffy's eyes, making sure her daughter looked back at her.

"You're a young woman now, Buffy. I have no right to tell you how you should feel, how you should live your life. What's more, you're mature, you're responsible and loving, and you put your whole heart behind those you love. I know you don't love lightly, and I won't belittle the intensity of your feelings toward Faith or anyone else by indicating otherwise. I'll leave you to make your own decisions about who you'll love without attempting to interfere."

Joyce paused again, still keeping a hand on Buffy's shoulder lightly. However, she was no longer smiling as she spoke to her again intently.

"Buffy, you know that I care about Faith. I always have, and I've always liked her as a person, even considered her good for you in a way. I won't rehash her past actions and her flaws and weaknesses to you. I know I don't need to do that, and I don't want to do that, frankly. But I do want you to realize, Buffy…"

She took a long breath in, let it out slowly, running a hand through her hair. Buffy barely noticed; she was hanging onto her mother's every word, scarcely daring to hope that she could really be hearing her right, really might be let off so easily.

"Buffy… if you become romantically involved with a girl like Faith, you'll be setting yourself up for an enormous commitment, an enormous unspoken promise. If you are to become Faith's… Faith's lover… then she will need, maybe even expect, for you to become for her everything she never had. She'll need a tremendous amount of patience and encouragement from you, a tremendous amount of love and support, that will probably be rarely easy for you to provide. You won't be able to back out of promises you give her, whether spoken or not, because it will be so hard for you to earn her trust. When she hurts you, Buffy, you will have to stop yourself from hurting her back, because she has been hurt so badly and so often by others before. If she's hurt again by someone she's trying to trust in, to love, it will wound her that much more deeply, which could be dangerous for you both, whether she lashes out or not. Once burned, twice shy… it's a phrase that is often very true, Buffy, and I'm sure you know better than me just how many times that child has been burned."

Joyce sighed again, gently squeezing Buffy's arm, and when she finished speaking, her voice was softer again, but no less thoughtful.

"I can't tell you that I don't' worry about Faith and what she might do when she's stronger, if she doesn't learn how to handle her emotions in a way that's not destructive. I know she's trying, Buffy, and I know she's sorry. I know you and Giles and everyone else, myself included, are doing all we can to help her, and I do believe that this can work for her. I do have faith in her, and I do trust your judgment, Buffy. I just want to make sure you realize how much Faith is going to need from you… whether or not she admits it or asks for it. In fact, she may very well fight you every step of the way, knowing her. But she does need it, Buffy… and I just want to make sure you think you're able to give it to her."

After all her dread, all her immediate assumptions as to her mother's reaction and what it was she wanted to say to her, to hear her offer her support and trust in her choices… Buffy was completely floored. It was a few moments before she could get past her initial shock and actually begin to think about and focus on what her mother had just said to her.

She was right, of course… of course she was right. Buffy had known all this on some level, even thought about it briefly. But always she had deflected her thoughts, too unsettled to consider them with any depth.

But she had to… she needed to. If she was really going to love Faith, really had any intentions of being anything more to her than a simple friend, if Faith would have her… if she was going to, or thought she was going to, then she had to.

But could she? Could she possibly give Faith everything that she would need?

When she finally answered her mother, her voice was quiet, nearly a whisper, but very honest.

"I don't know, Mom… I don't know if I can. I don't know if I'll screw up, or if it can be enough… but… but I know I want to try. I _have_ to try, don't I?"

Joyce smiled gently at her, lifting her hand to touch her cheek.

"I guess you do… you know, sweetie, I always did think there was an odd chemistry between you. I thought maybe it was because you were slayers… but you two do look good together," she said, her voice thoughtful.

Buffy found herself smiling reflexively at that, an almost ridiculously wide grin born from her relieved near exhilaration as much as from her flattered surprise.

"Really? You think we look good together?"

Joyce grinned back at her. "Didn't you hear me the first time?"

She hugged Buffy warmly, and Buffy hugged her back, a warm feeling rising in her chest that's intensity was nearly painful as well as pleasant. She still could not believe she'd gotten off so lightly… her mother was really freakin' awesome when she wanted to be. Not to mention right.

"Well, we better get back in there, Buffy- I'm sure Faith is worried," Joyce told her as they drew apart. "Not to mention I better get ready to go to the gallery. By the way, what are you plans for tomorrow- you do know you're going to have to go back to school sooner rather than later, whether or not you're going to live at home for a while?"

"Uh…" Buffy said vaguely, biting her lip. "Still kinda working on that one, Mom…"

Joyce gave her a stern look, putting a hand on her hip. "Well, you better, Buffy. I know Faith needs your help right now, but passing your classes is a priority too."

"I know… I'll come up with something, Mom…" Buffy muttered. She knew she'd have to pretty soon… but that could wait just a little longer, couldn't it?

Faith looked up at them quickly as they re-entered the kitchen; she seemed to be attempting to keep a carefully blank expression, but Buffy could see the nervous tension in her face and posture regardless. Of course she knew they had been talking about her…

Buffy started towards her, meaning to reassure her, but Joyce was closer. She smiled at Faith, touching her back with casual yet gentle affection as she looked down at her.

"Finished eating already? Your hands must be getting stronger, that's good. Do you want some more, Faith?"

"No- no, I'm five-" Faith started, glancing back at her, but Joyce had already started off. She returned to her a few moments later with apple sauce, at about the same time that Buffy sat beside her with a couple of Pop-Tarts for her own breakfast.

"I know, I know, more hospital food," she smiled when Faith looked with less than enthusiasm at the little container in her hand. "But I'm guessing that your gums would probably bleed at this point if you bit into a real apple after four months of a dearth of tooth brushing and flossing, and you need fruits and vegetables in you. You too, Buffy, and strawberry Pop-Tart filling doesn't count," she said, turning to her daughter and fixing her with a stern look as she handed her an apple sauce container as well.

Buffy rolled her eyes, unable to hide a smile as she opened it. So much for her mother thinking her mature enough to make her own decisions…

As Joyce left the room, she could feel Faith's eyes on her and knew her quiet and feigned indifference were far from as casual as she was trying to make them out to be. Especially when she spoke up, her words too deliberately nonchalant.

"So, your mom needed your help or somethin', B?"

"What?" Buffy stalled, looking over at her quickly as she tried to come up with something plausible fast. "Oh, no, that' was just an excuse. She… she was asking me exactly what Giles said on the phone. She, she wanted to know what's going on, and she thought maybe I didn't tell you everything… I did though. Don't worry, I told you what he told me, all of it," Buffy added hastily, making herself look into Faith's eyes. She hoped she wasn't flushing, that she looked sincere. Damn, she hated lying to Faith…

But what could she say? 'My mom knows I love you and gives her approval, but is worried I won't be enough for you?' With Faith's skittishness and disbelief, there was no way she'd believe that. And if she did, she'd probably just be freaked out. Still… Buffy wished she could just tell her the truth.

Faith looked at her with slightly narrowed eyes, seeming to be unable to decide whether or not she believed her. Finally she nodded slowly, though she was still frowning a little. Buffy breathed an inner sigh of relief. Maybe she'd been more convincing than she'd thought.

Still, an unease remained between them as they finished eating. Both were slightly more anxious than they'd been before, though neither knew exactly why that was. As Buffy talked, not wanting there to be any silence between them, and Faith responded somewhat slowly in her reactions, Buffy wondered if she should have told her the truth in the first place. All this awkwardness and uncertainty was killing her.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 14

After they had finished eating, and Joyce had left to go the gallery, Buffy started in on the Help Faith Get De-Grunged routine. Taking her back up to the bathroom, she realized halfway up the stairs that it was going to be hard for Faith to get up them even once she was walking. Maybe the second story wasn't the best place for bedrooms and bathrooms when you were walking-challenged…

She set Faith on the closed toilet lid and let her brush her own teeth by giving her a compact mirror and a cup to spit into. Then she proceeded to help her take a bath- which, regardless of how many wisecracks and sarcasms the two of them attempted to distract themselves with, was unsalvageable from being anything but a awkward, embarrassing, and frustrating experience for them both.

As she let the water run, Buffy had let Faith struggle clumsily at taking off the tank top and the sports bra she'd borrowed from Catherine by herself. She didn't say anything when Faith's arms got caught and she seemed stuck for a while, even thought she itched to step in and help her. Faith had insisted that she could do that much alone, and since it seemed important to her, Buffy had let her try. She had been right; it had taken her longer than it would have taken Buffy, of course, but she had eventually managed on her own.

Getting her pajama bottoms and underwear off, however, and getting into the tub were a different story, however, since both required her to be standing and balancing on her own feet. Still, Faith had insisted on trying, and Buffy had let her, having to restrain herself from biting her lip or grabbing hold of her instinctively. Of course, she had ended up doing both anyway when Faith started to fall over. The former, however, was entirely by accident and ended up drawing blood.

As she'd set Faith in the tub, careful to keep her eyes unwaveringly on her face and her hands around her waist only, she'd told her that the next 'trying' with standing and walking would have to be after she'd helped her stretch her muscles some. She really should have started that yesterday; it probably would have sped up her healing process even faster to have her work her muscles a little. But then again, she'd been pretty preoccupied yesterday.

Buffy left Faith to take her bath in privacy, figuring she'd be able to manage washing herself and shampooing her hair if she could take a tight-fitting tank top off. Those suckers could be tricky sometimes even with fully mobile limbs. She'd told her she'd be close by if she needed anything, and Faith had nodded, seeming relieved to have some temporary privacy and independence. Buffy couldn't deny that she was relieved too. Even with the nearly twenty pounds Faith had lost, her nude body was still very hard to keep her eyes off of.

Buffy had barely left the room, however, before she heard the phone ring. She almost ran to pick it up, worrying; what if Giles was calling back, saying that something had already gone wrong?

When she picked up the phone, her voice was almost breathless, her heart hammering her with barely controlled fear. She had a crazy urge to cross her fingers. "H-hello?"

"Hey, Buff, it's me," came the answering voice on the other line, and Buffy was temporarily relieved to realize it was young, non-British, and belonging to Xander. But then again, that didn't necessarily guarantee news of goodness. Xander never called her unless he had a specific agenda- usually one that involved news of badness.

"Xander… hey," she said a little cautiously, shifting the phone in her hand. "What are you doing up so early?"

"That would not be my decision, but rather one courtesy of our friend Giles," Xander said in a mock grand, magnanimous tone.

Buffy smiled at that, picturing how _that_ conversation must have gone. Sweet and harmless as he usually was, Xander was not to be messed with in the morning, after he'd first awakened.

"So he called you too?"

"Yep," Xander confirmed grimly. "I guess you probably got an even earlier wake up call. Oh well, now I know I won't oversleep for work, I gotta be there in an hour anyway."

He paused for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was a little too deliberately casual.

"So, so what do you think about this Wesley thing, Buff?"

At that, Buffy sighed, her shoulders sagging. The truth was that she had been avoiding thinking about it, putting it off… which was becoming, she realized somewhat grimly, an all too common practice with her lately, with everything from Faith to classes and homework.

"I don't know," she admitted honestly. "Giles trusts him… so I just hope he's right. I just hope it will work."

"Yeah.." Xander replied slowly, quietly. There was another silence between them, unusual where Xander was concerned, before he spoke again, his voice hesitant but concerned.

"So… so, you and Faith… are you two, you know, okay?"

Buffy frowned; she wasn't sure what exactly he meant. 'Okay?' Was he talking physical, mental, emotional, okayness? Okayness as a couple or potential couple? Was this a coded Xander reference to some other obscure thing?

Or was she thinking too hard on this?

"Yeah…" Buffy said slowly, still not quite sure what kind of answer he was looking for. "Yeah, we're, we're working on it, Xander… stuff's still all weird, you know?"

She quickly shifted the topic, turning it to something she knew would confuse and discomfort- and therefore hopefully distract- him.

"So, are you and _Anya_ okay? How are you and _Anya_ doing?" she said with heavy emphasis.

She could just picture Xander starting to fidget, his ears reddening as he fumbled for an answer. "Look, Buffy, there's no 'me and Anya!' I didn't _ask_ her to come over, she just showed up! She just barged in and started telling me how she can't stop thinking about me! Leave it to me- I can't get a _girl_ to look at me twice, but female _demons_, now that's a different story, I'm apparently a tasty thing indeed. She practically threw me down on the bed! It was almost as weird and crazy as with Fai-" he cut himself off abruptly, almost choking on his own words as he realized what it was he was about to bring up… and who it was he was talking to. For a moment there was horribly awkward, pained silence, and then Xander hurried to attempt to save the conversation.

"Ohhh, I know what you're trying to do here, Buffy! No ma'am, I don't think so! You're trying to divert my all-too-easily-diverted attention away from talking about _you_. Not gonna work, Buff- I got your number now!"

"Oh man, you caught me," Buffy smiled, but she was really feeling a pang of disappointment as well. He wasn't going for it…

"So… so, you love her…" Xander said, his voice softer, serious now. "Wow… that, that's crazy, Buff. I mean- not crazy! I'm not saying it's bad or anything, no judging here," he said hurriedly, "it's just… it's kind of weird, that's all. But, but kind of not too… I mean, in a way, I always kind of thought…"

He let his words trail off, and Buffy found herself frowning. Had everyone but her own self thought she was attracted to Faith? Had she been the last person to know?

"You sound like Mom," she muttered, and immediately she heard Xander's choked reaction, could well imagine his double take.

"What?! You already told your mom?!"

"Well, no, not exactly," Buffy admitted, " she guessed somehow, she must have some weird sixth sense or something. It's not_ that_ obvious, is it? _Is_ it?" she asked a little anxiously.

"Uh…" Xander stalled, his non-answer an answer all on its own.

"What's so weird about my mom knowing anyway?" Buffy asked, a little defensive. "I told you guys. I told _Giles_, for god's sake. And what's wrong with it, why is it so bad? Are you saying it's bad, are you-"

"No! Whoa, no, hold on here, I'm not saying anything!" Xander hastened, and she knew he was probably holding up a hand in surrender. "Just surprised, that's all, Buff. No judgment. Zero. I have no problem with hot kissing girls- in fact, I say the more the better."

Buffy made a face at that, giving off a sound of disgust, but she relaxed a little.

"So… have you talked to her about it?" Xander ventured. "Faith, I mean. I mean, you've told everyone else… but, have you talked to her yet? I mean- and don't take this the wrong way- but it kind of seems like maybe she doesn't know."

Buffy sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly. Did everyone have to be so damn observant all the time here lately?

"No…" she admitted quietly. "No, I haven't… I mean, I will, I plan to soon. I just haven't yet. I don't know why."

"Well… it's your decision, and your girl and everything… but shouldn't you do it pretty soon?" Xander said tentatively. "I mean, make sure she knows before every other person aware of her existence does?"

He had a point, and Buffy knew it. It wasn't exactly right of her to keep talking to everyone about her feelings for Faith- everyone but Faith herself- before they'd come to some kind of understanding. And why exactly_ was_ she hesitating- why _was_ she making it so hard? Buffy knew she'd an answer to this, but thinking now, she couldn't remember.

"I know, Xander," she admitted, her voice small. "I know, and I will… it just never seems the time. But I will… really. Right now's no good though, she's taking a bath, and that would just be way too weird-"

"She's taking a bath?" Xander asked quickly, perking up noticeably. "Really? So how does that work with her being Helpless Girl- do you have to help her undress and wash her back? Bet that's a nice perk for you-"

"Xander!" Buffy blurted, more amused than angry or shocked.

"Okay, okay, sorry…"

"Well if nothing's going on, Xander, I ought to get off here so I can go check on her," Buffy told him. "Okay? Talk to you later?"

"Oh yeah, of _course_ she needs to be checked on… yeah, you do that, _Buff_. He he, Buff, get it?"

"Xander…"

"All right, all right, sorry. Yeah, I'll shut up now. Bye, Buffy- maybe I'll swing by after work later. Hopefully after the British Brigade have left," Xander added a little grimly.

"All right. Bye, talk to you later."

Hanging up the phone, Buffy stood there for a moment, taking another deep breath before starting up the stairs once more. Yep… when even Xander starts telling you what you ought to be doing, it was time to listen up. She needed to talk to Faith, and she needed to talk to her soon.

Still, her stomach had already began knotting itself rebelliously as she reached the top of the stairs, heading for the bathroom door. Why did Faith always make her feel like she was on the edge of major failure? Or not Faith, so much, as speaking to her, trying to care for her…

Buffy knocked on the door lightly, not wanting to startle to embarrass Faith by barging in.

"Faith? You ready to get out yet?"

It was a few seconds before Faith called back faintly," I guess…"

Buffy waited until she could hear the water draining before she stepped into the bathroom, quickly handing Faith a towel and half-turning away. Once Faith had dried herself the best she could while still sitting and wrapped it around herself partly, Buffy lifted her out again, setting her on the toilet seat and helping her into sweatpants. Faith's body seemed much looser, more flexible from the warm water, and though she still fumbled with putting on her borrowed bra and t-shirt, her movements even slower, they didn't' seem to be causing her much soreness.

Although her body was more relaxed, it did not extend to her face and eyes; as Buffy insisted against Faith's initial protests that she would brush and dry her hair for her, she could sense Faith thinking uneasily about something, could see the tension in her eyes. As Buffy gently toweled her hair dry, she was thinking too… would there _ever_ be a 'right moment,' or was she just making excuses? Why was she- did she even know?

But before she could say anything, or even make a decision to say anything, Faith had already spoken.

"I heard the phone ring, B," she said carefully, attempting to sound casual, but Buffy knew by now that Faith's 'casual voice' usually meant she was feeling anything but. "Anything important?"

"Oh- uh, it was just Xander," Buffy stalled, trying to sound as casual as Faith had and knowing she was failing. Talk, no talk? Talk, no talk?

"Xander?" Faith repeated, still frowning a little, as Buffy reached for her brush and began to carefully detangle her long thick hair. Even damp, she loved the feel of it in her hands, the smell of the shampoo she had used, and she had a strange urge to bury her nose it in. Weird… what was she, a dog?

Or was she purposely distracting herself and her intentions again?

"So… so, what did he want?" Faith was asking. "Everything okay?"

"What? Oh, yeah, everything's fine? He just wanted to make sure we were okay…"

Faith was very still for a few moments as Buffy continued to work her brush through the other girl's wavy hair. When she spoke, her voice was very tight, almost bitter, and clearly showing a resentment Buffy had not heard from her in some time.

"You mean he wanted to see if _you_ were okay. Since you're alone here with _me_ and all… you mean he was checkin' up on me, makin' sure I didn't strangle you in your sleep or somethin'…" Faith muttered, and her only-recently-relaxed shoulders stiffened up again, her jaw muscle setting.

At her words, Buffy's hands stilled, and she looked down at her, aghast.

"No, no, Faith, that's not it at all! Xander doesn't think that, that's not why he called!"

"Right, B, of course not," Faith said sarcastically, and this time some of her barely held back anger was directed at Buffy as well.

Setting down the brush, Buffy knelt down in front of her hurriedly, looking her in the eyes and putting her hands on Faith's knees as she put all the firmness and sincerity she possessed into her voice and expression. Faith was staring back at her, hard, cynically… but even so Buffy saw the flicker of hurt that passed over her eyes, knew the guilt the other girl was feeling contributed to her anger as much as actual resentment did.

"Faith, really- that isn't why he called. He doesn't think that of you- none of us think that of you."

"Yeah, just because I'm Christy Crippled," Faith quipped tightly. "The second I start walkin' around though, everyone's gonna be watchin' my back, and not in the 'oh we want to protect you, Faith,' way. My ass will be grass, and you know it, B, you know none of this will stick-"

"Faith- that's not true. Listen to me, that isn't-" Buffy began urgently, but Faith glared at her with a fierceness that stunned her into silence, leaning towards her unconsciously.

"If it's not true, then why aren't you telling me what he _did_ say? Why aren't you telling me _anything_? All you keep doing is telling me it's okay, everything's okay, and I _know_ that's a lie, I _know_ everything's not fuckin' okay, B! I'm not completely stupid, whatever you might think- I know you've been editin' everything you tell me, 'cause you don't want me to worry, or be mad or upset or somethin'. But- look, I just want you to tell me somethin'. God, it makes me crazier when people _don't_ tell me stuff, didn't you learn that from the last ti-"

She cut herself off abruptly, her eyes widening in barely held back horror at what she'd been about to say, the reference to their past she'd been close to bringing up. Her face paled, and she finally looked away from Buffy, biting her lip. Buffy realized that she was unconsciously imitating her, and she made herself stop, made herself try to meet Faith's eyes as she waited, listened. Obviously Faith needed to say what she'd been feeling, needed Buffy to hear.

"Look… maybe I'm kinda spazzy right now, my legs and all, but I'm not slow, B- at least not mentally slow, not any slower than I was before in that area, before you start in on the smartass puns. I'm not a child. I'm barely a year younger than you are… and I'm a freakin' _Slayer_, okay? Maybe I'm not the first one- maybe not even the best one, but I'm still a Slayer, even if I'm kinda out of commission here. So what I'm sayin' is whatever you've been editin' out of 

everything you tell me, I can take it, okay, B? I don't want you tryin' to protect me… I just want to know," Faith finished, and her voice was softer at the end, almost pleading.

She finally looked over into Buffy's eyes, and seeing the frustration in them, dominating right then even over her pain, Buffy knew Faith was right. She had to start talking to her, stop dodging every opportunity. There was going to be no better time… Faith was practically begging her to tell her right now.


	16. Chapter 16

Author notes: Sorry so short, I thought I'd not leave you hanging over the weekend with the conversation at least… even though I still kind of am, lol. It will be until Monday before I can update again probably since I'm going away for the weekend with some college friends 

Chapter 15

Buffy exhaled slowly; suddenly she was nervous, her insides twisting in contortionist positions, her hands going cool and clammy. They were still resting on Faith's knees. Realizing this, she took them off, crossing her arms and holding herself at the elbows as she took in a slow breath, still kneeling before her.

"Okay, Faith… you're right. You're not a child, and you're definitely not stupid or weak… and if you want, if you want me to tell you stuff, I will. I… I'm sorry, it's, it's not because of you, I'm not trying to insult you or make it seem like I don't trust you or something… it's just, I worry. I worry, and I get scared… not of you, just, for me. I'm scared I'll screw things up, I'm scared I'll do something stupid… and I'm scared I'll hurt you, Faith. I don't… I don't want to hurt you," Buffy almost whispered, swallowing, and she lowered her eyes for a few seconds. When she looked back at Faith, Faith's expression was a little less wary, but she was still frowning, a bemused glittering in her eyes.

"Xander…" Buffy started again, sighing. "He… he really did call to see if we're okay. He… he thought that, that there was something between us…"

_Okay, so it's not a lie. It's telling a truth slightly out of order. He did think that…months ago… and you just confirmed it later, prior to his call… oh who are you kidding, tell the truth, you promised her!_

"Okay, honestly… he wasn't checking up on you, Faith. He… he thinks, and he's okay with it, he really is- he thinks we, that I might, I might love you… because, because I sort of told him that… and everyone else… because, because they already kind of knew, and it's true, and I'm not embarrassed or ashamed, and they, they're okay with it except maybe Willow, and she'll come around, really, it's just, just new to her and all… but, but that's what I was calling for, I mean , what he was calling for, he wanted to see if we're okay, plus Giles called him too so he was already up, and I guess he was worried, but not about _you_, just you know, worried…"

Finally Buffy managed to stop herself; once she had started, the words had just kept coming, making less and less sense, she suspected, and also probably horrifying Faith more and more… oh god, _why_ had she had to say it like that?! Couldn't she have done it a little more gently, 

leading up to it rather than blurting it out in one long monologue? Oh god, no wonder she'd been putting this off, if _that_ was the way she was going to end up saying it!

Her face was burning with shame and embarrassment, and at first she couldn't bring herself to look up at Faith, be forced to see her reaction. When she finally managed to do so after about fifteen seconds of silence, broken only by the sound of her loud, uneven breathing and heightened heartbeat, she saw that Faith was completely still, her face frozen in a look of wide-eyed shock and panic…

And then suddenly her face relaxed, and she was laughing, a full, throaty chuckling that Buffy had not heard since before Faith's coma. The younger girl's eyes shone with relief, and she was grinning, her dimples showing themselves as she continued to almost breathlessly, her body shaking with the force of it… and yet somehow, it seemed not entirely genuine. As real as her laughter seemed, as truly funny as she seemed to find Buffy's words for whatever reason, there was still something about her that seemed false, as if she were almost forcing herself to find this humorous… because she was afraid of what might happen, what it might mean, if she didn't. Buffy didn't know why she thought this, really, but for some reason she couldn't she quite explain, she was almost sure it was true.

She stared at Faith as the girl continued to laugh, knowing that her own eyes had widened, that she was probably gawking at her in her astonishment. This was probably the absolute last reaction she would have expected from her, and it didn't make sense, didn't seem at all understandable…

When Faith's laughter finally died down, she cut her eyes toward Buffy with a playful grin that, like her laughter, seemed both genuine, and yet not entirely so, in a way that only confused Buffy further.

"Oh, really, B?" she chuckled. "Wicked. So I guess they were all scared shitless then… except old X-Man, bet he just drooled. Did you tell them about out passionate love-making too, and our strap on extravaganza? Did you invite them along for next time?"

She laughed again, shorter this time, but her voice was more serious when she spoke again.

"You had me going there for a second, ya know. Especially with the Willow babble, that made it seem more real, you know? Very funny, I guess we need that, huh? Now that you got that outta your system… what did he really call about, and what did you really say back?"

Still staring at Faith with an almost horror, almost despair, Buffy was at a loss for words. She didn't know what to say, what to do. She had just told Faith the absolute truth, though admittedly in a completely stupid manner… and she doesn't believe her?!

"Faith," Buffy began slowly, taking a deep breath that did nothing to settle her. She was cognizant of Faith suddenly stilling at her tone, her smile dropping, and knew then that the other girl was beginning to realize her veracity- had maybe been aware of it all along. "Faith… that wasn't a joke. I… I really do love you… and, and I really did tell them that. It, it was when you were sleeping, I didn't mean to, it just kind of happened… I mean, I probably should have waited, talked to you first, I'm sorry about that. They don't mind though. Really, it's okay, I'm not just saying that… but, but I should have told you better, I'm saying this all wrong, I'm sorry. I wanted to do this right, that's why I've been waiting, and I'm doing it all wrong. I'm sorry… Faith? I- while I'm, I'm truth telling here, I-I lied when I said what I was talking to Mom about… I, we were talking about you, how I love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was scared, and I thought you were scared, and it was stupid, but I didn't… she, she's okay with it though, she really likes you, Faith, and… god, I'm sorry, shit, I'm doing this so wrong! Faith? Faith, are you…"

Buffy finally stopped herself, almost shuddering with her self-disgust and her fear at what she had just done, what Faith must now be thinking… and based solely on the look on Faith's face, she had ample reason to be.

Faith's face was slowly draining of color, her skin ashy, sickly in its hue; her mouth was slightly open, and her dark eyes had dilated. Her expression was beyond fear- she was radiating undiluted terror, barely reigned in panic…

Buffy felt sick. Her heart skipped a beat, and she had difficulty swallowing. It felt as though a large clawed hand was clinching her stomach tightly, its talons puncturing her holes, and the pain was quickly spreading up the rest of her chest.

Faith was freaking out… this was why she'd been so afraid to do this, so afraid to tell her. Faith was freaking out…

What if Tara was wrong? What if Faith didn't love her at all? What if she was repulsed by the idea of being with her? How could she love her when she was so obviously horrified right now? Shouldn't she be happy Buffy loved her, if she loved Buffy too?

"Faith… Faith, say something," Buffy whispered, and her voice shook; she could feel the tears pricking her eyes and blinked them back furiously. They remained clogged in her throat, choking, not willing to completely disappear. "Please, talk to me…"

Faith lowered her eyes, blinking as rapidly as Buffy was, and when she finally spoke a few minute later- minutes that seemed unbearably long and painful to Buffy- her voice was hoarse.

"You… you're n-not kidding… what you said, you…"

"Yes," Buffy whispered, still fighting tears; she wanted to touch Faith, to take her hand, her shoulder, but she kept her arms at her side, kept her distance. "Yes… I'm sorry… I-I shouldn't have told them, not without… but I did… and I meant it. I love you, Faith… and I want that to be okay with you. I want… I know you don't like that they know, probably… but-but is it okay if I love you? Is it… do you…"

She trailed off weakly, half hoping, half dreading as she awaited the other slayer's reply. She was still trembling slightly, could see that Faith was too, her eyes closing. Faith pressed her lips tightly together; she was not answering, and Buffy was closer than ever to tears.

And then she heard it… downstairs the doorbell was ringing.

Buffy's head shot up. What was she supposed to do? She had to finish this, she needed to finish this… but what if it was important, what if it was an emergency? What if Giles and Wesley were here already with some kind of news? But…

The doorbell rang again, and Buffy knew Faith had heard it too. Her eyes had opened, and she had gone rigid, her fresh alarm sprawling across her features. Buffy wondered distantly what thoughts were running through her head…

"I-I'll be back," she told her shakily. "I'll see who it is… stay… stay here, I'll be right back…'

Standing up, she went to the bathroom door. When she glanced back at Faith, she had not moved, and Buffy left, hating what she had done, what she was doing…


	17. Chapter 17

Author notes: For those who think that Faith's reaction is very extreme and out of character (not to mention frustrating, lol) keep in mind that she does not know, for one, that Angel is still alive… this has not come up between them yet, and Faith believes that he is dead because of her. Knowing that Buffy loved him and was willing to kill for him is bound to cause issues in her mind… also she still doesn't know what happened in her head, whether it was real or not, a dream or reality. Although Buffy mentioned 'seeing' her, and what happened inside her mind was what Faith was thinking of at those words, she doesn't know if that is what Buffy meant, and she's basically extremely confused, in denial, lots of bad bad feelings because she's still not really had anything explained to her and still has lots of personal issues.

Chapter 16

The doorbell had rang a third time before Buffy finally reached it and peeked through the peephole somewhat anxiously, her thoughts still on Faith, sitting alone and obviously upset in the bathroom. When she saw that the people on her doorstep was Willow, clutching a large three ring binder, and her friend Tara, she was only marginally relieved. So it probably wasn't anything too important… god, the _timing_ of this! How could she get them to leave?

And she _did_ have to get them to leave. She couldn't bring Faith down to see them- she couldn't make her do that after what she'd just been informed what both girls knew, when she'd had so little time to come to terms with it. She needed to get back up there to Faith as quickly as possible, to try and repair some of the damage she and her freakin' unstoppable mouth had just wreaked…

Opening the door, Buffy tried to smile at the two Wiccans standing a little nervously on her doorstep, but she could feel it stick oddly, not quite reaching its intention.

"Hi, Willow, Tara- what's going on?" she said, her voice very tightly controlled.

Tara smiled back bashfully, lowering her eyes for a moment before looking back up again. She didn't say anything beyond a muttered, "Hi, Buffy." Willow, however, after her initial quick, slightly too cheery smile that looked as forced as Buffy's, launched into conversation nearly immediately.

"Hey, Buffy! I, I just thought I'd come and drop off the, the notes I took for you in your classes, and, and our assignments… do you know when you're gonna come back to class yet? I, I just thought I'd come by, and give you that, and see if everything's okay… not that it _wouldn't_ be, of course, just making sure it is, is all. I guess Giles called, about Wesley? He called me, I was 

already up, of course, getting ready for class, but still I was surprised, about it being Wesley and all… isn't that crazy? I, I was going to see if Oz could come, but he had class, and so, so I thought Tara… I would have called, but I figured you'd be here since Faith can't… I mean, I hope it was okay, it usually is okay, but now…" she trailed off for a moment, her eyes widening suddenly as she realized what Tara had seemed to observe and frown in awkward concern over the moment she raised her eyes up to Buffy's.

"Buffy… what's, is something wrong? You look all Upset-face. Has, has something happened? Are you okay?" Willow asked nervously, taking a step toward her, her forehead wrinkling as she half-extended her hand, not quite touching her. She glanced back at Tara, a very fast flicker of a shared sentiment Buffy could not read passing between them, and then turned her attention back to Buffy, still frowning in concern.

"Is… is Faith okay? Where is she… has something… Buffy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Buffy blurted, and both girls blinked at the sharpness, the desperate edge in her tone, that all too clearly undermined her reply. "Nothing's wrong, Will, _nothing_- nothing has happened, okay? Everything's fine, I'm fine, Faith's fine, Faith, Faith is fine. We're- god, why are you asking so many questions?"

Seeing the hurt, stricken expression on Willow's face, her wide, wary eyes, and the skittish look on Tara's, Buffy began to feel guilt gnawing at her insides, coming to mingle with her already-firmly-established shame, frustration, fear, and despair. Just another happy emotion to add to the tribe warring for dominance inside her…

"Will… Will, I'm sorry," she sighed, her voice smaller, softer, and the tears were rising again, dangerously close to surface. No, no, god, she couldn't cry, not now, she _couldn't_…

"I-I didn't mean to yell at you… this, this just really is a bad time, I'm sorry… I, I'm just, just really tired, and, and worried, and, and I'm sorry… b-but everything's fine, okay? Just… thanks for bringing my homework," Buffy told her weakly, swallowing, taking in another slow breath as she tried to meet Willow's eyes again, to look at her more calmly and steadily.

"Oh… okay… that's okay, Buffy, I understand," Willow said slowly, but her eyes were narrowing thoughtfully, suspiciously. A few moments of awkward, heavy silence passed… and then she was blurting out her thoughts, seeming unable to stop herself.

"Buffy… it's because of _her_, isn't it? She's done something, or said something, to upset you. What has she been doing- has she-"

"No, Willow, she hasn't done anything!" Buffy snapped back, her voice rising. Her voice was getting shrill, her emotional turmoil intensifying inside her so that she was no longer sure whether she was close to tears or to fighting… or to both, simultaneously. She glanced at the redhead so fiercely that Willow flinched, eyes widening once more, and she stepped closer to Tara, almost huddling against the very quiet, clearly uncomfortable girl.

"She hasn't done _anything_ to me- why do you automatically jump to that conclusion!? Why do you automatically blame her- she hasn't done anything, okay, she_ hasn't_!" Buffy almost hissed… and she wasn't lying. Faith _hadn'_t done anything… and that was the very reason she was so upset. Buffy had finally told her how she felt- finally told her, no matter how stupid a manner- and Faith had done nothing, nothing but sit there in a frozen state of shock, fear, and horror. Horror over her, over Buffy…

"I- okay, okay, Buffy, I'm sorry!" Willow said quickly, her tone pleading, submissive; she tried to catch Buffy's eyes, to appease her with words and expression. "I-I didn't mean to… I'm sorry. I just… this, this is hard for me too, you know? I'm, I'm trying here… I didn't mean… I'm sorry, Buffy. Do- do you want us to leave? Call you back later, maybe?"

"No… no, I don't know," Buffy said helplessly, her anger deflating at Willow's face, her fumbling words, and she pressed her lips together tightly, blinking back tears. "I… Willow, Tara, I'm sorry… but- but maybe you should… it's, it's really a bad time…"

"Oh… okay," Willow said slowly, clearly still troubled, hurt by Buffy's behavior as she glanced at Tara, but she was trying to be a good sport. "Okay, I guess we'll call you later then, Buffy… I'm sorry…"

She took a step backward again, looking at Tara as if expecting her to follow, but Tara didn't move. She was still looking at Buffy, seeming a little nervous, but there was a thoughtful set to her expression, almost a concentration of a kind.

"B-Buffy… you, you t-told her, didn't you?" she asked her softly.

Buffy's eyes widened, and she looked over at Tara rapidly, as did Willow. Her throat was too choked to answer the other girl, but Tara seemed to understand regardless. Tara nodded slowly, 

her blue eyes narrowing with concern and empathy for her… but also slowly clouding over with a new understanding.

"D-don't worry, B-Buffy… she, she still l-loves you… she's just, just afraid. Just, just g-give her t-time…"

At Tara's words, almost immediately Buffy could feel a sense of relief come over her, dulling much of her negative emotions. It was almost like her reassuring statement had worked a magic of its own on Buffy, once more alighting a faint hope in her that she had not done wrong, that things might eventually turn out to be all right.

Willow was staring between Buffy and Tara, strangely seeming to be torn between confusion, hope, resentment at what had just passed between them. At last she nodded slowly, none of her feelings yet faded from her eyes.

"Well… well I guess we'll be going then, Buffy… I'll call you later?"

"Yeah… okay… I, I'm sorry, Will," Buffy replied a little distractedly, and Willow nodded somewhat abruptly before she and Tara backed away, closing the door as they began to head to Tara's car.

For a moment Buffy just stood there, thinking over what Tara had said. Somehow it had calmed her considerably, just that small assurance from a shy Wiccan she barely knew. Somehow she thought she could trust Tara, that Tara saw and understood more than anyone probably fully realized… and god, she _wanted_ to believe her.

But what if she was wrong? What if she believed in Tara so instinctively only because she wanted to so much?

But if she wasn't wrong… if Tara was right, and Faith did love her, no matter how oddly she was reacting… then she had to do something. She had to show her, she had to prove to her that she meant it, that Faith didn't need to fear love from her. But how could she do that when Faith wouldn't look at her, wouldn't talk to her, stiffened or flinched at her touch?

Tara had said to give her time… but how much time would Faith need? And what was Buffy supposed to do during all this time? She couldn't _not_ touch Faith, _not_ see her… she was her Florence Nightingale right now!

All Buffy knew for sure was that she had to go back in there… she had to go to Faith, try to help her, make it right…

Her stomach was tightening again as she started up the steps, but it wasn't as bad as it had been before. Illogical as it was, she was a little more hopeful now. She just wished that Tara had used her powers of insight to let her know when Faith would come around.

As she reached the bathroom door, Buffy knocked on it softly, hoping that Faith would tell her to come in. When she didn't, Buffy sighed, calling her name instead.

"Faith? Faith, it's Buffy… I'm coming in, okay?"

She pushed the door open, standing hesitantly in the doorway as she looked in at her, waiting for Faith to make some kind of response or reaction. But she didn't; her shoulders were hunched forward, something wrong and almost broken about the way she was holding herself, not in actuality so much as the appearance she gave off. Her head was bowed, her still slightly damp hair mostly hanging before her face, and she did not look up, did not react to Buffy's emergence.

"Faith," Buffy called softly again, her heart squeezing, and she swallowed deliberately. "It, it was just Willow and Tara at the door, they were just bringing me homework. They're gone now… okay? So, so we can…"

When Faith did not reply, still didn't even seem to be hearing her, though Buffy knew she must be, Buffy watched her for a few more moments, trying to read her. She couldn't… but she realized suddenly that Faith was shaking very slightly, her shoulders hitching. She didn't think she was crying, but the way her face was turned, it was hard to see for sure.

Buffy walked inside the bathroom slowly, cautiously, kneeling before Faith, who still would not look up at her. She could hear her straggling, uneven breaths; as she reached to gently lift her chin, however , she could see that Faith had not been crying. Not crying physically, at any rate… but there was a desolation about her, a wildness in her shadowy eyes that contrasted shockingly with the rigid motionlessness of her still almost interperceptively trembling form. She looked to 

Buffy as if she were caught in some sort of limbo, struggling between equal desires to either fall into some form of catatonia, or else burst out with some strong emotional response.

Buffy's heart hurt for her then so strongly that she could not longer remember her own separate hurt, her own fears and frustrations. All she could see- all she could feel- was Faith's, and she ached so badly to take them away from her…

Faith reminded her in those heavily silent moments where she knelt before her, holding her chin in her hand as her other hand drifted up to touch the side of Faith's head, of the child Faith Buffy had seen inside her mind, the helpless little girls who had been in such distress. She knew Faith was no longer those helpless little girls… but how far removed from them was she, really?

What thoughts and fears were running through Faith's mind right now? Had she ever been told that she was loved by someone who meant it? Had she ever been told that she was loved by someone who meant it? Had she ever been told at all?

Looking at her, Buffy suddenly doubted it… and suddenly her extreme reaction made a little more sense to her, even if it didn't make it easier.

"Faith," Buffy said to her softly, keeping very still, looking into her face as much as she was able to. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you like that… but it doesn't mean that it's any less true. I…. I do love you. And no one minds- no one will say anything. I… if you… it's okay-"

"Don't," Faith said suddenly, and Buffy stopped, startled to hear her speak. Her voice was very quiet, and it sounded hoarse, yet somehow like that of a much younger girl. She met Buffy's eyes for a few seconds, and Buffy could see them shimmering with vivid feeling- or perhaps it was tightly reined in tears…

"Don't," Faith repeated, her voice even smaller, and she closed her eyes. Buffy could hear her unconsciously gritting her teeth, could hear her heart beating too fast, too hard in her chest. "Don't, please, don't… you c-can't, just, you c-can't, Buffy, don't, please…d-don't…"

Buffy watched as she struggled to even out her breathing, keeping her eyes closed, her face tightly drawn. Faith did not pull away from her touch, but neither did it seem to comfort her. This was not the way Buffy wanted this to end. She wanted to fix everything right now, to instantly take away every bad thing they felt… but Tara had said Faith needed time. And obviously this was true, because she seemed to be asking for it in her own way.

"Okay…" she sighed slowly, even as her every instinct told her to do otherwise. "Okay, Faith, we won't talk right now if you don't want to… but, but you know we have to, don't you? You know we can't…"

When Faith did not respond, Buffy stopped herself from continuing, instead sighing again raggedly. "Okay… well, I, I'll take you down and make us lunch, and , and then we can work your, your arms and legs some, see if we can get you stronger…"

As she lifted Faith and began to carry her downstairs, with the younger girl limp and slightly heavy in her arms, she could not help but worry, her mind tangling itself into repeated loops of thought that led her to nothing but further frustration. She could not help but fear that it would never be okay between them.


	18. Chapter 18

Author notes: I know, this chapter is slightly boring… next one will have dialogue and better happenings, promise, lol.

Chapter 17

After Faith's unsettlingly disturbed reaction to Buffy's confession of her love for her, her plea for Buffy to not talk about it any further, Buffy had tried to abide by her wishes, to avoid the subject or doing anything that would remind Faith of it. Even as she did so, it felt wrong to her… how _could_ it be the right thing to do? After finally telling her that she loved her, no longer attempting to tiptoe around it for fear of scaring Faith away, how could she go right back to tiptoeing around it-even at Faith's request?

Still… she didn't seem to have a choice. Trying to make Faith continue talking about it now, when she obviously wasn't ready, was too agitated, would only make things worse- possibly shut her down entirely.

Buffy wasn't quite sure what she'd expected upon finally telling Faith straight out what she felt for her… but she did know what she had hoped. She had hoped that Faith would not be so startled… she had hoped that Faith would raise her eyebrows, looking at her with the cocky grin Buffy had not seen nearly enough of lately, and tell her that of course Buffy loved her- she already knew that. She had hoped that Faith would tell her she loved her too, and that from then on she would no longer have to worry about every touch she gave to Faith. Hell, she'd hoped for kissing and hugs, even snuggling, though Faith had never seemed like the snuggling type. She'd hope that at the very least, Faith would be happy…

But no, all her fears and hesitations had turned out to be more accurate of predictors than her hopes… for whatever reason, and several had come to mind as possibilities, Faith was not happy, but rather distraught, even terrified. For whatever reason, Buffy's declaration of her love for her, rather than relieving or strengthening her, seemed to have stripped her of the small amount of confidence and strength she had managed to rebuild. And as much as she tried to hide it, tried to tell herself that it was temporary, and not necessarily personal, Buffy couldn't help but be crushed by Faith's reaction and subsequent withdrawal.

She wanted to be able to be angry with her, to blame her for the hurt and shame she was feeling… but she couldn't. She loved Faith too much to feel any anger when she saw the pain in her expression. And that was something that was rapidly growing even more obvious to her, even with Faith's less than satisfying reaction… she _did_ love her. There was no way Buffy would hurt so much now, feel so bad for her, if she didn't.

She'd always heard that you hurt the ones you love the most, and for Buffy that was practically the theme of her life. Hurting her loved ones, having them hurt her back… and hadn't that happened between her and Faith over and over again before Faith's coma?

She just wished… she wished it didn't have to be so hard for them. For herself, of course… but especially for Faith. God knows the girl had been through enough before Buffy had ever even met her… was it too much to ask that she be able to finally have a normal- well, okay, not exactly _normal_- and loving relationship?

Or was it? Was that really too much to ask, that someone who had experienced what Faith had, who was damaged emotionally to an extent Buffy was not yet sure of, be able to ever love someone or accept love from someone like someone who had not been so abused could? Or was this simply too much to expect from someone who had not only undergone the abuse, but also possessed Faith's particular personality?

Buffy didn't know, wasn't even sure if she wanted to know. Right now, the only thing keeping her together was her fervent prayers to the contrary.

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Once Buffy had carried Faith down to the kitchen, realizing all too uncomfortably how very silent she was except for the slight rasp of her still-slightly-uneven breaths, she had set Faith down in what was becoming "her" chair, going to make them something for lunch. Buffy was not hungry after their confrontation, and she suspected Faith wasn't either, but she knew that Faith needed to eat anyway. Between the weight she had lost, her slayer metabolism, and the energy her body was using up to begin repairing itself, Buffy really ought to make her sit down and eat something five or six times a day. She herself usually ate on and off throughout the day, but with Faith here, she had been distracted off her usual schedule in more ways than one.

When Buffy had asked her what she would like, Faith had mumbled barely audibly that she would didn't care, as Buffy would have predicted at that point. Remembering what her mother had said about Faith maybe having something other than the hospital like foods she had been for lunch, Buffy had attempted to make them grilled cheese. When that ended up a burnt, smoking mess that for once, had not invoked a sarcastic comment from Faith, she had made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with Spagettio's instead, along with water and another protein shake.

It had seemed to take Faith forever to eat, another marked difference between this Faith and pre-coma Faith, who had gulped down her food in about ten seconds with no regard for manners- lots of food. This Faith ate so slowly and clumsily, with such a distracted lack of enthusiasm, that Buffy could barely taste her own food in her dismay at watching her. And this Faith did not finish it, even with Buffy's attempts to talk her into doing so.

Buffy was feeling more discouraged than ever when she took Faith into the living room, intending to finally start working her atrophied muscles with her. Faith had still barely spoken to her, was still lost in her own clearly not too happy thoughts… how was she going to be able to concentrate enough to actually do her body any good, especially with Buffy's hands on her, moving and pulling and stretching her?

Still, she had tried, extending, flexing, and bending and stretching Faith's arms and legs for her slowly and carefully, telling her throughout what she was doing and why. Buffy tried to keep her touch light but firm, clearly nonsexual, but she couldn't help but enjoy it, even despite the tension between them. For her part, Faith did seem to be trying, listening and attempting to do as Buffy was asking of her, thought it was obvious that she was still troubled from what had happened earlier. After 25 minutes or so, she even seemed to grow slightly less tense and hesitant, as if she realized that Buffy's touching her was really intended to help her after all.

After 45 minutes of this, Buffy had stopped, letting Faith rest. They had watched TV for a short time, still very quiet, and Buffy had been surprised but strangely gratified to realize after about 25 minutes that Faith had fallen asleep. She had let her, staying close by in case Faith woke up and called for her, and she had found herself hoping as Faith slept that when she woke up it would be different between them. Maybe all Faith had needed to help her work through everything was sleep.

She hadn't been so lucky, of course. When Faith woke up, she did seem less wholly, desperately distressed, but there was still a wary confusion prevalent in her gaze, a hesitance and close-up surface fear in her behaviors. Buffy tried to hide it, but she was more disappointed than she let on.

Buffy still had not heard from Giles, nor Xander or Willow, so when Faith awakened she made her a snack, making sure she finished it, and then renewed their limb-stretching exercises all over again. When she had finished with her the second go-round, she had helped Faith to her feet, and with her arms around her waist and Faith leaning on her heavily, supported her as she helped her stumbled a few times around the living room. She let herself be slightly encouraged that it had not taken Faith so long this time to loosen up a little, nor had she seemed quite so strongly uncomfortable with Buffy's touching her.

Once Faith had hobbled with her support around the room a few times and seemed tired once again, though not to the point of sleepiness again, they had settled down on the couch again. Buffy, however, was unable to keep her mind on anything on TV, and based on Faith's expression, she doubted she could either. She kept sitting there, a careful distance apart from Faith, glancing at her often, and all she could think was that she needed to talk to Faith, needed to understand, to make Faith finally understand…

Finally Buffy had not longer been able to stand it. Turning to Faith slowly, she had cleared her throat a little anxiously, trying to slow her suddenly quickening heartbeat, to calm herself so she wouldn't make the same stupid mistakes in the way she spoke to her like she had before.

"Faith…" she began awkwardly, hoping she would listen, that this would be different. "Faith, I, I think we should talk… I think we, we need to finish with what we started talking about earlier."

At her words, Faith's body, which had become almost relaxed, stiffened instantly, and her face tensed as her eyes darted quickly to Buffy's face. Clearly her feelings had not changed, had barely even decreased from their initial intensity.

Looking at her, seeing her reaction, Buffy's heart flipped over, and she swallowed hard. Faith hadn't said a word of protest, but every aspect of her was screaming for Buffy not to do it, not to bring it up again… and looking at her, Buffy couldn't. She knew that backing off was the wrong thing to do… but she couldn't help herself, couldn't make herself press Faith any more.

"Never mind," she heard herself saying quickly, "I'm sorry, Faith, we don't' have to now… I'll, we'll talk later, okay?"

They did need to do it now, Buffy knew they did… but how could she when it seemed to disturb Faith so much?

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About another half hour passed in near silence, one that seemed much longer to Buffy in its awkwardness. She kept glancing at Faith, trying to seem as if she weren't, while Faith stared at the TV, not seeming to be watching or even seeing it at all. She knew that she should have spoken to Faith, continued to nail down their relationship, whether or not it scared or hurt her, whether or not Faith wanted her to. It was in Faith's best interest that they do that… wasn't it? 

Or were Buffy's instinctive desires to leave her alone, refrain from making her in any way uncomfortable, what she really needed?

No… Buffy knew they weren't, that they couldn't be. The right thing to do was never the easiest thing… she had learned that all too often in the past three years, and as a result had rarely before hesitated to do what she knew she had to- even if it meant hurting someone. So why couldn't she do the same with Faith?

Because she loved her… because she didn't want to hurt her any more than she already had been, even if she didn't understand why Faith hurt, even if she knew it would eventually help her.

Buffy was actually glad when her mother came home from her job at the art gallery after those uneasy thirty minutes. She knew it was lame and not exactly admirable, but Joyce's presence would mean that the intensity of discomfort they'd been experiencing would ease a little, now that they were no longer alone and she could distract them with her words to them. Even Faith seemed to loosen up a notch when Joyce came in and greeted her with a smile, though she was by no means a model of relaxation. She did manage to look at Joyce, and even Buffy, for more than a split second each, and Buffy took that as a good sign. It was definitely an improvement over the last half hour.

Joyce's arrival gave Buffy an opportunity to do what she had wanted to for the past thirty minutes, but had been unable to think of a way to do that was subtle and discreet, not obviously connected to Faith's reaction, to her attempts to talk again with her: escape. She knew it was a little cowardly, knew that Faith probably saw completely through her announcement that she was going to take a shower… but what the hell, she had to get away from a little while so she could calm down, collect her thoughts and future plans. She couldn't think logically right now when she was sitting next to Faith, with her panicked protests hanging over her mind. A twenty minute shower could make a huge difference in making Buffy feel better, more rational and able to do what she knew she should.

However, once Buffy had left Faith and felt the warm, soothing water running over her, easing the tightness of her back and shoulder muscles, gentling the worry and stress in her mind as well, she ended up staying longer than the twenty minutes she'd had in mind. After all, she knew Faith would be fine- Joyce was nearby if she needed anything, and knowing her mother, she was probably getting Faith things she hadn't asked for, insisting she needed them. Maybe Buffy ought to be learning from her mother's example…

Nearly forty minutes had passed by the time Buffy had stepped out of the water, dried herself off, dressed, and made her way back downstairs to the living room with a towel wrapped around 

her hair. She wondered what Faith and her mother had been doing, if Joyce had eased her up enough to get her talking to her. With her mother, she wouldn't be surprised- and Faith had always liked her, after all.

Even with this somewhat optimistic thought in mind, however, nothing could have prepared Buffy for what she saw when she reached the doorway of the living room. She was so stunned by the scene before her that she froze, her eyes widening as she stared with a sudden but thankfully quiet intake of her breath at what was taking place before her.

Joyce Summers was sitting on the couch very close to Faith… not surprising in and of itself. In fact, Buffy had rather expected that she would come and try to talk to Faith alone while Buffy was showering. What had shocked her was that Joyce was holding Faith in her arms, in the gentle yet protective way a mother would her child.

Faith's face was pressed into Joyce's shoulder, her back to Buffy; she could not see her lingering in the doorway, and it did not seem that she had heard her approach. Joyce was holding her head against her with one hand, occasionally stroking her hair tenderly, and with the other hand she slowly rubbed up and down Faith's back. Joyce was not saying anything to Faith; she was just holding her, caressing her, as if she thought that touch, more than words, was what she needed.

And Faith… Faith was crying. From the doorway, quiet as it was, Buffy could hear her low, muffled sobs, could see her trembling, her arms loosely around Joyce's neck…

Faith was crying… Faith was crying, and the sight shook Buffy even more than she would have imagined. She had not seen Faith actually cry, actually give into tears, since she had awakened from her coma… actually, other than inside her mind, Buffy had never seen Faith cry at all, at any time that she had ever been around her.

Buffy stood there, stomach clinching, heart pounding, her throat dry and yet lumpy at the same time. She was disturbed, worried, even alarmed at what she was seeing, what Faith's tears meant… but she couldn't move, couldn't make herself do anything to either slip away and leave them alone, or to reveal herself.

Just then Joyce lifted her eyes, and she saw her daughter standing in the doorway, watching. Without changing expression or pausing in her rhythmic stroking of Faith, she met Buffy's eyes, conveying without words that she should back away. Understanding after a few seconds, and realizing she agreed, Buffy began to do so as silently as she could, careful not to bump into anything and so alert Faith to her presence. Once she was out of Faith's line of vision, she almost 

speed-walked to her room, closing the door behind her and going to sit on the bed. She undid the towel from her hair, barely noticing as her spill of wet blonde locks tumbled down her back.

Buffy's thoughts were splitting, scattering all over each other… she was wondering, confused, upset, hopeful, and sad for Faith all at once, just from the brief glimpse of her tears. But at the same time, to her mutual mixing of shame, embarrassment, and self-disgust, she was also a little jealous and resentful.

Faith had never once cried in front of her, had never, outside of her mind, let Buffy see such a highly vulnerable side to her, never trusted her enough to let her. She had certainly never let Buffy hold her or comfort her in the manner that Joyce was without cringing, without protesting or holding herself rigidly, at least initially. She had never seemed to want or need Buffy, or at least had not accepted her love and affection for her as she now seemed to be accepting Joyce's…

Why was that? Why was it okay with her mother but not her, not Buffy? If she really loved Buffy, then why the hell couldn't she trust or even try to trust her?

Buffy wanted nearly as much to know why Faith was crying, what it was that had finally set her off. Why now, and not any of the other times when Buffy knew she had wanted to, had seen the tears shining in her eyes, heard them deepening her voice? Had Joyce been talking to her, said something, or got Faith to say something that had started them off? But then why could Faith talk like that with her mother when she wouldn't with Buffy? Had the sole difference between now and all the other times that Faith had wanted to cry been that this time, Buffy had not been around? And if that was true, what did it mean?

Several minutes passed with Buffy's thoughts drifting along that line of thinking, until it finally occurred to her. This was a good thing, a very good thing. Buffy had known and worried for some time now that Faith needed to express her thoughts and emotions in some way rather than continuing to keep them to herself, as she always had before. She had needed to talk to and to let herself be helped by someone… even if that someone wasn't Buffy.

Buffy should be glad that all of this was finally happening, not jealous. And after all, it was her mother. Surely if Faith grew to trust Joyce, she would also grow to trust Buffy- if only by Joyce's influence.

Maybe it wasn't that she _didn't_ trust Buffy, so much as she didn't _want_ to trust her. Maybe it was her own self that Faith didn't trust. Maybe she did love her; maybe she loved Buffy so much that 

she didn't want her to love her back, for fear that she would fail her or not be good enough for her. Maybe she was afraid of love simply because she could not understand it…

Lots of maybes, not certainties, and Buffy didn't know which, if any, were true. Faith was a complicated girl, much more so than Buffy had thought upon their first meeting nearly a year ago. Buffy couldn't know what she was thinking until Faith decided to confide in her- if she ever did. Until then Buffy would have to continue to trust that she did love her, as Tara believed, and she would one day decide to open up to _her._

For now, though, it looked like her mother wasn't doing too bad a job.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 18

Buffy waited for another ten minutes before she finally decided that it was probably safe to venture into the living room once more. By then nearly an hour had gone by since she'd left to take a shower- her absence for any longer would seem very obviously long. Surely Faith had calmed down by now.

Buffy tried to act casual as she re-entered the living room, making sure to look first from a slight distance to ensure that the coast was clear. Seeing that the living room was now apparently a tear-free zone, she walked inside it; despite her attempts to seem nonchalant, she found herself quickly studying Faith's and Joyce's faces. They both seemed nearly completely normal now. It was probably only Buffy's prior sight that made her think "nearly" rather than what she was actually observing.

Faith's face was dry, and she looked okay to Buffy, if slightly paler than usual. In fact, her posture now seemed more relaxed than it had been when Buffy left for her shower. She thought she might have seen a flicker of wariness and discomfort pass the younger girl's eyes as she entered, but then again, it might have been her imagination.

Joyce smiled at Buffy as she crossed the room, sitting on the other side of Faith on the couch, but careful to keep a little distance between them. Joyce herself was still fairly close to Faith, not quite close enough to be touching, although Joyce did have a hand resting on Faith's arm- and Faith, Buffy noticed, was making no attempt to shake it off.

"Hi, honey," Joyce greeted her casually, and Buffy thought to herself that her mother was a better actress than she had thought. Looking at her neutral, friendly expression, hearing the tone of her voice, you never would have thought that a short time ago she had been holding a crying girl in her arms, or that she had witnessed her daughter catching sight of the scene. Watching her, Buffy was almost suspicious. How many other times had her mother used that blank, normal face and tone to cover up that something had just happened with her?

"I take it you used up all the hot water at last?" Joyce finished teasingly, and Buffy blinked for a moment, not understanding what she was talking about until a few seconds later. Ah yes, shower… she had supposedly been taking a shower the entire time…

"Yeah, B, that was one long-ass shower all right," Faith commented, flicking eyes her way quickly, and even giving a brief smirk that Buffy was startled to see, especially after all that had happened during the day.

"Faith, language," Joyce scolded her lightly, giving her a mildly reproving look that was undermined by her slight smile. Apparently she didn't mind Faith starting to show bits of her old self through either, language and all, even if Faith was doing so by effort rather than instinct.

"Sorry, Ms. S," Faith mumbled, but another slightly shy, more predominantly sly grin twitched up the corners of her mouth. "How long can hot water last though, B? Or was it one of the cold variety all along?"

As soon as she said it, however, Faith's eyes widened, and her cheeks reddened; she seemed horrified, even panicked at the words that had obviously slipped out without her planning. She quickly dropped her eyes, unconsciously thinning her lips; she seemed more startled and embarrassed than Buffy did, and Buffy too had flushed at her words. Even so, Buffy was glad she had said them they were an indication that she was feeling a little better, more comfortable. Or at least was pretending to be. Either way, that was a good sign, wasn't it?

Joyce, however, just laughed at Faith's comment, giving her arm a squeeze.

"Well, girls, I guess I'll get started on making us some dinner. I guess I should make a good bit of it- you still haven't heard from Mr. Giles, have you, Buffy? He and Wesley might show up at any time, and I'm sure they'll probably be hungry. I was thinking maybe spaghetti- do you like spaghetti, Faith?"

"Yeah… yeah, sounds five by five," Faith said slowly, looking up, and Joyce smiled at her.

"Well, I'll call you when it's ready then, girls…"

It was subtle, but Buffy noticed her mother squeeze Faiths' arm again just before she stood and walked out of the room toward the kitchen. Everything she had just said and done had been very casual, very ordinary, but Buffy knew that it had been orchestrated so she could leave the two of them alone together.

With Joyce's absence, the slight awkwardness between them grew more pronounced, and a silence emerged. Buffy found herself shifting uncomfortably in her seat, not knowing what to say, what to do, without it sounding more obvious than their current silence did. Apparently Faith was having the same problem, though obviously for her own reasons. She seemed tense 

again, nervous, but she also gave off an impression of fear… though still not nearly to the extent that she had earlier, in the bathroom.

The girls kept glancing at each other very quickly, and then looking away, pretending they had seen and heard nothing, that they were deeply engrossed in something on the wall, or on their knees. Buffy's stomach was knotting; she hated this, hated this emotional denial, this circling around aimlessly that never got them anywhere at all. But honestly, she didn't have a clue what else to do, and she was afraid to do anything to try that might cause her to accidentally make things even worse…

Buffy didn't know for how much longer this would have gone on if Faith hadn't finally spoke up, startling her completely. Faith's voice was cautious, actually shaking a little, and she barely glanced at Buffy; obviously she was still quite nervous, but it was she, not Buffy, who did break the silence.

"B… I, I need to go to the bathroom… can.. can you take me?"

"What? Oh, yeah… of course, Faith… no problem," Buffy replied quickly, trying to sound normal- not too startled, not overly cheery or anxious. But inwardly she was relieved, even pleased. Not only had that awful quiet been ended, but Faith had actually asked her for help- with something that personal, no less, and after what had happened between them earlier. This had to be a good sign, didn't it?

She helped Faith to her feet, deciding to let her attempt to walk with her support until they got to the stairs. Faith stumbled, leaning on her heavily and not without embarrassment, but managed; she didn't seem too against Buffy's picking her up to go up the stairs, though.

Once they had reached the top, however, Faith tensed noticeably; Buffy could tangibly feel the distress settling over the other younger girl. She looked over at her, wondering why the sudden intensifying of her skittishness when she had seemed a little better before- was it because Buffy was about to see her half naked again, after she had told her that she loved her? Was it because they were going back to the site where that had taken place? Or was she missing something here, or not understanding Faith's line of thinking?

Of course she didn't… how could she, when Faith never shared it with her?

She started to turn towards the bathroom, but Faith stopped her, her voice quiet, taut.

"B… I-I don't really have to, I just, I just said that 'cause I don't' really have to go, I just, I just said that 'cause I didn't know what else to say… can we- can we go to your room?"

Buffy frowned slightly, confused, concerned… but also feeling her heart lift slightly with her sudden hope. Maybe Faith was finally ready to talk… why else would she be doing this? Maybe…

Well if this were true, she had to stay calm, had to do this right. If Faith was finally going to talk to her- no matter what it was about- she absolutely could not scare her off now.

"Okay…"she said simply, and she turned in the opposite direction, opening the door to her room. She closed it behind her and set Faith on her bed, sitting near her, but not so close that she would feel suffocated. Buffy didn't say anything, she just waited, hoping that her not- pressing would put Faith more at ease…

Faith took in a slow, deep breath, then let it out in a shaky sigh. For a few moments, she closed her eyes, both her face and her body tightening with her tension; when she opened them again, she did not look at Buffy, but rather, straight ahead, at the wall before them.

"I… I need to tell you something," she said very quickly, her words practically running together in one breath. "I… I don't want to, I'm, I'm no good at this, and I really, this is hard, I don't… I don't' like this, I _suck_ at this, but I know I gotta, B, so I'm gonna just do it, okay? You, you've got to understand, you've got to see… you're not gettin' it, and you _have_ to, B, you have to…"

Faith stopped for a moment, taking in another breath, and Buffy saw her blinking rapidly, her lips pressing together. She wanted to touch her, to take her hand or slide an arm around her, but she made herself hold still, knowing that she couldn't. Faith was finally talking to her- no way would she chance shutting her off when she was finally talking because Buffy couldn't control her hands.

Damn… what kind of magic had her mother worked on Faith anyway?

"You… you can't love me, B," Faith went on finally, and her voice was small, much weaker than she had probably intended. Seeming to realize this, she swallowed, squaring her shoulders 

determinedly and turning reluctantly but with obvious deliberation to face Buffy. Dragging her eyes upward to meet Buffy's, she looked directly at her as she hardened her tone a little. Even so, the confliction in her gaze was strong, expressing without her intending to how torn she was, how it hurt her to say what she was saying.

"You can't love me, B… you _don't_ love me. Or if you do, you've gotta stop, because you can't, you just- you shouldn't, you _can't_ love me." She swallowed again, but she was still grimly making herself look at Buffy, as if it were torturing her to do so.

"You really don't… you, you just think you do , or somethin'. Because you're upset, or you're lonely or somethin', or feel bad for me or guilty or horny- I don't know, I, I don't care, but it's not, you don't love me, okay, B? Or, maybe you think you should say it or somethin', but it's, it's not true. It's not true, and you've gotta stop sayin' it, B, or, or you might start believin' it, or I might-"

She stopped herself again, and an oddly panicked look came over her face, as if she was afraid she had said too much. When she spoke again, her voice was quieter, and it had lost some of its edge.

"You can't love me, B… you just can't," she repeated almost helplessly, and Buffy noticed suddenly that she was squeezing her hands together tightly in her lap. "You don't… you just, you feel bad for me or somethin', like, like I said. And you shouldn't- you can't-"

"Faith… why can't I? Why shouldn't I?" Buffy interrupted her, but her voice was soft gentle. She could see that if she let Faith keep going they were going to get nowhere- except that the brunette might only make herself more agitated. "Why shouldn't I feel bad for you? It doesn't mean that I think you're helpless, or pathetic. It doesn't mean you're incapable or weak, or that I think you're like a child. It just means… it, it means you've gone through a lot, and I wish you didn't have to. It means that I care about you… that I love you. Why shouldn't I love you, Faith- why do you say that?"

It was several moments before Faith was able to answer her; when she did, she continued to look Buffy straight in the eye, her expression serious, almost fierce, but full of a stark raw pain that no attempts at showing harshness could cover up. Her voice was so hoarse that it sounded painful, as if it would scrape raw her throat.

"Why shouldn't you love me? How could you even ask that-how can you not see? I tried to kill you, Buffy. I tried to kill _everyone_. And I wanted to… I liked it. I wanted you all to die, and I didn't care, I didn't fuckin' _care_," she almost whispered, and her voice cracked. For a few 

second she lowered her eyes, her breathing ragged, her knuckles white in her lap. It seemed to take her a tremendous amount of effort to speak again, to raise her eyes back up to Buffy's.

"I killed people, B… I… I killed Alan Finch. I killed that professor. I… I killed Angel," she whispered, her words barely audible, barely understandable, but Buffy's slayer hearing picked them up all the same. "I killed… I killed him, I killed the guy you loved, the guy you loved enough to k-kill for," Faith barely breathed, her voice shaking badly, and she was blinking furiously. Buffy noticed that her hands were unclasped now, and one drifted up to her stomach, unconsciously covering her scar.

"I killed… I killed the guy you loved, B… s-so you can't… you can't love me…"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 19

For several moments Buffy couldn't move, forgot to breathe. She was numb, frozen and speechless with shock at what she had just heard, what Faith had just said to her…

All this time, Faith had thought Angel was dead… all this time, she had thought she had killed him. All this time, Faith had had that hanging over her head, embedded in her thoughts, that she had killed the man- well, the souled vampire, at least- that Buffy had loved… and no one had ever informed her otherwise. No one had thought to tell her, no one had thought of it at all, now that Angel was no longer even in Sunnydale. Somehow, Buffy had just assumed that Faith already knew… but how could she have? She had already gone into her coma by the time Buffy had saved him with her own blood- and by the time it was Faith's life at stake, Faith's life that Buffy was endeavoring to save, Buffy had almost entirely moved on from Angel. He had never come up in conversation with Faith… and now, Buffy understood why.

God… no wonder Faith had not wanted to let Buffy get close to her, no wonder she could not accept that she and the others might still care for her. No wonder she was so confused by Buffy's affection, so afraid of it and what it might mean…

As understanding rushed over her, Buffy swallowed, blinking back a sudden rise of tears. Empathy rose in her so strongly that it was hard for her to choke them down, and for several minutes, speaking coherently was not possible.

Faith had watched Buffy for a minute or so, her face growing paler and more tightly drawn even as her eyes darkened, growing cloudy and strangely shiny with emotion. She finally looked away, her hands pressing hard into her stomach as if she were in pain.

When Buffy was finally able to find her voice, it was nearly as raspy as Faith's had been, and certainly as full of feeling.

"Faith… Faith, look at me. Listen to me- you have to listen to me, okay?"

Faith did not reply; Buffy could hear her drawing in a shaky, jagged breath and knew how badly she wanted to cry, how fiercely she was fighting it, hating herself for it. Hearing her made the tears stab harder against Buffy's eyes, and for a moment she had to pause, force them back again.

"Faith… Faith, you didn't kill Angel. Are you listening to me? _You didn't kill him_. Angel is alive… Angel is fine. We've broken up, is all, and he's moved to L.A. He and Cordelia, they've, they've started an agency with this guy named Doyle. Angel Investigations… they, they kill monsters and stuff, like us, only I think they're lucky enough to get paid for it. Are you listening, Faith? Do you understand me? You didn't kill Angel… Angel if okay. Look…"

Buffy moved her hair back over her shoulder, revealing the scar on her neck from where Angel had drank from her that awful night four months ago. That night, when she had given Faith her own scar…

Despite their separate locations, the differences in their appearance, Buffy knew all too well how closely they were connected, how in her own eyes they would match up to each other forever, and never, no matter how they healed, shrink or fade away in her eyes.

Faith did not move, would not even shift her eyes over to the scar Buffy was trying to show her. So Buffy gently took Faith's hand, prying open the clinched fist, and brought it up to her neck, making Faith's fingers run over the raised skin of her scar. Faith inhaled sharply at the feel of it, knowing even without seeing what it was, what it meant. Her eyes flew to look at Buffy's neck, and she stared at it, her face going slack, even paler with her shock. When she lifted her eyes back to Buffy's face, they were filled with new terror, an unbelief that went deep into the core of her.

"He drank from _me_, Faith," Buffy told her softly, and she moved Faith's hand away from her neck, still holding it, squeezing it tightly. "He drank from me, but neither of us died… he stopped, he helped me before I could. We're both okay now… and if you ever see him, ever talk to him, I'm sure he would forgive you. You can even call him if you want to, Faith. Angel… Angel knows what it's like to do things like… like you did… _worse_ than you did. He- he knows what it's like to regret… he'd probably be the last person to condemn you. He, he was trying to help you before… I really should have told him how you're, you're okay, he'd be happy to know that, really, Faith. I guess I'll have to call him, I really should, and you can talk to him then if you want, he'd probably be glad to talk to you… really, Faith, he would. But… we're both okay, Faith. You _didn't_ kill him… that I promise."

Buffy continued to hold Faith's hand as she looked at her, waiting for her reaction… Faith for a moment seemed to not be having one at all. She didn't move, hardly even seemed to be breathing; even her eyes were very still in their reflected emotions. When Buffy squeezed her hand, Faith did not squeeze it back, or hardly even seem aware of it.

When she finally breathed out raggedly, her shoulders sagging, and spoke to Buffy, her voice was as small and vulnerable, as Buffy had ever heard it- a voice Faith would never had let her hear, she knew, unless her emotions were so strong she absolutely could not control it.

"I… he's not… he didn't… I…"

"No," Buffy told her softly, and her own voice had dropped to a near whisper as well. "No, Faith, you didn't…"

Faith exhaled heavily again; her body shuddering, she pressed her lips together tightly. When she spoke again, her words were so tiny Buffy barely understood her.

"It… it sh-should have been m-me…"

Her heart twisting harshly, her breath catching, Buffy reached for her impulsively with the hand not still holding Faith's, cupping her face in her hand and gently tilting her face up towards her, looking her in the eye. Faith was trying to avoid her eyes, but she could not help but look at her; her eyes were glittering, full of a pain that seemed very close to overflowing.

"Faith… you can't change what you did, and I'm not going to tell you that it doesn't matter, because it _does_ matter. What you did is a part of you now a part of your past, and probably will always be- it will probably always bother you. But that's a good thing, Faith… it means you're different now. It means you want to be better."

Still holding Faith's face in her hands, looking into her rapidly shifting, shiny brown eyes, Buffy squeezed her hand again.

"Listen to me, Faith… what you did was not okay. It will never be okay that… that will never be okay, okay? But I forgive you. Everyone forgives you… we trust in you, that you won't make those mistakes again. And we care about you, Faith… I care about you. I… I love you. Please believe that I love you…"

Faith did not answer her; she was still seemingly stunned, swallowing, blinking me than seemed necessary ordinarily. Buffy watched her, trying not to seem like she was staring, but rather like she was conveying support and sincerity. Which she was, of course…

She took her hand away from Faith's face but kept holding her hand as she waited, dying to hear her speak, to put her arms around her, but holding herself still, keeping quiet. Faith was shaking slightly, and she closed her eyes…

When she opened them again, she spoke to Buffy in a low, unsteady voice, and it was clear listening to her how shaken she was.

"It… it really h-happened, didn't it?"

"What really happened, honey?" Buffy asked her gently, squeezing her hand, and Faith took a deep breath before replying, her chest rising and falling visibly.

"In… in my head… what you did, what you said… it, it really happened…"

"Yes," Buffy told her quietly, sincerely, and she was almost holding her breath as she looked into Faith's hooded eyes, trying to determine her thoughts. "Yes, Faith, it did, and I did… I meant it then, and I mean it now. I love you…. I… I love you."

Faith's face stiffened, and for a couple of seconds she seemed to have stopped breathing entirely. When she began again, her respiration was loud, rasping, coming too quickly; she seemed on the verge of hyperventilating. Her eyes were half closed, and she was trembling, nearly on the verge of hysteria- or so it seemed to Buffy. Her heart turning over, Buffy put a hand on her back, instinctively rubbing between her shoulder blades, as though she were trying to make it easier for her to draw breath. This didn't seem to work; Faith jerked, her eyes widening in panic, and she pushed at Buffy's hand, breaking apart their clasped ones as well.

"No, don't, don't touch me!" she said rapidly, her voice rising, and she began to shake her head frantically, cringing as far away from Buffy as she could. Had she been able to, Buffy knew Faith would already have jumped up and ran out the door. "No, B, you can't, you _can't_… don't…"

"I do, Faith… I, I love you…"

"No!" Faith cut her off, her voice even louder, and she shook her head even more violently, her thick dark hair smacking against her cheeks, chest, and shoulders. Her eyes were wide, still 

blinking frantically, and Buffy didn't know what to do, what to say to calm her. "No, you're lying, you have to be… you can't, you don't… what are you tryin' to do? What do you want, I don't know what you want! Please… just, just tell me what you w-want, but don't, don't say that, don't…"

"I don't' want anything from you, sweetie," Buffy told her softly, hearing her voice shaking and knowing that tears were dangerously near, that she would not be able to keep them back much longer. "I don't expect you to do anything. I just want you to be happy, Faith… that's all I want."

Faith was still shaking her head, her lips parted in a teeth-clinching grimace of denial as she shut her eyes again tightly; her fists were knotted fiercely in her lap, and her trembling had only intensified. Buffy could not remember ever seeing her so agitated, at least not outside of her mind, and her heart wrenched for her. As tears began to slip down Buffy's cheeks, she turned her face, praying that Faith had not seen them.

But Faith was too preoccupied with her own emotions to heed Buffy's; for only seconds after the first tears had started down Buffy's face, she had began to cry as well. Her eyes were still tightly screwed shut, her body tense with her efforts to stop them, to force them back, but they came all the same, harsh, much more forceful and loud than they had been earlier with Joyce. It was like something had finally snapped inside her, some barrier that had always before held strong, and with it came years of held back negative emotions, all emerging from violent crying that shook through her entire body.

"N-no…" she gasped, still shaking her head weakly, her voice barely understandable. "No, B, you c-can't… don't…"

Buffy no longer cared then what she should do, what she was supposed to do. All she knew was she was supposed to do_ something_, she had do say _something_, to make this better for Faith. She couldn't sit there and watch her, no matter what Faith said or professed to want… and surely, that was not what Faith needed- nor Buffy, for that matter.

Buffy slid off the bed, kneeling before Faith on the floor. Reaching for her, she took her face into both of her hands. Faith's facial muscles jerked at the touch, and she tried to pull away, but Buffy held her firmly, making her endure her touch, making her look at her. She could feel Faith's tears wetting her hands, and though they seemed unbearably hot to her, soaked with her sister slayer's pain, she wanted to shiver…

She could hear a phone ringing somewhere, but Buffy ignored it. Whoever it was and whatever they wanted, it was not important now. All that was important right now was sitting before her.

"I forgive you, Faith," Buffy repeated, and her voice was high, more tearful than she would have liked. She sniffed, trying to ignore the tears trickling slowly down her face, and instead concentrating on letting her hands stop the flow of the ones falling down Faith's. "I forgive you, and I love you, whether or not you want me to. I want to be with you… I want you to be safe, to be happy. All of us do…"

Taking one hand away from Faith's face, she stroked back her hair, keeping it resting against her neck. She used her other hand to wipe away Faith's still-falling tears; Faith's eyes were open now, and she was staring, blinking at her uncertainly as her eyes shone bright with tears. Buffy sniffed again, wiping her cheeks quickly against her own shoulder before looking up again into Faith's eyes, still holding her neck and face tenderly.

"I wish you could trust me when I say this to you, Faith… I… I wish you felt like, like you could maybe love me back… b-but if you can't, or, or if you don't, that's okay, I won't… just… whatever you feel, whatever you want, it's okay. But trust me… please believe me when I tell you I love you…"

For almost a full minute Faith didn't answer her, a minute that seemed much, much longer to Buffy as she waited, continuing to attempt to stop her tears, to stop Faith's. Both girls had slowed in their crying, but not shoved them back entirely, and Buffy waited, moving her hand from Faith's neck to her shoulder, still keeping her other hand up near her face.

Faith's head was bowed slightly, and she was still shivering slightly. When she finally answered Buffy, her voice was very low, choked with her emotion.

"You… you sh-shouldn't…"

"But I do," Buffy countered huskily, looking at Faith with all the softness and sincerity she truly felt in that moment. "I do, Faith, and whatever you think I _should_ feel doesn't change it… I still love you."

As Faith tried to process what Buffy was saying, her features still tightly drawn together, her breath still coming in hitching near gasps, as she attempted to bring herself under control, Buffy could see that she was still struggling, still not fully able to believe her… or perhaps trying to 

keep herself from believing her. But despite her efforts, Buffy could see that she was inching towards doing so, slowly but steadily… and that if she was going to act, to do what she'd been itching to for the past twenty minutes, now was the time.

Still sitting up on her knees before Faith on the bed, Buffy stood abruptly, momentarily startling her. As she let go of her briefly, going to sit beside her on the bed, Faith's eyes lifted to follow her movements, wary, confused… until Buffy pulled her into her arms, hugging her against her, hard.

At first Faith tensed up, and Buffy knew the panic and guilt that was running through her, could feel her pulse quicken. She even attempted to extract herself from Buffy's hold, thought admittedly it was a weak attempt, at best. But as Buffy hugged her close to her chest, swallowing against the slowly dissolving lump in her throat, she could feel Faith's squirming lessen, then stop entirely, though her shaking only seemed to worsen. It reminded Buffy of what had occurred between them inside Faith's mind, when Faith had finally broken down after being made to face what she had accidentally done to cause Alan Finch's death. Thinking of this, remembering, nearly started Buffy's tears up again, and she held Faith even more fiercely, wiling them back.

Faith, for her part, was not able to do so. Buffy could hear her beginning to cry again, though softer, less harshly than she had before; the older girl felt her sister slayer's body quivering against her. And then, to Buffy's almost joyous relief, she felt Faith's arms creep around her, felt her press her face into her chest.

Buffy began to stroke Faith's hair, her back and shoulders, trying to do so in the confident, soothing manner that she had seen her mother doing with her, and afraid that she was failing. Her hands were shaking slightly, and she herself was still pushing back tears, still trying to level out her heart, settle her knotting stomach.

"It's okay, baby," she murmured thickly. "It's okay, Faith, it's okay…"

"Not real," Faith was whispering into her chest, and Buffy frowned, leaning her head down closer to listen. "Not real, this can't be real… please, tell me it's not real…"

Buffy almost choked. It was several seconds before she regained enough control of herself to respond.

"It's real, baby… I promise you it's real. If it wasn't, it wouldn't hurt so much…"

Buffy was not sure how long they remained there, holding onto each other as the intensity of their emotions finally played themselves out in full. As she hugged Faith, laying her cheek atop her head, she could hear her gradually calming, her shaking decreasing, her breathing and heartbeat slowing. Buffy's body was also reflecting similar calming. Earlier Buffy had heard the phone ring as few more times, but she had continued to ignore it. It had stopped now, but she did not wonder who had called, or whether her mother had picked it up.

Eventually both had stopped crying entirely, had mostly completely calmed down; a weariness settled over them quickly, and they were quiet, somewhat limp. They did not pull away, but rather continued to lean into each other's chests, half supporting each other. Buffy was very aware of the rise and fall of Faith's chest against her, her warm breath hitting her chest, and she was sure that their hearts were beating in the exact same rhythm…

As much as she was beginning to enjoy their closeness- not to mention the way Faith seemed no longer in any hurry to put a stop to it- Buffy slowly, carefully made herself pull back a little. As Faith lifted her eyes, frowning a little in surprise and quickly re-settling worry and confusion, Buffy smiled at her reassuringly. Touching her face gently with the fingertips of both hands, Buffy used her thumbs to wipe at the remaining tears now drying on Faith's cheeks. Giving up when she realized she'd need a wash cloth, she kissed Faith's forehead instead. Faith allowed her to somewhat gravely, her eyes very serious, yet still incredibly vulnerable, insecure.

"Faith… I love you, Faith," Buffy told her softly, one last time, as she pulled back from her again. She had already told her this countless times, she knew, but she knew as well that Faith still needed to hear it. Besides, each time she said it, the words came easier, and she knew with more certainty that she did indeed mean it.

"I love you…"

Faith sucked in her breath slowly. She shifted her weight, her eyes darting uneasily, but Buffy knew she had heard, knew that eventually it would have to sink in.

"I…B…B, I…"

She stopped, seeming unsure of what it was she wanted to say, or whether she should even be speaking in the first place. But it didn't matter… Buffy thought she understood, and her heart soared.

Before she could think about what she was doing, she had already acted. One hand had gone to the back of Faith's head, her fingers entwining into her long hair, and her other arm had encircled itself gently around her waist… and Buffy was leaning forward, her lips met with Faith's for the first time in the real world.

At first Faith froze up, seeming utterly thrown, even terrified. An outside observer might have thought she had never been kissed before, that she was repulsed, or that she was afraid Buffy was trying to hurt her. Of course in, a way two out of the three were true, in a way. Faith had certainly kissed before, but Buffy doubted she had kissed anyone she loved… and she may not think that Buffy would hurt her physically, but there were other ways to hurt someone.

For the first dozen seconds or so, Faith at first did not move at all; when she began to kiss Buffy back, her movements were awkward, hesitant, as if this was her first kiss, or someone were forcing her to do it. But as Buffy persisted, using gentle pressure, no tongue, but instead softly nibbling on Faith's lower lip at one point, Faith began to kiss her back almost roughly, with a growing urgency and neediness that Buffy gladly returned.

It was like something had pushed away the last bit of resistance building up inside her… Faith kissed Buffy as if she could not get enough, had found at last something that had been denied her all her life, and she was clinging to it for all she had. And maybe she had… maybe she was…

Buffy's fingers were absently massaging Faith's scalp through her hair, and her arm tensed with excitement around her slim waist. Faith's fingers were digging into Buffy's back and shoulders, probably leaving marks, but Buffy barely noticed. All she could feel was Faith's mouth on hers, the taste of her… all she could focus on were the intense sensations of exhilarated arousal running through her body.

Both of them were breathing harder, faster, and Buffy wondered briefly if teenagers could have heart attacks. Did it put you at greater risk if you were physically weakened, like Faith was?

No matter, no point worrying. Besides, Faith seemed adept enough at the moment…

Buffy's mouth had drifted from Faith's lips to her neck, was beginning to work its way down, as Faith stifled a moan, her dark eyes huge…

And that was the exact moment that a knock sounded on the door.

Both girls nearly jumped out of their skin, breaking apart from each other more from self-defensive instinct than from guilt or shame. Buffy almost screamed out loud, but managed instead to accidentally bite her tongue again, for the second time that day, barely suppressing her desire to swear loudly. She wondered again, with more shaken anger than idle curiosity this time, if it were possible to give a teen, even a slayer, a heart attack.

Faith had gone pale again, her eyes almost comically large. Buffy knew she must look no different herself, but still, she had to stifle a laugh at how funny the brunette looked when she glanced at her.

"Yeah? What is it?" Buffy called out, hoping her voice didn't shake as she reached for Faith's hand, smiling at her and squeezing it reassuringly.

"Buffy, I've been talking to Mr. Giles on the phone," Joyce's voice sounded, "he and Wesley will be over soon, so why don't you girls get ready for dinner?"

"Okay, Mom- we'll be down soon," Buffy called back, aware that her heartbeat was just now beginning to settle down. Just how much had mother heard, anyway?

Whether because she'd had the same thought, or because of Joyce's announcement, Faith looked no less nervous than she had a moment ago. Though she tried to sound nonchalant, her voice was a little uneven.

"So… they'll be here soon, huh? The British Bros? Is tweed also proper dinnerware? 'Cause I don't think I've ever seen them in anything else…"

Smiling at her again, Buffy replied, "Guess we'll see, huh?"

Standing up, she moved to help Faith to her feet as well, intending to take her into the bathroom to fix their faces. As she helped Faith stumble to the door, keeping her arms firmly around her, Buffy said quietly, "Don't worry, okay? They're on your side… and I'll be there."

Faith didn't say anything, but something in her features seemed to shift, soften slightly. If she still wasn't completely assured, she seemed at least to want to be… and she was leaning into Buffy heavily, using her with hardly any of the embarrassment she had always displayed before when accepting her physical and emotional support. Buffy's hope and optimism shifted into satisfied delight and triumphant relief…


	21. Chapter 21

Author notes: I know this chapter doesn't do much… and I swear that Giles and Wesley will finally come in the next chapter… but I thought I should address a few things people might have been wondering about, as well as lighten the mood of the story a little with some little sarcasms and stuff. Hope no one minds the small detour.

Chapter 20

In the bathroom, Buffy set Faith down on the closed toilet lid again before wetting a washcloth, wiping off her own face before kneeling in front of Faith once again to clean hers. Faith was quiet for a short while, her eyes narrowed slightly, a faintly intense expression on her face as she searched Buffy's features. Though Buffy addressed her briefly as she wiped her face, Faith barely nodded in reply; she didn't look upset so much as pensive, still slightly surprised.

It wasn't until Buffy had finished cleaning her face and had turned her back to her, wringing the washcloth off in the sink, that Faith spoke, her voice striving for casual but still slightly disbelieving.

"So… you guys really broke me out of the hospital?"

Buffy turned back to her in surprise, answering straightforwardly enough, "Yeah, yeah, we did, Faith. Giles and Xander and Willow and me. We had to- you're still a minor, and technically the Council is legally in charge of decisions concerning you. Hey, when is your birthday anyway- because once you're eighteen you're legally free of them, they can't hold any sort of claim on you anymore. Not that they really do anyway right now since you're all dead, supposedly… hey, how did you know that we broke you out of the hospital anyway?" Buffy asked, deliberately stopping herself before she delved too deeply into Buffy-babble. "I didn't tell you, did I? Or did you just guess?"

Faith's thoughtful expression had not faded at Buffy's answer, though her features shifted slightly, reflecting a change Buffy couldn't easily interpret. It was a few seconds before she answered- only Buffy's last question. It was probably the only one she remembered.

"No, your- your mom told me. We, we talked some. While you were taking your long-ass non-cold shower," she added almost as an afterthought, and a little smirk twisted up the corners of her lips.

Buffy smiled, glad to see her smiling after all the heaviness that had just passed between them, but she was still watching her carefully, trying not to seem too interested in her words. Even 

though she definitely, definitely was. After all, whatever she and Joyce had 'talked some' about was what had led up to Faith's tears Buffy had walked in on… and probably, whether directly or not, also responsible for Faith's finally confronting her about her love for her.

"Oh, so you and Mom talked, huh?" Buffy said lightly, wondering if her 'casual face' looked as fake as it felt. "Should I be worried here?"

"Mmm," Faith muttered in reply, which really wasn't any kind of answer at all- as she'd clearly intended. Her eyes clouded slightly, almost defensively, and quite subtly but strongly, something about her aura shifted, making her nearly immediately seem more closed off. Obviously this was not something she wanted to talk about- and given what had just happened between them, Buffy couldn't say she blamed her. She didn't think she was so ready for another heavy, emotional scene herself- especially with Giles and Wesley coming soon. And she'd already hung the washcloth up to dry too.

"Okay," Buffy backed off, still trying to sound casual. "If it was, you know, personal or something, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I do actually know that, B, thanks," Faith responded, and this time the sarcasm was heavier, the smirk slightly more pronounced. Buffy's brow furrowed as she looked at her; was Faith laying that kind of attitude on again to cover up whatever she was actually thinking or feeling, to avoid discussing it again? And if so, was that a good sign or a bad one?

Whatever. Buffy was_ so_ not getting into that right now.

"Well, okay, well, I guess we should go downstairs…" Buffy said a little awkwardly, and she took a couple of steps toward Faith, moving to help her to her feet. But just as she went to lift her under her arms, Faith spoke up suddenly, her voice quiet, slow.

"She… she told me that you, that you were really worried about me, B."

Buffy met her eyes, studying them, but Faith had an odd look on her face… partly guarded, partly open, as though she needed to hear something, but wasn't sure what, and was afraid to ask for it. Buffy wasn't sure what it was Faith wanted… did she want to talk, or not?

"Well, of course I was, Faith," she replied carefully. "All of us were. We couldn't have just let them let you die…_ I_ couldn't have. I… well, I missed you, you know," she said, and her voice was a little quieter, her eyes shifting aside slightly. "I wanted you back."

Faith's forehead was furrowed slightly as she regarded Buffy; she seemed troubled somehow, and yet still slightly soft, indecisive.

"She… your mom, she said that too," she said in a low voice, her eyes drifting aside. "That… that both of you did. She…" her voice was even softer now, hardly more than a whisper, though it was still in control, and she did not seem near tears.

"She said you loved me."

So _that_ was it… _that_ was the conversation sparking the resulting tears Buffy had walked in on, the discussion that had prompted Faith to finally confront her. Now that she had heard it, and already had a long talk with Faith about it, Buffy was hardly surprised. Her mother moved fast, all right… two days with Faith, less than an hour alone with her, and she's already out-manuevered Buffy, zoned way past her designated area. Whatever that might be- Buffy sure didn't know.

Not that she was complaining. Without her mother's interference it might have taken years for them to even start thrashing things out between them a little. That was the way it usually went with Slayers, wasn't it? Not that things _were_ fully thrashed out, of course. They weren't. At all. But at least they had _started_, and that was a start-

Okay, Buffy, back on topic here… people speak, you usually have to answer then, don't you?

"Well… she was right, Faith," Buffy replied, still trying to keep her voice appropriately sincere, and yet not sound too serious or heavy at the same time. "She's a smart woman… and a really, really bad liar. So now that we've both said it, you've got to believe it, right?"

She tried to look at Faith closely without seeming as if she were- not an easy feat. Especially in a small bathroom without much else to pretend to look at.

Faith exhaled slowly, not replying for a while. She didn't seem upset, exactly, or emotional, but nor did she seem unduly self-protective. She just seemed to be thinking, weary…

"B?" she asked quietly at last.

"Yes?" Buffy replied in as soft a tone as Faith had, and she was almost holding her breath, waiting for whatever it was she was about to say.

"B…" Faith repeated, and her tone was almost overly intense, her expression grave… even as a mischievous sparkle lit itself in her eye. "Since when are you into chicks?"

At that, Buffy was caught off guard. Out of all the possible questions she'd been expecting, that had not been one of them. She did a double take, blinking rapidly at Faith, startled, as she tried to determine whether she was serious- and if so, what she was thinking- or whether Faith was just messing with her.

A little of both, it seemed- Faith's eyes were glowing in gleeful amusement, and she was grinning a little now. But despite her obvious pleasure with herself, and her careless next words, Buffy somehow knew that she was serious as well.

"'Cause if you try to tell me you've been a secret lesbo all along, I'm gonna be worried my gaydar's broke or somethin'. Then again, you only date guys with girly names… maybe that should've told me somethin' was up-"

"What?! 'Gaydar, is that even a word? And _one_ guy with a girly name, and that's not even his real name, it's Liam-" Buffy started out a bit defensively, not even sure what or who she was defending exactly. Faith just managed to bring out that kind of reaction with her, the way she was sometimes… and she was just now realizing how much she had missed that.

"What about Scott Hope?" Faith interrupted, her sly little smile widening. "Come on, _Hope_, B? Hardly a manly-man name. On the same level as mine, actually. Though I guess that's sorta appropriate with that guy anyway."

"Oh, him- that little prick," Buffy muttered, rolling her eyes. "Whatever happened with him anyway? He started doing the whole scared-face every time he saw me after we broke up."

Faith's smile grew even wider; her dimples had made an appearance, and she was almost beaming now. Looking at her, Buffy was instantly suspicious, even as she wanted to grin back at that sight of her smile.

"Faith… what did you tell him?" she asked sternly.

"I shamed him offa ya, B, was all- doin' what friends are for and all," Faith said innocently, widening her eyes. "I just sorta made it seem like maybe he had an STD to his girl at Homecoming, is all. Probably not even too far off the mark, is my guess."

Buffy stared at her incredulously a moment; as her mental envisioning of the scene ran through her mind, she burst out laughing, shaking her head.

"God, Faith, why didn't you tell me then?"

"Oh, you know, sorta bad for a badass rep to spread around good deeds, ya know," Faith said playfully, but Buffy could tell as she smiled at her that Faith was sort of shyly pleased with Buffy's approval.

There was a few moments of silence after Buffy's laughter died down; they weren't exactly uneasy with each other, just uncertain. To Buffy, it almost had the feel of two people on a first date. They were dancing around, clearly liking each other and wanting to win the other over as well, but a little awkward and nervous, not sure how to go about it.

"I… I was sorta serious too," Faith muttered suddenly, glancing over at Buffy quickly. "I mean… are you gay… or just, I don't know, is this…"

"I don't know," Buffy took over for her, seeing how nervous Faith seemed now of her own question, and yet not sure herself how to ease her own awkwardness. "I, I never thought I was… but maybe, maybe no one's ever really straight, you know?"

At that, Faith's eyebrows shot up. "What? You think that, B? Even Giles? Even your mom?"

Buffy recoiled, her mouth dropping and her eyes widening with horror at that thought. "Ewww! No, of course not! Don't even go there! As far as I'm concerned, Faith, they don't' have sex. 

Ever. Because that's too gross and they're old, and god, _especially_ with each other. Except that they did… oh god, why did you put me on that think-path?" Buffy moaned, glaring at her.

"Hey, you said it, B, I just challenged," Faith smirked back.

"Well god, please, any thoughts of Mom, Giles, and their sex life- whether or not with each other- just keep them from becoming _my_ thoughts," Buffy pleaded. "That is the one thing from you I am never up for hearing, okay?"

Then calming down a little, she looked at Faith more seriously, her voice softening, growing more tentative.

"Faith… are _you_ gay? Because, you know, it always seemed…"

Her voice trailed off. Faith was frowning slightly, and when she finally responded, her voice was quiet, slow.

"I don't know, B… I don't think I'm anything really. I mean, I don't think it matters to me either way, you know? I can use either to get off with, but I don't really go with either, or connect… I don't know," she said, and her voice was smaller. She looked away carefully, not meeting her eyes.

"This… this feels different… doesn't it?"she said, and she was asking Buffy as well, as if her own thoughts could not be trusted.

"Yeah," Buffy told her softly, and she sat on the tub edge close by her, facing her. "Yeah, it does…"

"Do you think… maybe it's just a slayer thing," Faith said uncertainly, and there was a strangeness about her expression, as if she simultaneously hoped and feared that her suggestion was correct. "You know, the bond thing, nothing personal…"

"No- no that can't be it, Faith," Buffy contradicted, meeting her gaze. "I met Kendra too, remember, and it wasn't like this at all between us. I… I think it's just you, Faith… just us."

Faith looked back at her almost gravely, her brow still scrunched. She didn't seem afraid, exactly, but more cautious. Not quite guarded, but not quite willing to be open either.

"Maybe…" she said slowly.

Buffy reached a out hand to smooth her hair, letting her hand linger on Faith's face as she searched her eyes. In a way she was trying to measure Faith's emotional temperature, determine what she was feeling. Faith looked back at her with that same pensive, careful expression, btu she seemed to have caught her breath, to be waiting for something…

Deciding to take a chance, Buffy leaned forward, giving Faith a brief, gentle kiss on the lips. When Faith drew in a slow breath, but did not pull away, only closed her eyes, Buffy kissed her again, slightly longer. As Faith kissed her back, she was somewhat clumsy at first, unsure. It dawned on Buffy that Faith had probably never learned to kiss someone with brief, sweet affection. She had probably never been kissed in any way that wasn't sloppy, forceful, rough, or drunken… and so she had never learned how to in any other way herself.

When Buffy pulled away from her, still holding her face in her hand, Faith sighed, long, shuddery, but it didn't' seem a bad sigh. Her eyebrows were still a little knitted together, but Buffy just smiled at her. She knew this would take time, a lot of getting used to for them both.

"Come on… Giles and Wes will be here any second probably," she said softly, after giving her a small kiss on the cheek. "And Mom's going to wonder what happened to us…"

Faith raised an eyebrow slightly, a hint of a smile teasing her lips. "You got an answer for her yet, B?"

Buffy made a face at her, tapping her playfully on the shoulder with her knuckle.

"I guess when I do… you'll be the first to know…"


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 21

It seemed that she had some perfect timing going. Buffy had barely made it out the bathroom door with Faith before they could hear the doorbell ring, and her mother's footsteps as she went to answer it. Faith wavered on her feet slightly as Buffy continued with her toward the top of the stairs, and Buffy held her steady, slipping a both physically and emotionally supportive arm around her and giving her a brief squeeze.

"You got it? Let's go, then… see if we can resolve your tweed question," Buffy said to her lightly, knowing instinctively that right now, if she wanted Faith to not be uneasy, or at least to be less uneasy, she would have to act like she herself wasn't. Of course, that was easier said than done when your palms were sweating and your mouth was dry, and you could physically feel the growing tension of the girl holding tight to you, leaning most of her weight on you as you helped her walk…

By the time they made it into the entrance way of the living room, Joyce had already greeted Giles and Wesley and ushered them inside. They were standing there, talking with clear awkwardness. Joyce looked somewhat relieved to see the girls approach, as did Giles. Wesley and Faith, however, did not. While Faith looked apprehensive, her eyes narrowing with instinctive defensiveness, Wesley looked… well, Buffy was not exactly sure how Wesley looked…

Different, was a good starting word. For one thing, the tweed was gone- instead, Wesley was wearing a navy blue suit made of regular material- Buffy couldn't tell just from looking what it was, exactly. For another, he must have been wearing contacts of some kind, for his glasses were gone, revealing eyes that Buffy suddenly noticed were a very nice shade of blue. And his hair… he'd definitely had a haircut that made him look less British-Prat-Boy.

All in all, Buffy was starting to see for the first time why Cordelia might have found Wesley attractive. Hopefully this new and improved look came with a matching change in personality.

Wesley seemed different to Buffy in his demeanor as well, even from the first few seconds that she saw him. He seemed nervous, uncomfortable, yes… but something about the way he held himself was also less pompous than the Wesley she remembered, less reflecting puffed-up pride that was actually a covering of his inexperience. Even with his unease, something about him seemed to show a trace of subtle, quiet confidence, or at least the beginnings of such a thing. Though she had not even spoken to him yet, Buffy already got the feeling that he wasn't nearly as much of the priggish rule-stickler he had been not so very long ago.

And of course, how could he be, with the plan he'd come up with? Buffy had known _something_ had changed with him…but this was just a bit more dramatic than she'd expected.

Faith seemed to be having thoughts along the same lines. Her eyes widening, she stared at Wesley unabashedly for a few seconds before whispering in Buffy's ear, still leaning on her for standing support.

"B… are we sure that's him? Not a vampire doppelganger or something? 'Cause, it wouldn't be the first time, ya know…"

"No," Buffy whispered back, barely stopping herself from snorting with laughter at Faith's very seriously asked question. "Guess we'll find out when he opens his mouth."

She helped her over closer to them, smiling at them both. Faith's question had eased any nerves she had had, if not all of Faith's, and her smile was genuine.

"Hey Giles, Wesley," she said casually, hoping her approach would rub off on everyone else. "What's up?"

"If by that question you are asking us how we are, in your own nearly indecipherable fashion, then I am quite well, Buffy," Giles said dryly, and Buffy raised her eyebrows.

" 'Undecipherable?' I thought I spoke pretty clearly…"

"Well, girls, now that you're down here, and Mr. Giles and Wesley are here too, I guess I can get started setting up the meal," Joyce said brightly, once more seeing an opportunity to extract herself from the scene so necessary talks could be had out of her earshot. "Shouldn't be very long now."

Walking past her daughter and Faith, she smiled at them quickly, briefly touching Faith's shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen. The four of them were left standing there, and for an awkward moment no one spoke. Eventually Wesley cleared his throat.

"Well, hello, Buffy, Faith…"

Well that blew the doppelganger theory. This was definitely Wesley- that tone hadn't changed even if everything else had.

"Hey," Faith said cautiously, and then, impulsively, Buffy could tell, "So, you're not wearin' tweed?"

Startled, Wesley looked down at himself, as if he couldn't remember whether he was or not. Buffy had to stifle another laugh at the brunette's blurted question; she doubted any of them, Faith included, would understand why she found it funny.

"Well, yes, I mean, no," Wesley muttered. Obviously confused, he quickly straightened out his frown and looked up at them, visibly taking a slow breath.

"You're both looking well… I, I see that you are indeed alive, Faith."

"Yeah, well… I wasn't for a little while," Faith muttered, dropping her eyes, and she added even more quietly, where Buffy was pretty sure only she could hear, "If makes it any better for you…"

Giving her a subtle, supportive squeeze, Buffy quickly addressed them all a little awkwardly, trying to smooth things over.

"Hey, why don't, why don't you guys sit down… come on, Faith, you probably should anyway."

She led Faith to the couch, sitting close to her and discreetly putting a hand against the small of her back. Faith glanced at her quickly but did not pull away, even seemed grateful for it. Giles and Wesley each sat in an armchair on opposite ends of the couch. For a moment no one spoke, and then Wesley cleared his throat again, looking over at the girls.

"I trust you've been told of my, my plans for dealing with your… your situation, Faith?" he asked, and though his phrasing was awkward, there was some intensity in the way he regarded her.

Faith shifted slightly as she glanced over at him. "Uh… yeah… you're gonna lie to the Council for me… right?"

"Well…" Wesley hedged, his brow furrowing and his eyes moving away a bit evasively, obviously not liking her wording. "I wouldn't say that I will be _lying_ to them… it's really more like_ misleading_-"

"It ain't the truth, Wes, so what else could it be?" Faith interrupted with a hint of her once-all-too-familiar sneer. Seeming to realize almost instantly that antagonizing the man who was going to help her stay free wasn't a very smart thing to do, her face straightened, grew almost alarmed, and she began uncomfortably, "Look, I didn't-"

"Let's get right to the matter at hand and dispense with all the chit-chat, shall we?" Giles interrupted her, firmly but not unkindly, and Buffy nearly giggled a third time upon hearing him say 'chit-chat.' Geez, was everyone really as unintentionally funny as they seemed today, or was she just verging on hysteria? She didn't _feel_ hysterical… but don't they always say crazy people don't know they're crazy? Does that work with hysteria too?

Wesley and Faith seemed relieved slightly by Giles's interruption, however. Wesley nodded shortly, shifting in his seat as he leaned forward unconsciously.

"Yes, quite right… there are a few questions I would ask you, Faith, formalities really, but very necessary, as I think you will understand."

Faith frowned, and Buffy felt her tense up warily. Still trying to be subtle, she rubbed her fingers up and down the small of Faith's back, stroking it gently through her t-shirt to let her know she was there. Faith exhaled, looking over at Wesley, somewhat guarded.

"Okay…" she muttered.

Wesley looked over at her for a few seconds without speaking, his expression very serious. Buffy found that even she was growing uncomfortable. When he finally spoke, his words were as serious as his face.

"Faith- do you have any intentions currently that could be considered in the nature of evil?"

At that, Faith looked at him sharply, her mouth opening slightly; even Giles and Buffy were a little startled by his nearly monotone inflection, the gravity in his eyes. Of course, Giles had pretty much asked her the same thing, that first day in the car- Buffy supposed Wesley had good reason to ask, considering what he was going to do for her.

Still, she kept her hand resting reassuringly on Faith's back as she waited for her reply.

"What? No! No, Wesley- look, I'm-" Faith stared after a moment, her brows knitting, but Wesley stopped her.

"I would like you to just answer me, Faith, for the remaining questions. Now then- do you have urgings to give in to violence and sinister doings?"

For some reason Faith glanced at Buffy quickly after he asked that… and for some reason unbeknownst to her, Buffy felt herself blush as Faith replied slowly, almost uncertainly.

"No…"

"Do you hear voices in your head?" Wesley asked next, in the same odd, almost flat tone, and Buffy realized suddenly why he sounded so strange to her. It sounded like he had memorized what he was asking, as if he were reading a list or something… but why would that be?

Faith seemed more confused than she was; she was frowning more deeply, seeming to be trying to interpret Wesley's tone.

"No… I mean, I don't think so… unless you count B going in my mind."

"Have you or do your plan to align yourself with an evil ally?" Wesley practically recited next, not commenting on her previous statement.

"No…" Faith said quietly, looking down for a moment before trying again to meet Wesley's gaze. "Look, man… I don't know what-"

"One final question," Wesley cut her off, and he paused for a moment before continuing, regarding her more seriously than ever.

"Are you willing to do whatever it may take to repay your past crimes, and to begin the process of redeeming yourself, however method this may mean?"

Buffy's head shot up at that question, not sure she liked its implications. But as she glanced over at Giles, he seemed unperturbed, but rather was watching Faith as well.

Faith hesitated before replying, her eyes still lowered slightly. Buffy could see her brow creasing, and she felt Faith's back move under her hand with her long, slow intake of breath. When she finally lifted her eyes to meet Wesley's, her voice was quiet, resolute, and her eyes matched her tone.

"Yes…"

To Buffy's surprise, at Faith's answer, Wesley's dour expression changed dramatically as his face broke into a smile that was startling not only in its appearance, but also in its sincerity. Buffy had never seen him smile like that before… it was a smile that conveyed gladness, relief, but also what seemed to Buffy to be pride, even a sad sort of sentiment. Perhaps not for Faith, so much as for himself. Whatever the case, the smile softened his features considerably, making Buffy realize suddenly that Wesley really wasn't so much older than she and Faith were… at least, not by more than ten years.

"I had hoped as much," Wesley said, and his voice had changed as well, grown almost gentle… another odd thing to think or observe about Wesley. "I had rather hoped that Rupert was correct in his perception of you. Though either way I suppose it wouldn't have affected my decision, it is satisfying personally for me to know that you have reformed, or have begun to do so. It assures me further that I have made the correct choice- the difficult choice, to be sure, but nevertheless the correct one."

He paused for a moment, glancing briefly at Giles and Buffy, before bringing his attention back to Faith again. His tone was still quiet, but from Faith's expression, he didn't need to speak any louder. She was listening intently.

"If you are sincere, Faith, then I have no further questions… I will do all possible to conceal your existence."

Faith still looked a little thrown by Wesley's questions, much less his subsequent abrupt approval. Buffy didn't blame her… she was suspecting herself that Wesley had been copying some movie with the first rounds of questioning, doing his impression of 'tough cop grilling suspect' or something. It was the second part he'd been anxious to get to.

Maybe there was another reason Wesley liked this, perhaps subconsciously. Maybe he also liked the idea of being trusted by them to protect. Someone- to have their life possibly in balance, and to preserve it…

Buffy doubted Faith was having the same suspicions, however. She was just staring at him with slightly narrowed eyes, her features tightened in confusion and uncertainty. After several moments, however, she seemed to have decided for herself to trust that his words were genuinely meant. Her features loosed up slowly, and glancing at him with awkward poignancy in her gaze, she said slowly, her voice soft, "Uh… thanks… thanks, Wes…"

Wesley's smile faded, and his face had gone more focused and intense long before she spoke, and at her words, he leaned forward in her direction even further, his voice earnest, solemn in meaning if not entirely in tone.

"You are not the only one who has made mistakes, Miss Lehane. Nor will those be your last, I am sure, as you are a young woman- not even a young woman at all by law, I believe- and a Slayer as well. Though hopefully your future mistakes will not be of such magnitude as your past ones. But, but what it is I am driving at is that, I have made mistakes as well, in regard to both you and Buffy," Wesley said, and though his words and tone showed he meant what he said, something about his delivery almost made Buffy smirk. She wasn't sure if this was because his admission was so ridiculously true, or if this was because she never would have thought she'd hear Wesley say it.

Faith didn't' seem to be seeing any humor in Wesley's monologue, however; she was watching him with a little frown of concentration, listening intently, as she had never bothered or felt the need to when he was her watcher. It struck Buffy again how drastically things had changed, that they would both now give and wish to receive respect from each other now, especially in light of all that had happened between them- and what _hadn't_ happened.

"I have made mistakes in regard to you all," Wesley continued, still meeting Faith's gaze in a more humane and personally conflicted manner than he had ever seemed- perhaps ever allowed himself to be in the past. "I believed that to follow procedures, to do as I have been trained to, as 

always the right thing to do. I do not have experience with changing the way I do things so that they are done the way they should be, rather than the way I was taught they should be. I do not even have experience with deciding for myself what is right- I, I believe I was hardly aware until recent events that I even could do such a thing. I believe this, that this is where you and I differ, Faith… unlike me, you have no difficulty in shaking up rules to go along with your convictions. Your difficulty, however, is in learning to recognize when your beliefs are flawed. Both of our approaches are perhaps wrong in their own ways, and we perhaps can, can learn from each other how to curb them."

He paused to take a breath, and Buffy realized that it was harder for him to speak to Faith than she had first realized in this moment, that it was difficult for him to be so frank and admit his own shortcomings while acknowledging Faith's. He was still nervous, judging from his quickly lowered eyes and the way he played with his jacket lapel with both hands. Perhaps that's why he was being so uncharacteristically longwinded- perhaps he wanted to leave absolutely nothing out that needed to be said.

Whatever the reason, Buffy was not protesting. She knew it could only help Faith to hear another person forgiving her- and she herself was fascinated by this new, much-easier-to-like Wesley.

"So, I suppose what it is that I am trying to say, Faith, is that I apologize," Wesley concluded a bit stiffly. "This, I suppose, is my way of attempting to correct mistakes I have made in my dealings with you. I suspect you will agree when I tell you that I was in no way prepared to be your watcher, and the way I handled you and your training no doubt reflected this. That is partly why I wish to become reinstated with the Council now- I hope that I will be able to use what I have learned from you and Buffy to be a more efficient Watcher in the future, so perhaps another Slayer will not be as foolishly dealt with as you were. And of course, I wish to directly help you as well."

He paused again, clearing his throat with some discomfort as he shifted his eyes away. "I have… I have had a lot of opportunity to reconsider things, since your coma, Miss Lehane, and I have come to the conclusion that things must change within the Council… and this can only be accomplished slowly, through the changing of their own members. And so I am attempting to change myself, in order to do so, and I suspect that this, doing as I have decided, is a necessary thing to do for me to be able to."

He stopped there almost abruptly, seeming to have run out of things to say; when he glanced over at Giles, Giles nodded slightly, with a small smile. It seemed to Buffy that there was a glimmer of pride in her former Watcher's eyes as he looked at her other former Watcher… and Buffy understood the sentiment. She was kind of proud of Wesley too in a way… sort of amazed, but proud too.

The three of them were waiting for Faith's response now; as Buffy could have predicted, it took a while in coming. When she did reply, though, some of the confliction had left her expression; her eyes lifted to meet Wesley's again, and there was a small smile on her lips as well as in her voice.

"Well, I gotta say, congrats on pullin' off all that changin'… like the new style job."

Buffy doubted that was what Wesley expected to hear, but it seemed to please him nonetheless. His cheeks reddened slightly, and he practically grinned with obvious delight at the sly little compliment.

"Oh, do you like my new look then?"

"Oh, hell yeah," Faith said immediately, and with such emphasis that Buffy looked at hr sharply, frowning a little. "Who wouldn't pick Superman over Clark Kent, ya know?"

"Well, I always preferred Batman myself- actually I rather liked preferred Robin-" Wesley began, misconstruing Faith's remark entirely.

Even Giles seemed to see the humor in this, and Faith's sudden burst of laughter actually made her choke until her eyes watered. Wesley just looked at his three companions as they individually snorted (Giles), giggled (Buffy), and guffawed (Faith) at his comment. His confusion, along with the intensity of what had passed between them before, only made their amusement heighten.

They were settling down a little when Joyce re-entered the living room. Buffy's giggling had become occasional little snorts, and Giles was merely smiling in a rather smirking way as Wesley continued to frown at them all with bewilderment and growing indignant exasperation. Faith was coughing still, however, wiping at her running eyes, and Buffy had started to rub her back, as much for an excuse to touch her and show concerned affection as because she thought Faith actually needed her to.

Joyce took all this in, her eyes starting to shine with her own affectionate amusement as she smiled, shaking her head.

"Well, seems I've been left out of the joke here," she remarked wryly.

"I suspect you're not alone in that, Ms. Summers," Wesley muttered, which made Faith snort loudly. Her coughing had been easing off, but she started choking all over again.

"Faith, are you all right, honey?" Joyce asked in concern as she looked over at where her daughter was still rubbing the practically gasping brunette's back protectively. For the first time Wesley seemed to notice this; however, he seemed still too distracted by everyone's having laughed at him for no reason he could see to seem to find anything odd about it.

"I-I'm good, Ms. S-Summers," Faith finally managed a bit breathlessly, wiping again at her eyes.

Buffy ran her hand up her back to her shoulder and squeezed it gently. She felt so much more at ease now, almost light-hearted; it was amazing how laughing, and seeing Faith laugh, could lessen stress she had not even been entirely aware she was feeling. She hoped Faith was experiencing the same thing… she knew she'd desperately needed that. And judging from Faith's faintly lingering smile, she seemed to be at least to some extent.

Joyce just smiled again, shaking her head. "Well, dinner's ready now, if you think you can keep from choking or spitting it out across, the table, Faith," she jabbed at the girl playfully. "Mr. Giles, Wesley, I'm afraid it's not fancy fare, but I had it on hand, so…"

"Oh, I am quite certain that, that anything you have prepared will be enjoyable, Ms. Summers," Giles mumbled, suddenly all dignified-adult-who's-just-a-tad-flustered with her addressal. He glanced at Wesley, then the two girls, obviously not wanting to look at Joyce too long after his compliment.

Buffy, for her part, was no longer so amused as she helped Faith to her feet.

"Did you see that? Was that flirting? Please tell me that wasn't flirting- was that flirting?!"she hissed anxiously in Faith's ear as she followed behind the men into the kitchen.

To her severe annoyance, Faith just grinned.


	23. Chapter 23

Sorry guys… not a chapter, more like an author note/survey:

So… I already know the last scene I want for this story approximately… not sure how to get there. So I am polling you guys. What kind of climax would you like to read about? Would you like to have some kind of clash with the Council/Buffy/Faith/Wesley? Would you like to have Adam issues come up and the Initiative? Would you like to have it skip ahead to Glory as a villain, and have Dawn show up suddenly? Or maybe the first- skip a couple of seasons all together? Should Spike come back at all? Should I have the Halloween episode with Faith written into it (Fear itself) ? Or maybe something happens where Buffy is weakened/taken away and a newly strengthened Faith has to save the day? Any ideas you have or would like to read about, feel free to share…

And don't worry, I'm not completely stalled, just debating. I do have the next couple of chapters planned out loosely, plan to write the next one today 


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 22

The meal that followed the group's discussion was certainly an interesting one. Buffy had realized soon after everyone had been seated that it had been some time since her mother and Giles ate a meal together… perhaps, she realized with increasing squirminess, since they'd had teenage-mind sex together. She found herself eyeing them suspiciously after this unsettling thought, watching them for flirtations.

Giles and Joyce didn't sit beside each other- almost too pointedly, Buffy thought suspiciously- but the way it ended up, with Joyce sitting between Faith and Wesley, and Giles between Wesley and Buffy, they did sit across from each other. Buffy wondered if that was intentional. She didn't see anything she could pin down as out and out flirting, but there was plenty to make her uncomfortable. For one thing, there was the way they hardly looked at each other, when they were _sitting across_ from each other- except in quick little glances that didn't last longer than a second or two. Which was, in Buffy's book, a form of flirtation for the awkward and socially inept, or at least a way of showing attraction. Too gross and disturbing to think about.

Then, of course, there was the way Giles was painfully, overly polite; wiping his mouth after practically every bite, cutting and twirling the spaghetti like it required the precise concentration and skill of a neurologist, complimenting Joyce's cooking just a tad too generously for Buffy's comfort. Of course, that just might be his British side showing itself… but come on, even Wesley wasn't being that freakin' prissy, was he?

Well, Buffy hadn't actually cared enough to pay any attention to the way Wesley had been eating. But surely he wasn't, right?

And then there was her mother too. When it was just her and Buffy, Buffy knew perfectly well she'd eat however to felt like- which was far from the way described by Amy Post etiquette books. But there she was with the neat cut-and-twirl routine, these delicate bites of salad, _breaking_ the garlic bread into small pieces rather than just taking bites…. God, this was sickening!

And enough to give Buffy a complex about her own eating. Were they trying to make her look like a pig in comparison or something?

Buffy kept shooting pointed looks from Giles and Joyce to Faith, trying to see if the other girl was noticing what she thought she was, but Faith was oblivious. Her attention seemed nearly exclusively zoned in on the generous portions of food on her plate, to Buffy's mutual annoyance, amusement, and relief.

Faith certainly wasn't displaying the Miss Manners attitude of Giles and Joyce with her eating. She was still slightly clumsy with her fork usage, but that might have been more because it was spaghetti, which is tricky enough to eat on its own, rather than because she had trouble controlling her hands. There was no cut-and-twirl for Faith- it was twirl-and-slurp, with sauce getting on her face and dropping back onto her plate. She barely paused between bites to swipe at her face with a napkin, eating with a speed and enthusiasm Buffy hadn't seen from her since she woke from her coma. Buffy didn't know if that could be attributed to her feeling better and stronger, her more optimistic and confident mood since her talks with all four of those with her, or simply because this was the best food she'd been given in months. Maybe it was all of the above. Whatever, Buffy was just glad to see her enjoying eating, and she didn't try very hard to press her into talking along with everyone else.

Joyce seemed happy to observe Faith's eating too, while Giles and Wesley pretended not to notice. Or maybe they really didn't- it was hard to tell for sure. Whatever the case, when Faith had finished, way before the others, even Buffy, Joyce smiled at her.

"It's good to see you enjoyed your meal, Faith," she said to her.

Faith looked up, only then seeming to realize how much faster she had finished than the others. She flushed slightly, ducking her head with some embarrassment.

"What? Oh yeah, sorry, Ms. S- it was real good," she muttered. "Should've said that before."

"That's okay, Faith, I could tell you appreciated it," Joyce smiled. "Would you like some more, honey?"

Faith had seconds and finished those pretty quickly as well, though Buffy could tell she was making an effort this time to slow herself down. Buffy had to smile- watching Faith attempting to follow polite table manner guidelines was much more endearing than watching her mother and Giles do so.

After everyone had finished- and, to Buffy's ever-noticing eye, Wesley and _Giles_ had helped her mother clear the table, they had began to head back to the living room to wind up their discussion. As Buffy supported Faith while she made her way back toward their couch, she was aware of Giles's on them, watching them thoughtfully.

"I see that you are getting around better, Faith," he commented. "That was one of the things I intended to address tonight, actually. If you would all wait for a moment, I will be back shortly."

As he exited the house through the front door, the others looked at each other, confused. Wesley however, seemed to understand what was going on, and he smiled back at the women, seeming very pleased with himself and his knowledge.

"What's goin' on, Wes?" Faith blurted suspiciously, but Wesley just smiled.

"You'll see momentarily, I wager, Miss Lehane," he replied rather mysteriously, and Buffy wondered distractedly why he kept flip-flopping between calling her Faith and Miss Lehane. It was like he couldn't decide which was more appropriate.

Faith narrowed her eyes at him- she'd never been one for surprises, if she wasn't the one springing them on somebody else. She said as much to him, but Wesley just smiled again.

"Well, you may not like this one either, but I believe you'll realize its necessity once you see it."

Now they were all really curious, and Buffy found herself leaning past Faith from her position between her and her mother on the couch, trying to see better towards the front door. Her shoulder brushed Faith's, and to her faint surprise, Faith leaned as if she were trying to see the doorway too… but Buffy had seen her glance around quickly first. She knew the brunette was using her movement as an excuse to press her shoulder back into Buffy's, to return and prolong the physical contact.

Buffy had to work to keep herself from grinning. As she subtly moved her shoulder just a little more into Faith's, her chest did some of that gushy-feeling stuff… stuff she knew she could definitely get used to.

When Giles emerged back into the Summers' home, he was carrying something odd-shaped and bulky, yet light, in his arms. It took Buffy a few seconds to realize that it was a walker.

As he carried it into the living room, setting it down in front of Faith for her to look at, he said a bit awkwardly, "I, I thought you could use this, Faith. Until your leg muscles are fully in use 

again. This may actually speed up their strengthening and recovery, as well as that of your arms, especially if you're also doing exercises to do so."

"Well, that was very thoughtful of you, Ru- Mr. Giles," Joyce said with surprise, looking from the walker to Faith and giving him a quick but appreciative smile. "I'm sure this will help her out a lot, won't it, Faith?"

Faith had been looking it over a bit apprehensively, frowning as if she didn't quite understand what it was- or more likely, didn't like the thought that she needed one. But Buffy had also seen the little flash of excitement that had lit itself in her eyes when she first saw it… she knew Faith did want to use it, if only to have a limited range of independent movement. Somehow, Buffy found herself disliking the thing immediately… as ridiculous and selfish as it was, she didn't want Faith to use it. She wanted Faith to need _her_ until she was better… what if she hurt herself on this thing anyway? She wasn't strong enough yet, it had only been two days since she was even fully awake!

Buffy was about to say as much, as Faith spoke up first, beating her to the punch.

"Yeah… yeah, it'll be cool to be able to get around a little and all, at least everywhere but stairs. Thanks, Giles… but, you didn't have to do that, yunno, you could have- I mean, I was doin' okay-"

"You're quite welcome, Faith, and it was no trouble," Giles assured her briskly, waving off her stumbling half protest. "Buffy can't be around to help you for any longer, and I know this will-"

"Wait just a minute there- what do you mean, 'I can't be there to help her any longer?'" Buffy interrupted, her eyes widening, and she straightened suddenly in her seated position as she turned her head quickly toward Giles. "Why can't I? Where am I going- I'm not going anywhere, am I? I'm not going anywhere!"

"No, of course not, Buffy," Giles replied, blinking with some surprise at her practically panicked reaction. "I did not mean that you would be leaving Sunnydale, or even your mother's home, if you do not wish to. But you do know that you cannot constantly be with Faith for any longer, of course. It has been some time since you patrolled, for instance, and then there's school- you surely don't plan on missing much more-"

"Well, those can wait a little longer, can't they?" Buffy shot back, her tone a little more aggressive than she'd intended. "I, I'll figure something out, Giles, I'll get back to that, but right now, Faith still needs me. She still can't get around-"

"That's why I got her the walker, Buffy," Giles said quietly, looking her in the eye. "So she'll be able to. So you will be able to leave her, in order to tend to your duties."

Buffy's eyebrows shot up at that, and a startled noise of protest escaped her.

"What?! But, but she can't, I can't! She's not even strong enough for that yet-"

"She will be, Buffy," Giles said quietly, "by tomorrow, I'm sure, if not now. She has Slayer healing, just as you do, even if the degree of healing she requires will take longer than healing the ordinary cuts and bruises of most Slayers. Do you think an ordinary young woman who had just emerged from a coma would be walking about, even with support, in just two days? By the end of the week, I am sure she will be walking on her own. Using this walker, it may be even sooner."

"Well if it's so soon, how come I can't wait for patrolling and school until she's doing it?" Buffy shot back.

"Because, Buffy," Giles countered in the same quiet tone, but there was a steely edge to voice and expression now as well. "I don't think that would be a good idea… I don't think that would be healthy for either of you. I believe that now is the time to get back into the swing of thigns for both of you- now, rather than later."

As Buffy opened her mouth, intending to shoot off another hot reply, her mother stopped her, putting a gentle but firm hand on her leg.

"I think Mr. Giles is right, Buffy… I think it's time you went back to school. I also think it's a good idea to give Faith some distance, to let her work things out for herself… physically, and otherwise," Joyce told her daughter, and Buffy could tell from the look her mother was giving her as much as her words the implications she meant beyond Faith growing stronger. Regardless, Buffy bristled- were they trying to say that Faith didn't want her around, that she was overprotective, suffocating her? But Faith needed her- Faith needed her close by to help her. And 

what's more, she needed Buffy near her so she could keep showing her, keep proving to her that she loved her, so Faith wouldn't forget or stop believing…

Buffy looked over at Faith, wanting her to show that she agreed with her, or at least understood Buffy's side of things. Faith had been very quiet… and as Buffy looked at her now, the younger girl would not meet her eyes. She looked embarrassed, even miffed… but at who? Why?

"But… Mom, we can't leave Faith alone," Buffy protested turning back to her mother reluctantly. She was still bothered by the reaction she had observed in Faith. "Even with the walker… what if she falls and hurts herself? What if she needs help? How's she going to get up and down the stairs and, and carry things and do her stretching stuff if you're at work and I'm at college? Someone has to stay with her!"

"I thought of that as well, Buffy," Giles replied calmly. "I am currently unemployed, if you'll recall- I have a lot of free time on my hands. I can stay with Faith in your home and help with what she needs help with. When you or Joy- Ms. Summers- returns, then I will, of course, leave. That is, if that is all right with you, Ms. Summers," he added hastily, glancing over at Joyce.

"Oh, of course, Mr. Giles- that sounds like a very good plan," Joyce hastened to reassure him, her eyes widening. "That's very thoughtful of you to suggest."

It did make sense to Buffy… other than the fact that Giles was a man, old, an ex-Watcher, and far from at ease with dealing with teenaged girls on any given day, let alone Faith- and an injured Faith who might require physical assistance, no less.

Plus there was the fact that _Buffy_ wanted to stay with Faith.

"What?!" she blurted. "You, you can't do that, Giles… you, you must have stuff to do, and, and Faith would be uncomfortable…"

"What I'm uncomfortable with," Faith said tightly beside her, startling Buffy so much with her sudden speaking that she jumped, "is people talkin' about me like I'm deaf and dumb along with crippled. I'm sittin' right here, yunno."

As Buffy quickly turned her head to look at her, she realized that Faith's shoulders had tensed, and she was holding her jaw tightly, her eyes almost hard. Obviously she was ticked- at all of them, it seemed, Buffy included.

"Faith," Buffy said hurriedly, touching her knee empathetically, "Faith, I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I just don't want you hurt. I just don't…"

"I think it's a good idea, B," Faith interrupted, looking her in the eye finally and with a sort of determined, almost defiance. "You need to go to school, get your smart-girl degree, and kill vamps and all. And I need to start haulin' my own ass around. So go on, and let Giles come on and all. I'll be alright."

Buffy didn't like what Faith was saying, didn't want to agree with her… but looking into her eyes, she could see how serious Faith was, how important this was to her. She wanted this… for whatever reason, she wanted this. Whether to prove her strength and independence to herself, or whatever other reason, she needed this…

She sighed slowly, feeling her shoulders slump. She could sense Wesley looking over at her with a confused frown and realized suddenly that Giles must not have filled him in on her feelings for Faith. No wonder he was confused… the poor guy had been slightly out of the loop all evening.

"All right," she muttered begrudgingly, "fine… I'll go to school tomorrow…"

"Very well then," Giles replied, giving her a brief nod of acknowledgement. "When is your first class in the morning, Buffy?"

"Uh, either eight or nine, depending on what day it is," she muttered. "Eight tomorrow."

"All right, well I will arrive here at 7:30 then if that is all right."

"Sounds good to me," Joyce answered for Buffy, giving him a quick smile that Buffy again would have found suspicious, were she not so preoccupied with her worried, resentful thoughts.

"All right then… well if that is settled, then let us get on with our discussion, shall we?"

But as Wesley, Joyce, and Giles began to talk, Buffy and Faith remained quiet… Buffy was still bothered. And Faith, from her expression, seemed tense as well, not happy with whatever thoughts she was having.

But what was she thinking? And why did Buffy get the feeling that Faith was not happy with _her_?


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 23

Author notes: Going on a nine hour drive to see family until Tuesday, so I doubt I'll add anything for a little while to this unless they had wireless internet there for my laptop… otherwise will probably just use this for watching movies in the car, lol.

Buffy couldn't have guessed for how much longer the adults talked; they were covering a wide range of topics, everything from the Council to Faith's health, Faith's future to Buffy's future, the deaths of them both and what that might mean in the long run. Buffy even thought she heard some surprisingly heated arguing over whether it mattered who was elected President when they were faced with an apocalypse every year. The one thing Buffy's ears perked up with in slight interest at was that Wesley knew of and had even met the new Slayer, the third Chosen One. Apparently she was British, a sixteen-year-old called Jana Drury. Buffy doubted she would ever meet her- nor did she have any desire to do so- but it was good to know, at any rate.

The three were not talking to or with girls so much as talking about them, in front of them. Buffy didn't really mind, though. At another time she probably would have made a point of putting herself into the conversation whenever she saw an opportunity, just to let them know she wasn't there to be ignored, but this evening she was too distracted, her mind on other things. Such as Faith, her possible irritation with her, and the prospect of leaving her alone with Giles all day tomorrow while she went back to class.

Buffy was still anxious about that- for Faith, of course, but also for herself. How was she going to concentrate and get work done, not knowing how Faith was doing? What if she got hurt, or needed help, and was too embarrassed to tell Giles? How was she going to get up and down the stairs? Was _Giles_ going to help with exercises? It would have been one thing if he was doing them with Buffy- that was different. As her Watcher he had done similar things, and she thought of him like a father. But Faith surely didn't… they almost had never touched each other, even before her… mistakes. Surely that would be uncomfortable for both of them. And more than that- what if Faith didn't just need her physically, but emotionally? Giles couldn't help her with _that_, Buffy was sure- she wasn't even sure if _she_ could most of the time. God, how was she going to do this- why had she agreed to it?

For Faith. Because Faith wanted it… or had she? Had she just been saying face, hoping Buffy would give her an out? Had Buffy failed to do that for her?

She didn't know.

Buffy would have thought that Faith would be annoyed that Wesley, Giles, and her mother were talking about her like she wasn't there, especially after her comment earlier. But strangely, she didn't seem to mind either, or even notice, hardly. Like Buffy, she appeared to be caught up in her own thoughts, whatever they might have been, a slight frown just barely tensing her features. The couple of times that Buffy had tried to catch her eye, Faith's eyes had been dark and cloudy, unclear in their expression. She had not seemed to realize that Buffy was looking at her- or if she did, she was doing a great job pretending not to. After the second try Buffy had given up, but even as she settled back into her own thoughts again, she had found her eyes drifting back toward Faith periodically, searching her face.

Eventually Buffy found that her mind was drifting, wandering away from even her own thoughts, and she was beginning to grow sleepy. Her thinking was slowing, and she found herself leaning back into the couch, her eyelids heavy as she attempted to keep them open and alert. Why she was bothering when no one seemed fit to engage her in conversation, she didn't know.

It appeared that Faith was having the same problem. They had already been sitting pretty close, and Buffy was aware a bit more dimly than normal that Faith was gradually, probably unconsciously, beginning to lean against her, more and more heavily as the minutes passed. When Buffy looked over at her somewhat sleepily, she could see that Faith's eyes were drooping, half closed, and her features and posture had slackened greatly. It wasn't until her head had dropped fully over onto Buffy's shoulder, however, that she realized just how close to sleep Faith really was.

Joyce seemed to suddenly notice at about the same time. Looking over at her daughter and the girl slumped against her side, her face creased with concern even as she smiled, reaching to tenderly run a hand over Faith's hair.

"This child is exhausted," she said softly, holding a strand of Faith's hair and rubbing its ends between her fingertips as she smiled at her gently. "And you look tired too, Buffy…why don't you go help her get ready for bed? I'm sure one of us will tell you later if you miss anything we think you need to know. And you do have school tomorrow, after all."

Giles and Wesley glanced over at the girls in surprise; they seemed to have almost have forgotten that they were there. Both looked slightly apologetic, and Giles rolled up his sleeve a little to look at his watch.

"I hadn't realized it was so late… dear Lord, I do apologize. Yes, do , do feel free to go, Buffy, Faith- we'll try not to keep you for much longer, Ms. Summers."

Grateful for the permission, yet hating to make Faith move when she seemed to have relaxed, maybe forgotten about whatever had been bothering her, Buffy ran a slow hand over Faith's hair, suppressing a yawn of her own as she let it come to a rest on Faith's shoulder, shaking it softly.

"Faith… come on, Faith, you ready for bed?" she asked, her voice sleepy.

When Faith's eyes barely opened a millimeter, and she pressed her cheek harder into Buffy's shoulder, burrowing closer against her side, Buffy smiled, not caring who was watching or what they might be thinking as she caressed Faith's head again.

"Come on, Faith… stand up, I'm gonna help you. I've got you…"

She pulled Faith to her feet, arranging Faith's arm loosely around her and holding her securely around the waist. She intended to half drag her to the stairs, then carry her the rest of the way, out of the others' sight. But Faith apparently had other ideas. Growing more alert, opening her eyes, she muttered somewhat groggily, "Let me try the walker, B…"

"What?" Buffy said in surprise, looking at the girl still half slumped on her incredulously. "Faith, come on, you're asleep on your feet. Can't that wait until tomorrow?"

_Tomorrow, with you and Giles… tomorrow, when I won't be there_… a nagging little voice sounded in her head, and Buffy swallowed, willing it away.

But Faith was a little more awake now, a little more steady, leaning a little less on Buffy… and she sounded more determined as she repeated, "No… no, B, I want to try it now."

And she did… it made Buffy lose every scrap of her sleepiness in her worry as she followed behind Faith, trying not to hover, to seem too anxious or suffocating, and yet still staying close enough that she could catch her if she felt. And she almost did… despite her concentration, Faith stumbled twice, almost slipping to the floor before Buffy grabbed hold of her. Each time Buffy's heart leapt to her throat, and she barely suppressed a cry of alarm… and each time Faith seemed to stiffen, upset at what she must have seen as a weakness or a failure, at having to accept Buffy's help. Buffy was starting to worry if she had more to worry about than Faith in her walker. Was Faith reverting back so quickly to her old attitude of defensiveness towards Buffy? 

Was she mad at her, more upset than Buffy had realized for talking about her like she wasn't' there? Or was Buffy overreacting?

It seemed to take years for Faith to reach the foot of the steps, where Buffy could finally breathe easy as she carried Faith up in one arm, resting on her hip, and the walker in the other. She already was leery of the thing, but if it made Faith fall and break her leg or something…

Why the hell are you thinking that Buffy, that is a jinx thought! You live at the Hellmouth, you can't have jinx thoughts, that is just asking for trouble!

Faith used the walker again to maneuver herself around in the bathroom; Buffy could hear her banging it into things clumsily and cursing. She itched to go in and help her, but she stayed put outside the bathroom door, resisting the urge to call out to her. Faith had made it abundantly clear, even if she didn't actually say so, that she didn't want Buffy to help her, that she wanted, if at all possible, to do things for herself. It seemed important to her, so Buffy didn't argue; she had done enough arguing concerning Faith already this evening, and it had gotten her exactly nowhere. Maybe even set her behind where she'd already managed to get…

When Faith finally emerged from the bathroom, and Buffy had finished in there as well, she followed Faith back into her room. The brunette by that point was noticeably more physically than mentally weary. Her arms were shaking from the strain of using them to help support herself, and her legs looked loose and fumbling to Buffy, rubbery. But when Buffy offered to help her the rest of the way, Faith shook her head determinedly, gritting her teeth, and finished creeping across the room toward Buffy's bed at a speed that was frustratingly slow for them both. She did, however, consent to Buffy lifting her up onto the bed and at least changing her from sweats to pajama bottoms for her. When that had been finished, Faith changed herself into the shirt Buffy handed her, then practically collapsed back onto the bed, breathing with a quickness she tried in vain to disguise. Buffy could not read her expression… was Faith doing that deliberately?

She covered her with the blanket, then crawled in bed beside her, whispering good night… but even after Faith had exhaled a barely audible reply, Buffy lay there, unable to sleep. She had a sinking feeling that they had gone inexplicably right back to where they started, or at least were beginning to slip back in that direction. And she really couldn't understand why, what had happened to do that…

Faith was quiet, but Buffy knew she was not sleeping. She was holding herself very still, and there was a very defined space between their bodies… they were definitely not touching even slightly.

And it was driving Buffy insane.

Finally Buffy couldn't take it anymore, couldn't stand worrying, wondering what was going on with them, what it was Faith was thinking. She rolled over to face her abruptly, pitching her voice low, but her uncertainty showed through anyway.

"Faith… I know you're still awake. What's going on… are you, are you mad at me? Or upset or something… what's wrong? Please tell me what's wrong…"

Faith sighed, and Buffy could practically hear it rattle through her frame. When she spoke, her words were so uncomfortably stated that a three-year-old would have known she was lying.

"I'm not mad, B… nothin's wrong…"

"Faith, I know that's not true," Buffy persisted. "Something's bothering you… please, Faith, just tell me so I can make it better."

Faith was quiet for a while; all Buffy could hear was her slightly heightened breathing.

"I don't want you to make things better for me, B," she said finally, and her words were very soft. "I.. I want to fix things myself. I don't… I don't want you thinkin' you have to do all this shit, that you have to do everything for me. I… I don't want you worryin' about me, leavin' me alone sometimes and all. I'm not gonna get hurt, or try to kill myself, or run off or nothin'… I'm not gonna do anything. And I… I'm not gonna hurt no one," she said, and though her voice was small, almost ashamed, there was an edge to it as well, almost a challenge.

"What?!" Buffy sputtered, almost sitting upright with her shock at Faith's words. "Faith- that's not what I meant at all! I don't' think that! I'm not worried about what you'll _do_- I'm just worried about_ you_!"

She looked towards Faith's eyes, her voice lowering as she tried to meet them in the darkness.

"I'm worried about _you_, Faith. Just you. Maybe you don't want me to, maybe you're not used to it or something, but I can't help it. I… I always worry about people I love."

It was a long while before Faith answered… long enough that Buffy frowned, sure she wasn't going to answer at all. Her words, when they came, were muttered so Buffy was not sure at first she'd understood.

"You shouldn't…"

"Shouldn't what?" Buffy frowned, confused. "Shouldn't worry about you? I told you, Faith, I'm sorry, but I can't help it-"

"No," Faith clarified, and her voice was small, soft, even huskier than usual. "I meant… I meant you shouldn't love me."

Buffy's heart squeezed in her chest, and her stomach flipped; she had to remind herself after a second that despite her current urging, she couldn't cry, couldn't make Faith feel any worse. When she spoke, her voice was nearly as husky as Faith, not very adept at concealing her emotion.

"Sorry, Faithy… but you don't get a choice with that. 'Cause I can't help that either…"

Taking a steadying breath, Buffy scooted closer to her. It was evident to her by now that until Faith had fully come to terms with everything, it was always going to have to be her who made the first move. She put her arms around Faith carefully, not wanting to make her stiffen up or panic, and held her, as she had the night before, only this time with Faith facing her.

Faith did tense at first, but as Buffy kept still, only moving her thumbs a bit to caress the skin underneath them, she gradually began to relax. When she slowly rested her head on Buffy's chest, Buffy kissed it; it was in this position that they eventually drifted into sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 24

Buffy was slowly awakened by the sound of something- or perhaps more accurately, someone- knocking on her bedroom door. At first she ignored it, assuming that it was part of her dream, but it sounded again soon after this time accompanied by the sound of her mother's voice calling to her.

"Buffy? Buffy, are you awake in there?"

Buffy groaned; she was still halfway between being fully awake and fully asleep, and she resisted having to have that state of being decided for her. She was becoming vaguely aware of something warm and solid burrowed against her, though in her fuzzy state of consciousness she had not yet sorted out who or what it was. She snuggled up even closer to it, sighing in a soft exhale as she kept her eyes closed.

But Joyce Summers wasn't going to be put off that easily. She knocked again, louder this time.

"Buffy, if you don't answer me, I'm going to have to come in there myself and wake you up… you're going to be late, and Mr. Giles will be here in five minutes."

Those were the words that shook off a bigger portion of the fogginess covering Buffy's half-awake mind. Her mom was going to come in- and Buffy knew from experience her idea of a good wakeup method, which usually involved tickling and noisy kissing all over her face that was a great way to start the morning off in a very touchy, pissed off mood. Buffy bet her mother would never try to wake _Faith_ up that way. With Faith, she'd probably come and stroke her hair and whisper in her ear to wake up- like that would make an impact on the younger Slayer, who literally slept like the dead. No, with Faith she'd probably always just let her sleep in as late as she wanted…

Faith. That was the last little push Buffy's brain needed to fully wake up. For she was beginning to remember now that the warm solid thing smushed against her was Faith… and her mother was about to walk in on them…

Buffy's eyes shot open, and though they were still blurred from sleep, she could feel them sharpening quickly as her alertness sharpened. She must have forgotten to set her alarm…

"I'm up, Mom, I'm coming. I'm awake…" she called back, loud enough that her mother could hear her, but not loud enough that it would be shouting in Faith's ear. It didn't seem to matter; Faith's eyes screwed up even more tightly, as if in protest at her inevitable awakening, and she burrowed herself even harder against Buffy subconsciously, moving her face against her chest. A sharp thrill of bittersweet arousal shot through Buffy's core, startling her with its intensity, and she was jolted even more fully awake. It was then that she realized exactly how she and the brunette were positioned…

Faith was curled up almost fetally against her, her shins pressed into Buffy's stomach and thighs, her face in Buffy's chest, almost directly between her breasts. Her arms were around Buffy's back, hands knotted into loose fists against her shoulder blades. And Buffy's hands… one was wrapped tightly around a handful of Faith's hair. But the other was up her shirt, directly cupping Faith's utterly braless breast…

Buffy's eyes widened, both with shock and horror as she realized just how close it had been to her mother walking in on her practically molesting Faith in her sleep. Not that Faith would have cared, ordinarily… she probably would have enjoyed it before her coma, gave her the teasing of her life. But nothing was ordinary anymore- there was no telling how Faith would react now.

How was she supposed to extract her hand from under Faith's shirt without waking her up? She was at a very odd angle to do so slowly… and if she just yanked it out, Faith would surely notice and figure out what was up.

Maybe she didn't' have to… after all, Faith's breast felt all smooth and soft and warm, and it didn't seem to mind. Buffy could feel her heartbeat, calm, slow, and steady under her hand, and her own heart sped up in response. Yeah, maybe she could just lay there, she thought, her muscles clinching with sudden instinctive excitement… maybe…

No! Bad Buffy, bad thoughts- and bad Buffy hands…

"Buffy!" her mother called again, making her heart seize briefly in panic. "Buffy, if I don't see you walk out that door-"

"I'm _coming_, Mom, hang on!" Buffy called back hurriedly. The last thing she needed was her mom waling in right now. Not that her _mom_ would be shocked or embarrassed- she'd probably get a kick out of it, in fact- but _Buffy_ certainly would be.

Slowly, almost painstakingly, Buffy let go of Faith's hair. That easier step done, she began to slide her hand off her breast and out from under her shirt, shivering slightly with barely suppressed and self-disgusted pleasure as her fingertips slowly stroked across her breast, ribs, and stomach lightly. Faith didn't stir, didn't appear to feel anything… in fact, she seemed almost suspiciously still.

It wasn't until Buffy had fully removed her hand, breathing an audible sigh of relief, and was reaching to gently pry Faith's arms from around her that Faith began to awaken, making an odd sighing noise and shifting slightly. As she opened her eyes groggily, Buffy smiled at her a little too quickly, trying to cover up her foreknowledge of her hand's little grope job.

"Morning, sweetie," she said softly, and then immediately worried that the 'sweetie' might have been overkill. She never called Faith that, did she? Or did she? Was she going to know that something had been up, that Buffy was hiding something from her? Not that she was- nothing big, not really. Was Faith suspicious, did she know? Did Buffy look guilty? She had never been a good liar-

Well no shit, Buffy, you _panic_. You're not even lying, you didn't say anything, and why are you making such a big deal of this? It's no big deal- none. A little tour around the bases without asking permission is all, no harm done. You didn't ask yourself permission either, you were asleep, so it's all good. It's not like you had a hand down her _pants_.

Oh god, did I? Did my wandering hands wander down- down there? And then decide to stake out new territories? Are my hands Alexander the Great?

"Mmm," Faith mumbled, scowling slightly, and Buffy had to smile at that, at least momentarily distracted by her rambling thoughts.

"Hey, I never said it was good, I just said it was morning," she commented. "I've gotta get up, Giles will be here soon and I've got… got to go to class," she muttered, remembering with a sudden sinking feeling. She wasn't ready, she didn't want to…she would much, much rather just snuggle back up to Faith and go to sleep again, preferably all day. With no more grope incidents.

Well, unless Faith wanted them… or if Faith did the groping. Yes, Buffy could definitely live with that…

No! Bad Buffy thoughts again…

"You don't have to get up, if you don't want to ," she told Faith softly, reaching to tuck a lock of hair back from her face. "I'll see you later today, all right?"

Buffy rolled over, away from Faith, and stood up, already dreading the day, the leaving her, the not knowing what she was doing and what was going on with her. She knew it was illogical, but she couldn't help it. Though she knew Giles would take care of Faith, help her should she need it, and even protect her if it came to that, she couldn't help but remember that he was an older British guy who wasn't exactly comfortable with teenagers, Faith, or touching- all which his next several days would revolve around. What's more, he also got knocked unconscious a lot.

She was going to her dresser to get dressed when she heard Faith roll herself over to Buffy's side of the bed, sitting up. Buffy glanced over in surprise.

"You're getting up? Do you need help?"

"No… just, hand me the walker," Faith muttered, meeting her eyes. "I'll get up too…"

As Buffy went to do so, she thought to herself with part respect, part worry how single-mindedly determined Faith seemed lately. It had been only three days… but then, wouldn't Buffy, in Faith's situation, have been fighting to get back to full strength as quickly as possible too? She knew she would have been… but then, the thought of Faith getting hurt or overtired already concerned her much more than she probably would have been about herself in Faith's place.

By the time Buffy had dressed and watched Faith pull on some more borrowed clothes- she was going to have to take her shopping eventually, she knew- Buffy knew she wouldn't have much more than enough time to brush her teeth before she'd have to run out the door, if she wanted to be on time for class. Today Faith had insisted, with extremely awkward balancing between the walker and Buffy's bed, on putting on her own pants and underwear, and Buffy had watched her anxiously, just knowing she would fall. Faith hadn't, however, but by the time she had finished, Buffy really needed to get going.

She was about to open the door for Faith to make her way through in her walker, having just heard the doorbell and knowing Giles had arrived, when Faith, maneuvering herself with her walker a little more confidently than the day before, called to her hesitantly.

"B?"

Buffy stopped, glancing behind at her with a questioning frown. "Yeah? Do you want something, Faith?"

Faith paused a beat before she answered her… at first she looked very serious, so intense that Buffy started to walk back to her, growing worried. But then Faith began to smile, in such a way that it seemed at first she was trying to control it, but just gave into it, until she was quite obviously smirking at her.

"Yeah, B… I wanna know if you were havin' some wicked pervy dream last night or if that was just your excuse for tryin' to cop a feel on me while I was all sleepin' and defenseless."

Buffy was completely unprepared for_ that _sly little statement. She had been waiting somewhat tensely since Faith first woke up for her to mention that… but when she hadn't, Buffy had figured the brunette hadn't noticed after all. Now she reddened, her mouth dropping. Of _course_ she had noticed- this was _Faith_. She'd probably been aware of Buffy cupping her boob before _Buffy_ was!

But even as instantly mortified as Buffy was, she was also pleased… for Faith _didn't_ seem embarrassed, _didn't_ seem disturbed or uncomfortable, or even as if it were a big deal. In fact, based on her widening smile and sparkling eyes, she rather seemed to have gotten a kick out of it… or at least out of tricking Buffy. Either way, a good sign.

"W-what?" Buffy sputtered, trying to put as much dignity in her tone as possible. "I was _not_ copping a feel. I was, I was checking your heart rate. And, and _you_ probably put my hand there anyway!"

Knowing exactly how lame she sounded, especially when Faith chuckled in amused incredulity, she turned around, not looking directly at her as she followed her to the stairs, then without asking permission, carried her and her walker down them again. By the time Buffy had resettled Faith with her walker, ran into and called out hurried greetings and cautions to Giles and her mother, and ran out the door to drive to college, she was cutting it very, very close to being late for her first class.

Still, tardiness was not the most prevalent concern in her mind. As she hurried down the halls of Sunnydale University, Buffy's mind was already turning back to Faith. Would she really be okay 

with just Giles in the house? What if a, a vampire or something broke in and knocked Giles out like usual, and Faith was all alone and Helpless Girl?

Okay, so vampires couldn't come in without an invitation, but what if they were cleverly disguised as a salesperson or something, and they had, like, a selection of tweed or some other item Giles was interested in? Or in Faith's case, chocolate or something?

Okay, so vampires can't come out during the day either. But there are lots of other demons and monster-type things that can…

By the time Buffy had reached her first class, she was almost in full fledged panic mode. All the different evil intities she had fought off before were running through her mind, and she was fighting the urge to go straight back out the door and drive back home. How was she going to be able to stand an entire day of this?

Both Willow and Oz were in Buffy's first class for that day, and they both smiled when they saw her slink into her seat about ten seconds after the professor had already started talking. Oz's smile was one of greeting, as nonflashy and laidback as Oz himself, while Willow's was more of a beam, her eyes lighting up with delighted surprise.

"Buffy! You're back!" she stage-whispered, and Buffy could tell how excited she was. For Willow to talk in class was a very rare, noteworthy thing. "You didn't tell me you were coming back today!"

"Yeah, well I didn't know I was either," Buffy muttered back as she opened her binder, trying to look like she was listening attentively even as her thoughts overflowed with Faith, demons, and demons attacking Faith. "I kinda got marching orders."

"What? Really? By who, your mom? I mean, by _whom_, by _whom_. He he, I just said the wrong grammar in English class… the literature gods are probably going to smite me now. How come, Buffy? Didn't you want to come?" Willow whispered, and several people were looking at her now, apparently annoyed by the hissing noise of her rapid speech.

Buffy couldn't concentrate on anything- not on the lesson, not on her notes or lack of them, not even on Willow. She whispered back to her tersely, "Look, Will, we'll talk later, okay? I, I really need to listen and catch up on everything here, okay?"

She felt a little twinge of guilt for that outright lie, but then again, it wasn't really a lie. She _did _need to catch up, even if she knew that wasn't an option today. She also needed to stop trying to avoid Willow's questions, though.

Willow looked a little hurt at her request, but she nodded, her face slightly stiff at first before smoothing itself out.

"Okay… yeah, okay, I understand, Buffy. You, you should focus here… we'll talk later, okay?"

As she sat back in her seat, next to Oz, beginning to take notes diligently, Buffy fidgeted restlessly. She had so far not written down so much as her name, and she didn't think she'd be getting much further than that today. God, she did not want to be there… it was taking everything she had to make herself remain in the room.

The moment class was dismissed, Buffy made a beeline for the door. She had fifteen minutes between now and her next class, and she intended to call home- with every single one of them if she had to. She had four classes back to back today- how else was she going to know what was going on, if everything was okay?

She could hear Willow hurrying behind her, trying to catch up with her, but Buffy pretended she didn't hear. She knew Willow wanted to talk to her- that they probably _needed_ to talk- but she also knew she wanted to talk to Giles or Faith. And in the moment, that was much more urgent in her own mind.

"Buffy!" Willow called out to her. "Buffy, wait, I want to talk to you-"

"I'll talk to you later, Willow. I'll call you at home when your classes are over!" Buffy called back, barely glancing over her shoulder at her. "I'll be in class- don't worry, I just gotta do something…"

She stopped at the first pay phone she saw in one of the hallways, digging in her purse for change before hastily punching in her home phone number. It was a long time before anyone picked up on the other line, a period during which Buffy grew more and more anxious. What could be taking so long?

Finally she heard Giles's voice on the other line, slightly breathless, and she almost melted with relief.

"Summers residence. To whom am I speaking?"

Ordinarily Buffy would have poked fun at Giles's formal phone answer, or at least mentally noted with amusement that both he and Willow were overly concerned- meaning, thinking at all about- when to use whom versus who- but right now she was just glad to hear him at all.

"Giles, it's Buffy. Is everything all right? Are you all right is Faith all right, is anything happening?" she asked in practically one rushing breath.

She could almost see Giles blinking in confusion before his reply, frowning.

"Yes, yes, Buffy, we're fine. Why? Is there a reason you'd think we couldn't be? Has something happened?" he asked, his voice sharpening, alert, and Buffy knew he was probably looking about, searching for intruders. Good, he should be…

"No, I mean, I don't think so, I just, I was wondering.. Giles, are you sure? Where's Faith, what's she doing?"

"That's your true concern here, I wager," Giles said dryly. "She's fine, Buffy, we were doing some exercises to help with her muscle coordination. Do you realize that it's only been an hour since your classes began?"

" Oh yeah I do," Buffy muttered. "Longest freaking hour of my life."

"Buffy, everything is quite under control, there is no need for you to worry," Giles chided her quietly but with a firmness Buffy knew was a reprimand.

"Yeah, I just, I wanted to make sure," Buffy muttered again, and she realized she was starting to flush, twisting a lock of hair between her fingers like a child. "I just thought I'd check, you know… see if any vampires had broken in or something…"

"Buffy, vampires cannot come out in sunlight. And they have to be invited in," Giles reminded her, echoing Buffy's earlier stream of thought. "Surely after three years as the Slayer you realize that?"

"Oh… yeah…"

"This is what I was referring to last night, Buffy," Giles continued, and his voice was a little softer now. "Your feelings towards Faith are all well and good, you are free to have them, and she can no doubt benefit from them. But you cannot let them block you from accomplishing things of equal or greater importance. I understand and appreciate your concern for her, but right now it isn't helping either one of you, but rather holding you both back. You have to let her branch off, Buffy- you can't send her the message, or allow yourself to think, that she is in any way less capable than you are. Not only for her physical recovery, but also, I suspect, her mental one. There are a lot of issues for her to thrash out, I suspect- with herself, with you, with her past. You cannot help her by doing too much for her."

Buffy was quiet for a few moments, struggling with what he had just said. She knew it was probably true… hadn't Faith said basically the same thing to her last night? Hadn't she even got a little upset with her for her actions meant to protect her? But still, Buffy couldn't help it…

It seemed only logical that as Faith grew more stable mentally, emotionally, and physically, that Buffy would worry about her less…but the opposite was true. The more sure of herself Faith seemed in all ways, the more fearful Buffy grew that something would happen to take her away from her. If nothing else did, Faith might decide to leave her. It was irrational, and Buffy knew it, but she couldn't help her own thoughts.

"I know, Giles," Buffy said quietly, and the conflict in her tone was obvious. "I'm just… I don't know…"

"I do understand your worry, Buffy, but for the time being I believe that it is entirely unnecessary," he told her. "Now, Buffy, I really don't want you calling here again today- we will be quite all right while you're at school. If something were to happen, you would be certainly alerted one way or another."

His voice sharpened suddenly. "Speaking of class, aren't you supposed to be in class right now? I must say, to be paying for your education, young people certainly don't seem concerned to be getting their money's worth these days…"


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 25

Buffy was indeed for her second class; her third class she managed to make it to, however. This class she shared with Willow as well, and she could tell from the way Willow kept trying to catch her eye, looking at her with an expression somewhere between concern, confusion, and frustration, that she was wondering about Buffy's behavior earlier, trying to get her to give her some kind of clue as to her reason for blowing her off. Buffy gave her a quick, obviously distracted and insincere smile, mouthing 'I'll tell you later' to her. She could tell from Willow's expression that the redhead was a little hurt, even miffed, but there was nothing Buffy could do about it then. She would make it right with them later… after the events over the last few days, she and Willow were long overdue for a talk.

Buffy tried to concentrate on her lectures for the rest of the day, but her mind kept circling back to Faith. She knew it was ridiculous for her to be so anxious. Faith was not a baby, nor on the brink of death. She was a strong girl in every possible way, and Giles was there with her. But no amount of logic could fully convince Buffy in her own mind that without her there, everything could still be okay.

Buffy practically leapt out of her seat when her last class had been dismissed, almost running down the hallway and outside to the parking lot. As she got into her car, her heart was beating faster than normal, her stomach moving with simultaneous relief and nerves. Somehow, she thought even so that if she could just get through this one day apart from Faith, just one day before seeing that she was okay, she would feel better about leaving her for all the other days. This was just as silly kind of thinking as all her other logic- but what the hell, if it got her home fast today and made her less anxious tomorrow, it couldn't be a bad thing.

Never an exactly highly safe driver in the best of circumstances, Buffy bordered on accidents more times than she was even aware of on the ten minute drive to her house. Her only indication of a problem with her driving was vaguely wondering why so many people were honking horns lately. Was there a demon that caused road rage, or were people just rude?

She had barely parked her car before she was already leaping out of it, hurrying up her porch steps and through the front door. Seeing that Faith and Giles were not in the living room, as Buffy had expected, Buffy's heart involuntarily skipped a beat, until she realized that she could hear Giles's voice, however, and she followed into the kitchen.

"Now, in the seventies, the Slayer was a young woman by the name of Nikki Wood. She was African-American, killed on a Bronx subway, I believe, by a vampire. Now what's interesting about Nikki was that she was the only Slayer in history that also had a child- a boy, I believe."

"Really?" Buffy heard Faith's voice ask, and she was amazed to hear not sarcasm or boredom in her tone, but rather genuine interest. "She had a kid? How'd that work out?"

"I'm not certain, Faith- I believe that her Watcher may have raised the child after her death. History never seems to see fit to note details such as that, which are not considered by historians to be of much importance."

"Yeah, they wouldn't, would they?" Faith asked, and there was a tense edge to her tone. "Things like kids and who cares about them aren't important- they'd rather spill the details of the bloody deaths of rich and famous people. Makes more interesting reading I guess." She paused, and as Buffy came up to the entranceway, she heard Faith chuckle.

"Guess the guy had to go from being esteemed Slayer Watcher to your average Joe kid-watcher…"

As Buffy entered the kitchen, she blinked in near startlement several times, struck by the oddness of what had apparently been going on in her absence. Not only because had Faith and Giles clearly been involved in an animated conversation about the history of Slayers- a topic Faith had never expressed the slightest interest in before, to Buffy's knowledge- but also at what Faith was doing while sitting at the kitchen table, her walker at her side.

Faith, who had proclaimed through both words and attitude to be as far from Miss Domestic Girly-Girl as a clearly un-butch female could get, had a baking sheet and a bowl full of batter in front of her. And her hands were covered with cookie dough, cookie dough that she was forming into balls on her tray.

Apparently all was well, Buffy thought as she gawked at Faith for a few seconds- Faith, who she had thought never cooked anything more difficult than a sandwich or TV dinner. That is, unless _this_ is a doppelganger…

"Faith… you're cooking," Buffy blurted, and the two glanced over at her quickly, seeming surprised to see her standing in the doorway. Faith seemed to cringe slightly, as if a little embarrassed, but then she shrugged, smiling gamely.

"Yeah, well, G-Man here apparently doesn't believe in the much easier art of opening a package of cookies, and since they're kind of hidden, and all… hey, I can cook!" she said defensively, 

dropping the start at tall tales when she saw Buffy start to smile. "Better than any godawful shit _you'd_ probably try to pass off as edible, Blondie. How do you think I ate when I was younger- _My_ stay-at-home-mom didn't exactly stay at home most of the time."

She stopped herself somewhat abruptly, her face stiffening as if at an unwelcome memory, or in reaction to having said a little more than she'd intended. For a moment things were a little strained between them, until Buffy crossed the room to come stand behind her, resting her hands with deliberate casualness on Faith's shoulders as she peered over her shoulder, feigning interest in her cookie making. Well, maybe it really wasn't feigning… they looked pretty good to Buffy.

"I'm not saying anything, Faith. Just a little surprised, is all. It's not that I didn't think you could cook… it's just, I don't' know, it's cute."

Faith's head whipped around rather sharply at that, and she gave off an indignant little noise, only half genuine, that reminded Buffy of something she herself would make.

"_Cute_? Can you _get_ more freakin' patronizing, B?"

"Hey, I'm not trying," Buffy started, dreading another misunderstanding and feeling a quick flash of guilt over her earlier excessive worry.

But Faith didn't let her finish. She had been holding a ball of cookie dough in her hand; as she looked at Buffy with a perfectly straight face, she took it and pressed it up against her upper chest, smushing it in firmly. Buffy jumped, squawking in surprise as the cold, gushy dough ground into her shirt. First she gawked, then glared at her as Faith grinned.

"Faith!" she sputtered, wiping at her shirt, and only managed to make it spread out and grind in further. Faith's grin widened, and she blinked innocently.

"Oops," she said sweetly, "guess my hand's still a little shaky, B…"

As Buffy continued to glare at her, trying to keep from smiling, Giles himself was hiding a smile as he began to back away.

"Well I suppose we can continue our conversation tomorrow if you are still interested, Faith…"

Turning towards him, realizing that he was making his exit when Faith, still smirking, called out a goodbye, Buffy asked in a voice striving for casual, "So, so everything was okay then while I was gone? Nothing much happened?"

"No, nothing, Buffy," Giles replied in the same nonchalant manner, meeting her eyes briefly but meaningfully. "I may have had to feign deafness a few times as a hysterical response to her comments, but then, that's hardly unusual with Faith."

Faith smirked at that comment, and Giles smiled back at her briefly before turning to leave. This gave Buffy a nice opening for a retaliation. Snatching up one of the dough balls Faith had placed on the cookie sheet, she moved Faith's hair off of her neck over one shoulder, smashing the cold, gushy ball right into the center of her neck and rubbing it in with undisguised glee. Her smile broadened as Faith's eyes grew huge with shock at the sudden sensation, and she sputtered for a few moments, hands covered with cookie dough, unable to get out whatever undoubtedly vulgar words she was currently thinking.

"I'd say that my hands were shaky too, Faithy, but they totally weren't," Buffy said in the same overly innocent tone her sister Slayer had used on her earlier. "That was completely and totally deliberate…"

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Several cookie dough smashings later, the two girls almost snorting with laughter, finally called a truce. Buffy loved the way Faith's eyes were glowing, her smile full and almost childlike in its delight, the way her usually husky laugh got higher in pitch and younger in sound the happier she seemed to feel. After her worry over Faith all day- a worry she was beginning to realize all over again had been silly- Buffy felt good to see Faith so light-hearted, more so than she had had seen her since before her coma. She seemed to be slowly getting back to herself… the _good_ parts of herself.

Not that Faith was bad, of course- that had been the wrong word. The lighter parts of herself, her personality- that was better way of putting it. The things about her that made Buffy love her in the first place…

Maybe Giles had been right… maybe it _was_ good for Faith to have a little space from her. Just one day already seemed to have done her good.

It wasn't until after they had cleaned the mess they'd made in the kitchen, changed clothes, and scrubbed at doughy body parts, and put the seven remaining cookies that _hadn't_ been hurled or rubbed onto someone into the oven that Buffy remembered not only that Willow's last class was over, but also that she had promised to call her when she was. Leaving Faith to watch over the cookies in the kitchen, Buffy had muttered something vague and went into the living room to call Willow.

Willow's voice was breathless, slightly wary when she answered, and Buffy thought she heard another voice in the background of their dorm room when she answered. A female voice… Tara?

"Hello?"

"Hi, Willow!" Buffy said, with just a little bit too much forced brightness to her tone, clearly shaded by guilt. "I know I'm calling a little later than I said… I'm sorry, I just, I kinda got distracted."

"It's okay," Willow told her, but her voice was sort of funny, making it obvious to Buffy that she didn't feel like it _was_ okay. "Is, is everything okay with you, Buffy? How… how's Faith doing?" she asked, and she stumbled slightly over the second question, as though it were uncomfortable to say or she was not entirely willing to ask.

"Everything's fine, Willow- Faith's fine," Buffy replied, frowning a little at Willow's tone but not knowing what she should do in response to it, if anything. "I was just worried, today, kind of overreacting, I guess. See, Wesley came over with Giles last night and they did a lot of talking I didn't really listen to, and Giles got Faith a walker, and she's been using it, so he's staying with her whenever Mom and I are gone, so I was just worried and wanted to make sure everything was okay and no Super Vampire who can defy vampires laws had attacked…"

"Uh… okay," Willow said, sounding baffled, and Buffy realized that all she'd just said hadn't exactly flowed together nicely. In fact, it was downright nonsensical for anyone who hadn't been there, even if it had seemed perfectly logical to her when she said it.

"So… so it went okay with Wesley coming then?" Willow asked, focusing on the one aspect she'd been sort of able to follow.

"Oh… yeah, it was fine," Buffy replied, trying to force her thoughts to slow down. Breathe, Buffy… focus. Attempt to make a tiny bit of sense here.

"It was weird though, Will- major with the weirdness. I mean, he wasn't even wearing tweed. Wesley, I mean, Giles was. Or was he? Was Giles wearing tweed? I can't remember," Buffy rambled, and she was nervous for some reason- probably because of her own guilt- just trying to talk to Willow. This was stupid- Willow was her best friend.

Her best friend who seemed to be trying to concealing the fact that she was miffed at Buffy.

"Anyway, Will, he just seems different… not so, so Wesley. Ish. Even if he does like Robin…"

"What?" Willow asked, sounding completely confused now, but Buffy hurried on, barely listening. She had an urge for some reason to keep talking, to try and get Willow distracted by something she said, so maybe the redhead would forget or get over her annoyance with Buffy.

"He, he even apologized to Faith, Will. Well, to all of us really, but to her especially. He really wants to help her, really feels bad about how he handled everything, and wants to change. I think he wants to start a revolution in the Council or something. Isn't that great?"

"Yeah… yeah, great," Willow echoed, but her voice was heavy, her tone far from sincere or even pretending to be anymore.

Hearing it, Buffy breathed out slowly, reluctantly. She was obviously going to have to talk to her… her little technique of distraction hadn't worked.

"Willow… is something wrong?" she asked slowly. "I'm sorry for, for you know, blowing up at you earlier today. And yesterday. God, I sound like such a bitch… okay, maybe I was_ being_ a bitch. I, I'm sorry… it's just, with Faith, and everything, I have a lot on my mind, there's a lot going on. I just… I just worry, Willow," she finished almost helplessly, her voice soft.

Willow's voice took a little while in coming, but once it did, her voice soft too, less holding resentment. "I know you do, Buffy…" she took a deep breath, audible over the phone line. "I… I do too, I worry too… about you."

Buffy frowned. "About me? Why? I mean, other than the being the Slayer- one of the Slayers- and doing the whole evil-fighting and all- other than that, why, Will?"

Willow hesitated, exhaling again. When she answered, her voice was slow at first, but quickly gained confidence and momentum.

"You… you seem so, so intense about Faith, Buffy, and so fast. I mean, I never even thought you were really even good friends with her, even before she went all Psycho-Girl, and now, now all of a sudden you love her, you've turned, turned gay for her, you're constantly worried about and thinking about her… I, I'm not saying it's wrong," she said hastily, her eyes widening as Buffy's narrowed. "I don't have a problem with it, or with her. I mean, I do trust her… well, as much as I can considering. It's just… Buffy, what if her being all Meek-and-Sorry-Girl is only temporary? What if she gets better and changes her mind, or turns around and betrays us? Or even if not, even if Faith really isn't going to do that… what if she just runs, leaves you? You know what she's like, Buffy… Faith's never exactly been Miss Faithful, no pun intended. I just… I don't want you to get hurt, Buffy."

There was more to it than that, Buffy knew… Willow didn't want to get hurt either. She had always been wary of Faith, even before Finch… Buffy suspected sometimes that she didn't resent and fear Faith so much then as the time and friendship that Faith might take away from her.

Was that still true now? Even just a little bit?

Buffy paused, thinking about Willow and what she had just said to her. She wanted to be angry with her, defensive, but she couldn't be. They were valid concerns, and she knew it. Hadn't some of them crossed over her own mind as well?

"Well… I can't promise she won't, Will," she said slowly, thoughtfully. "That's one of the things I worry about… but, but we can't do that. We, we have to trust her, Will…"

"Why?" Willow asked, a little sharply. "I just don't understand why… I don't even get why you love her. Are… are you _sure_ you do, Buffy? Are you sure it's not a Slayer thing, or a crush? Maybe you feel guilty-"

"No- no, Willow, we've been through this," Buffy said, in a more irritated tone than she'd intended. "I _know_ I love Faith. I _know_ it. It… I love you too, you know? I love you… you're my best friend, and I know I love you too. Nothing can take that away- nothing. It's the same with her. I know I love her… but I love her differently than I love you. It's the same thing… but different."

Willow was quiet; Buffy could hear her breathing, but she was not saying anything. Sighing, Buffy continued talking, trying to make her understand.

"Will… you don't understand Faith, Willow, so I can't blame you for worrying. But you just have to trust me. You didn't see her like I did… you didn't see her memories, her thoughts, her life. I, I still can't say I fully understand her, but I, I understand a part of her now…"

Buffy trailed off now, sighing again. She was beginning to get a little upset again just remembering. She didn't think she was saying anything right to Willow, didn't think Willow got what she felt, what she meant.

Her doubts were confirmed by Willow's next question. "Buffy… what was it in Faith's mind that was so bad? About her memories… I know she had it rough with her Mom dying and her Watcher dying and all. But we've all had people we loved die… we've all had it rough in different ways. So, so what makes Faith's rough times and bad memories so special?"

Willow's words were rude, but she didn't say them in a rude or sarcastic way. She said them quietly, hesitantly, and Buffy knew she was really asking, really wanted to know. She wasn't' trying to be bitchy or mean… she really seemed to want to know, to understand.

For several moments Buffy paused, torn. She didn't feel right sharing with anyone, even Willow, the details of what had gone on inside Faith's mind, especially without her knowledge or permission. It felt highly personal… but Willow really seemed to need to know, and if it helped her to feel better, helped her understand…

Buffy exhaled slowly, gathering to speak words she knew would bring back painful memories. It was bad enough to remember… but to say it out loud…

Her throat was already tightening as she started, and she swallowed, trying to even out her tone but not succeeding in doing so fully.

"She… she was hurt so badly, Willow," she said hoarsely, already feeling the tears standing in her eyes. "Faith was abused, she was abandoned in every conceivable way, by everyone who was supposed to love her… no one ever loved her, no one ever took care of her like they were supposed to, like she need them to. I… I saw her as a little girl, at all different ages, in all these different memories. I watched her mother have sex in front of her when she was only seven years old. I watched her find her mother holding her head underwater in the bathtub when she hardly more than a baby… and then I watched her find her mother dead on the when she was fourteen. I watched her Watcher being murdered in front of her when she was sixteen. I saw her dirty, hungry, scarred…I… I s-saw her after she'd been raped for the first time, Willow… she was nine years old…"

Buffy was dangerously close to tears now; she sniffed, blinked, trying to retain control. Her breathing had quickened, and she could not banish the memories of Little Girl Faith from returning to her mind. As tears pressed hard against the back of her eyes, Buffy concentrated on keeping them back, knowing she was losing the battle, but knowing also that she didn't want Faith to hear her and come in the room to find her crying.

On the other line Willows' breath had caught audibly at Buffy's last sentence, and after a moment she spoke, her horror genuine in her voice. "Oh my god… Buffy…" she said hoarsely, helplessly.

Buffy sniffed again, blinking furiously at the tears pricking her eyes.

"Yes," she croaked, clutching the phone tightly. "Don't you see, Will… I, I don't think Faith has ever moved past all that. At least a part of her hasn't… and that, part of that is why she acted like she did. I don't think she could help it hardly… she still can't with some stuff. She, she needs our help with it. Sometimes… sometimes, even now, when I look at her, no matter what she's doing, all I can think about, all I can see, is that horribly abused little girl… sometimes…"

Buffy's voice stopped suddenly… for the hairs on the back of her neck, her forearms, had prickled. A strange, but all too familiar sensation slowly made its way down her spine… the sensation of being watched.

Watched by Faith…

Buffy's heart nearly stopped; she could not, in that moment, find her breath. When she finally gained the muscle control to slowly turn around, she was proven correct in her suspicion.

Faith was standing in the doorway, her fingers gripped so tightly around her walker that her knuckles were white. At first Buffy thought she looked almost blank, numb… but then as the hurt, then anger flickered across her eyes, Buffy knew she was far from indifferent to what she had heard. What was questionable was how long she had been standing there, how much she had heard… and whether she had misunderstood.

That question, too, was soon answered. With startling speed, considering that she was using a walker, Faith turned around without a word, practically jogging as much as was possible for her with the help of something other than her feet. Buffy heard her swearing as she wrestled with getting through the door and down the porch steps; still, it was a few second before she could snap out of her shock enough to move.

"Oh god…" she breathed, her voice cracking badly.

"What is it? Buffy, what happened?" Willow was asking anxiously, but Buffy barely noticed, barely heard her.

"Faith, oh god, Faith! Faith, wait!" she cried. "Will, I've got to go-"

She dropped the phone, hurrying to the front door nearly as clumsily as Faith in her horror. Her head was pounding; all she could do was hold back tears as her heart splintered in her chest.

She was certain she had just ruined everything.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 26

Author notes: Sorry for another cliffhanger… I know, I know, I have tons of those. I actually intended to post the whole thing, but I didn't get to finish writing this chapter today, and it would have been really long anyway… I'll try to post more tomorrow.

Buffy could see Faith, already an amazing distance ahead of her down the street, cursing under her breath every step of the way as she wrestled with her walker. Faith was using it like crutches almost. Her arms propelled her forward much more quickly and powerfully than her legs, which Buffy could see even from a distance were shaking badly- probably from emotion and adrenaline more than physical weakness, or at least as much as. She was really already astounding adept with the walker; Buffy was surprised she hadn't tossed it aside and just started running, or at least attempted to. Then again she was sure Faith wasn't thinking straight right then.

Not that trying to run when your legs weren't in full working order yet would be thinking straight either, she guessed. Obviously Buffy's brain was working no better than Faith's at the moment…

Buffy ran after her, her heart pounding in rhythm with her footsteps slapping against the sidewalk. This was one of the worst possible times that Faith could choose to run… not only would her mother probably come home at any minute from the gallery, but it had also been getting dark early lately. Buffy betted that within an hour, all the vamps and other big bad uglies would be roaming about…

Somehow in her panic Buffy's perilously close-to-surface tears had disappeared, and all she could think about was getting to Faith, making her understand… she _had_ to. God, what was it lately with no one understanding? It seemed like everyone in Buffy's life was taking turns being upset with her, and that at any given moment she could lose them all… at any given moment she would be completely alone.

Faith was fast, but Buffy, with full Slayer strength and two healthy legs to work with, reached her easily. Gasping slightly, more with emotional upheaval than weariness from her sprint, she stopped in front of Faith, blocking her path. Face twisting with frustration and fury, Faith, cursing loudly, tried to turn herself around, to get around her, but no matter where she turned or how quickly she did so, Buffy easily blocked her. It was obvious that she was not going to be able to get anywhere.

"FUCK!" Faith shouted, face reddening, her every muscle taut as she glared at Buffy so fiercely that Buffy's stomach dropped in dismay. "FUCK! Let me fuckin' by, _Buffy_, let me_ by_!"

"No- no, Faith, stop, I'm sorry!" Buffy cried desperately, her eyes wide. She reached out instinctively, trying to touch her shoulder, but Faith jerked away, almost falling. She caught herself in time, gripping the walker tightly as she continued to look at Buffy with a near hatred that brought the tears back to her eyes… for along with the hatred tin Faith's eyes, Buffy saw as well the pain, her raw sense of hurt and betrayal.

"Faith- Faith, you've got to listen to me! You- I don't think you understand-"

"Oh, I understand, _Buffy_," Faith spat, her eyes going as hard and biting as her tone, so dark they were nearly black. She was sneering, but there was no amusement, no charming quality to her expression. "I understand that all you said to me was bullshit. I understand that you look at me like a fuckin' child, like I'm fuckin' helpless, that you can't even stand to look at me because you think about me like that! I understand you feel fuckin' _sorry_ for me, and that's probably why you're doin' and sayin' all this shit! God… I should have known all a-fuckin'-long!"

It flashed through Buffy's mind disjointedly that it was a good thing Willow still had the glamour of a blonde college girl on Faith for all but her and the Scoobies to see when they looked at her. Seeing as how Faith was supposed to be dead, it definitely wouldn't have been a good thing for her to be seen screaming in the streets. Still… the walker was rather conspicuous, especially paired with her mouth.

Why the hell was thinking that now?! That was the_ last_ thing to worry about!

Faith tried to shove her way past Buffy again, but Buffy stepped in front of her again, halting her. Frustrated, Faith let out a growl, deliberately slamming her walker into Buffy's shin and nearly toppling them both in the process. Both cried out, Buffy in startled pain, Faith in rage and irritation.

"Stop- Faith, I have to talk to you, let me explain! Stop it, I'm sorry!" Buffy cried, her voice shrill, the tears closer to bursting forth than ever.

"LET ME FUCKIN' GO!" Faith bellowed, and there was more pain in her voice than before, raw, stark, horribly obvious. Seeming to realize this, her face tightened, and her anger only seemed to intensify. She tried again to get past Buffy, ramming her walker into her even more aggressively, but Buffy grabbed onto it, putting her hands over Faith's and squeezing them tightly. Faith pulled at them sharply, but Buffy kept her hands clinched hard around them, 

trapping Faith's around the walker. As Faith grunted in near panic, her eyes wild, glittering, Buffy continued to hold on. She was afraid Faith was going to hurt herself trying to get away from her, but she was acting instinctively, not knowing how else to keep her still long enough to listen.

"Faith- Faith, stop it! Listen to me- please, you have to listen to me!" Buffy begged, trying to catch her eye, trying to get her to stop struggling with her. What she really wanted to do was grab her arms, or get her into a bear hug that would force her into holding still, but she could only imagine how Faith would react to that. She didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to enrage her any further, and just holding her hands down seemed to infuriate her enough as it was.

"Faith, _listen_ to me! I'm sorry, god, I'm _sorry_! I should never have said that- I didn't mean it, it's not even true! Not the way it sounded- Faith, I didn't _mean_ it-"

"You _did_ mean it, Buffy, I fuckin' heard you say it!" Faith screamed, and the veins were standing out in her neck, her usually attractive features so contorted with the violent force of her emotions that she looked distorted. "Are you tryin' to tell me you were fuckin' lyin'!? Who were you lyin' to then, Buffy- Willow, or me? 'Cause it sure seemed to me like it wasn't Willow!"

"No! Faith, I didn't lie to you- I didn't lie to anyone!" Buffy cried desperately, her tone pleading. "I didn't mean it like that at all, not like it sounded! I _love_ you, Faith- god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean-"

"If you didn't mean it, then why the hell did you say it?!" Faith fired back, still roughly twisting and straining her hands under Buffy's. Buffy had to use most of her strength to keep them pinned down. She knew she had to be hurting Faith; any harder and she would break her hands. But Faith did not let on that she was in pain, didn't' stop struggling; she was stubborn, and she was enraged.

"Why the hell would you say somethin' if you didn't fuckin' mean it?!" Faith continued to shriek, as Buffy held down her hands, hating herself in that moment. "Why did you say anything!? _God_, _dammit_, Buffy Summers, _fuck_ you! _Fuck_ you! I fuckin' _trusted_ you, I fuckin' _believed_ you, and it was all just a big game, it was all a lie, you _lied_ to me! You fuckin _used_ me to feel better about yourself, to convince yourself you were okay, you're not just another vicious killer like Big Bad Faith. Oh, _excuse_ me- Big Bad Faith, what the hell am I talkin' about?! I mean _Little Abused _Faith, I mean _Little Raped and Broken_ Faith, I mean that _Little Girl_ Faith that you can't get out of your fuckin' Pollyanna head when you look at me! Big Bad Faith is _dead_, she's the one you fuckin' _gutted_, right B? All that's left now is _helpless_ Faith, that '_horribly_ _abused little girl'_ Faith… and that's the way you like it, isnt' it?"

Faith was breathing heavily now, her chest rising and falling sharply with each ragged inhalation. She had abruptly stopped trying to yank herself away from Buffy and now just glared up at her, her face made small and vicious with fury.

"What the _hell_ made you tell her about me!? What the _hell_ made you think that would be okay?! 'Oh, she'll never know, so that makes it okay. She won't notice if Willow is suddenly and strangely nice to her. She won't be able to tell just by lookin' at her naïve, expressive little face!' How could you think that was okay, Buffy?! Did you even fuckin' _care_ what I wanted, what I would feel!? For someone claims to _love_ me, you sure don't fuckin' seem to understand the word!" Faith yelled.

Buffy could feel the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks then, surprisingly hot. Her chest heaved as she tried to still the beginnings of sobs. The thing was, she knew that Faith was right… she knew she deserved every bit of her anger and bitterness.

She had had no right to reveal to Willow, someone who Faith was by no means close to, someone who didn't even like Faith, the personal details of Faith's past, regardless of her reason for doing so. She had no right to reveal it to anyone if Faith didn't want her to… my god, she hadn't even talked to_ Faith_ about it, and Faith certainly hadn't brought it up on her own. How had Buffy thought she would ever understand, that it could ever be okay? Yes, so maybe Willow understood Faith a little better now… but at what price?

Was Faith right? Did Buffy not know what love was… did she not really love Faith, but just feel sorry for her all along? Did Buffy not understand or know how to give love any better than Faith did?

NO! No, Buffy did love Faith… she knew she did. She just… she didn't know how to handle it, didn't know what to do with it. Her only other relationship had been with a 200-year-old vampire, who knew and had seen more than she could ever comprehend… that had been more than difficult enough to fumble her way through. How the hell was she supposed to know what to do, what to feel and say in a relationship with a girl younger than she herself was… a girl who hurt much more vividly than Angel had, who was infinitely more confused? It seemed nothing she said to Faith would ever be the right thing… everything she did to try and help her only seemed to make things worse.

Maybe Faith would be better off without her. Maybe Buffy would only hurt her worse in the long run…

No! No, she _would_ make it better, she _would_ make this work. She loved Faith… she was beginning to feel she needed her, in a way she couldn't describe. And whether or not Faith knew or wanted to, Buffy was certain that she needed her as well.

Buffy took a long, shuddering breath, sniffing up tears; she didn't dare release her grip on Faith to wipe her face. As she lifted her eyes to meet- or attempt to meet- the brunette's once again, she took in another steadying breath, trying again.

"F-Faith… I, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean… that was wrong, it all came out wrong. I shouldn't-"

"You're damn right you shouldn't, you're damn right it was wrong," Faith snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously- and yet she was still shaking, probably resulting in the main reason she was no longer trying to pry her hands out from under Buffy's. "Do you not fuckin' understand?! I never wanted _you_ to know, I never wanted_ you_ to see, that's why I never freakin' _told_ you, that's why I never _talked_ about it, Buffy! I didn't want you goin' in my fucked-up head, and lookin' at my fucked-up life- do you think I wanted you draggin' someone _else_ into it, so they can have 'poor-pitiful-Faith' parties too?! Well fuck that, Buffy- I don't need you or your pity, and I don't' want it, so back the fuck off!"

"Faith," Buffy choked, feeling more tears streaming, knowing she must look pathetic, and not caring in the slightest as she pleaded with her. "Faith please… I'm sorry. I was wrong, I know it. I-I wasn't trying to hurt you… I wasn't th-thinking. I w-was trying to help… I, I wanted Willow to understand, I wanted her to-"

"I don't _want_ her to understand!" Faith fired back. " I don't' want _anyone_ to understand! I didn't _ask_ you to try and understand, I didn't ask you to try and get anyone _else_ to understand, I don't _want_ you to try and fuckin' understand me! I didn't' _ask_ you into my head, Buffy, _you_ just barged in and fumbled around, and then you come out and think you can just do whatever the hell you want with me, you think you can feel _sorry_ for me, and tell me you love me, and none of it matters, none of it means _shit_ to you-"

"It _does_, Faith!" Buffy interrupted, her voice rising. In spite of herself, she could feel herself starting to grow frustrated, even a little indignant. She was _trying_ here- all she had done was try with Faith, even before she woke from her coma. _Especially_ before- hadn't she placed her life in danger in order to bring Faith back? _Before_ she knew for sure Faith wouldn't turn evil on her?!

Okay, so maybe some of Buffy's tries had been wrong… make that most of them. Maybe she had just done possibly the stupidest thing she could have possibly done if she wanted Faith to love and trust her… but still. It _did_ mean something to her that Faith was upset. It meant everything.

"Faith, I meant it- it _does_ matter to me," Buffy said, a little shakily. "I… I was trying to help you, Faith. It's not that I wanted to see all your personal stuff…. I, I wish I hadn't, actually. I wish… god, I didn't _want_ to, Faith! They were going to _kill_ you! The Council was going to let you starve to death! I saved your life!"

"I never fuckin' asked you to!" Faith cried, and the rawness of her tone, the anguish in her eyes, chilled Buffy, made her swallow hard. "I didn't_ ask_ you to save me, B! I didn't want you to… for all I cared, you could have let me die, just let them do it! But instead you go pokin' around in my head, you go around screwin' with me, and I'm supposed to be so fuckin' grateful… well, you should have just left me alone, B, you should've just stayed away! It would've been the best thing for me, the best thing for everybody… why did you have to do that? Why did you… you should have just let me be," Faith said, and suddenly her voice was fading, faltering in volume and intensity. Buffy was stunned to see the anger flickering, shoulders slumping, eyes beginning to shine with barely reigned in tears. "Why the_ fuck_ couldn't you just leave me alone… why couldn't you just let me…"

She inhaled with a long, shuddery noise that caused Buffy's heart to throb with her empathy, regret, and desire to comfort her. It seemed that nearly all of the wild fury that had driven Faith before had suddenly been sapped out of her, and she was unable to look at Buffy, unable to hardly stand. She looked like someone who had had all of her hopes stripped away from her, giving her no strength, nothing at all to sustain her… and Buffy knew with new, sickening clarity that this was not far from the mark.

She had just taken from Faith everything that had just began to build her up, everything that had started to increase her confidence and strength, her hope for herself and her future. She had stripped her of her pride and dignity, her privacy, her control… everything that Giles and her mother had warned her Faith would need, she had taken from her in a moment of stupidity. If she had wanted to hurt Faith, to make her feel like no one would ever see her any differently, like she could never get past her past, would always be inferior… well, Buffy couldn't think of a better way she could have done so.

She had even taken from Faith her slowly developing trust in her, her belief that someone could really care for her, love and value her for something other than sex and her slaying skills… that Buffy could. And now, Buffy had no idea how long it would take to win that trust again, to make everything even possible anymore.

Buffy sniffed again. She had made herself stop crying, but seeing Faith so despondent was making her want to again. Slowly, on impulse, she took her right hand off of Faith's; when Faith did not look at her, didn't' try to move away, she slowly reached out and touched her face.

Now_ that_ got a reaction from Faith. She jerked violently, shoving Buffy's hand away once again and trying to move herself apart from her. Her heart leaping, Buffy grabbed Faith's hands again, actually managing this time to pry them off of the walker. Faith shrieked at her hoarsely, and Buffy wondered grimly just how many people had heard her and looked out their windows at them in the past ten minutes. As Faith tried to jerk away from Buffy, she almost fell again, just barley managing to keep her balance as she continued to pull at her hands sharply. Buffy hung on determinedly, trying to talk over her.

"Faith, stop! I'm not going to let you fall, but I'm not going to let you go either! If you keep fighting me, you're going to _make_ us fall!" Buffy said, but Faith wasn't in the mood to listen.

"Let me go!" she hissed, partly leaned against the walker as she struggled with Buffy, but Buffy was as stubborn as she was.

"No! No, I won't! _Listen_ to me- you_ have_ to listen to me!" Buffy said urgently, looking intently into what she could see of Faith's face. "I'm _glad_ I didn't let you die, Faith- I'm _glad_ I saved you! I hate what I saw in your head, I hate that I had to see it, that it had to happen to you. And yes, I'm sorry it happened to you. But _no_, I'm _not_ sorry that I went in your mind- I'm _not_ sorry that I saw your memories. I'll _never _be sorry for that, because it helped me save you. And I will _never_ be sorry I saved you."

Buffy paused to draw in a breath, and Faith too had stopped fighting, except for occasional little jerkings, more to maintain her dignity than to actually be trying to get away. Looking at her, Buffy realized that whether she realized it or not, Faith was giving her a chance… the last chance she'd likely ever give her. Buffy knew she better make the most of it.


	29. Chapter 29

Author notes: I'm leaving for another vacation tomorrow… won't be back until next Saturday, so probably won't post more until that Sunday. Hopefully I will be able to write a lot more and FINALLY decide for GOOD who my villain/s will be… P.S. I_ do_ realize that some of Buffy's words sort of echo Faith's to her in Angel's series in the canon.

Chapter 27

"I… I love you, Faith," Buffy said again, her voice shaking slightly. "I always have… but I was stupid, I was scared… well, I still am stupid and scared, really. But… but I realize now, it, it doesn't matter… well, it does matter, but… god, I'm doing it again, I'm not saying it right! Look… it, it took almost losing you for me to realize that I loved you, Faith," Buffy said quietly, and her voice was even more uneven then. "I don't want that to happen again. Please… tell me how to keep that from happening again, Faith. Tell me what to do to keep from losing you… tell me how to make it better…"

"I don't _want_ you to make it better, B!" Faith said roughly, but she didn't try to pull away, didn't scream her words. Her back and shoulders had stiffened up again, and her legs were very straight, still quivering slightly as she stood with only the support of Buffy's hands locked around hers, resisting even that support from her. "I want you to let _go_ of me, to leave me the hell alone!"

She said that… but she had said B, not Buffy, and her eyes showed an ambivalence, a torn sentiment, as if she were suddenly uncertain of her own words, her own feelings and thoughts. God, Buffy hoped that this was the case… god, she hoped that she would be able to use that, somehow, to make Faith see what she really felt… what it really was she wanted from her.

_And what is that, Buff?_

She wanted her, of course… she wanted Faith to love her back, to show her affection easily… but she also wanted her to love herself.

"Faith, I can't," Buffy said softly, and she squeezed Faith's hands, her tone gentle, even as she blinked against newly rising tears. "I can't… I'm sorry, but I can't. I love you… no matter what happens, no matter what you do, I love you, so I can't just let you go. If… if you decide you d-don't want to be with me… if you decide to leave, as soon as you're healed, I can't stop you. I _won't_ stop you… it'll be my fault, and it will kill me inside, but, but I can't let you go right now, not like this. And I can't not try to make things better…"

She sniffed again, still holding Faith's hands, not quite as tightly as she had been before, when Faith had been trying to escape. Faith's face was very still, her brow furrowed deeply, and her dark eyes flickered with a tangle of thoughts and emotions too strongly different, too closely entwined, to put into words or actions. All Buffy knew now was that she was showing far from pure fury right now… and that gave her hope, gave her the slimmest of chances.

If only she wouldn't screw everything over again.

"You don't love me," Faith rasped finally, and yet there was not a full certainty in her tone, not a full conviction to her words. "Stop sayin' that. You don't love me… you love who I was. You love that little girl… you feel_ sorry_ for me, you_ pity_ me, you feel _guilty_ about me. But you don't love me."

Her breathing was quickening now. Buffy could tell that she was beginning to grow agitated again, working her way up to another outburst. But this time, Buffy had a feeling she was having to concentrate to make herself feel it… that she had to remind herself what she should be doing.

"You feel sorry for me," Faith repeated, her voice harder now, her face tensing with increasing anger. "I don't want you feelin' fuckin' _sorry_ for me, I don't want your fuckin' _pity_! I'm a Slayer too- why the hell can't you seem to remember that?! I _killed_ people, Buffy- I'm a murderer, and you just want to forget that, you want to forget how close you were to becoming me! Don't you fuckin' feel _sorry_ for me, _Buffy_- and don't you tell me-"

"I AM going to tell you, Faith!" Buffy practically screamed, her patience vanishing abruptly, giving way to desperation. "I love you, I love you, I love you! And if you're not going to listen, if you won't understand, if you won't believe me, then I guess I'm just going to have to _show_ you!"

With that, Buffy abruptly released Faith's hands. Before Faith could stumble, or start to back away, Buffy had roughly circled one arm around her waist, pulling her close against her , pressing Faith's body hard into hers. With the other hand she buried her fingers deep into Faith's hair at the back of her head, pulling her face closer to her own as she pressed her lips fiercely against Faith's.

At first Faith went rigid, her eyes widening in shock. After a few seconds she tried to pull away, twisting her body, trying to turn her head. But Buffy held onto her, a weird determination coming over her as she kissed Faith again, with none of the gentleness or hesitation that she had 

before. As she made Faith to hold still, made her keep her mouth against hers, she kissed her with a hunger and forcefulness that shocked ever herself.

Somehow, without Buffy even being conscious of it, a part of her had suspected that this was the kind of gesture Faith might understand. If this was what Faith thought love was- if this was what she was so certain Buffy could never do- then she was going to give it to her. It was illogical, and probably the worst, most dangerous thing she could have done.

But it seemed to work… somehow, for reasons Buffy would never ask about, never fully understand, it seemed to work.

Almost a full minute went by with Faith resisting, straining against Buffy, her heart galloping in her chest as she writhed in Buffy's tight hold with, panicked, infuriated… and terrified. But as Buffy refused to release her, continued to kiss her almost savagely, Faith's struggles eventually stopped… and almost in spite of herself, she was kissing Buffy back.

Buffy was not sure how long they remained there, mouths and tongues working, with a forceful urgency that seemed nearly as much about domination as passion or affection. Faith's hesitation quickly slipped, and it was obvious that she was quite experienced with this kind of kissing, this kind of "love.." but did she understand why Buffy was doing it? Did she understand what she was showing her, what she was trying to prove? Or did she think she was using her, getting off on her like everyone else?

With that thought, Buffy pulled away from Faith hurriedly, still keeping an arm around her waist, a hand at the back of her head, though much more gently and loosely than before. Faith frowned, seeming utterly confused, and Buffy couldn't blame her. She'd been jerking her in all directions, and it was about time she tried to be completely straight with her.

Buffy wasn't sure exactly what the kissing had been for herself… to really show love, to force a reaction from Faith, whether voluntary or not, to just make her be quiet and focus on her, on something other than her anger for a moment, or all of the above? She didn't even know if it had been a flash of brilliant or incredibly stupid and arrogant action.

Whatever the case though, it had invoked a reaction from Faith, and it had made her at least temporarily fall into a stunned silence. As Faith stared at Buffy, eyes wide and strangely young, yet jaded, suspicious- poignant, yet wary- Buffy took in another breath, trying yet again to explain herself. Which, given that _she_ didn't understand herself, would be a good trick.

"Faith," she began hesitantly, "Faith, I want you to understand. That… the, the way I just kissed you… _that's_ how I feel about you. I mean, I know how All My Children-esque that sounded… I know haven't exactly expressed it like that up until now… but that's the way I feel. You've got to admit… that's not exactly the way you'd kiss someone who you feel sorry for, or think of as weak or helpless or-"

Buffy caught herself just in time… for she had been about to add 'a little girl' to the end of that phrase. And no doubt Faith _had_ been kissed like that, or somewhere in that manner, minus the emotional ties, like that as a little girl.

"That… no one kisses someone like that if that's the way they feel about them," Buffy stumbled, briefly shaken, but quickly gathering herself. "I _love_ you, Faith. And maybe you don't believe, maybe you wouldn't know how to take it if you did believe. Maybe I don't know how to show it right, or say it right. Maybe everything I do and say is the wrong thing. But I don't _want_ it to be. I want to do and say what you want me to, what you need me to. I… god, I've never been good at this. I've screwed every relationship that ever meant something to me because I did something stupid…. It was always my fault. Faith, I don't know if I'm even _capable_ of not doing stupid things when I love someone. I think it's the Slayer thing… or, or maybe not, maybe it's just me.

I don't want to be stupid… god, I'm being stupid right now, aren't I?" Buffy babbled nervously, sneaking at glance at Faith. When Faith just looked at her, her expression not changing, Buffy sighed.

"Yep. I am. Faith… I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you… I wasn't trying to do something stupid… but somehow that's exactly what I ended up doing anyway. It, it really did seem like a good idea, Faith… I, I really thought it would help. I… Willow, she still has a hard time accepting you…accepting us. And, and she just, I wanted to get her off your back,

I wanted her to lay off you, lay off us both… so I told her. I know I shouldn't have… but, but as stupid as it sounds, I did it because I love you. Because I love you, and I didn't want her doing something to make you think I didn't, or I shouldn't, or that there's something wrong with you… because I wanted her to accept you. She, she's my best friend, Faith, and I didn't want her to look at you as evil, and I… I just wasn't thinking at all. I'm so sorry," Buffy said, almost breathless now, and she looked at Faith again, waiting for some kind of response, some indication that she was at least listening, if not forgiving and forgetting.

But Faith was still just staring at her, her expression not quite blank, but also not easy to interpret. There was vague sentiments in her eyes, little flickers of thought or feeling, but Buffy didn't want to stare, to try too hard too soon to figure them out. And still Faith didn't pull away, yet didn't draw closer, and she did not speak. She seemed to not even have been listening. And yet somehow Buffy was almost sure she was waiting, almost desperately hoping that she would 

keep going, that Buffy would manage to stumble across the right words, whatever they might be. The words Faith need to hear from her…

God, what _were_ they?!

"Faith…" Buffy began again, taking in another slow breath. "I… I'm, not going to lie… it does hurt me, to think about what, what I saw in your head…" and dammit, but her voice cracked, and tears were coming again. NO, stop, stop it, Buffy! Control… control, control, control… there you go.

"It does… but I know that isn't you anymore. I know that's not all you'll ever be. I, I don't want you to think that I think that, Faith. I know you're strong, I know you're capable, in so many ways, and I'm sorry if I imply that you I don't think that sometimes. It's just… I get scared, Faith," Buffy admitted, and her voice was growing smaller, weaker; she did not look into Faith's face. "Not… not for you, so much as for me. I…I'm afraid you'll leave me…if not by dying, again… then just leaving, just going away. But, but that looks like that's going to happen anyway now, isn't it? I wouldn't blame you… right about now, if I were you, I'd probably want to leave me too."

She stopped then, not knowing what else she could possibly say, short of begging… and she had basically done that already, hadn't she?

Buffy had a feeling that none of what she had just said to Faith was going to make a difference. Even after their kissing, even with Faith's response to it… and who knew why Faith had responded to it? Probably even Faith herself didn't know. It didn't mean she believed her… it didn't mean she forgave her. All Buffy knew for sure that it meant was that Faith was as confused as she was.

Faith was still staring, still motionless… but there was a little more life to her face now, a little more intensity. She seemed to be searching Buffy's face, probing her eyes as her own narrowed, guarded… and yet Buffy thought they had softened, ever so slightly.

"B…" Faith said finally, and her words were hardly more than a sigh. "B, I-"

"Two little blondies… well isn't that sweet," drawled a voice from behind them, and Bufy jerked her head around, only to see an obviously young, newly created, and so falsely brash vampire 

strolling towards them. He grinned cockily as his fangs slid down over his lips. "Wow! And one of them's the Slayer! Do you girls taste any different from other chicks?"

"_One_ of them's the Slayer?" Faith blurted, offended, even as her eyes widened with surprise at the vampire's sudden appearance. Neither had realized that dusk was settling around them as they confronted each other; they had been entirely too focused on each other.

"Well, yeah, you're just some girl, right?" the vampire shrugged, still casually strolling towards them. "Not that I'm complaining, you look pretty tasty and all. But a Slayer- now that's a real treat…"

Well at least Willow's glamour on Faith is obviously still working, Buffy thought distractedly as she instinctively tightened her grip around Faith's waist, moving her body so that she was between her and the vampire. Normally a vamp like this- clearly new, overly cocky, and not as good as he thought he was with the wisecracks- was a piece of cake. _Two_ pieces of cake. But right now she had Faith to think about… and for all she knew a horde of vamp pals were just around the corner. And Buffy, of course, had run out the house without a stake, a cross, or holy water.

Oh damn it… how the hell had she not noticed it was getting dark?!

"Stay close to me," she muttered to Faith as she glanced around quickly, looking for some sort of weapon. Her house was way behind them… and damn, she was on a sidewalk, there was nothing-

But Faith had never been one for following instructions. As Buffy began to move herself into a physical combat position, Faith was pulling away from her… and on feet surprisingly strong and sturdy, she was picking up her walker, just as the vampire began to lunge at them. Jerking it up into the air, Faith rammed him hard with one of the four blunt walker legs- with enough force that it went right through his heart.

For a few seconds the vampire froze, his face twisting in disbelief… and then with a scream of pain, he exploded into a cloud of dust that disintegrated, along with a brief of flash of skeleton. Left gripping the walker without it being stuck into anything, Faith stumbled back, falling back onto her backside on the concrete sidewalk.

"Faith!" Buffy cried, finally breaking out of her temporarily stunned, gawking paralysis that had occurred from the second Faith broke away from her and continued until she fell. "Faith, are you okay?"

Putting one hand behind Faith's back and wrapping the other around her forearm, she pulled her to a sitting position, watching her anxiously. But Faith seemed unhurt, even waving her off as she tried to stand by herself. She was actually grinning, her eyes glowing with pleasure, self-satisfaction, and faint amazement as she answered a bit breathlessly, "Yeah, B, I'm five by five… lay off me, would you?"

But there was no real hostility or even annoyance in her tone; she barely seemed to notice, was even still grinning when Buffy helped her to her feet anyway, scanning her over and keeping her hands on her until she was sure Faith was standing steadily. And she was… the walker was lying on its side a few feet away from her, and Faith didn't seem to miss its absence in front of her. Shaking her head, she said out loud to herself, "Damn, that felt good…"

Buffy was still almost gawking at Faith, her mouth slightly open, her hazel eyes huge with her shock. _Faith_ had staked that vampire- before _she_ could- with her _walker_, no less.. god, so much for her delicate condition…

Seeming to suddenly realize that Buffy was still staring at her, and cluing in quickly to her train of thought, Faith's smile dropped, and she looked over at Buffy, some of her resentment and defensiveness coming back to her eyes.

"What, you thought I couldn't do it?" she snapped. "After all your talk about knowing I'm so strong and capable? Or was that all for show too? I _am_ a Slayer, B- it's like gettin' back on a log. Or is it horse? Fuck it, I don't care. Not the point."

"What? No, of course not," Buffy said hastily, realizing how she must look and quickly snapping her eyes up to meet Faith's. "Just… surprised, Faith. I didn't know you could stake a vampire with a walker. I don't mean YOU you!" she added quickly, her eyes widening in momentary panic. "I mean GENERAL you! ME you! ANYBODY you- not you, Faith!"

Faith looked at her for a few more minutes, not saying anything. Buffy swallowed, her heart sinking.

"Faith… Faith, I'm sorry-"

"Say it again and I'll use the walker for somethin' other than stakin'," Faith said flatly, her expression grim, and Buffy had no doubt that she meant use it on her. She lowered her eyes, swallowing hard as her shoulders slumped, and a lump rose in her throat.

She could not cry… she had brought this on herself, she had told Faith she couldn't do anything to make her stay with her. She wouldn't go back on her words- and she wouldn't make herself more pathetic boy crying again.

But as she dared to glance up at Faith after a few moments of heavy silence between them, she realized that Faith was still looking at her… and something about her eyes, her expression, had shifted subtly, somehow loosening, seeming more uncertain.

"Faith…" Buffy began hesitantly, hopefully, but Faith cut her off, the meaningful look she gave her making it clear that it was not Buffy's turn to talk.

"Look, B. I am still very fuckin' pissed at you. It is not okay right now, you got that? It is NOT okay. I do NOT want to talk to you, I do NOT want to you to apologize, and I do NOT want you to try and make it okay. IT IS NOT OKAY. But… but it's gettin' darker, and your mom should be home now, and she'll be wonderin' where I'm at and all… so I'm goin' home, and you go kill some big bads. And if come home horny, you know how to turn the shower to cold," Faith finished up, her tone very even.

Buffy just blinked, unable to first to believe that she had really heard what she thought she had. But she had… and she knew it for what it was, could see the guarded tiny spark of potential forgiveness Faith had just offered her.

Oh god, she was so freaking lucky. She didn't deserve this… she so didn't deserve this from her.

Buffy was too astounded even to smile. She just gaped dumbly at Faith, not moving, until Faith cocked an impatient eyebrow at her.

"If you're tryin' to make me do _all_ the slayin' for you, not gonna work, B. _Go_."

She started to turn away from Buffy, toward the Summers' house… but at the last second, so abruptly that Buffy was not sure whether Faith herself even realized what she was intending, she turned back to her. Grabbing Buffy roughly by the shoulders, she kissed her almost harshly, thrusting her tongue into Buffy's mouth.

Buffy was too shocked to respond in any sense, and Faith ended the kiss nearly as quickly as she had started it. When she pulled away, looking at Buffy with a weird little half smile, half sneer, Buffy had no idea what was going through her head… and maybe that was her intention.

"Don't talk," Faith ordered, and her tone was strangely quiet. "Just… just go."

With that, she turned and walked away slowly but steadily, leaving her walker in the sidewalk. Buffy was left staring after her, more confused- but more hopeful- than ever.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 28

Buffy took her time patrolling, she was too troubled, too anxious by what had happened between her and Faith to be in any kind of mood to go home and begin facing her again. Maybe Faith had had the right idea… put some separation between them for a while, give them both time to calm down. God knows Buffy needed it… she was still struggling to process what had just happened between them.

Faith was walking on her own now, almost with more confidence than Buffy herself was- a feat no doubt sped along by the adrenaline and confidence boost of the vampire she had just staked. Which was another thing… Faith had just staked a vampire. Which meant, pretty much, that by the end of the week, if not sooner, she'd be completely healed… and Buffy had opposing, but equally strong, feelings about that.

On one hand, Faith being healed would be great. Buffy knew it was in her best interest, and that it was what Faith herself wanted. She knew that Faith hated feeling weak and helpless, hated having to depend on others to help her and watch out for her like she was a child or invalid. Buffy hated to see Faith hurt, hated to see her frustrated and unhappy…

But on the other hand, the sooner Faith had all her strength back, the sooner she could decide to leave Buffy, to head off on her own. And Buffy didn't even want to think about that…

She was just shocked that Faith had decided not to leave her today… that for now at least, she seemed to be giving Buffy another chance. Maybe she was more tired than she had let on, and didn't want to collapse partway to wherever. Maybe she realized that with nothing but the clothes on her back she'd have a pretty rough existence for a while. Maybe she was plotting revenge on Buffy right now, and realized she'd have to be around her to carry it out…

Buffy didn't know… and honestly, she wasn't sure she cared. All that mattered right now was that Faith hadn't left… Faith had turned to go home, Faith was going to be there when she came back. All that mattered was that there was a chance that Buffy hadn't blown it entirely with her yet, that she hadn't lost all her chances of getting Faith back.

What Buffy was worried about was not Faith, so much as herself. How was she going to win her trust, her love, again? Was it even possible for her not to screw things up? What was she going to do- how could she possibly make things better?

Faith had kissed her… before she went back to the house, and after her terse words about how pissed at Buffy she was, she had kissed Buffy, almost with more tongue than lips. Buffy was still trying to work that one out too. Did that mean she had forgiven her a little more than Buffy had thought? Was she trying to show Buffy that she was the dominant one, she was the one in control? Was she trying to confuse Buffy deliberately, or make her come panting for more so she could deny it to her?

Or was Faith simply horny and impulsive after her slaying and acted on impulse?

There was no way Buffy could know, and she knew Faith wasn't going to explain to her. She only hoped as she paced the Sunnydale cemeteries that that would not be the last time she felt Faith's lips on hers…

Buffy finally started back for her home nearly three hours later, having staked and pummeled- in reverse order, of course- nearly seventeen vampires. She was not tired, however, but keyed up, her body buzzing with her adrenalized reaction. It had been almost an entire week since she last slew, and her body was feeling it majorly. Usually it was an amazing sensation… but today it only seemed to heighten her anxieties. She was almost jittering with each step, and her stomach squished uncomfortably, her heart fluttered as Buffy walked home… home to Faith.

What had Faith been doing while she was gone? Had she softened in her anger with Buffy yet? Not that Buffy deserved it- but god she wanted it.

Her mother was definitely home by now. Had she been talking to Faith again? Had she figured out what had happened? God… Buffy cringed at the thought of Joyce's probing, concerned eyes on her… possibly even her angry, disappointed eyes. Hadn't she told Buffy about how good and patient she'd have to be with Faith?

Buffy had psyched herself out into a near nervous wreck by the time she reached her porch steps. It took several deep breaths and a brief self-lecture before she gained the courage to step out into her own house.

Joyce was home, as Buffy had figured; both she and Faith were in the kitchen, having already started with their dinner that Joyce had obviously prepared while Buffy was gone. Joyce smiled at her daughter as Buffy came to stand uncertainly in the doorway.

"Sorry we didn't wait for you, Buffy- Faith wasn't sure how long you would be, so we went ahead and ate. Everything's still on the stove- Faith helped make it, didn't you, honey?" Joyce said, turning her smile toward the younger Slayer.

Faith had glanced up at Buffy when she came in, then quickly looked down, her expression slightly tense. She flicked her eyes briefly toward Joyce at her addressal.

"All I did was open some cans," she muttered, seeming almost embarrassed by Joyce's acknowledgement- or maybe at the thought of Buffy knowing she had cooked even more than just cookies today.

Joyce laughed at that, shaking her head. "Faith, that's all I do too, half the time. When you're a working woman, TV dinners and pre-made meals are things of beauty."

As Buffy passed the two of them to get out a plate for herself, she thought she saw Faith cringe slightly at her mother's last sentence. She frowned, not understanding the brief darkness that had crossed Faith's expression. What could possibly have disturbed her about such an innocuous comment?

"Isn't it wonderful that Faith is walking on her own now?" Joyce said to Buffy as she came to sit at the table awkwardly, still trying not to look at Faith too much, but unable to keep from doing so anyway. "You girls still amaze me with your healing," she commented, smiling at Faith again and shaking her head. "It's like you have nine lives."

"Not yet," Buffy and Faith both muttered under their breath, then looked up at each other, startled. Buffy tried a tentative smile, but Faith quickly dropped her eyes.

The rest of the evening was pretty quiet; Buffy was not sure as she finished her meal whether or not her mother and Faith had talked while she was gone about her or what had happened between her and Faith. She highly doubted that Faith would have brought it up on her own, or that she had been at all willing to talk about it, but then, Joyce's gentle probing had made Buffy blurt out things without meaning to more times than she liked. And Faith still seemed to trust Joyce, if not Buffy.

Buffy tried to tell from her mother's face, but Joyce didn't give anything away with her eyes. Her blank-innocent-face was quite annoying if she wasn't actually innocent, Buffy thought with some irritation.

Faith definitely was showing a different demeanor from earlier- almost as if she were an entirely different girl. She was very quiet, distracted, seeming lost in her own thoughts. She seemed… pensive, was the word that came to Buffy's mind. Not angry so much as thinking hard, confused… maybe even a little sad. She avoided Buffy's eyes… and yet several times Buffy caught her stealing glances at her.

Joyce had pretty much ignored the obvious awkwardness between them. She had spoken to both girls, of course, acting as though their silence and depressed demeanors were nothing out of ordinary. Just as Buffy had finished eating at a much faster speed than usual, for she didn't want to sit and try not to look at Faith longer than necessary, Joyce had called her back. She had explained to Buffy that she had talked again with Giles while she was gone, and that he would still come by while Joyce and Buffy were gone during the day to work with and re-train Faith, just to help her get better and stronger that much faster. She was still not up to full strength, of course. However, he would arrive later in the day and would not need to stay as long.

Buffy understood the unspoken message her mother was trying to convey to Faith with her words. She was trying to show her that they trusted her to be alone for longer periods of time- even now that she was more mobile and could easily run or get herself into trouble if she wanted to. They were subtly letting Faith know that they didn't think she would, giving her an opportunity to prove herself… and giving her space and independence as well, something Faith seemed very much to want and need. Buffy hoped Faith realized all this too.

After eating, Buffy took a long, hot shower. It was meant to relax and soothe her as well as cleanse her, but she couldn't quite seem to unknot her tensed muscles, to let go of her tangled, anxious thoughts. All she could do was wonder what Faith was doing, feeling, thinking… and if she'd ever come close to the laughing, cookie-dough-throwing girl she'd been with Buffy earlier again after what had happened…

It was still very quiet between them when Buffy emerged from the shower, and without mentioning it to each other that they were doing so, the girls began to prepare for bed. Buffy dawdled, letting Faith go ahead of her to use the bathroom, and not coming in even when she knew Faith was just brushing her teeth. She didn't want to crowd her, to make herself around too much, where Faith might be made even more annoyed or angry at the sight of her. But how long could she really do that? They were_ living_ together… and if she had to completely avoid Faith, Buffy would go insane.

They barely exchanged two words between them; Buffy was still somewhat hopeful in that she didn't think Faith looked overtly pissed at her, still, just rather somber and unhappy. However, that was almost worse for Buffy. Whatever Faith was thinking about, Buffy just knew it would trace back somehow to her… _she_ was the one who made her feel that way.

Faith being furious was bad enough… but with that softer, serious, unhappy look… _that_ killed Buffy. She tried not to look at her too much, because every time she did, her stomach knotted, her heart twisted, and a lump choked her throat…

Buffy didn't try to bring up what had happened earlier, to apologize yet again. She didn't ask Faith if she was okay, or if she and Joyce had talked, though she was thinking all those things. She didn't bring up how Faith had kissed her back… and then kissed her again, all on her own. She wouldn't have known what to say, or how to say it… and after all that had been mangled by her speaking without thinking earlier, she wasn't going to risk it again so soon.

The girls got into bed together still without saying anything; Buffy shot Faith several quick glances, but Faith did not return them. She had not protested or even mentioned them sleeping in the same bed. At least that was a good sign, Buffy thought to herself. Or maybe not. Maybe she just didn't want to deal with Joyce asking her why Buffy was sleeping on the couch.

The two girls lay there for several minutes, a very careful and deliberate space between them before Buffy finally worked up the nerve to say something- even something innocuous.

"Faith? Faith… good night."

At first Buffy didn't think that Faith was going to reply. A silence stretched out between them, long, extremely awkward, and Buffy cringed, her stomach sinking. Oh god, Faith was still majorly pissed at her… she was just going to completely ignore her. God, Buffy hated the silent treatment. But the silent treatment from Faith…

Finally Faith responded, interrupting Buffy's increasingly frantic thoughts. It wasn't much- it wasn't even a word. But at least it was an acknowledgement, and that made Buffy feel a tiny bit better.

"Mmm," Faith mumbled, and for a few moments, Buffy's hopes were restored.

But they were quickly stifled again when Faith didn't say anything further, and she herself could not relax enough to go to sleep. Buffy lay there, her breathing slightly too fast, too raspy, as all her worries and fears about her, Faith, and her and Faith, together, ran through her mind rapidly, stumbling all over each other. She couldn't stop them, couldn't even slow them, and it was agitating her, making her choke up with her emotions. She was never going to get to sleep…

She could tell from Faith's breathing as well that the younger Slayer too was not asleep, though she held herself very still, did not say a word. Though they were apart, Buffy could practically feel her body heat, the mess of emotion running through her, mirroring her own.

All Buffy wanted to do was roll over and pull Faith to her, wrap her in her arms… but there was no way she could do that now. She might not EVER be able to do that now…

Without meaning to, or even realizing in time that she was about to, Buffy began to cry. She didn't want to- she didn't even really know why she was doing it, besides that she felt so bad, so guilty and depressed… but she couldn't help it, couldn't make herself stop once she had started. She tried to hide it, not wanting Faith to hear. She didn't know how the other girl would react, and Buffy herself was horrified at her tears, angry at herself for shedding them when it was she who was the reason for her own misery- not to mention Faith's.

She didn't deserve to cry, she told herself as she shut her eyes tightly, putting a hand over her mouth to stifle any sobs that might threaten to escape her. This was her fault… stop it, Buffy, this is YOUR fault…

She was quiet, but not quiet enough to escape Slayer hearing. She could hear Faith rolling over, could hear her slow intake of breath, could feel her watching her even as Buffy kept herself turned away, kept herself from facing her. Buffy could not see Faith, but she didn't have to look at her to sense her surprise, her awkward confusion… and her concern. Faith was concerned about her, even worried…

That should have relieved Buffy, made her feel better, more hopeful, but instead the opposite was true. To know that Faith felt any kind of sympathy for her right now only made her feel even guiltier, even more like a bad person.

"B?" Faith asked her quietly, and her voice was hesitant, yet sincere. "Are… are you okay?"

Buffy swallowed, pressing her lips tightly together for a moment. She didn't turn to look at the other girl, didn't trust herself to speak for a little while.

"Yeah," she said finally, but her voice wavered, betraying her. "Yeah, I-I'm fine, Faith… just go to sleep…"

Faith went quiet again for a few minutes, minutes where Buffy took in slow, steadying breaths, managing to slow, if not entirely stop, her flow of tears. God, she felt so guilty, so stupid, to even be having them… but she was so scared. She could lose Faith… she had already come so close to doing so, and nothing had yet been set in stone. It entirely depended on Faith… and as much as she had felt she knew and understood her now, the brunette Slayer could still be so utterly unpredictable.

Buffy could not see Faith, but she could hear her slow breaths, could just imagine her regarding her with a furrowed brow and confused dark eyes. And after a couple of minutes she heard her speak up slowly, uncertainly.

"Hey… hey, don't, don't cry, B… it's…"

Her words trailed off, and then, to her sudden shock, Buffy felt a light, hesitant touch on her back, between her shoulder blades. As Buffy fought her urge to turn around, or even just to go glance back at her, the hand began to move slowly up and down against her back, rubbing her almost gingerly, but with real caring as well.

"Don't cry, B… just… don't…"

Her voice was almost as slow and awkward as her touch, and Buffy could sense her struggle… and yet she did not take her hand away, but continued to rub her, if uneasily. She was giving her reassurance, giving empathy, even if conflicted about it, to _her_…

It made Buffy want to cry more than ever. God… it was horrible to have Faith angry and upset with her, but now she almost thought it hurt worse for her to behave sweetly towards her. She didn't want her to be silent and sad, nor snappish and ticked off… but she couldn't enjoy her touch or show of caring for her either.

With a loud, shaky inhalation, Buffy made herself roll onto her back carefully, out from under Faith's hands, but not in a way that would seem she was obviously rejecting Faith's touch so much as readjusting her position. After a few minutes she had mostly managed to stop crying, though her stomach still twisted itself tightly in her torso.

As Buffy fixated her eyes upward, blinking deliberately, she could feel Faith watching her, could feel even without touching her how Faith's body had tensed with indecision.

Quite suddenly Faith had scooted herself close to her, and a hand had slowly gone up to touch her face, her arm hovering, not quite touching Buffy's body. As Buffy's eyes widened with surprise, her body jerking slightly, startled and yet undeniably glad for Faith's approach and closeness, she looked up at Faith, just barely able to make out the serious, slightly troubled contours of her features in the darkness.

And then Faith was partially propping herself up with one hand, leaning closer to Buffy's face without quite touching her body in a manner that seemed awkward and uncomfortable. She softly kissed Buffy's cheek… and then, after a few seconds' pause, her lips.

Automatically a thrill shot down Buffy's spine, and she shivered, her skin tingling. She did not think did not feel anything further than her own instinctive pleasure at the feel of Faith's lips on her own. She began to kiss Faith back, her arms quickly going around her, attempting to pull Faith's body closer against her.

For a moment Faith let her, even seemed to enjoy it as her body sank down onto Buffy's, as she continued to kiss her in the same awkward, slightly fumbling, but gentle, eager manner that she had the day before, in the way that had made Buffy realize she had probably never kissed or been kissed in such an affectionate, sweet manner before. She seemed to be learning fast, both in how to do it, and how to enjoy it, and Buffy had completely forgotten her guilt and sadness, her fears of loss. She had forgotten everything but the feel and taste of the girl nearly lying on top of her, could only focus on her current intense pleasure as vivid sensations roll through her rapidly. She nearly arched her back, gasping aloud with their intensity.

But then suddenly Faith was stiffening, her whole body freezing, as if a sudden thought had paralyzed her. She pulled her face away from Buffy's quickly, and in the few seconds before she released her, rolled off of her, Buffy had seen the stark fear flashing in her eyes.

Buffy's heart clinched, and she started to sit up, anxious, bewildered, started to ask Faith what was wrong, what had so quickly caused her to change in her behavior. But before she could do so, Faith's eyes had darted back to her, and she spoke falteringly, yet not with anger so much as confusion.

"B… I'm, I'm goin' to sleep now. So… just…good night…"

She lay back down quickly, closing her eyes, but Buffy knew she wasn't asleep. She didn't think that it was her own behavior, so much as Faith's, that had scared her.

Faith, she suspected with sudden clarity, was getting scared by just how quickly she had forgotten anger, forgotten hurt and betrayal that Buffy had caused in her, and fell back into speaking to her, touching her, as she had when she had been starting to trust her. She was withdrawing, because she was scared…

Somehow, though, Buffy was not discouraged by this, however, but rather, reassured. Faith still was clearly attracted to her, even if she could forget for even a few moments how Buffy had hurt her… maybe she even still loved her, if she had in the first place. But what's more, Buffy felt now that Faith didn't WANT to hate her, didn't WANT to be angry or upset with her… and that more than anything had to help.

Buffy closed her eyes, already noticing how her heartbeat had calmed, her stomach settled. She felt much better, even though, ultimately, Faith had ended the kiss she'd initiated, had pulled away from her. She felt now that she would be able to sleep. They might be okay… if she tried hard enough, even though she'd been stupid, even though she'd messed up, they might be okay…because Faith wanted them to be.

And her best proof for that was the way Faith was lying next to her… much closer than before, her hip, leg, and shoulder brushing Buffy's in a way Buffy knew she HAD to notice…


	31. Chapter 31

Author notes: Now that I have established the villain/basic climax in my mind… story should speed up some. Now this obviously is an in-between chapter getting everything set up… so sorry if slow/boring.

Chapter 29

Nearly a month later

Buffy crouched down behind the alley's dumpster. She could see the vampires approaching, all six of them; they were walking in a cluster, chatting animatedly and not very softly or discreetly about their destination for the night's meal- the Bronze, of course. How original…

Obviously these vampires didn't realize that subtlety might aid them in scoring some blood for the night. First there was the fact that none had bothered to remove the dirt from their hands and nails from having just dug themselves out of their graves. Then there was the loud, excited volume of their voices as they bickered over blood-sucking methods. There was the fact that there was six of them together, clustered like girls gossiping in a public restroom.

And then, on top of it all, there was the little factor that all six of them were wearing their vamp faces. All in all, not a very bright bunch. Easy kill.

Especially with Faith at her side.

Buffy glanced over at her sister slayer. Faith was on the other end behind the dumpster with her, half standing, half crouched along with her. Buffy had to grin. For the past three weeks, Faith had been patrolling with her regularly, but she never tired or seeing her wide-eyed excitement and the dimples flashing from her anticipant smile.

Faith's smile widened in response to Buffy's, and Buffy knew how her breath must be quickening, her heartbeat speeding up, a stirring sensation spreading from chest to groin… she knew, because that was what was occurring with herself.

Their eyes meeting, an understanding was exchanged between them that needed no words. A second lapsed between them, and then, at the same moment, they both leapt out at the vampires, with Buffy in front of them, Faith behind.

It wasn't a very long battle. The vamps had clearly not been at all aware of their presence- they were too new to yet have extended senses of smell- and they had reacted with shock, two of them meeting an end upon Buffy's and Faith's stakes before they had time to move. Each slayer took on two of the remaining four for herself, and several blows and four stakings later, there was nothing left of them but quickly dissipating clouds of dust.

Buffy and Faith turned to check on each other quickly, not even out of breath, just as they saw it out the corner of their eye. Four more vampires, emerging from behind them- bigger, older, and obviously more experienced ones- ones that looked more delighted than startled and fearful to see them.

What is this, Buffy thought, a fanged convention?

Immediately, the Slayers turned, rushing forward to attack just as the vampires did. This one was longer, exerted more effort from them both. Buffy received a painful blow to her stomach, almost knocking the breath out of her, and her heart leapt in alarm when she saw Faith reel backward, stumbling, after a particularly hard punch to the head. Still, both girls recovered themselves quickly, and more determined than ever, renewed their effort as they kicked, punched, spun, and flipped their way through the alley, dishing out a lot more than was given to them.

Within two minutes, three of the four vampires had been dusted, and the fourth had turned tail and fled. With a fast glance at each other, Buffy and Faith took off after him, chasing him as he ran right out in the open street, careless now of people or cars that might be about. Another minute or so and Faith had caught up to him, pinning him and holding his writhing, strongly bucking form in place as Buffy staked him.

Coughing a little from the cloud of dust that had rose up into her face, Faith grinned at Buffy a little breathlessly, breathing audibly not from weariness but rather a build-up of excitement and adrenaline. Buffy was breathing in an identical manner, and she beamed back at her, loving, as usual, the powerful, intense sensations of strength and arousal that always rolled through her after a slaying… and especially after a slaying with Faith.

"You're bleedin', B," Faith said, her voice slightly raspy, and Buffy's hand drifted up absently to her left eyebrow, where Faith's eyes seemed to be looking. Feeling the slight dampness and irritation at her touch, Buffy shrugged, looking back at Faith with a realization.

"You are too, Faith- your nose."

Faith echoed Buffy's dismissing shrug, sniffing. When that didn't do the trick, she lifted up the hem of her already- short-hemmed shirt, wiping her nose… and in the process giving Buffy a nice look at her flat stomach and breasts underneath. She seemed to be taking her time about putting her shirt back down, despite the fact that they were standing on a public sidewalk, and Buffy's smile widened.

"Guess I better tend to my wounds too," she said, her voice dropping low, and then, with a quick glance about her to make sure no other people- stakeable or not- were in sight, Buffy slowly lifted her own shirt to dab at her eyebrow with her hem… lifting it even further than Faith had lifted hers.

She heard Faith's sharp intake of breath and grinned, knowing that she was shocked, but highly approving and appreciative of Buffy's daring. When Buffy finally put her shirt down, Faith's eyes were glowing, her dimples on display, and Buffy grinned at her obvious pleasure.

"Come here, baby, let me make sure you're all right," Buffy said huskily, and Faith didn't hesitate. Her arms closing around the smaller girl automatically, their lips met hungrily, and Buffy's heart pounded, grounding her in the moment as she ground against Faith.

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Quite a lot had changed in the past few weeks- so much that when Buffy occasionally stopped to look back, she could hardly believe how everything seemed to be turning out. For right now, in this moment, everything, after all the struggling and misunderstandings, seemed to have turned out okay, even peaceful… well, as peaceful as anything could be with Faith in the vicinity.

Ever since that bittersweet night nearly a month ago, when Buffy's tears had softened Faith, provoked an instinctively loving, if brief, response in her despite Buffy's earlier major screw-up, things had slowly built up between them, leading up to the playful/passionate relationship they shared now. Well, it seemed slow to Buffy… but really, considering that it was Faith, and Faith trying to trust and love someone who had already let her down several times, it was probably very fast in all reality. It certainly must have seemed so for Faith, because though Buffy had known she wanted it as much as Buffy herself did, Faith had tended to spook, shying away at every opportunity for closeness at first. She still did, occasionally, if she felt overwhelmed by her own thoughts or feelings.

In those weeks, however, Buffy had learned through extensive trial and error how to pace herself, when to push Faith and when to leave her be, when and how she should touch her or speak to her… skills she thought much harder to master than any slaying or combat technique, and was much prouder of having accomplished.

Not, of course, that Buffy had fully mastered them yet. The truth was that Faith was a complicated girl, often unpredictable even to herself. Even with her greater insight to Faith's past, which gave her clues as to how Faith might think about things, Buffy couldn't always predict or understand her reactions to things. It had been a little rough between them for a while… back and forth, give and take, reaching, then pulling away, hurting one another, then aghast apologies… but over the past week in particular, they had finally settled into a familiarity that if not easy, was not nearly as difficult as it had been before. A familiarity that was far from sisterly, despite their sister-slayer bonds.

It had started when Buffy's alarm had awakened her from school the morning after Faith's awkward comforting and initiating a kiss. She had realized when she had lost enough of her grogginess to comprehend a little that somehow she and Faith had ended up touching a little more than light side brushing… somehow they were fully snuggling, forehead to forehead, Buffy's knees pulled up so she was curled into a ball against Faith's chest, Faith's knees pulle dup so they were resting just under Buffy's feet. They each had an arm slung over each other so that they rather looked like twins embracing in a womb. Had Buffy not known their positioning was unintentional, she would have definitely suspected that one or the other or them had orchestrated it. But as it had been, it had been impossible to tell who had first snuggled who.

Buffy had lay there for a few moments, just enjoying the feel of holding and being held by Faith, even if she was unaware of it. But eventually she had had to gently pry Faith's arms away from her, releasing her own hold on her, and that had been what finally woke her up. Buffy had been afraid Faith would panic, as she had the night before. But instead, Faith had just moaned a little in protest at having been moved and awakened… and then, blinking blearily, she had moved slightly over onto Buffy's side of the bed, trying blindly to reach for her to pull her back close to her again. Obviously Faith had liked the sleeping arrangement, even if she wasn't alert enough to be fully conscious of it yet.

Buffy's heart had squeezed watching her, and she had impulsively bent to kiss her forehead, then, ever so quickly, Faith's lips…

Buffy had left the room too hurriedly after that to see if Faith had awakened at that, afraid to stick around and see her reaction. But when she returned from school later that day, though of course Faith didn't mention anything about the morning, she had seemed slightly less stilted and 

hesitant, slightly more open to her… and painstakingly slowly for Buffy, almost superhumanly quickly for Faith, it had grown from there into their current relationship.

Buffy's and Faith's relationship wasn't the only one changing… it seemed that everyone around her was shifting, growing and stretching, and their relationships changed as a result. For one thing, there was Willow, and her relationship with Oz… i.e., it no longer existed. Only a few days after Buffy and Faith's confrontation, Oz had broken up with Willow, seemingly out of the blue. It was not, as he'd explained to a shellshocked Willow, because he did not love her, or did not want to be with her, but rather, because despite loving her and wanting to be with her, he knew that it was not in her best interest…that as a werewolf, being with her would never be in his best interest.

As Willow had tearfully, fumblingly relayed to Buffy, Oz had explained to her in his direct, not-very-wordy way that contrary to whatever Willow thought or believed, he was not different from her only three days of the month, did not only feel wolfish characteristics then. The wolf part of him was always there, always present… it was just that, for most days of the month, he kept it tightly locked away, tightly contained inside himself. Though the full moon was the only thing that had released his control over it so far, Oz was terrified that somehow, something else could do so too, when he was not expecting it. Even if not, he had warned her, there was still the great chance of him one day hurting her while in wolf form, if not others he loved. It was far from unlikely… for without the library cage to lock himself into now, he had a hard enough time containing himself.

The bottom line had been that Oz didn't think he was safe for Willow… and despite her desperate protests that living in the Hellmouth and being the Slayer's best friend meant you were _never_ safe, he hadn't been swayed. Oz had told Willow that he was leaving college, leaving Sunnydale entirely for some time, to try to find a way to remedy or at least control his situation.

But what had stunned Willow the most had been Oz's final words to her. Looking her directly in the eyes, he had told her that he didn't want her to wait for him… and that, when the time felt right for her, she should, with his blessing, try to have with Tara the security he didn't think he was able to provide for her. As Willow had gawked at him, completely stunned and aghast simultaneously at his insight, yet also feeling a horrified, shamed relief, he had quietly told her that he had seen Tara look at her, could smell her feelings for Willow… and that whether Willow was aware of it or not, he had sensed the same with her. He had told her he thought that Tara would be better for her, that the two of them together would be stronger, but with him and her, they were made weaker, for she was endangered even as she tried to protect him.

Though Willow had been too upset to think so at first, and Buffy had offered her comfort and sympathy, she had privately, if somewhat sadly, thought that Oz was probably right. His and 

Willow's relationship was, in a way, similar to how hers and Angel's had been, if not in the same level of severity. Though Buffy had hoped that they would last, she had suspected they wouldn't… and she had thought something was strange about Willow's and Tara's friendship, that they did seem oddly drawn to each other, as if they just fit somehow.

In the last couple of days, it had seemed that Willow was cheering up a little… and Buffy thought she seemed to be gravitating toward Tara, perhaps without even realizing it. Within the month's end, Buffy suspected, Oz's blessing would be fulfilled, and the two would be dating. She hoped Oz would stay in touch through postcards or something with Willow, just to let her- and the rest of them- know he was doing okay.

God… a few months ago, Buffy hadn't even known that she herself was bisexual… and now she was, Faith was, AND her best friend was?! Was this just something other women didn't admit to? Or was there something in the Sunnydale water?

All she knew was she wasn't asking her mother for her opinion, because she most definitely did NOT want to know it.

Of course, as Faith had continued to grow stronger, her glamour by Willow refreshed frequently, she had began to get out more, and so attempt in her way to repair past relationships. On her own insistence, she had started with Angel in Los Angeles. The trip had been both awkward (for the both of them, with Faith's nervousness and guilt and Buffy's knowledge of her new sorta-relationship) and terrifying (for Faith, since Buffy had borrowed Joyce's car and was driving), but also more successful than either had expected.

Buffy had not seen Angel since after her graduation day, when he had left without saying goodbye. She had been apprehensive as she led Faith to his apartment; she was not sure, though she had briefly spoken to him on the phone after he had first settled in and hired Cordelia to work for him, how she would feel seeing him again in person.

But when Buffy knocked on his door, feeling Faith hover behind her, tense, and Angel answered, she had been relieved to realize that all her passion for him was gone. Anger, attraction, sadness, regret… all had faded into a love that was almost, if not fully, sisterly, a nostalgic affection and concern for him and his happiness. Probably most of this was courtesy of Faith and her new/old feelings for her… for when Angel first broke up with her, Buffy remembered all too well, she had been devastated. But times changed, and as she stood in his door, she was actually glad to see him.

Angel had clearly been startled to see Buffy show up on his doorstep; his expression had changed from surprise to awkwardness to genuine pleasure to worry, all in about a second's time. When he saw Faith, still lingering behind her apprehensively, almost as if she were subconsciously trying to hide behind the shorter, smaller girl, his expression had gone through another fast change- wary, and guarded.

After his initial stiffness address to Faith and asking Buffy what was going on, and after Faith had stepped forward and initiated an apology that, from her stumbling words, often downcast eyes, and not-exactly-confident-as-usual posture, was clearly sincere, things had eased up between them. Angel, who had once explained to Buffy that he could smell a person's emotions, had accepted Faith's fumbling attempt at an apology seriously, and had seemed truly glad to see her alive, conscious, and changed. He had invited the two of them in- a bit of irony Faith hadn't failed to notice and remark on- and then after some more slightly awkward small talk, explanations, and updates with each other, all during which Cordelia had not shown up, to Buffy's guilty/grateful relief, the two Slayers had started to leave.

After Angel had said goodbye to Faith with a brief hand touching her shoulder, and given Buffy a quick, friendly, but still rather awkward hug, however he had pulled Buffy aside with a vague excuse, taking her a distance apart from Faith still standing in the doorway. Buffy had tensed, steeling herself to hear him starting in on the dangers of Faith- even though he had always been one of the most dedicated to the possibility of redeeming her, before. But his words to her had been far from what she had expected; in fact, they had completely shocked her.

In his (rather unnecessary, Buffy thought) kitchen, Angel had told Buffy softly that he hoped it worked out for her and Faith… and looking with astonishment into his eyes, Buffy had known he knew. He had told her that he was okay with it, that he hoped she could be happy with her.

"I… I think the two of you could be good for each other," he had said slowly, "certainly better than we would have been. You reflect each other in a way, contrasting, yet complimenting in more than physical appearance, Buffy. The Slayers… the Chosen Two. Maybe that means something… maybe these things work out for a reason."

Buffy had been almost dazed, too stunned by his words- his blessing, basically, weird as that sounded- to do more than thank him. She didn't remember until she had returned to a wary Faith in the doorway and given her a reassuring smile and shoulder squeeze that there were now_ three_ Chosen Ones.

Of course, as the three weeks had gone on, Faith's relationship with everyone else had slowly began to improve, rebuild itself into something almost equal to, if not better entirely, than it had 

been before. Starting with Willow. After Buffy's accidental/on-purpose confession to Willow about Faith's past, Willow had backed off of her spoke suspicions of Faith and her concerns about Buffy's relationship with Faith considerably. After a few talks with Buffy alone, some just- Buffy-and-Willow after class outings, and Willow's hurried reassurance that she hadn't told anyone else about what Buffy had told her- and especially after her pain from her breakup with Oz- Willow had definitely cooled down on her stance with Faith.

Though Buffy doubted they'd ever be the best of friends, or that Willow could ever get rid of a last remaining glimmer of fear and jealousy for Faith- or Faith could ever be okay with Willow knowing about her past abuse- they seemed to be trying to make peace with that the best they could. They had never mentioned what Buffy had told Willow to each other, but after a couple weeks of awkwardness and strange politeness, Faith had started teasing Willow again, and it was still developing from there.

Xander had come around more quickly, with his more trusting nature, and within the first week and a half after Faith had awakened, they were razzing each other almost as easily as they had pre-Finch. Minus Xander's eye-twitching at the mention of her name, now that he had Anya to sharply correct any wandering eye movement…

And then there was Anya. She had been a little longer than Xander, a little less long than Willow in beginning to loosen up around Faith. At first, any time she was around her, she had openly stared at her with a narrow-eyed glare, as if fully expecting her to sic the bunnies that Anya hated so much on her. But only a day or so after Xander had pretty much accepted Faith once more as one of them, as they had all been together at Giles's house having a meeting, Anya had spoken up suddenly, sounding obviously confused.

"You know, Faith, I don't understand. You don't seem like a crazy psycho murdering bitch like they all said to _me_… and though I have no doubt that your cleavage is impressive, judging from the size of your breasts, I can't currently see it. So what's going on with that?" she had asked in all seriousness.

For several horrible seconds, there had been a horrified, very strained silence. Eventually it had been broken by Faith's laughter- chuckling that sounded forced at first to Buffy, but quickly turned genuine, then out of control. For a few more beats no one else had been laughing with her, but eventually everyone else was laughing too, relief making the moment all the giddier. All except a scowling Anya, that is, who had huffed "What?! What's so funny- that was a serious question!"

When Faith had finally settled down into little snickers, swiping at her watery eyes, she had smirked, "Thanks Ahn, I appreciate the… observation." And the rest of the day… really the rest of the _days_… had been much less tense between them as a group.

That was one thing Anya was good for… that, and, apparently, multiple orgasms and inventive sex games. As she and Xander had apparently developed a strange but working relationship, they were all learning much more about that than they wanted or needed to know.

Faith was of course much stronger now; Giles had stopped coming by to train her for long periods while Buffy was in school, but still managed to find reasons to come by almost daily, though not always during school and work hours. Buffy thought at first that he might still be checking on Faith, but then realized he might be bored or lonely, might actually miss Faith's company in a way. Of course, he seemed to spend a fair portion of time talking to Joyce Summers as well…

_So_ not going down that path of thought. So. Not…

So far there had been no problems with people not accepting Faith's semi-new-identity. Wesley had reported to Giles that the Council had accepted his story, to everyone's relief, and he continued to call weekly with updates on himself, the Council, and the third Slayer, Jana Drury. Giles never gave them specific details, but he did mention that Jana was battling some sort of manmade cyborg called Adam in England.

Faith continued to get along very well with Buffy's mother, who Buffy thought with part amusement, part annoyance, never seemed to crack down quite as hard on Faith for anything as she would have on Buffy. Buffy was still living at home with them, of course, as was, indefinitely, Faith. Though Buffy sometimes felt bad about leaving Willow alone in her dorm room- and for the money her mother had paid for it- she had a feeling that in a few weeks time, either Willow would be leaving it too in favor of Tara's dorm, or Tara would be taking Buffy's place.

To Buffy's faint surprise, Faith and Giles's alone times hadn't seemed to drive them toward the brink of insanity. If anything, she thought they seemed to have developed a strange sort of bond- not quite what she and Giles had, a father/daughter love, but an odd understanding of sorts, even affection in a way. They still managed to rub each other wrong and disconcert each other pretty often (particularly Giles), but something about the way they interacted made Buffy think that maybe Giles had occasionally, like Joyce, gotten Faith to open up to him a little during their time together. Buffy didn't' mind… if Faith could talk to someone, even just a little, it was okay wit her that it wasn't her.

Except that she wished it was.

No, seriously, she WAS okay with it… mostly.

What Buffy loved most about all Faith's changes and growths in the past weeks, of course, was how Faith was slowly opening herself up to loving her, being loved by her. It was not perfectly smooth between them by any means, nor would it ever be- Buffy knew that was impossible and silly to hope for. But Faith rarely pulled back from her touch or kisses, and sometimes initiated them if she was in a relaxed enough mood- sometimes even in front of others. Even better… slowly but surely, Buffy was turning Faith into a snuggler.

That too had started out simply enough. They would go to sleep, a distance apart in bed, each on their own pillow, maybe after a short, Buffy-initiated kiss goodnight. But by morning, they would inevitably wake up to find each other once again entangled in each other's arms. It was as if they were magnets, set to activate once fully unconscious.

It got to the point where neither were shocked when they woke up like that, where Faith didn't spook and Buffy didn't try to figure out who had made the first move. And then one day, after Buffy had kissed Faith goodnight and adjusted herself into a comfortable position beside her, she had been astonished when Faith scooted close to her and wrapped her arms around her, cuddling close.

"What?" she'd said with careful innocence when Buffy had almost choked with shock. "Figured since we're gonna end up like this anyway, might as well get a head start…"

All in all, in just under a month things had definitely settled into a routine Buffy could live with… she could definitely get used to it. She only dreaded that something would happen to shake it all up…


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 30

Author notes: Sorry a short one… you will enjoy next chapter I pretty much promise, and I'll try to put it up as soon as possible 

It took Buffy and Faith nearly twenty-five minutes to make the five minute walk back to Buffy's house at the end of their patrolling. It was difficult to move any faster when they were walking almost as if they were Siamese twins… _well, rather incestuous and disturbing Siamese twins_, Buffy thought to herself as she pressed herself in even closer to Faith's side, _but you get the idea…_

They were walking very slowly, arms tight around each other's waists, Buffy often nuzzling her head against Faith's slightly-higher-up shoulder. They kept stumbling from their awkward walking position, knocking their feet or hips together, but they were wrapped around each other so that they were not worried they would fall. Buffy could feel Faith's fingertips lightly stroking her side, making her shiver with the almost ticklish, pleasurable sensation, and they often stopped altogether when Buffy, unable to stand it, would crane her neck up to give Faith a kiss. It was moments like this, so brief in the course of things, that Buffy lived for… these giddy, affectionate few minutes between them showed her how far they had come, how everything she had done, all they had gone through to get to this point, had been worth it. Buffy knew she would do it all over again-would do it THREE more times- if it would result in her seeing Faith's glowing, dimply beam, in feeling her arms wrapped around her and hearing her laugh longe rand hard, with the joy she should have had- should have felt- all along…

By the time they finally approached the porch of Buffy's house, both were almost breathless with their constant laughter, hanging onto each other as much for support as with affection. Buffy felt giddy, almost drunk with her happiness. She didn't even know what was so funny, or what had started her mirth- all she knew was that she loved it, and that she loved to hear it from Faith. Neither of them had had much to laugh about in the past several months… and Faith, Buffy suspected, really hadn't had much to laugh about in a way that wasn't cynical or incredulous for most of her life. As silly as this was, it didn't feel silly to either of them, for both of them needed it.

Buffy wanted to prolong the moments, to let it go on and on, even as her side ached, her head began pounding, putting pressure on her temples, and her legs began to feel shaky, reluctant to work properly. Yet even so, she felt a strong arousal building up inside her, starting at her chest, then quickly spreading downward, intensifying…

"Okay… okay…" Buffy practically gasped as they stumbled across her front yard, nearly reaching the porch steps. "We've got to s-stop, Faith… my head is k-killing me…"

She didn't really want to, didn't really mean it, even as she knew that it was true, that the moment would eventually have to come to an end. She just hoped that Faith wouldn't listen to her… and of course Faith obliged.

"Ohhh, poor baby," she murmured with mock sympathy, "want me to make it better for ya?"

She ran a surprisingly light, tender hand over Buffy's head, stroking it gently, as the other hand renewed its caress up Buffy's side, fingertips just barely brushing up her shoulder, around her side, to just under her breasts, where she knew Buffy was extremely sensitive- and extremely ticklish. Of course, Buffy reacted immediately, almost snorting with renewed helpless giggles as she weakly attempted with no real effort to push Faith's hand away from her.

"S-stop it! F-Faith! I…I'm gonna pee my pants, s-stop it!"

"You little wuss," Faith grinned, ignoring her as she expertly exploited each of Buffy's ticklish spots, causing her to convulse with laughter… even as the other hand, in contrast, continued to gently stroke through Buffy's hair. "You're so easy."

"Says… you!" Buffy shot back, gasping, as she writhed and squirmed under Faith's fingers, her side stabbing her with even worse pangs from her laughter.

"Say you give," Faith ordered, barely holding back her own gleeful snorts of laughter as her fingers spider-walked up Buffy's torso, her dimples showing so deeply they almost looked as if someone had shoved fingers deep into her cheeks and chin. "Come on, B, say it, and I'll let ya go…"

Stubborn, and also not quite willing to end the movement even as her bladder contracted alarmingly, Buffy held on for a few more moments. Eventually she was forced to admit defeat, however.

"Okay… okay! I g-give, I give… you… you big b-brute!"

Immediately Faith let her fingers go flat against Buffy's side, and Buffy could tell even in her state of dazed hilarity that she was getting ready to catch Buffy should her knees buckle. Buffy 

half-collapsed against her, still giggling a little, and Faith wrapped an arm around her waist again supportively.

"You _always_ have to win, don't you, Faithy?" Buffy asked, partly exasperated, partly amused, and Faith smiled, giving her a little squeeze. Her tone was mostly facetious when she responded, but Buffy could tell she was serious as well.

"Nah, don't have to, B… I know I already have."

Knowing that Faith was referring to more than it sounded like on surface level, Buffy was moved… swallowing, her heart clinching, she craned her neck up a bit to give her a soft, sweet kiss that Faith accepted gladly. Ending it after a few moments, Buffy hugged Faith tightly, burrowing her face into the side of the brunette's neck. Her heart felt full to the bursting with her love for her…

She could feel Faith's heart beating against hers as the other Slayer hugged her back, her cheek on top of Buffy's head. There was no trace of shyness or awkwardness in her in that moment, no self-conscious doubt or fear… there was only Faith, and the intimacy of that quieter moment between them.

A few minutes passed with neither of them moving before Faith finally spoke up wryly, if reluctantly.

"Your mom's gonna turn the porch light off on us if we don't come in sooner or later, B…"

"I don't' care," Buffy mumbled back, her voice muffled against Faith's warm neck. She could feel Faith's pulse against her lips and gave her a soft kiss there impulsively, smiling when it sped up in response. "She likes you, she won't embarrass you… and anyway, you live with us."

Faith chuckled, and Buffy felt it reverberate in her throat. "Heh, you're gonna make ME be the responsible one? Freakin' irony, B… come on, you have a room too, ya know…"

Liking that insinuation, Buffy let Faith kiss her head and pull away from her, leading her into the house with an arm still around her. But as they began to enter the living room, both jerked to a stop, eyes widening, mouths dropping open at what they saw there.

Joyce Summers, they could tell from a single glance, had not been worried in the slightest about how long her daughter and Faith stood out on the porch, making out. In fact, she probably would have preferred for them to stay out much, much longer… for she was not alone in the living room. There was a man there with her, a man who had his arms gently around her waist… a man who had been kissing her with passion that, though not up to the level of Buffy's and Faith's earlier, was still undeniably passion.

All of this would have been upsetting and disturbing enough for Buffy to witness… but what really horrified her was that the man whose lips were currently stuck to her mother's was Giles.

"Oh my god!" Buffy blurted out, her voice high and panicky as she shut her eyes tightly, turning away instinctively and cringing in a big way her as fingernails bit so hard into Faith's arm that the other Slayer made a little protesting cry of pain, momentarily distracted from Giles and Joyce as she turned to look at Buffy indignantly. "Oh my god! Mom, I told you that you were banned from chocolate bars!"

At that, Faith burst out laughing; she seemed equally amused by Buffy's words, Giles's and Joyce's temporarily frozen, shocked expressions just before they quickly backed away from each other, and the situation in general. When Buffy turned incredulous, slightly pissed eyes toward her, not seeing the humor, Faith's grin only widened.

"Buffy- girls…" Joyce began hurriedly, obviously flustered; her cheeks were reddening, her lipstick slightly smudged, and she started tugging at her shirt uncomfortably, eyes darting about as she tried to come up with words to retain her dignity. "I didn't think you'd, you'd be back so soon from patrolling…"

"Are you saying you _planned_ this?" Buffy asked in even greater horror and disbelief, her eyes widening even further. "How long have you been _doing_ this?! No, don't answer, I don't want to know!" she changed her mind rapidly, rushing to shake her head at them.

Giles, who had been looking, if possible, even more awkward and disconcerted than Joyce, and nearly as horrified as Buffy, glanced about the room from the stunned Buffy to flushing Joyce to still-grinning Faith. Taking off is glasses and beginning to fidget with them, not meeting Buffy's eyes, he cleared his throat.

"Buffy… Faith… this really-"

"No, no, no explaining! Not listening… just… leaving now… not looking… so, I'm, I'm in my room. I'm going. Bye…" Buffy rambled, her face twitching slightly.

She began to back up rapidly toward the living room entrance, not quite aware that she still had a hand tightly clamped around Faith's arm and was dragging her with her until she felt Faith stumble, almost bringing them both down. After less than two seconds of heading toward the doorway, a sudden thought struck Buffy, and she wheeled around back toward Giles and Joyce abruptly, colliding into Faith once again.

"Just because I'm leaving, that is NOT permission to go at it like, like apes or something again!"

Turning back around before she could see their expression, hearing and getting increasingly pissed with Faith when the younger girl snickered again, Buffy half dragged her up the stairs to her room. Locking her door hurriedly, she flopped onto her dramatically, barely noticing Faith sit next to her, still obviously amused.

"Oh my god, oh my god!" Buffy moaned, covering her face with her hands and shuddering. "Giles and Mom… Mom and Giles… oh god. I think I've just been damaged, Faith… I think they just scarred my brain. I have a very strong urge to gouge my eyes out. Or maybe just puke."

She bolted up suddenly, knocking Faith's shoulder as she turned to her, eyes opening wide. "I thought when they did that before, it was because the candy, because it made them like teenagers! Does this mean that was just a convenient excuse?! Oh, GROSS… tell me it was candy. It had to be! Or maybe gum or something… and where the hell was Giles's car, why couldn't it have been parked there to give me some kind of warning?!"

"I don't think anything would have been enough warning for you for _that_," Faith chuckled, still highly entertained from Buffy's distress. "He probably didn't want people to know he was there. Paranoid G-Man. Probably parked two blocks down."

"You think they planned that?!" Buffy exclaimed. "Like a… a secret-lover-meeting-type-thing?!"

Faith shrugged, grinning. "Hey, your mom's a foxy lady, B. And G-Man would be a stud too if he wasn't so British. You can't blame 'em for getting' a little frisky."

"What?! I can too blame them!" Buffy cried, her voice rising. "You can't tell me you're _okay_ with- with them _doing_ that!"

Faith shrugged. "Why not?" she said in a deliberately innocent tone- a tone she _knew_ would only irk Buffy further. "Everyone gets horny sometimes, ya know… I _know_ you know," she smirked, raising an eyebrow mischievously, but Buffy only scowled at her, huffing in disgust and exasperation.

"Ewww! That's my MOM you're talking about, Faith- and GILES!"

"So? They're human, B," Faith said, altogether too reasonably for Buffy's liking. "And it's not like they haven't been goin' at it for a while now anyway."

Buffy choked, her eyes bulging as she gawked in response to Faith's casual comment. "What?!"

"B, come on, it was obvious," Faith replied, chuckling at the look on Buffy's face long enough for her dimples to flash briefly. "I don't know how ya didn't see it before."

"I try NOT to see those things!" Buffy shot back, her voice shrill again. "Oh my god…that is so disturbing…"

She shook her head, making a creeped-out 'bleah' face, and Faith shook her head too, btu at Buffy rather than the thought of Joyce and Giles together.

"You're such a trip, B. Like I said, everyone's got sexual urges. You oughtta know that… _you're_ the one still takin' biology."

"Not my MOM!" Buffy snapped back quickly, "not GILES! Not my mom AND Giles… together… oh, damn it…"

"Well… maybe they really like each other… you know?" Faith said sort of quietly, and Buffy looked over at her quickly, alerted by her change in tone. She saw something in Faith's eyes then, in the suddenly-too-careful way that she held her face, that made her suspect suddenly that 

Giles and Joyce's little hook-up meant more to her than she was letting on… but for the opposite reason that it meant something to Buffy.

While Buffy was disturbed by the thought of her mother and Giles doing anything sexual in nature, much like a child thinking about her parents in that manner- for Giles had as good as become her father in the past four years- Faith, she suddenly realized, would be almost excited about it. Clearly she was trying not to let Buffy see, trying not to get her own hopes up… but looking more closely into her eyes, Buffy could tell that it _gave_ her hope.

Buffy, for the most part, had had a normal, happy childhood, until her parents' divorce and being called as the Slayer, that is. Still, even with those emotional scars, she had never lacked for the fierce love of friends, of a parent- even if it was now only her mother's in that department. And even with her father's abandonment of her, there had soon been Giles, who had not only filled, but surpassed Hank Summers's missing role in her life.

Faith, however, had never had this security. Her own parents had never loved her, at least not in the way a child needed to be loved, and judging from her father's absent status in her memories, they had not loved each other either. For Giles and Joyce to behave in an at all loving, affectionate- even sexual- manner with each other, when Faith knew them to be good, trustworthy people, people who had cared about her and for her better than her own parents- would reassure her in some way, would confirm for her that something she had only wished for could indeed be possible.

She wants them to be together, to love each other, Buffy realized slowly, still staring at Faith thoughtfully without quite being aware of it. She wants them to be happy… because it would mean to her that it IS possible for parent-like figures to be happy with each other. Maybe even that it's possible for US to stay happy… for her to.

Suddenly Buffy felt pretty stupid, ashamed of her own pettiness. All she had been thinking about was herself, her personal comfort and preferences. She hadn't been thinking about what Faith must be thinking, or how her mom and Giles must feel. She hadn't been thinking about what would make them all happy…

Faith was frowning suspiciously now, a little discomfited at the way Buffy was looking at her, th soft, slightly absent expression on her face.

"B… B, you're doin' the shrink-stare at me," she quipped, but her voice was uneasy. "What?"

Buffy blinked, realizing that she was making Faith nervous, and smiled at her quickly. Definitely time for an activity change.

"Nothing, babe," she replied, "just thinking that maybe you're right, is all."

She slipped her arms around Faith's shoulders, pulling her closer against her and giving her a soft kiss. Pulling away slightly and briefly resting her forehead on Faith's, she smiled at her, slightly cross-eyed but not caring.

"Let's not talk about them anymore, Faith… let's not talk at all," Buffy whispered to her, her voice dropping low and husky.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 31

Author notes: I just want to say that I really, really do appreciate everyone who reviews this- your comments make me very happy and encouraged, and some of them have even given my ideas  Sorry that I rarely reply to you guys individually, but know that I do very much appreciate it!

Buffy moved her head to kiss Faith again, longer this time, and Faith seemed more than agreeable to her suggestion. As their lips and tongues began a familiar, yet never-tiring dance, Buffy felt Faith's hands sliding up and down her back and waist, softly at first, then harder, almost a massage. Buffy's hands on Faith's back mirrored her movements overtop her snug tank top for several moments, and she could feel Faith's back arch, her muscles rippling in response. After a few minutes Buffy slid her hand underneath it, stroking Faith's bare lower back, then up between her shoulder blades as they continued to kiss slowly yet deeply, gradually building up speed and pressure.

They were quiet at first, careful in their movements, for they knew Giles and Joyce were still downstairs, and that at any moment one or both might come knocking on the door to try to talk to them. But after five minutes or so went by and no knock sounded, no names were called, they forgot about that possibility, forgot that Joyce and Giles existed at all. They had lost themselves in the moment… lost themselves in each other.

When Buffy felt Faith's hand slip slowly under her shirt as well, hesitant, fumblingly caressing the hooks of her bra, she knew what Faith wanted, what she was asking for in her own way. She knew what this would mean… and she knew she wanted it too.

They had not yet had sex, or even seen each other naked in a way that was not obviously platonic and necessary. Though both had snuggled close, were intimately familiar with the other girl's body, they had not sexually felt each other's breasts, butt, or otherwise without clothing overtop of it. They had never discussed sex in a serious manner, especially not sex with each other. What with the newness and fragility of their relationship, not to mention the bleakness of both of their sexual pasts, Buffy had thought it best to just not talk about it.

Now would have seemed a very odd time to have sex to Buffy in almost any other time, especially in light of their preceding conversation and the fact that her mother and Giles were in all likelihood still downstairs. But in this time, this moment, it seemed perfectly natural and right. Buffy could sense Faith's excitement, her desire, even as she tried to hold herself back, to first make sure that this was what Buffy wanted too.

A warm swelling of love for her rose in Buffy's chest, and she pulled back a little, conveying to Faith with her eyes and her smile a strong assurance of just how much she did want this. Faith began to smile, slowly, uncertainly at first, but then, unable to help herself, broke into a full grin, a look that made her so beautiful Buffy could hardly stand to look at her.

Pulling her back to her, Buffy kissed her again, feeling her breath catch, her heart full and heavy in her chest. Faith moaned slightly, and Buffy could feel it in her lips as Faith responded, unhooking Buffy's bra with slightly shaking fingers.

Buffy let Faith pull her shirt off for her, let her run warm hands over her suddenly flushed skin. She almost shuddered with the pleasure of the vividness of sensations sent through her at the combination of Faith's touch and her sexual excitement- both heightened by their Slayer bond. Unable to wait any longer, Buffy reached to lift up Faith's tank top with its built in bra, knowing with anticipation that because of that, she wasn't wearing another bra underneath.

And then both were naked from the waist up, looking at each other with quickening, shallow breaths. Buffy reached for Faith again, beginning to run her hands up her bare sides…

But then she froze, momentarily thrown off when her left hand came in contact with the scar on Faith's abdomen… the scar Buffy had given her. For a few seconds the mood was shattered as Buffy's hand stalled over it, her stomach twisting with suddenly reawakened guilt and shame, and her features tightened. Quickly becoming aware of what was going on, Faith stiffened, her lips thinning as a series of negative emotions began to run through her eyes.

Suddenly realizing what she was doing, what she was starting to spoil with this dark line of thought, Buffy hurried to repair the damage before it got any worse. She began to stroke the raised skin of Faith's scar tenderly, forcing herself not to flinch with guilt. She hoped that her love and affection for her, her intended message of both apology and forgiveness, was getting through to her…

She knew somehow that the scar she was now touching would never fully close over and heal, as most wounds inflicted upon a Slayer did… just as she knew that the one on her neck wouldn't. Buffy suspected that this was because not only the extensive physical damage that had been caused by the wounds, but also the emotional damage. Somehow, the scars would not heal, because their psyches could not let them. And if Faith's scar was going to forever be a part of her, they had better get comfortable with that, get some closure on it, now…

Still stroking the scar gently, feeling Faith's stomach move against her hand with her tense, uneasy breathing as she watched Buffy carefully, Buffy bent over, kissing the skin of her scar softly. She could feel Faith's sharp, jagged intake of breath, and still hunching over somewhat uncomfortably because of her positioning, Buffy turned her head, pressing her cheek into Faith's stomach, still against her scar as well. Moving her hair over her should and so partly revealing her own scar, she reached for Faith's hand tenderly, bringing it down to touch it.

At first Faith gasped, almost panicked, and tried to pull her hand away. But Buffy held it firmly against her neck, squeezing Faith's fingers reassuringly. She could sense in Faith the fear, her shame, that she had thought nearly eradicated… she could feel her uneven breaths, and she prayed that this was the right thing to do, that Faith would start to understand.

It took a few minutes… but when Buffy felt Faith's hand go limp in her own against her neck, felt her breathe out shakily as Faith's tears began to drop onto her head, she knew she had gotten her unspoken message across to her.

Lifting her head away from Faith's stomach, giving her scar a last kiss and squeezing the fingers touching her neck, Buffy straightened, beginning to kiss the few tears on Faith's face away softly. As Faith closed her eyes, inhaling again slowly, Buffy hugged her close for a few moments, her heart clinching in reaction to her. Faith hugged her back fiercely, sniffing back the rest of the threatening tears, and Buffy was very aware of every inch of her bare skin's contact against Faith's…

In less than thirty seconds they were kissing again, faster, more urgently this time, and Buffy was reaching for Faith's pants, fumbling with the button and zipper. As the two of them struggled to take off each other's pants while still kissing, banging hands often and clumsily in a way that was almost comical, it flashed through Buffy's mind that she had never had sex with another girl before… but she had feeling that instinct would kick in.

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They awakened the next morning wrapped in each other's arms, warm bare limbs as closely intertwined as usual. Faith's head was cradled against Buffy's shoulder, one leg thrown over Buffy's and Buffy's hand was gripping a handful of Faith's hair… well, the hand not firmly splayed flat across Faith's left butt cheek.

Buffy knew she had class, knew she had forgotten to set the alarm and so was probably running late. But she was entirely too comfortable to move… no way was she moving out of Faith's arms right then, to go to _class_, of all things. She was going to spend the morning basking in the feel of Faith's bare skin against hers, of her memory of the night before… and god, last night had been amazing.

Not just the sex- though that, what with Faith's skill and their physical attraction to each other, not to mention the way their Slayer bond intensified every sensation- though that in itself was nothing short of mind-blowing. Buffy had been right- instinct had quickly taken over. But also in the emotional sense, the closeness and new intimacy that had been forged between them. Buffy felt as if a new part of her had been opened up by Faith, that they were connected now in a way she had never before been with another. She had not thought it possible to feel any more love for Faith, but this too had been proven wrong…

And Buffy knew that Faith had felt it too… she had seen it in her eyes, heard it in her stifled cries, felt it in the way she clung to her afterward, holding her so hard that she would have cracked the ribs of any other girl. If ever before Buffy had doubted that she and Faith were meant to be together, last night had proved her wrong.

She could feel Faith stirring as she began to awaken, her head moving against Buffy's shoulder, and Buffy smiled, kissing her brow. As Faith opened her eyes, blinking at her a little blearily, Buffy smiled again, saying softly, "Good morning, sweetie…"

"Morning…" Faith mumbled, her words almost a sigh, and she blinked again, burrowing her face into Buffy's shoulder as if she wanted to stay there forever. Her voice was a little muffled as she said, "Are you gettin' up…"

"Nope," Buffy told her, giving her a little squeeze as she ran a hand slowly down Faith's back, feeling her make a soft sound in response against her neck. "Gonna play hooky today… okay with you?"

"Shit, yeah," Faith breathed, tickling Buffy's neck, and she pressed her body even harder into her, making Buffy's muscles contract in arousal.

A minute or two passed with them holding still, just holding each other, their breathing heightening, and then Buffy whispered into Faith's ear, "I love you, Faith…"

She didn't expect a response, and for a few minutes she didn't get one. It was quiet as Buffy continued to stroke a hand down Faith's back…

But then Faith said it, her words very small, slow, almost frightened… and yet clearly genuine and sure.

"I… I l-love you too, Buffy."

Buffy's heart skipped a beat; she could not for a few seconds trust her own ears. Faith had never before said that to her, though Buffy knew she felt it. She may never have said those words to anyone, for all that Buffy knew… but here she was, saying them to _her_…

Buffy caught her breath, feeling her eyes burn with unshed tears, a lump rise up to choke her as her heart twisted painfully with her emotion. Faith had pulled her face away from Buffy's neck and was watching her nervously, gauging her reaction.

Buffy responded through action, for this, she had learned, got things through to Faith much more quickly and clearly than words. Giving her a fierce hug, she began to kiss her again with all the love and passion she could transcend to her…

And just then the door was flung open, as a figure stalked up to stand in the doorway. She was young, a pale, blue-eyed girl with long brown hair flowing down to her waist- perhaps fourteen years old. As Buffy and Faith pulled apart from each other in shock, yanking their blanket more securely over their nude bodies, the girl just scowled at them, rolling her eyes with disgust.

"I don't know why you bother locking the door, it's so flimsy all it takes is one swipe with my library card to open it. And before you ask, I didn't knock because I knew you weren't going to answer anyway. And Mom wants you to get up and get ready for school NOW, Buffy, you're running late," the girl announced impatiently.

Her eyes widened suddenly, and she did a double take, her voice going shrill with disbelief. "Oh my god, are you two NAKED under there?!"

Buffy glared, her cheeks reddening furiously; Faith too seemed slightly startled, slightly embarrassed, but not too embarrassed to grin at the young girl and raise an eyebrow in reply.

Buffy, however, was in no mood for such gestures. All she knew was that her moment- and her hooky plans- had been ruined, and she was pissed.

"DAWN!" she shrieked.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 32

"DAWN!" Buffy shrieked with both horror and indignation, causing her both to rise, high and shrill, and she glared furiously at her little sister, pulling the blanket up even higher around her neck and clutching it so tightly her knuckles were going white. "Get OUT of here!"

The look she gave her sister displayed all of her violent Slayer deadliness; Dawn barely seemed to notice. She certainly wasn't troubled by the way Buffy was looking at her; her wide blue eyes were fixated, with a combination of disgust, incredulity, and an odd almost-jealousy, on Faith's and her sister's bare shoulders, their flushed faces and tousled hair, their proximity to each other. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out what had taken place earlier, and Dawn Summers was far from stupid.

"Oh my god, you ARE naked!" she squealed, her jaw dropping, and her voice was so loud and shocked that Buffy wanted to jump up and strangle her. The problem with that, however, was that getting out of bed would only give Dawn further fodder, for she was indeed still naked.

"You are totally, completely naked- BOTH of you!" Dawn exclaimed, and Buffy cringed. There was no possible way, short of sudden overnight hearing loss, that her mother hadn't heard that. She gritted her teeth, feeling more homicidal by the minute. So much for a romantic morning in bed… had she been out of her mind to even think that could be a possibility in this house?

"That is so GROSS! What have you been DOING, it's MORNING! No, don't tell me, I don't want to know! That was a rhetorical question!" Dawn added hurriedly, her eyes getting even wider when she saw Faith open her mouth no doubt to give her some smartass answer that would make Buffy want to slap her too.

Faith obediently closed her mouth again with a little smirk, but Dawn wasn't finished yet. Shaking her head and making a face that was both revolted and again, oddly envious, she fussed, "Buffy, that is completely not fair! Mom would never let me sleep in the same BED as MY boyfriend, let alone get all involved in naked sex acts with him! Just because Faith's a GIRL… that is so not FAIR!"

She turned and started rushing down the hall, slamming the door closed again behind her. Sitting up hurriedly, her morning utterly spoiled in her mind, Buffy growled under her breath, still holding the blanket up to her neck- for it wouldn't surprise her if her mother popped her head in a couple of minutes later.

"_Damn!_" she griped, frustrated, her shoulders hunching. "I'm gonna KILL her! I bet she's gonna go tell Mom, the little brat… she's so irritating! The little_ sneak_, using her _library_ card, of all things, instead of _knocking_ like a decent person who respects people's privacy… and by the way, what kind of sex act_ isn't_ naked?!"

"Oh, you'd be surprised," Faith answered wryly, sitting up as well beside her, more slowly and relaxed than Buffy. "Trust me, people can get real creative with that shit."

"I'm _sick_ of her _doing_ stuff like that!" Buffy said heatedly, barely hearing Faith's comment and the implication behind it that normally would have given her pause. "She's so annoying! She can't just knock like a normal person, she has to do a breaking-and-entering so she can try to catch me at something! Do you know I can't keep a diary anymore because she'll search my entire room when I'm gone until she finds it, so she can read it?!"

"I've heard," Faith replied dryly, adding in a lower tone not quite meant for Buffy's ear, "a lot." Buffy, still very much into her ranting, didn't notice as she went on fiercely, gesturing to emphasize certain words.

"And now she's probably gonna tell Mom, and Mom's gonna come charging up here at any minute… not that she'd have any room, after all the tongue activity_ she_ had going last night," Buffy muttered, shuddering again at the memory. "She SO owes me for that. If she comes up here now and says anything… I am NOT over that!"

Faith smiled a little at that, but Buffy realized suddenly that she looked sort of anxious, unsettled. Probably at the thought of Joyce coming up to see them, possibly even attempting to talk to them while they were still naked in bed together. Buffy's little sister was one thing- that Faith could shake off, even be amused by- but her mother was an entirely different story.

Sighing, forcing herself to cool it a little, Buffy leaned her shoulder against Faith's, putting her head on her shoulder. When Faith wrapped an arm around her, giving her a gentle squeeze, Bufy forgot her irritation almost instantly, felt her anger start to fade away as she snuggled more closely against her.

"Sorry, baby…" she sighed again. "She just gets under my skin sometimes. Little sisters… can't live with 'em, can't stake 'em."

"She's doin' her job," Faith shrugged. "Which is annoyin' the hell outta ya… that's just Dusk for ya. She ain't a bad kid, B." She chuckled a little, squeezing Buffy's shoulder. "Look at it this way, B. She could've been like _us_…"

Buffy smirked a little, remembering her shallow, very self-involved self at fourteen… and then grew more somber as she thought of Faith, lost, angry, and motherless at that age. Yes, Dawn could have definitely been worse.

"Yeah, I know," she admitted, somewhat reluctantly. She remained leaned against Faith for a few moments, enjoying the feel of her strong arm around her shoulders, before sighing again.

"Sorry my hooky plan got ruined, baby… I would rather stay with you, but Mom's probably gonna come up here if I don't get moving."

"It's okay," Faith shrugged, giving Buffy a kiss on her forehead that made her close her eyes, her heart moving at the sweetness of the gesture. "It get it… so get your ass to class, B."

She slapped the aforementioned body part playfully but hard, making Buffy yelp obligingly, but she was smiling as she quickly dressed giving Faith a kiss before heading downstairs.

Once Buffy had brushed her teeth and headed downstairs, she was in a slightly better mood. This was quickly no longer true when she caught sight of Dawn's half-skeeved, half-smirking look and knew her sister was going to hold onto her little piece of blackmail potential for all she had. This became even more untrue when she heard her mother, who was still in her bathrobe, speak her first words of the morning to her.

"Buffy, you're going to have to take Dawn to school today. She just missed the bus trying to wake you up and I'm not dressed yet."

At that, Buffy's mouth dropped again, and she made an indignant, protesting noise.

"Mom! School starts at the same time for both of us today, and I'm already running late!"

"Then I guess you'd better leave soon, huh?" Joyce said coolly, arching an eyebrow. "And maybe start setting your alarm in the future?"

She started to walk out of the kitchen, but Buffy called after her furiously.

"MOM! That's not fair! You OWE me after last night!"

Joyce turned around abruptly at that, suddenly not quite so cool; in fact she was flushing, not meeting either of her daughters' eyes for very long.

"Buffy… about that, last night… what you saw, you're just going to have to accept-"

"No, no, let's not discuss that! I didn't say I wanted to discuss that!" Buffy said hurriedly, her eyes widening in near panic at the thought of how that particular conversation was bound to go. "It did NOT happen in my mind, okay? Or so I'm trying to tell myself… please, PLEASE make it easier for me to keep that bit of self-delusion!"

"Buffy," Joyce started, and her hand had gone up to her hip now; she looked a little miffed along with, perhaps even more than, guilty and embarrassed now. "I am not going to apologize or justify to you my choices in regard to my love life-"

"Okay! I'm going- right NOW- because I'm late- come on, Dawn, NOW!" Buffy rushed to cut her mother off with, grabbing Dawn by the arm and pulling her toward the living room. Dawn, who had noticeably grown intrigued yet unsettled by Joyce's mentioning of her love life, tried to yank her arm out of Buffy's grasp, but her older sister was again not in the mood to listen to her complaints that she was hurting her arm. All she wanted to do was get out of the kitchen- and drop Dawn off- as fast as possible.

In the car, Buffy glared at her as she pointedly took her time getting into the passenger seat.

"Dawn, do NOT open my door like you did this morning again. And if you tell Mom-"

"_What_?" Dawn said snottily, giving Buffy her best and brattiest smile- nothing like the smirks Buffy was used to from Faith, thought Buffy suspected that she was her inspiration. "You'll _what_, Buffy, beat me up?"

"_No_. I-I'll tell Xander about the time I caught you kissing his face in that picture I have of him and Anya!" Buffy threatened, hit with flash of inspiration. "And- and I'll tell _Anya_!"

Dawn gasped, her moth dropping in horror. "You _wouldn't_, Buffy Anne Summers!"

"Oh yes I would!" Buffy said darkly, and in that moment, she almost even believed herself.

"FINE!" Dawn shot back, lifting her chin defiantly and crossing her arms over her chest. "But I'm not doing it for _you_- I'm doing it for _Faith. _So she won't get in trouble. Because, because she's nicer and cooler than you are."

"How considerate," Buffy muttered, rolling her eyes; although she knew that Dawn was trying to save face, it did secretly please her to hear her talk about Faith that way, to know she once more accepted her, even admired her in her Dawn, hero-worship sort of way.

Dawn had been one of Faith's biggest fans when she first arrived in Sunnydale… but she had also been one of the most devastated when Faith betrayed them. It had taken her a while to trust her again, but now Dawn was much nicer and more pleasant with her than she was with Buffy.

_Much_ nicer and more pleasant.

"On second thought, though, I bet FAITH wouldn't get in trouble… probably just you…" Dawn piped up again, and Buffy glared at her.

She knew that her mother wouldn't lecture or punish her for having sex with Faith. Buffy was eighteen, after all, nearly nineteen, and Joyce knew she was sexually active, even if her sister didn't. She had once mentioned to Buffy the possibility of becoming Faith's lover without freaking or judging… and she knew Joyce loved Faith like almost a third daughter, was happy for their only-recently-settled relationship. And then there was Joyce's own recent decisions with her 'love life,' as she had put it, that would make it pretty hypocritical for her to say anything about Buffy's.

If anything, Joyce might secretly be happy to learn that she and Faith had been "intimate," as she sometimes called it. She might start in with the "helpful suggestions…" and that was exactly the horribly uncomfortable conversation that Buffy wanted to avoid.

"Dawn…" Buffy warned. "Photo. Kissing. Xander… ANYA."

Dawn shut up then, though she was still scowling darkly. Had she had somewhere to retreat to and a door to slam, Buffy knew she would have stuck her tongue out at her and fled, having no better comeback. As it was, her silence was welcomed.

Buffy reached to turn on the radio, hoping it would be a way to keep them from having to talk or look at each other much. No such luck; as it turned out, all they did the rest of the way to Dawn's high school was squabble over stations. And as Buffy could have predicted, when she dropped off Dawn, the younger Summers girl stuck her tongue out at her, slamming the door before running inside.

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	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 33

For the rest of the day, Dawn seemed to go out of her way to annoy Buffy to no end. Even when she wasn't actually there with her, deliberately doing so, thoughts of her and the sneaky, irritating things she had done to her that morning- and what seemed like every other morning of her life for the past fourteen years- would pop up randomly into Buffy's mind, no matter what she might be doing. Even sitting in class, walking down the halls, at least once every half hour her mind would drift back to Dawn, and she would tense, annoyed all over again.

Lately, it just seemed that her younger sister simply could not leave her alone. Dawn was fourteen years old, a teenager, in the ninth grade, for heaven's sake. Buffy hadn't been much older than her when she was called as the Slayer. But Dawn was a typical youngest child, and lately she seemed to reveling in it even more than usual. Buffy didn't know if it was her age, some stage she was going through, or a rather weird, roundabout way of showing admiration, as her mother insisted the times Buffy had complained. She'd made pointed comments that indicated as much about Buffy being older/hotter/allowed to do more/stronger, more times than Buffy cared to remember or count. As Buffy had pointed back out to her with exasperation, all that came with cost- being the Slayer. Well, _one_ of the Slayers.

That was another possible reason for Dawn's recent increase in bratty behavior towards her, of course. When Faith had first came to stay with them, she had been wary and suspicious of her, directing her obnoxiousness toward Faith while being protective in her words and actions towards Buffy. Though it had frustrated Buffy, part of her sort of appreciated that her little sister would actually attempt to stand up for her- even if it had been utterly unnecessary with Faith and her heavy guilty conscience being returned to her. Once Dawn had finally resumed her trust with her, however, she had swung back around fully circle to following Faith like a persistent, admiring little puppy eager for her attention. And with Buffy… she apparently felt it was not fully safe and appropriate to go right back to trying to antagonize rather than protect her.

Of course, there was the jealousy where Faith was concerned too. Even though Buffy knew Dawn liked Faith, she also knew that she was envious that Buffy not only had a girlfriend, but a _live-in_ girlfriend, a girlfriend their mom approved of and allowed Buffy to disappear off with whenever they wanted… even if it was presumably to just go slaying. It wasn't that Dawn wanted _Faith_- it was more that she wanted to be _like_ Faith, to _have_ someone like Faith, Buffy knew. But knowing didn't make it any less annoying.

Of course, it also wasn't that Dawn wanted a GIRL like Faith. As far as Buffy knew, her sister was as straight as a yardstick- straighter. She doubted Dawn even knew what lesbian sex involved… or so she liked to think, anyway.

No, it was just that at fourteen, Dawn had yet to even have boys her age or any age- flirt with her or notice her, let alone ask her out. So watching her older sister 'slinking around,' as she'd once muttered, with her girlfriend, obviously happy and in love, brought out the green-eyed monster. Which brought out the blue-eyed Dawn monster.

Buffy could understand all that… but that didn't mean she had patience for it.

No one else seemed as bothered by it as she was. Willow and Xander almost thought of Dawn as their own little sister and shrugged her off as easily as if she were. Giles and Anya both viewed her as a child and treated her as such, to her annoyance. Tara never seemed to be annoyed by anyone- she and Dawn actually got along very well, and she could succeed in bring out Dawn's sweet side with her gentle manner. Joyce saw Dawn as her little girl, her baby, and didn't take Buffy's grievances seriously. Even Faith rarely seemed as annoyed with Dawn as Buffy could get. She seemed to find her amusing, and to Buffy's severe exasperation, she often even encouraged her behavior, slyly goading her into baiting Buffy.

Buffy loved her sister… but sometimes, as much as she loved her life, she couldn't help but be a little jealous of her too. It would be nice to have no responsibilities, or obligations, no worries about the future. It would be nice to just be taken care of, to not have to care if you didn't want to about anyone else's feelings of safety. It would be nice to have a future that was wide open, where you could become anything you wanted…

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For the rest of the day, it still seemed that Buffy could not escape Dawn, and her frustration only intensified. She had less than an hour alone with Faith before Dawn came home from school off her bus, full of chatter and cheer that made Buffy want to grit her teeth. And from then on, there Dawn was, constantly wanting to be with them… to be with HER.

She was there while Buffy and Faith were sparring, piping up with questions and comments that broke Buffy's, if not Faith's, concentration, much to Faith's delighted smirking. She was there when Xander came over briefly, and of course, she insisted on tagging along when he drove them to help Giles fix up the building he had leased with the intention of turning into a magic shop.

Anya had already accepted a job offering from Giles in the little rundown shop so eagerly that Buffy could practically see the dollar signs floating in her eyes. Though Giles had also offered a position to Faith, emphasizing to her strongly about the training room he was planning on putting 

in that she could use during lulls in business, Faith had been more hesitant to reply a definite answer. Buffy wasn't sure if it was the job itself, or rather the thought of being with Giles and Anya all day that gave her pause. As for Giles, she suspected he wanted desperately to be with someone else other than just Anya all day, rather than actually thinking Faith might be a terrific salesperson.

Leaving the Magic Box, as Giles had named the place, it was no better. Somehow having managed to seat herself between Faith and Buffy in the backseat of Xander's car while he drove them home, while Anya glowered at her from the front seat, Dawn had chattered on about nothing, hogging the entire conversation. Buffy had sat there, saying nothing, her resentment growing as Dawn tried in her awkward Dawn way to flirt with Xander- meaning, addressing all her comments to him and laughing at everything he said- and casually, whether deliberately or not, leaning into Faith in a way that made Buffy grit her teeth all over again. It wasn't enough that Dawn was THERE- she had to talk the ENTIRE time, while practically snuggling up to HER girlfriend, no less?! And she got away with it because she was the 'cute little sister'?!

The day's final straw had come later that evening; Buffy and Faith had come back from slaying about twenty-five minutes ago. After some post-slaying heavy-duty kissing and gropage that had started with a playful cemetery chase and tackling and gone from there, they had worked off some of their adrenaline on each other before going home to eat a late-night-post-slaying snack as well. Finishing, they had headed for the living room, beginning to wind down before heading for bed.

They had been sitting on the living room couch for perhaps three minutes, leaning against each other easily, comfortably. Buffy's head was nestled against Faith's shoulder, and Faith had an arm around her as she was gently playing with strands of her hair, in a tender, slow way that never failed to put them both to sleep.

And then Dawn had popped up beside them in Hello Kitty pajamas- BUFFY's Hello Kitty pajamas- and the scared the bejesus out of Buffy, not to mention majorly pissed her off.

"You were gone a long time. Were you _really_ slaying_ all_ that time? When are you gonna take me with you?"

Buffy sat up abruptly at that, jerking out from under Faith's arm. She could already feel her every muscle tensing, already was restraining herself from grabbing Dawn up and shaking her. As it was, she couldn't control her mouth, however.

"DAWN! Will you STOP sneaking up on me like that, putting yourself where you are NOT wanted!? And those are MY pajamas, how many times do I have to tell you to stop taking my stuff without asking!? You're not even supposed to be up right now!" she exploded.

"Why?" Dawn smirked, unruffled. "You want to start up with the naked sex acts again since Mom's in bed?"

Faith grinned at that, slipping a casual, attempting-to-be-calming arm around Buffy again and rubbing her shoulder, even as she slyly spoke words she knew would only further infuriate her.

"Nah, Dawnie, we save those for the bedroom…"

"FAITH!" Buffy hissed, turning her glare to her girlfriend, who grinned back at her with mock innocence, and then zeroed back in on Dawn, who looked equally horrified and delighted by Faith's comment. "And Dawn! Go to bed!"

"I want you to take me slaying with you sometime," Dawn persisted stubbornly, putting a hand on her hip and attempting a Faith-like attitude and glare. With her lanky body and too-big Hello Kitty pajamas, not to mention utter lack of charisma and sexual oozing, she didn't quite succeed.

Faith stifled a snort of laughter; Buffy wasn't quite so amused.

"Dawn! I am NOT taking you slaying- I will NEVER take you slaying! If you didn't get yourself killed, you'd get someone ELSE killed- and if you didn't, by some complete miracle, you'd get them bodily injured for life. And if not that- then MOM would kill me when she found out you went! No matter what, bodily harm all around. Now leave us alone!" she said fiercely, moving her hands about for emphasis.

Dawn glowered. "That's not fair, Buffy! You take Willow and Xander and even Tara and Anya! I'm not that much younger than you- Faith's not that much older than me, she's only-"

"Faith's a _Slayer_, Dawn, and I _want_ her there. Now GO TO BED!" Buffy hissed, gritting her teeth so hard she could feel them grinding together.

"Well, fine!" Dawn shot back, scowling. "See if I care, _Buffy_! Go get naked again- but I've still got a library card, so, so you just remember that, and maybe you'll be nicer to me if you don't' want me using it!"

"DAWN!" Buffy practically screamed, no longer caring if she woke her mother or not, but Dawn had already turned, running upstairs. Buffy growled, her fists knotting in her lap- and the fact that Faith was chuckling only made her more pissed off.

"Heh, the kid's gettin' good at the threats," Faith smirked, and Buffy turned on her almost violently, glaring at her now instead.

"That was NOT funny, Faith!" she said heatedly. "She is such a little BRAT!"

"Hey, yeah, I know," Faith said quickly, holding up her hands in surrender and sombering quickly. She could tell from the look on Buffy's face that she was not in the mood for any further jabbing. "Let's just go to bed, B, okay?"

She put her arms around Buffy again, stroking her shoulder as she kissed her cheek, then ear, biting gently. Slowly, softly she worked her way down the unscarred part of Buffy's neck and sucked slightly at her pulse point. Buffy could feel her body loosening, grudgingly at first, then more easily, her heart rate slowing as she began to relax at Faith's tender attentions, sighing softly with the beginning of contentment.

Not so very long ago, Faith wouldn't have known how to respond to someone being so gentle and loving towards her… and now here she was, initiating it herself, without being hesitant or self-conscious in the slightest. Thinking about how far she had come, how much she had changed, Buffy's heart moved, and she softened even further.

When Faith kissed her lips, Buffy kissed her back, putting a hand to her dark head as she let Faith slip her tongue between her lips. After a minute or two of slow, still gentle kissing, they pulled back slightly, and Buffy sighed, letting her head rest on Faith's chest.

"Yeah… let's go to bed…" she mumbled. "And push my dresser in front of the door…"

Hearing Faith chuckle, she let her pull her to her feet, and they descended the steps with their arms still around each other.

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Buffy awakened with a gasp, jerking, her sister's face firmly fixed in her mind. She was sweating, her lips parted, and her breath was loud, raspy, her heart pounding even as her chest filled with an icy dread…

She had accidentally kicked Faith as she thrashed, awakening from the throes of her nightmare, but Faith had not seemed to notice. She too had bolted up in bed, untangling herself from Buffy in a panic as she stared, eyes wide, loud breaths in rhythm with the blonde Slayer's. And Buffy swore she had heard her, barely audibly, speak her sister's name…

"F-Faith?" Buffy stammered, touching her shoulder,trying to shake herself out of her foggy, frightened mindset. Faith looked over at her blearily, seeming to have trouble seeing her for a minute, and she frowned, as if she couldn't quite remember who Buffy was. "Faith… are you okay?"

Faith blinked again, then exhaled slowly. When she ran a hand through her hair, Buffy saw that it was shaking slightly.

"Yeah… yeah, just a bad dream, B… I'm alright." She met Buffy's eyes only briefly, howeve,r and in them Buffy saw her own barely controlled lingering anxiety reflecting back at her.

"Me too," Buffy whispered, swallowing, and she slipped her arms around Faith again, as much to reassure and comfort herself as Faith. Faith accepted her embrace with some gratitude, leaning against her and closing her eyes for a few seconds. Buffy could feel her muscles, still tensed, and realized that she herself was shaking as well.

Buffy tried to remember what it was about her dream that had so shaken her, for sometimes such vivid nightmares that invoked such a strong response in her were prophetic. But all she could remember was Dawn… it had had something to do with Dawn. She and Faith sometimes shared dreams, however, and that seemed to be the case this time… maybe Faith remembered.

She swallowed again, feeling the knots in her stomach pull tighter as she pushed herself to ask Faith. Somehow she knew that Faith too would not remember… for whatever she had dreamed, if it really meant something, it could be nothing good.

"Faith?" she began falteringly, putting her head against the other girls' and almost whispering in her ear. "Do you… do you remember your dream, what you saw?"

Faith hesitated for a moment, her brow furrowing; when she replied, her answer was very slow in coming. "No… nothin'…"

"Me either," Buffy said in relief, and her words were almost a sigh. And yet the feelings of dread filling her torso only increased. What did this mean… they had never before shared a nightmare, only not to be able to remember it upon awakening.

But they DID remember something, they remembered Dawn… it had something to do with Dawn…

"Let's go back to sleep," Buffy said jerkily, and kissing the side of Faith's head gently, almost as if in apology for her tone, she eased her back down, turning to face her and snuggling close once more. Faith allowed her to willingly enough, but as she put her arms back around her, her muscles were still tensed.

Dawn… what could they possibly have dreamed about Dawn to fill them with such foreboding…


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 34

Buffy and Faith were patrolling in a different part of town, a different, slightly further route than they usually took, when they first heard it. Other than the first hour or so, when they had dusted seven vampires in as many minutes in a heavily populated, apparently extremely popular-among-the-undead cemetery, it had been a fairly quiet evening. They had been walking about for a couple of hours and were just about to start heading back when the noises sounded, clearly audible, even if their source was not yet visible, to their Slayer hearing.

There was a lot of banging and crashing, sounds of metal clanging, as if some would-be victim was fighting back with all he had- or else some vampire was throwing one hell of a tantrum. They could also hear a female voice screaming, but they could not quite understand her words, or even determine whether she was the victim or the victor.

Whatever the case, clearly something not of the good was happening, and they knew they would have to check it out. Glancing at each other quickly, not needing to speak, Buffy and Faith began to run towards the noise, stakes gripped in their hands.

Within a few seconds they came upon and old abandoned factory; it was from there that the noises seemed to be issuing. The banging and crashing was still going on, though more sporadically now, and they could understand the woman's voice this time as she screamed again, fury coloring her tone.

"My KEY, where is my KEY?! What have you done with it, you pathetic bundle of flesh?!"

So… definitely not the victim, this woman. But who was she with- what in the world was going on? And a key- all that screaming and flinging of things- heavy things, from the sound of it- over a KEY?

Buffy glanced at Faith, raising an eyebrow; Faith echoed her expression, then nodded toward the factory- which oddly enough, Buffy could not recall ever having come across before during a patrol.

"I've been in there before, while you guys were at school and work and all," Faith called to her, raising her voice to be heard as they approached it quickly. The woman's voice was rising again, and another banging sounded. "Barrels and beams and shit usually. Never noticed nothin' worse than a sleepin' vampire now and then."

Buffy just nodded, knowing better than to question her further even had they not been focused on the matter at hand. Having finally answered Giles one way or another on his job offering for the Magic Box- and her answer had been no- Faith had already been feeling sort of restless and aimless about her days. Well, really she had since she had fully recovered- and even before- from her injuries. Unsure of her future, beyond it being in Sunnydale, working again with Buffy and her friends, and not quite what to do with herself, Faith had taken to roaming about Sunnydale while Buffy and her mom and sister was away for the day. Faith had never been one to like staying still or being cooped up for too long, and she obviously was getting something out of her expeditions, because she didn't always come before Buffy and Dawn.

Buffy had been plagued by curiosity with what Faith did alone all day- or presumably alone, anyway- and one day, when Faith had come back later than usual, she had asked her. But Faith had been surprisingly vague, even defensive, giving replies like she did 'nothin' and had been 'around.' Buffy, though a little perplexed, had let it go, not attempting to bring it up again. She knew Faith wasn't doing anything wrong, at any rate. If she felt she still needed a mysterious, independent side to her, Buffy would let her have it. All that really mattered was that she had opened up in other, more important parts of her life with her.

"How is it laid out inside?" Buffy asked her instead, and Faith understood without her explaining that she meant how hard or easy would it be for them to get in and assess the situation.

"It's mostly a huge open space with stuff all around," Faith shrugged. "Few side doors and rooms and all, but they're probably in the biggest area from the sound of it. We should split up, B, get 'em off guard. You should go in from the front, right there, and distract them. I'll come around from the back and surprise them, back you up. Okay?"

"Five by five," Buffy muttered back, and they smiled at each other quickly before going their separate ways. Buffy thought she heard a cry of pain as she ran up to the front entrance, and then there was the sound of anguished screaming filling her ears. Her heart skipped a beat, and she could already feel the adrenaline surging through her as she shoved the door open, hurrying inside.

As Faith had said, the factory was mainly a very large room, with very tall ceilings and ample floor space. Only now the floor was littered with broken barrels and bent steel poles, shattered glass and blood…

In the floor's center were five figures- two old men in brown robes that looked like monks or priests of some kind, two very ugly creatures with wrinkled, gnome-like faces and crinkly greasy 

hair, and a woman who appeared to be in her twenties. She was attractive, with messy blonde curls, bright red lipstick, and a matching tight dress that accentuated her curves. Despite her very feminine appearance, she clearly was far from a normal human girl.

As Buffy watched, she shoved the gasping, bleeding monk in her arms to the floor… and as the two ugly creatures- her henchmen, apparently- shuffled and cringed against the wall, not participating one way or another, she snatched up the other monk. Putting her hands to his head, sneering a comment about his pious little vows, she put her hands to his head roughly. As Buffy continued to watch her, a glow surrounded them, and he began to scream, eyes widening with agony at whatever she was doing to him.

"HEY!" Buffy screamed somewhat foolishly, impulsively, and she rushed over, intending to cause the woman to let go in full Slayer style, but it was too late.

The man's body had already gone limp and pale, and as the woman let go of him disdainfully, he slumped to the floor. His eyes were open, blinking, but blank… it was almost as if he had been wiped clean of the person he had been, made into something empty.

What the hell… what WAS that, who WAS this?! Obviously not a vampire… some new, mind-sucking demon?

Stopping just short of her, standing deliberately between the stricken, gasping other monk and her, wondering with some anxiety where Faith was, Buffy quipped, "Now, was that really necessary over losing a key? There are locksmiths, you know."

The woman-demon-thing lifted her eyes to look at Buffy almost casually; she appeared neither concerned nor surprised by her sudden appearance. In fact, she rolled her eyes, seeming annoyed, exasperated more than anything else.

"A Slayer?" she sneered scornfully, putting a hand on her hip and cocking an eyebrow. "You've got to be kidding me. What a drag."

"You mind explaining what's going on?" Buffy asked her almost pleasantly.

She was very aware of the badly injured monk behind her, still breathing with an uneven raspiness that didn't' sound good, and the one before her, who though quiet, was unmoving except for blinking, and was also cut and bruised heavily, though not as much as his companion. 

She was also watching out the corner of her eye the two ugly creatures, though she didn't think they were much of a threat.

"Or," she continued, knowing that Faith must have entered the building by now, must be preparing her surprise attack from behind, "should I just kick your ass and be done with it?"

The woman snorted, waving a hand dismissively at her. "Please… I don't have time to engage myself in a battle of witticisms to indulge you, little girl, particularly since I already know what the outcome would be. I just… want… my… KEY!"

With her voice rising up startlingly into a shrill shriek with the last word, she nearly dove forward toward the monk still lying on the floor behind her, the one still of sound conscious mind, with his fear and agony darkening his gaze. Buffy tried to block her, to thrust her aside, but to her own astonishment, the woman thrust a hand into her chest… and the power from that impatient gesture sent her flying across the room, into yet another barrel. Buffy lay there for a moment, temporarily stunned from both the blow and the fall. Jeez, this woman- this THING- was powerful…

She could hear Faith scream her name, heard her abandoning the original plan of a sneak attack as she rushed forward, launching herself at the woman fiercely. But her blows were met with not so much as flinches from the woman; she merely turned around, and with one punch to Faith's solar plexus, sent her slamming back to the floor, her breath knocked out of her. Turning her attention back to the monk, whom she had grabbed up by his collar, she began to scream at him again, punctuating her shouts with blows that raised more blood in an already-battered face.

Buffy had struggled back to her feet, was rushing back over to her, trying to fight back. A fast glance at Faith told her that she was still attempting to get her breath back, but would join her up again shortly. The woman again seemed totally unconcerned with her fast approach; in fact she ignored it.

"Maybe THIS will change your mind?" she was sneering, and shoving the beaten monk back to the floor, she grabbed his blank-eyed companion up into her fist. Taking his head in her hands, she twisted it hard, breaking it, before discarding it at her feet. Turning back toward the other monk, she growled, "Having any changes of heart?"

Buffy struck her with a roundhouse kick. It made no impact upon her whatsoever. In fact, it was Buffy who fell to the floor with shock and pain both when the woman simply grabbed her foot and shoved her away from her. The woman was headed again for the monk when Faith launched 

herself on her back, hanging on tightly as she yanked at her hair and tried to claw at her face alternately with one hand. Buffy suspected that she had been trying to tackle her, but she had simply not been able to knock her down.

"Get him outta here, B," she screamed, clinging to the woman for all she was worth. "Go!"

Buffy hesitated, looking toward her anxiously. She didn't want to leave her there, with a woman- a thing- obviously superhumanly strong, superhumanly powerful. She knew that in a matter of seconds Faith would once more be thrown across the room, if not more seriously injured- and no doubt the creature would start after the other monk, meaning to kill him in a similar manner- if not a more drawn-out and painful one.

She didn't want to leave Faith alone in there to act as a distraction, to take the blows intended for the monk… but she knew that she had to, she had to save the man. Obviously something was going on here… something big, to be involving some kind of demon so powerful. And from the creepy, prickly feeling that had been crawling through her ever since she first set foot in the factory and lay eyes on the woman, she suspected it involved her in more depth than she wanted.

Buffy had to find out what was going on, who this thing was… and to do that, she had to get the monk out alive.

Casting another torn, hurried glance at Faith, she snatched the surviving monk up into her arms and ran for the back exit with him. Less than two seconds lapsed before she saw Faith flying off of the woman's back, heard her hitting the floor with a sickening crack that set Buffy's teeth to grinding in worried empathy, her stomach twisting with fear for her. Still, even as her mind raced, worrying whether Faith could handle herself, whether she could either overpower the woman or else distract her with something else enough to make an escape, she didn't look back, didn't stop running with the monk still somewhat awkwardly in her arms, carrying him to a more relatively safe location.

She saw an empty shack nearly as rundown as the factory had been within a couple of minutes and ducked inside it with him, knowing that she needed to assess the situation- and return to help Faith as quickly as possible. God, she prayed that Faith was alright… surely she was. Buffy would know, she would feel it if Faith was badly hurt, or… otherwise… wouldn't she? Of course she would… but still…

For a few seconds she was torn between telling the monk to stay put as she ran back to Faith, or staying with him to question him, find out who that woman was and what she had wanted. But as 

she looked at him, taking in his increasingly labored, shuddery breaths, the ways his eyes were veiling over with a sheen she didn't' like, remembered the limpness of his body, the weakness of his hold as she ran with him, she realized with alarm that if she left him, she may never have the chance to find out what was happening. Buffy had seen death too many times not to recognize it when it presented itself to her.

Her stomach still squishing painfully with her worry for Faith, her fear of what must be going on with her, she knelt close to the gasping man's face, talking in a quiet but very firm tone.

"Listen to me. My name is Buffy, I am the Slayer. I can and will help you- but you need to be honest with me and tell me all you know. What was going on between you and that – that thing? What was she, and what did she want?"

"The… the Slayer…" the monk nearly whispered, his breath still coming in gasps that made his words hard to understand. "One of… the Slayers. Our God… truly… is good…"

"Yeah, that's me, that's Him," Buffy said impatiently, her tone growing more insistent as she continued, "Who was that woman? What is this key she was so pissed off about not getting?"

The man struggled to draw in enough breath for his next words, his chest rising and falling sharply.

"Her… she is… Glorificus. Glory… she is… a god…"

"A GOD?!" Buffy blurted, her face reeling away from him slightly in astonishment. "Not that I'm the theology expert here, between the two of us, but isn't God generally considered to be a man? Not to mention kind and loving and, and not so skankily dressed?"

"Not… THE God… not our Creator… just A god…" the monk clarified slightly, still seeming in agony at each forced out word. Buffy didn't know what to do for him… there was nothing she could do, except listen.

"She wants… the key. You must protect… the key…"

"See, that's what I'm not getting here. What is this key? What's so important about it- what's it to? And shouldn't you give it to me, if you want me to protect it? Or at least tell me where it is?" Buffy said in exasperation.

"You already… have it. Both of you… both… Slayers. The first… Slayers…" the monk rasped, and Buffy froze.

"We… we have it? This key… Faith and I… we already have this key?" Buffy asked cautiously, trying to think, to understand. She didn't have a key- did she? Only ordinary ones- for her house and dorm and stuff. Unless it wasn't a key at all… unless…

"Yes… the key… is already yours. B-both of yours… formed… of you both. Part of you both… made… by your… bond."

"What?!" Buffy sputtered, disbelieving. "What IS it? How…"

The monk was having even me difficulty speaking now, his words slow, drawn out, punctuated by his ragged intakes of breath. They did not have much time… and neither, Buffy knew with cold dread, would Faith if she had not escaped.

"The key… is pure energy… formed by the P-Powers that Be. It opens… orbs… worlds unseen… parallel… to our own. G-Glory would… use it… to return home… she does not care… what this will d-do… the apocalypse… it will cause…"

Oh, of course… there had to be an apocalypse involved somewhere, Buffy thought in frustration. Isn't there always?

"She… the key… she doesn't know… who she is. You must protect her… b-both of you… you must…"

"Who?" Buffy said hurriedly, as he gasped for breath, his eyes shining more alarmingly than ever. "The key- it's a person? A girl? Who is she?"

"She… was made… as energy… but we formed her… into a person," the monk rasped, his chest rising and falling at an alarming rate. "Made of you b-both… your combined… essences… your 

shared… connection… brought her into physical being… a spiritual form… we could mold into a p-person… she is close to you both."

It dawned on Buffy then, the name that the monk seemed so reluctant, nearly afraid, to say aloud… it only made sense. Somehow, she had known, in a way, without knowing… a part of her had sensed…

"Dawn…" she whispered. "My sister…"

She did not understand… and yet somehow it seemed to fit, to make sense. Her sister was not her sister… but rather, in a way, her. Her and Faith… sort of. God, did that make Dawn their CHILD, in a way?! How…

"You must… protect her," the monk breathed, and his voice was fading further, barely understandable. "You… both… of you… must…"

He could not finish, and Buffy never knew whether what he'd had to say was something important, vital to her knowledge, or not. His eyes rolled back, showing their whites, and with one shuddery breath, he was still. Buffy did not need to feel his pulse to know he was dead.

Even as she hurried out of their temporary shelter, running back toward Faith in the factory, her mind was whirling with much more than her anxiety over Faith. Dawn… was not her sister… was not a real girl at all. Dawn was a key, some kind of energy the ever-meddling Powers that Be had formed somehow from her and Faith, from their 'Connection' to each other. And some god… not a vampire, not a demon, but a GOD… some god called Glory was looking for her. A god who seemed more powerful than any they had fought before…

A god who was alone with Faith right now.

Even greater terror striking Buffy's heart, she sped up even faster, hating, berating herself for having left Faith, even as she knew it had been necessary. How COULD she have- couldn't she have found another way, couldn't she-

She was so agitated that she didn't realize, for once, that Faith was nearby, until she heard her cry out her name, her voice hoarse with both fatigue and overwhelming relief. Seeing her swaying slightly on her feet in the distance, beginning to stumble towards her, Buffy's heart had 

leapt, and she had quickly covered the rest of the difference. She pulled Faith to her in a fierce, vastly relieved hug, rejoicing as Faith's arms closed just as tightly around her. Buffy held her hard against her for a few moments before pulling back a little to examine her, cradling her face gently in one hand.

Faith had clearly taken a beating from the woman. (Glory, Buffy reminded herself, her name was Glory, and she was not a woman, but a god. Though why not goddess, she still didn't get.) She was forming a black eye already, her lip was cut and swelling, and she was limping, several shallow cuts and bruises on her face, arms, and no doubt elsewhere. But still she seemed to be basically okay… more beat than usual, of course, but considering…

"Are you okay, baby?" Buffy asked her, one hand running gently over Faith's wildly tangled hair, the other carefully touching her split lip with her thumb. "What happened… how did you…"

She let the rest of her sentence trail off, not sure if she was about to ask Faith how she had defeated Glory, or how she had escaped her. One was wildly optimistic, while the other sounded too negative.

"It was weird," Faith said, seeming to understand her hesitance and not minding it. "We were fightin' a while, she was wicked strong, woulda beat the shit outta me if I hadn't started dodgin' and runnin' and throwin' stuff in front of exits, tossin' her little creepy friends around at her. She's freakin'_ strong_, B, I don't know what the hell she is, but _damn_… anyway, she was starting to really get pissed off at me. She seemed more like annoyed with me at first, yunno, not kill-mode like with the poor monk guys. Did you even _know_ there were monks in Sunnydale? I thought that was, like, a Tibet thing or somethin'."

"Faith- get to the point!" Buffy said in exasperation, giving her a little shake for emphasis. "What happened?"

"Well like I said, she was really startin' to get pissed at me. But then all of a sudden she was gone. Just poof, GONE," Faith went on, spreading her arms empathetically. "I don't know what happened. Just there, gone. Of course, I didn't take time to look around or nothin'. She might still be in there or somethin'. I high-tailed it outta there before she could make a big re-entry."

She paused, looking at Buffy with eyes suddenly narrowed with concern. "B, are you okay? Where's the monk guy… didn't you…"

"He's… he's dead, Faith," Buffy said slowly, reluctantly. Taking a deep breath, she slipped an arm around her and began to walk away with her, lowering her voice. "But I talked to him first…"

When she was finished, having glanced around frequently to make sure Glory was nowhere in sight, Faith's face was a mask of astonished awe and disbelief. She barely seemed aware of anything around her as Buffy kept an arm around her shoulders, half-supporting her as she led her toward home.

"You mean… you're serious. Dawn's…"

"Yes," Buffy said quietly, and she shivered suddenly, pressing herself closer against Faith's side. "Yes…"

"Wow," Faith breathed, exhaling slowly suddenly. "What… what are we going to do?"

"Protect her, of course," Buffy said with some surprise, looking over at her, into her eyes. "We can't let this… Glory… get to her. Not only because the apocalypse angle. No matter what she is… or how she was made… she's still Dawn. She's still…"

"Us," Faith said softly, looking back at her. "She's us too… somehow. And she's…she's ours, somehow. Isn't she?"

Buffy paused before she answered… not because she was not sure of the answer, but because, rather, the impact of it was finally hitting her.

"Yes," she replied slowly, "yes, I think she is…"


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 35

For a long moment after Buffy and Faith had finished speaking, there was a drawn out, stunned silence. As Giles frowned deeply with consternation, fumbling to take off his glasses and clean them while apparently deep in thought, Joyce just sat there, seeming almost in shock, as her eyes drifted between her daughter and Faith.

After slaying, Buffy and Faith had gone straight to Giles's place, intending to tell him what they had found out. He would know more about this, they reasoned, or would at least know where to look to find out more about this. To their surprise, however- and Buffy's chagrin- her mother had already been there when they showed up at his door. Thank god they weren't doing anything nightmare-inducing when they had knocked- but seriously, just the thought of her mother going to Giles's at night, alone, for no conceivable reason other than to offer more unwelcome proof of their… relationship… was disturbing enough to her.

On the other hand, upon seeing Joyce, Buffy and Faith had decided that she should know about Dawn and everyone's true relationship to her too. Dawn was living in her home, after all, under her care… Joyce believed her to be her child, every bit as much as Buffy was her child. It was just something that, upon reflection, they realized they thought she should know, whether or not she could do anything about it.

Buffy could feel Faith sitting very close to her on Giles's couch, almost leaned against her; she knew that the brunette was more tired than she would let on to anyone. Upon seeing her battered condition, both Giles and Joyce had expressed their concern for her, for it usually took a lot for a Slayer to return from patrol with such a high count of injuries, even relatively minor ones like she had. Joyce had run to get her an ice pack for her eye and a washcloth for the bloody cuts on her face, but after a few half-hearted swipes and about three seconds of holding the ice to her eye, Faith had let them drop back down onto her lap.

Uncomfortable with the prolonged, stunned silence in the room and with the truth that she and Faith were still attempting to accept, as well as the fact that her mother was sitting nearly as close to Giles across from them as she and Faith were, Buffy took the washcloth from Faith's hand and turned her face toward her gently. She began to dab at the blood around her cuts herself to busy herself with doing something. Faith let her, her eyes meeting Buffy's only briefly before skipping almost nervously back to Giles and Joyce.

Eventually Giles cleared his throat, taking a deep breath before looking back at the girls through his just-replaced glasses.

"So this woman… this Glory… is a god," he repeated slowly. "One who cannot be fought with ordinary methods. And she wants to use the key… to use Dawn… to go home. Wherever that is. Using orbs… using Dawn… to open up parallel words… does, does that sound accurate so far?"

Buffy nodded, sighing, pausing in her careful wiping of Faith's face. "Yeah… I might not understand it, but that's what he said. The monk guy, I mean."

"And… this key… is energy," Giles went on thoughtfully, in the same slow tone. "To open up parallel worlds. But if it- if she- is used, she will… cause another apocalypse."

"Yep," Buffy confirmed again, having finished clearing Faith's face of dried blood but now finding that she still needed to do something with her hands.

Dropping the washcloth onto her own lap, she began to pick at her fingernails restlessly until Faith, a trace of a smile with no true humor on her lips, stopped her with a touch of her hand. Instead Buffy intertwined their fingers, giving Faith's hand a squeeze. She felt slightly less edgy when Faith squeezed back; the brunette, however, was fidgeting.

Giles was still having a hard time processing this, it seemed; still frowning deeply, he glanced from the girls to Joyce, who was still sitting there, every bit as pensive and somber with her thoughts as the rest of them.

"And Dawn… who is this key… was formed from the Powers that Be… from the two of you. And molded by monks… into what she is now. And sent to you… our memories modified, I presume- for you to protect her. From Glory," he added, as if he were almost hoping that by saying it, spelling it out enough, he could make more sense out of it.

This time Buffy just nodded; it was Faith who verbally confirmed his words, along with a jerky little nod.

"Yeah. And that's about all we know… so…" she shrugged again, and Buffy felt her squeeze her hand subtly, knew she was as anxious as she was. Faith just rarely showed it openly. She could still feel her squirming beside her, attempting to bleed it off.

Joyce shook her head slowly, and something about her bewildered eyes looked faded, far away.

"It still feels like she's my… my daughter," she said slowly. "I have so many memories of her, so many… she still seems like she's my little girl. Like… like she's a part of me."

"She is," Giles said gently, turning towards her and putting a hand on her knee. "As far as Dawn is concerned- as far as everyone is- and in your own heart, she is. Even in all actuality, really… for she is, if I understand, both a part of your daughter, and also from your daughter… and therefore, she is also from you."

Joyce's face softened slightly at that, and she smiled a little at him in a way that would normally have caused Buffy to squirm and look away. But strangely, she was glad to see it now…

"Yes," Joyce said softly, thoughtfully, "I suppose you're right, Rupert… I suppose that in a way she is still mine. It's just… now she's Faith as well, is all."

The three of them looked instinctively toward the brunette, who suddenly tensed, uncomfortable. Not knowing what Faith was thinking as she dropped her eyes, but not liking her sudden return to her former more guarded behavior, she squeezed her hand again before looking over at Giles.

"I… we really should go home to Dawn, I don't' want to leave her there without us for too long… we need to be with her," she said quietly. "But I wanted to ask you first… do you… should we tell anyone else? Should we… should we tell her?"

Giles hesitated; both he and Joyce looked at each other, sharing in their glance more of an unspoken conversation than Buffy would have thought possible. Damn, she thought, momentarily distracted. Just how long had this_ thing_ been going on between them anyway?

"No, Buffy," Giles said finally, reluctantly, "I don't' believe we should. For now… for now, I think it best if as few people know as possible, for her own- and everyone else's- protection."

Buffy nodded slowly, glancing at Faith's still-troubled gaze; she did agree, but somehow, she was still bothered by the thought of her lying…

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With their decision made to continue keeping mum about Dawn's true identity for the time being, they had all quickly made plans to return home to her. Dawn was not alone- despite her pleas and protested indignation, Joyce had Willow and Tara come over to stay with her when she went out- but Buffy and Faith were worried about her regardless. At least she wasn't alone- in fact, she was with two powerful witches who would do all they could to protect her if it came to that- but both of them knew they would feel better if they were with Dawn themselves.

Even thought it seemed the best they could do would be to run and hide with Dawn, based on their last encounter with Dawn. Buffy was still shaken, and she knew that Faith must be too, whether or not she said so, from their encounter with Glory. It had really seemed that they had not affected Glory, not injured her at all… they, with all their Slayer strength and skills, had made no impact on her. How were they supposed to protect her- how could they, if they couldn't figure out a way other than physical force to defeat Glory?

Buffy tried to push away her anxiety, at least for the few minutes it would take to walk home with Faith, but she couldn't seem to do it. Based on Faith's near-silence, the taut muscles of her face, and the worried lines of her forehead, she couldn't either. Though they were walking hand in hand, their touch was nearly distracted, habit and instinct more than anything else, and their walking was more like a jog.

They had left for home at the same time as Joyce, but they knew she would get there first, as she was driving. She would have taken them with her, but Faith had pointed out that it would look suspicious if they all arrived together when they had supposedly been apart all this time.

Still, they managed to arrive not very long after Joyce had in the Summers home- in fact, they almost ran into Willow and Tara at the doorway as they were leaving. The two witches smiled in surprise, slightly startled greeting.

"Hey Buffy, Faith- you're back from patrol kinda early!" Willow greeted them- then looking at Faith more closely, frowned with concern. "Hey, are you okay? You've, you've got a black eye, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, five by five," Faith said hurriedly, her hand drifting up to touch her face almost with embarrassment. "Just, you know, need to learn to duck."

"Like ten times?" Willow said with some incredulity. "No offense, Faith, but you MUST be slow if that's true…"

Tara gave her girlfriend a reproving look even as Faith gave her a smirk-shrug-'fuck you' look all in one smooth maneuver, trying not to not-so-subtly look past them into the house.

"T-tough patrol today?" she asked quietly, and Faith softened slightly, even as Buffy tensed a little. She knew how very annoyingly perceptive Tara could be, and wasn't so sure she wanted to spend much time with her right now. Tara might take one look at her and exactly guess her thoughts, or Faith's… might figure out who and what Dawn was…

No, that was silly… in fact, that was completely stupid. No way could Tara figure out that… how could she?! That would mean she was more than perceptive or insightful… she'd have to be a freakin' mind reader!

Still… when Tara's eye narrowed thoughtfully at a shifting, impatient and barely-hiding-her-anxiety Faith, then drifted over to regard Buffy, Buffy didn't like the way she was looking at her.

"Buffy, are you okay?" she asked hesitantly. "Y-you seem…"

"No, it's all- I'm good! Great," Buffy said too fast, too brightly, and her hasty smile, judging from Willow's and Tara's confused frowns, was for from convincing. "Just, you know… tired, and, and hungry… so…"

She was trying to figure out a way to politely yet pointedly get them to move out of the doorway and leave so they could go inside, go check on Dawn, put some of her anxieties of her safety for the moment at rest. To her near delight, someone did it for her.

"You guys are already home?" Dawn said in surprise, coming up behind Willow and Tara in the doorway and peering over her shoulders at Buffy and Faith, having to crane her neck to do so. "Did you have a fight or something? No, because then Faith would have run off to be all tough-girl and cry where no one could see her, and Buffy would have come home stomped around and yelled at me. So that can't be it. Weren't there any vampires? Hey, what happened to your face?!" she cried with some dismay, her eyes widening as she looked at Faith with just a little more dramatics than was warranted.

Faith rolled her eyes, gritting her teeth as she splayed a hand across her face. "Damn, should I just put a bag over my head and be done with it?" she muttered, but Buffy could see that she was trying not to grin.

Through their Slayer bond Buffy had sensed Faith's heartbeat speed up with some excitement upon seeing Dawn, had felt her quick rush of relief. She had also felt her sudden, deepened affection for her, an intensifying of her previous feelings, as if knowledge of their true relationship, true connection, had kicked her emotions toward Dawn into overdrive. Buffy was having the same experience… for a few seconds her throat choked at the sight of Dawn, and as a vivid, protective love for her warmed her inside, it seemed that she was seeing her for the first time.

And in a way, she was… she was seeing her as a part of herself, as a part of Faith… seeing her, despite all the stress and difficulties she knew her mere existence was going to bring, as a miracle. As a gift.

Normally, seeing Dawn straight after patrol, Buffy would want to shake her off for some private alone-in-her-bedroom time with Faith. But now, looking at her, she couldn't seem to look away. She wanted to laugh, to cry, to grin hugely, to hug Dawn to her… and judging from the way Faith's heart was beating, the way she felt her hand creep into her own and squeeze it, Faith was feeling the same emotions.

It took her a second to realize that the other girls were really staring now, clearly bewildered, worried- even a little alarmed. Obviously their faces were a little too open-book-ish…

"Buffy… Faith… are, are you sure you're okay?" Willow asked hesitantly, her brow furrowing with concern and some suspicion, and Dawn piped up as well, a little more suspiciously than she had.

"Yeah, you're both, like, totally staring at me… what? What did I do?"

"Nothin'," Faith said quickly, and she covered her expression with a smirk at Dawn. "Just… you look cute in those Hello Kitty pajamas, that's all."

"Yeah," Buffy said quickly, seizing upon an explanation- any explanation- and nodding vigorously. "Yep, that's why. Because… because you, you look nice. In them. The pajamas."

Dawn stared, her eyes growing even wider. "Buffy… these are YOUR pajamas. You usually yell at me when I wear them."

"Well- well, not today," Buffy said lamely, feeling her cheeks redden as she shifted her weight uncomfortably. Oh damn… she really sucked at this.

"Oh, she was just jealous that you looked so hot in 'em, Dusk," Faith said, lifting an eyebrow at her with a playful leer. Seizing upon the chance, and grateful for Faith's much-faster recovery skills, Buffy turned to her with mostly feigned indignation.

"I am NOT, Faith!"

"Oh, come on, B, you so totally are," Faith smirked, lifting an eyebrow and grinning at her. "I've seen ya checkin' your ass out in those things, worryin' if they make your butt look big-"

"You're completely making that up, you liar! I didn't-"

"So… um, guess I'll be going, if you're okay and all," Willow said hurriedly, obviously not eager to get caught up in a Slayer/sister/sister Slayer argument. "We, we have to… to study, right, Tara?"

"Uh… yeah," Tara said slowly, but she was still looking between Buffy and Faith with a little frown. "If you're s-sure you're okay…"

"Yeah, five by five," Faith repeated with remarkable casualness, though Buffy could see something shift in her eyes faintly as she spoke. "See ya, Red, Terror."

"Yeah, bye, see you tomorrow," Buffy said quickly, trying not to sound too eager for them to leave.

As Willow and Tara moved from the doorway to Willow's car and Buffy and Faith stepped at last inside the house, Dawn was still staring at them suspiciously.

"You guys are being weird," she said slowly, her eyes narrowed, yet also worried. "Especially you, Buffy… did you hit your head or something? Because _Faith's_ the one all beat up…"

"Must be in the genes, the weirdness," Buffy replied sweetly, giving her what she hoped passed for an exaggeratedly innocent smile. "Uh… didn't Mom tell you to go to bed when she came home, Dawn?"

"How'd you know Mom came home already?" Dawn asked in surprise, her eyes widening again.

Uh oh.

"Duh, squirt, saw her car in the driveway," Faith said easily, and Buffy felt herself relax visibly. Jeez, what would she do without Faith's lack of tending-to-freeze-up-itis?

"Oh. Right…" Dawn said slowly.

"Well we're goin' to bed even if you're gonna play the rebel, aren't we, B?" Faith said, nudging her meaningfully, and Buffy jumped, glancing over at her quickly.

"Uh, yeah, I guess…"

"Go to bed? Right!" Dawn scoffed, distracted, as Faith had no doubt known she would be. "More like start up some muffled sex acts for hours while happening to be on TOP of a bed! You know, my room IS right down the hall, AND Mom's, too!"

Buffy flushed- Dawn couldn't hear them, could she? They were quiet! Well, they tried to be. But she couldn't hear them… could she? Unless she was listening at the door or something. She WASN'T, was she?!

"Hey, don't ask, don't tell, right, Dusk?" Faith smiled. Giving Dawn as little quick hug that Buffy could tell even from behind meant more to her than she was showing in the moment, she called with careful casualness, "Night, Dusk."

"Uh… good night," Dawn managed, looking startled but pleased by Faith's embrace. As Faith started to move past her up the stairs, Buffy started to follow her. But unable to resist, she first stopped to give Dawn an impulsive hug of her own, briefly closing her eyes and savoring the feel of her in her arms where she knew Dawn could not see.

Dawn seemed considerably more stunned by Buffy's hug than Faith's; she stiffened, and when Buffy pulled away, she was gawking at her.

"What?" Buffy asked defensively. "I never hug my, my sister?"

"Uh… not unless it's Christmas and Mom's taking pictures, or you want me to do something for you," Dawn replied bluntly. "Or unless you're feeling really, really bad over something mean you did to me, especially if you're afraid I'll tell Mom. Or unless you're crying or something. Or-"

"Okay, I get the point!" Buffy started, but Dawn wasn't finished.

"And DEFINITELY not when I'm wearing your pajamas. Again."

"Well maybe I feel loving today… but don't push your luck," Buffy muttered, feeling herself flush and hearing Faith laugh at her as she followed her up the stairs. Even as she left she could hear Dawn's last incredulous question.

"What did that demon DO to her?!"


	38. Chapter 38

I know this chapter has nothing really happen… next will begin to move the story forward a bit though.

Chapter 36

It had been nearly an hour since Buffy and Faith had gone upstairs to ready themselves for bed. They were nearly certain that Dawn was asleep now, and therefore, if they wanted to, they could talk quietly in private. However, though this was all they could think about, neither dared to do so.

They had kissed and caressed each other softly at first, still edgy, worked p from the confrontation with Glory, and anxious over their new burden of knowledge. Taking comfort and distraction in each other had eventually led up to their making love, and they had tried to stifle each other's sounds, as usual, with kisses or faces pressed against smooth skin. It was during those minutes that they could forget the stress and fears of the day, the worry for the future, and simply lose themselves in each other and the pleasure of their bodies.

In such passionate, yet intimate moments with Faith, Buffy felt as if she would burst with the love she felt for her, that it would explode in all directions from within her like rays of light, splitting her skin so that she was left wide open, exposed. It was a feeling that was utterly exhilarating, if also somewhat frightening… and though Faith never said so, had said that she loved Buffy less than five times total, she knew that the brunette felt the same. She could see it in the glow of her eyes, could hear it in the way she breathed her name, feel it in the way she touched her, as gently as if she feared she would inadvertently harm her. Harm BUFFY, with her equal Slayer strength…

They had come so far, grown so deeply intimate in such a relatively short time, forged a connection between each other neither would have thought possible. Buffy didn't need to hear Faith repeat over and over that she loved her… she could feel it. And though she still often told Faith that she loved her, not wanting to take a chance that she might begin once more to think or feel otherwise, she hoped that Faith now knew this on her own without needing frequent proof and reassurance.

They lay together in bed now, not speaking; they had finished making love some fifteen minutes ago, but after a breathless exchange of kissing, and whispers of love from Buffy, they had fallen into silence. Wrapped in Faith's arms, her head against her shoulder, Buffy could hear her heartbeat, her slow breathing, and knew that it would be some time before either could get to sleep. Not because they were not tired, for they were… but rather, because in the quiet after-sex cuddling, their thoughts were drifting back once again to Glory… and to Dawn.

Buffy still could not fully believe the enormity of what they now knew. The sister she knew so well, had been present in the hospital during her birth… nearly all her memories of her, with her, had never happened at all. For Dawn was not technically her sister at all. Dawn was HER… and yet she was also Faith… and therefore, in some bizarre fashion, their child in a way…

If Dawn had been made from her and Faith… then she could only have been here, at most, for a long as Faith had been here… at the very most, for as long as she had awakened from the coma. So six or seven weeks… only a few weeks, not the fourteen years Buffy had believed. How was this possible?!

She heard Faith sigh slowly, felt her chest move against her, and Buffy rubbed a hand across her shoulder blades, finally breaking the quiet between them.

"I guess I don't have to ask you what you're thinking…"

Faith shook her head slightly, unconsciously pulling Buffy a little more tightly against her. Still stroking the skin of Faith's shoulders and back lightly, slowly, more with fingertips than her whole hand, Buffy took a strand of her dark hair in her other hand, beginning to twine it between her fingers.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked her quietly, though she herself did not.

Faith sighed again, shaking her head once more. They lay there for a few more minutes, both still wide awake; Buffy continued to play with the same strand of Faith's hair almost absently, still keeping her hand drifting up Faith's back. When Faith spoke, her words were sudden, awkward, stumbling; she seemed reluctant to speak at all, but once she began, her words kept coming.

"It's… B, this is just so weird…"

"I know," Buffy said quietly, continuing to stroke her hand across Faith's back.

"I…I don't know how the hell this happened, or why, but… it sucks, okay?"

"I know…" Buffy said again, but Faith still wasn't finished.

"There- there isn't supposed to be any risks from lesbian sex! Not ones like BABIES anyway- and not freakin' TEENANGERS, for sure! What is this, like punishment from the Powers that Be, are they homophobes up there?!" Faith burst out with, and Buffy could feel how tense she was growing, could hear her voice getting louder.

She snuggled up a little bit closer to her, giving her a tight squeeze and a quick kiss on the cheek before beginning to rub her back again. "Shh, sweetie, keep your voice down…" she warned. "I know… but I don't' think this was supposed to be a punishment. Or that it has to do with us having sex…"

Maybe, Buffy thought to herself doubtfully. Didn't they say she was made of our essences? Do they mean… like, sexual essences?

"Right, B… pretty convenient that right about the time we start gettin' it on is when she comes," Faith snorted. "Made outta US. What other explanation is there?"

Buffy didn't know what to say to that, so she didn't say anything. She could hear Faith's breathing changing, growing more shallow, and she knew she was upset about more than what she was letting on. She knew it wasn't Dawn herself, or her existence, that bothered her… probably not even knowing that Dawn was much more to her than just the kid sister of her girlfriend. Both of the loved her, would not wish her into nonexistence. It was just that there was so much to deal with now, and it all seemed so complicated and intimidating.

"I told myself I'd never have a kid," Faith said suddenly, hoarsely, and Buffy looked at her, startled. "I… I wasn't' even sure I could have one, since I never got pregnant, and…"

She swallowed, her eyes closing briefly, and Buffy knew suddenly that she was thinking of her abuse as a child. Maybe she thought it had made her unable to have kids, messed her up inside or something…

"But… I thought I'd at least have a say in the matter, that I wouldn't just have one dropped in my lap from the sky."

"Why wouldn't you want a kid?" Buffy asked her softly, her own voice hoarse as she blinked back the tears that had automatically sprang to her eyes when she remembered the child Faith 

and her violent, premature sexual experiences. She kissed Faith's shoulder quickly, willing them back.

"I know you like kids… so why wouldn't you want any?"

It was several moments before Faith answered, and when she did her voice was barely audible.

"Because I'd ruin them."

For a second Buffy was speechless, her heart clinching; and then, reacting quickly, she hugged Faith even harder to her.

"Faith… you wouldn't, baby," she whispered, having to blink back tears again as she took a handful of Faith's hair gently in her fist. "You wouldn't… you'd be a good mother. You're a good person."

"Haven't you ever heard how the apple never falls far from the tree or however that goes?" Faith said lightly, but Buffy heard the tightness in her voice. "You're supposed to be the one with all the literature knowledge here, B…"

"That's not true, sweetie- it's not," Buffy told her quickly, and she kissed Faith's cheek, then her lips. "Not true. You are so much more than that… you're amazing, Faith. You're caring, and courageous, and, and… you're a hero. Heroine- whatever. You are NOT… you would NEVER… I KNOW you, Faith, you would never be like… that."

She kissed her tenderly again, her hand on Faith's head, and when Faith said nothing in reply, just sighed in a drawn out, shuddery breath, she said slowly, "And… we're not really her parents, anyway. Not the way it counts, not technically… and not to Dawn. But even if we were… look at the way you are with her, Faith. Look at the way she feels about you. She admires you. She's a whole lot nicer to you than she is to me, Faith. She trusts you… she loves you. And whether or not you've ever said so to her, I know you love her too. I know you'd never hurt her… I know you would do all you can to protect her. Even before today. And if you'd do all that for someone you thought was just my annoying little sister… how can you think you wouldn't be the same way with your own child?"

Faith breathed out slowly again, and Buffy caressed her head, listening to her heartbeat and waiting for it to calm. It hurt her to hear Faith say things like that, to know that as far as she had come, there were still scars, still emotional damage to her that she might never be able to change or fully heal.

"How… how are we going to do this?" she asked at last, her words almost a sigh. "How are we going to protect her when we can't always be with her?"

Buffy sighed too, and she tightened her arm around Faith's back, distantly glad to feel Faith squeeze her back in response.

"I don't know," she admitted quietly. "But we will, Faith… we have to. We'll figure something out, just like always."

But as the Slayers went quiet again, still wide awake with their worries in each other's arms, Buffy hoped that she was telling the truth, wishing she could be as confident as she'd sounded.

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A couple of days passed, and both Buffy and Faith- as well, to a lesser degree, as Giles and Joyce- were on heightened alert, on the lookout for Glory or her ugly, seemingly ineffectual little brown-robed pals. Between the Slayers, Joyce, Giles, and the Scoobies, it was made certain that Dawn was never alone- and that she was always near someone with at least some sort of magical skill or fighting ability (i.e, more than just Xander) whenever at all possible. Other than that, the four tried to behave as usual, as though nothing had changed- nothing out of ordinary.

This, Buffy knew, was the hardest for her. She'd never been a very good or skilled at concealing her true thoughts or feelings when it came to people she cared about… except, maybe, from herself sometimes. It was difficult for her to try to behave with Dawn the same way she had before, to try to speak and look at her and argue with her as if she still regarded her as merely her little sister, just a perfectly ordinary, annoying teenaged girl. A few more times she had caught herself staring at Dawn, or Dawn staring at her, and knew the younger girl was wondering what was up with her. On several occasions it was only thanks to Faith's or her mother's quick-thinking diversion or redirecting of a conversation that Buffy had been stopped from saying something that would hint at what was really going on…

She was just going to have to get it together. She couldn't let anyone think that anything had changed in her own mind. She had to… Dawn's life depended on it. EVERYONE's life depended on it…

Buffy found herself spending more time with Dawn, not just because she felt she had to, but because she wanted to. Somehow, just knowing that Dawn was created from her and Faith, was a part of them both, and yet also wholly her own, fascinated and touched her in a way she couldn't really explain.

Suddenly all the little things Dawn did to annoy her, all her little quirks that had driven Buffy to distraction before from irritation, seemed almost endearing. For now, knowing what she knew about Dawn's conception, Buffy could see pieces of her younger, pre-Slayer self in them… but moreover, pieces of a younger Faith. A softer, more innocent, unabused Faith… a Faith who had been loved, been free to maintain the childishness and immaturity that she had been denied at Dawn's age.

Seeing this in Dawn now, it was hard to be annoyed with her, no matter how hard she was trying… and even pretending to be took some effort.

Faith was a better actress than Buffy around Dawn and the Scoobies; she had had a lot of practice playing casual and carefree over her life, and she put it to good use, talking and teasing as usual. But even so Buffy had caught her looking at Dawn occasionally for just a little too long, had felt Faith subtly touch her back or take her hand while nonchalantly talking to the younger Summers sister. Though Faith had not explicitly said so to her, Buffy knew that she had returned to the factory, despite Buffy's trepidations of her doing so alone, searching for Glory. And the next night after their encounter, Faith had awakened sweating and shaking from a nightmare that she had only managed to tightly inform Buffy, as Buffy took her into her arms, had had to do with Dawn being hurt.

After the fumbling encounter with Willow and Tara after having first returned from the face off with Glory, the witches and the rest of the Scooby gang seemed to have eased off on their suspicions as far as Buffy and Faith's interactions with Dawn were concerned. Well, Xander and Anya had never seemed to have developed any in the first place. But even so, Buffy had noticed Tara looking at her almost searchingly a few times, a faint frown lining her features, before her gaze subtly slid to Faith, then Dawn.

Buffy wondered what- if anything- the Wiccan knew. Could she really read people that easily- was Buffy really that obvious? How could she know? Or could Tara just sense that something was odd- a change in their auras or something? Could she sense when a person was lying, or hiding the truth?

Of course she could… for hadn't she assured Buffy earlier that she could tell Faith was sincere?

Whatever she sensed, whatever she might have known, she never mentioned it… and for that, at least, Buffy was grateful. She hated to hide things of such importance from her friends, but it was necessary… it was for their own good.

She almost hoped that maybe they would not see Glory again, that with the monks dead, she would give up on getting her key, or look somewhere other than Sunnydale… but of course, that was not to happen.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 37

Buffy knew as soon as she pulled into the driveway of her house that something was wrong. It wasn't that she could see anything out of the ordinary… it was more like she could sense it, feel it just under her skin, an unsettling crawling sensation…

She had just gotten off from her last class at college. It wasn't even two o'clock yet, so she knew that her mother and Dawn were not home yet. It couldn't' be something about them that gave Buffy such a strong foreboding feeling… so it had to be Faith…

Her alarm sharpening, even without yet having seen any proof of a reason it was needed, Buffy hurried up the driveway and to her front door. She could hear it as soon as she reached the porch- noises in the house as if someone were banging things around, throwing things, and the unmistakable sound of Faith's loud swearing.

Oh god, Buffy thought with increasing panic, her heart seizing. What's going on in there… is Faith okay, is Faith hurt?! What's in there with her… is it…

Her breath catching in her throat, Buffy raced through the front door, noticing immediately the turned over coffee table, as if someone had knocked it over deliberately, or else tripped over it. She could still hear the sound of something being thrown upstairs, several somethings, from the sound of it, almost all at once… and then she heard someone scream… heard FAITH scream.

"FUCK! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU FUCKIN' BITCH?!"

Her eyes widening in alarm, already nearly terrified at the thought of whatever it was she was about to see, Buffy flew up the stairs, nearly three at a time. She had only gotten halfway up though when she heard another shrill shriek, wordless this time, and the horrible, tinkling sound of breaking glass.

Oh god, oh god oh god oh god… was all Buffy could think as she practically leapt the rest of the way up the stairs, her heart hammering so hard it almost seemed to be inside her ears as well as thudding frantically in her chest. That is not good, breaking glass and screaming is so not good… oh god, Faith…

She didn't' dare call her name and therefore alert whatever might be with her to her presence before she could take it by surprise… and based on the shrieked 'bitch' from Faith and their current nemesis, Buffy was pretty sure she knew exactly who was up there with her. And that only terrified her further, for she remembered all too well how it had gone the last time they faced off with Glory… and now Buffy knew who and what she was.

It seemed that the noises had been coming from her room… but when Buffy threw the door open, drawing in a sharp breath in anticipation of what she might see, she was nearly stunned by what she did see…

The door to her closet was wide open, clothes, boxes, and shoes strewn about her floor as if someone had thrown them in a frustrated frenzy, perhaps while looking for something inside- that probably explained the noises she had heard earlier. Her dresser, mirror was broken, shards scattered about on the floor and dresser top, a huge chunk missing out of the upper right, as though someone had thrown something at it- or maybe punched it. The room was a disaster…

But there was no one in it… not Glory, not her henchmen… not any kind of demon or monster at all. No one, except Faith… but even so, Buffy inhaled sharply at the sight of her.

Faith was standing before Buffy's mirror, looking past it rather than into it, shaking visibly. Her face was taut, her pretty features a contortion of frustration, rage… and despair. As Buffy's eyes scanned her over quickly, checking for injuries, she noticed only that her right hand was bleeding slightly from ct to her knuckle and fingers. Clearly, it had been Faith who had broken the mirror.

Confused now, her alarm rising, Buffy went to her quickly, calling out her name. Faith looked over at her sharply, and the flash of wildness in her eyes spread through Buffy's chest. For in that moment Faith had reminded her of how she had been before her coma, how she had been when desperate and out of control…

She knew without being told that it had been Faith who had made this mess in her room, possibly- for she had not checked- in other rooms as well. But why… why would she do that? She wasn't… was she…

NO, Buffy, don't' even think that about her- what the hell is wrong with you?!

"Faith- Faith, it's me, it's Buffy. It's B… it's okay," Buffy told her softly, tenderly, as she reached her side, not wanting to scare her by moving too quickly. She still had no idea what was 

happening, what was going on, why Faith had done this, so she was being slow, careful in her actions.

"It's okay Faith, I'm right here… come here, let me look at your hand, okay, sweetie?"

Faith looked at her for a moment with a little frown, her eyes narrowed, lips slightly parted. She suddenly lost her nearly feral look; instead she looked dazed, lost, as if she couldn't remember right then who either one of them was. Buffy gently took her hand in hers, carefully opening the loose fist and examining the cuts on it, carefully picking out a sliver of glass in one of them. As she did so, clarity came into Faith's expression, along with sudden horror and shame. She looked around the room almost frantically, her eyes widening, and looking at her, Buffy could nearly feel her dismay, the beginnings of the throbbing pain kicking in from her hand.

"B… B, god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to… I, I was just so pissed off, 'cause she, she was THERE, she was right THERE, and then she wasn't, she wasn't ANYWHERE! I looked EVERYWHERE, and she wasn't anywhere, she was supposed to be right here! And after everything she said, I was just so angry, and, and I… B, I didn't mean to make all this, I was just lookin' for her, and I was so pissed, and… I didn't' mean…"

"Shh," Buffy whispered, and she guided Faith's head to her shoulder as she pulled her into her arms, careful not to crush her injured hand between their bodies. She felt Faith's heart racing, pressed close to her own, could hear her shuddery, uneven breaths, and she kissed her head softly, stroking her head in an attempt to calm her. "I'm not mad, baby, it's okay. It's okay…"

But even as Buffy instinctively tried to soothe some of Faith's agitation, she was feeling her stomach shrinking in on itself, her mouth going dry with dread… for someone HAD been there, a someone who was a she. And there was only one 'she' whose appearance and disappearance would get Faith so upset…

After a few moments she could feel Faith growing a little calmer. Pulling away from her slightly to give her space to gather herself, yet still holding her lightly, Buffy tried to keep her own tangled emotions from her voice as she spoke to her.

"What happened, Faith? Who was here… what did she do, what did she say to you?"

Faith exhaled, her chest rising and falling sharply, and her voice was a little hoarser than usual when she replied.

"Glory… it was Glory. I was up here and she was just _there_, out of nowhere. I thought she was gonna fight, or try to kill me or somethin', but she said right off the bat she wasn't goin' to, that she just wanted to talk to me."

Faith laughed a little sarcastically at that. "'Course I didn't believe her and tried to kick her ass. But she threw me down on the bed and held me down by my shoulders and talked anyway."

Buffy could just picture that…that blonde woman in another skanky dress, casually straddling a furiously bucking Faith, holding her down like a toddler and talking over her swearing as if she were a two-year-old having a tantrum. No wonder Faith had been so worked up- that alone would have been enough to get her rage going.

"She didn't try to hurt you? Well, what did she say?" Buffy asked, giving her a quick, sympathetic little squeeze.

"She… she basically was tryin' to get me to say whether or not I knew where the key was… and _what_ the key was," Faith replied, and her scowl dropped suddenly as she looked up at Buffy with wide eyes. "B, I don't think she _knows_ what the key is, or… what it looks like. The way she was talkin', she seemed to think it could be anything."

"Well, that's good- that's great," Buffy said genuinely, "finally a plus for our side of things… but what else did she say, honey?"

"She, she was goin' on about how I better hope I don't know about the key, or that you don't' know, 'cause she doesn't care who she has to hurt to find it," Faith said, her voice tightening, her features tensing with anger once more. Buffy squeezed her again, rubbing a hand over her shoulder in an attempt to soothe her. Faith barely seemed to notice as she went on.

"She was sayin' that if she finds out that I know, she's gonna take everyone I know and hurt them real slow and painful until I'll tell her… and B… she saw that picture of Dawn on your dresser…" Faith continued, her voice a rasping hiss. "She pointed at that, and she said… maybe she'd, she'd start with her first."

Buffy felt herself go rigid with horror and rage both, drawing in her breath sharply… she knew now how Faith must have felt, what must have provoked her outburst after Glory's disappearance…

"She… Faith, do you think she-" she almost choked, but Faith cut her off quickly.

"No, no, she didn't know… I'm almost sure she didn't, she was talkin' about things, like books and stuff, when she was talkin' to me about the key. But Buffy, she SAID that… and she said she had her own methods of findin' out if I wouldn't tell."

Faith was beginning to get agitated again, her muscles still taut against Buffy's, her breathing speeding up again. "And then she was gone- one second she's still holdin' me down like a freakin' Amazon, and the next she's not there, and I don't know where the hell she went, I looked EVERYWHERE-"

"Faith… Faith, it's okay," Buffy headed her off, and she hugged her again, harder this time. She was making a point more than trying to calm her. "It's going to be okay. We won't let that happen- okay? But we need to get to Giles right now, we need to tell him what's happened. And then we need to get Dawn from school ourselves. No more bus- I don't like her being on there with no one to watch her for so long anyway."

She squeezed her tightly again, and Faith took a deep breath, finally hugging her back just as hard and nodding against her.

"Okay…"

"Well, let's go then. Put some stuff on your hand in the car, okay, baby?" Buffy told her, grabbing the first aid kid from under her bed in one hand and taking Faith's uninjured hand in the other.

They were almost at the door when they heard the doorbell ring. Glancing at each other quickly, wary and startled, though they knew it was in all likelihood not Glory, they hurried to open it. Fortunately on one hand, yet unfortunately on the other, it was Xander standing in the doorway, trying and failing to suppress his huge grin.

"Hey Buffy, Faith, how's it going?" he started in before either could so much as say his name. "I was just passing by the house, and I thought I'd, you know, drop in and see if everything's okay and if you or Faith or someone was home or something… okay, I'm gonna drop the casual, cool approach, because I suck at it. I just got a job! A REAL job, you know, a full-time one that pays more than minimum wage! I'm gonna be a construction worker! I start tomorrow, and I'll get one of those goofy yellow hard hats like the play one I had as a kid, only this one's real, because something other than my mom's thrown vase might crash on me. Can you believe that?" he said with such glee that Buffy wanted to cringe.

This _was_ good news for him, and seeing as he was babbling with full Willow-style animation, he was thrilled. He _should_ be able to celebrate, _should_ have people congratulate him… but right now they couldn't' fully appreciate or concentrate on that even had they wanted to.

"That's great, Xander, I'm really glad for you," Buffy said quickly, forcing a smile at him as she shifted her eyes to Faith, who was practically jittering out of her skin to get out the door. "That's really, really great-"

"What happened- what's going on?" Xander asked, his face immediately growing concerned as he took in their posture and expression. "Is everything-"

"Xander, we're really sorry, but we go to go- there was a, a demon. Here in the, the house. With Faith. And she-HE, I mean HE- messed stuff up, and, and-"

"We're going to tell Giles," Faith cut her off before Buffy's rambling could get her in over her head. "Sorry we gotta go, man, but you can meet up if you want and tell him too. And Anya."

"I already did, actually, that's where I just came from… but, there was a demon? Are you girls okay?"

His eyes fell to Faith's cut hand, and she shook her head at him quickly.

"Five by five- we gotta go, Xan-man-"

"Hey- Xander?" Buffy called, smiling at him hurriedly but apologetically. "Would you mind picking Dawn up after school and bringing her to the Magic Box? Please?"

"Oh yeah, sure, Buff, no problem. Doesn't she usually take the bus though?"

"Thanks, Xan-Man!" Faith called abruptly, pushing past him in the doorway and almost dragging Buffy to the car. A little guilty, but knowing how Faith felt, Buffy flashed another forced smile at the still-puzzled Xander over her shoulder before sliding into the driver's seat of her car and pulling out of the driveway at an even faster and scarier pace than normal.

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In the back room of the Magic Box, Giles frowned in response to Buffy's and Faith's relaying of Faith's encounter with Glory. He peered at first her, then Buffy, then looked back at Faith again with slightly narrowed eyes through his glasses.

"So she did specifically mention harming Dawn," he said slowly, seeming to hesitate slightly before saying her name. Anya was minding the store front while they talked together, but it was possible- though not likely, given her reluctance to step away from making possible sales for a second- that she might attempt to join them. They were being very cautious and thoughtful about what they said.

"Yes," Faith replied somewhat roughly, and Buffy could see that she was clinching her jaw. She reached out a hand to squeeze Faith's shoulder, then just kept it resting there. "Like I said, she saw her picture… she probably figured she was my friend or sister or somethin' since B wasn't there. To be a god, she doesn't seem too know everything about everyone."

"Omniscient," Giles said absently, and Faith scrunched her nose up at him.

"Huh?"

"Omniscient- that is another word for knowing everything about everyone, Faith."

"Oh. Whatever. But I don't' think she was. Is. Since she doesn't even know who- _what_- the key is. But wait- then how did she know where I was?" Faith asked him with sudden worry, and Buffy felt her shoulder tense up under her hand. "Or the Slayer thing, how did she know I was a 

Slayer when I've still got the glamour thing goin'? I still do, don't I? Does she have a little bit of that omnessent stuff after all, maybe?"

"Omniscient, Faith," Giles corrected again gently. "And no, you can't really have a 'little' omniscience as far as that goes- that would contradict the meaning of the word. You should indeed still have the glamour if Willow is still refreshing it- but perhaps for some reason it is not effective on Glory. Or perhaps she could simply tell from fighting you- it would not be a difficult guess for anyone with knowledge of Slayers. As for how she found you, that I would not know. But there are many ways of tracking down a person other than simply knowing, or reading, their thoughts."

"She doesn't do THAT, does she?" Faith said with some alarm, and Buffy squeezed her shoulder again quickly.

"Faith, don't do you think that if she could, she'd already have D- the key- and the world would be over?"

"Oh. Right…" she exhaled, and her shoulders slumped slightly. Buffy took her hand off her shoulder and reached for her hand again, first turning it gently to look over. The cuts from the glass were already closed over, healing, but she was still careful as she entwined her fingers with Faith's.

Turning her head toward Giles, she asked him, "So have you managed to dig up anything at all on Glory? Besides what we already knew from the monk guy?"

Giles sighed, shaking his head reluctantly. "It's strange, really, how very little has been said about her in literature- how _nothing_ has been said about her, really. Usually there is a wealth of information and knowledge available about beings such as gods or goddesses… it's suspicious, really," he mused, "almost as if she is unknown… or perhaps only concealed, for some obscure reason. I would consult with the Watcher's Council… but obviously," he said, glancing at Faith with a small rueful smile, "between my current state of disgrace and your supposed deceased status, that is not an option. I do suppose that I could ask Wesley to subtly attempt to bring her up, or look among their records for information on her…"

He looked back at Faith again, his thoughtful expression deepening. "Now, this is the second time that you say Glory seemed to simply disappear in your presence, correct?"

"Yeah, she was right there on top of me, like a freakin' dom chick or somethin', and then suddenly gone. Like a ghost or somethin', but she was freakin' solid, all right," Faith replied, lifting her eyebrows for emphasis. "But yeah, definitely disappeared, she wasn't anywhere- I got a little crazed makin' sure of that," she muttered, dropping her eyes.

As Buffy squeezed her hand again, Giles regarded her for a few moments. He seemed to be to wanting to ask her what she meant but deciding against it for the moment, instead clearing his throat softly.

"You said that this time Glory also appeared to you rather suddenly, in the same manner that she disappeared?"

"Well, yeah, that's what it seemed like, anyway. You'd think I would have heard if she'd come through the door and up the steps and all."

"Interesting…" Giles muttered. "So perhaps she can vaporize at will…"

He appeared troubled by that, and Buffy didn't blame him. It was bad enough that Glory was a god who seemed nearly invulnerable to pain… but if she could just THINK herself to any place she wanted to be… if that was what she was really doing…

"Giles?" Buffy asked hesitantly, "do you… I mean, Glory knows where we live now… do you think she's safe at home? You know… Dawn… what if she…"

Giles sighed, shaking his head slightly; it was a little while before he finally replied.

"I am not sure what would be the best course of action, Buffy. on one hand it is clearly undesirable that Glory knows where you live and is aware of her existence, even if not her… status. But on the other hand, were you to keep Dawn somewhere else- if she were to stay at my home, for example- it would raise suspicion immediately. With Dawn, with the others… even, possibly, with Glory herself. I… I suppose it would be best to keep things as ordinary as possible, to avoid raising suspicion among anyone, over anything. I know it is no doubt unsettling for the two of you to continue to allow her to remain at home, but for the time being I believe that it is the best thing to do. Glory does not know what the key is, or even if you know, and perhaps we can keep it that way until we learn enough about her to find a method to defeat her. In the mean time, I suppose we shall just have to continue to keep a close watch on Dawn, in order to protect her."

Just then they heard the sound of Dawn's loud, excited chatter, directed at a patient Xander rather than the resentful Anya, who was no doubt worried she would scare off customers. Apparently they had just returned from Dawn's school, and she was so far untouched by Glory.

"We should return to them before they begin to wonder," Giles told them, getting to his feet. "We can talk again if you so wish- I will contact Wesley and pass onto you anything he might be able to tell me. Any other encounters, be sure to tell me of as quickly as possible."

As the girls stood as well, he attempted to give them both a reassuring, rather fatherly smile.

"We won't let… Glory's plans… come to pass. The two of you are unlike any other Slayers in history… just the fact that you both stand here together makes that obvious. We will find a way to stop her."

But though Giles spoke confidently, looked them each in the eye, there was a brief flicker in his gaze that Buffy did not like to witness… a small shred of anxiety and doubt.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 38

**Author notes**: Hope you guys enjoy this super long chapter… I thought about breaking it up into two but that would make it a cliffhanger, and I decided to be nice and not do that for once. Lol

As the three of them had returned to the main area of the Magic Box, Dawn had still been practically skipping about like Xander like an excited puppy, beaming over his new job to the point where Anya looked as if she were considering using store merchandise on her, screw making profit on it, just to shut her up and get her to stop smiling up at him. As Giles, Buffy, and Faith rejoined them, she turned toward them, grinning so hugely that even Faith relaxed a little, smiling back at her instinctively.

"Faith, Buffy, did Xander tell you?! He's gonna be a construction worker! Isn't that the _coolest_?"

"Well, there are _some_ cooler jobs," Xander allowed, a little self-conscious as he saw the Slayers' wry, knowing grins at Dawn's obvious adoration. "But the spots for Batman and Wolverine and international spy were already filled, so you take what you can get."

"It is _too_ cool!" Dawn said defensively, turning to look at her sister and her girlfriend for support. "Isn't it? Isn't it cool that Xander's a construction worker?"

"Very cool, Dawnie," Buffy assured her with a little smile, and Faith smiled too, hers carrying more than a little mischief.

"Yeah, I can totally see you in a hard hat, X-Man… just don't get all caught up in the catcallin' part of the job description and drop a brick on your foot or somethin'," she said slyly, giving him a little smirk.

Xander flushed a little but grinned sheepishly, and Buffy and Giles smiled too. Dawn and Anya, however, not only didn't understand, but also failed to get the humor of her little joke.

"Xander's not going to drop a brick on his foot!" Dawn said hotly, and Anya spoke up as well.

"Yes, and what is this catcalling you mentioned? Why would he have to call cats? Cat have nothing to do with construction work. I have never seen a construction worker calling cats. 

Mainly all they do is whistle for some inexplicable reason whenever I see them- I suppose they like music. So maybe Xander will have to whistle, but I don't' understand why you think he might need to call cats, Faith…"

Buffy didn't dare to look at Faith; she knew that if she did, they would both burst into guffaws or near hysterical laughter, induced as much from stress as from Anya's musings. As it was she could feel Faith shaking slightly with her attempts to suppress it, and knew her dimples must be flickering in and out of sight rapidly. Neither wanted to start laughing, though they could feel the pressure of their urge building up in their chests… if they started, they were afraid they would never be able to stop.

Or, in Buffy's case, at least, that it would turn into tears she would not be able to explain away.

"Dawn's, Dawn's right, Xander, it's great," Buffy said hurriedly, biting her tongue hard, to make herself sober up in a hurry. She went to him and gave him a hug, barely stifling her laughter again when she realized how closely both Anya and her sister were watching her. "Congratulations."

"Yeah, good goin', X-Man," Faith said lightly when their hug broke, knocking her fist into his in a playful fashion. "And yet another joins the responsible-adult-with-a-real-job club… you tryin' to make me look bad or what?"

"Yes, I am very proud of Xander and his new job," Anya said quickly, going to wrap a possessive arm around him. Apparently all these females making physical contact with him was a bit much for her. "Especially his new higher salary. If we budget well, we will be able to afford many nice things in the future off of it. Speaking of budgets and money making, if you all stand around and continue to talk loudly like this it might intimidate potential customers," she said pointedly, looking at each of them in turn. "And that would mean we aren't getting their money. And that would mean that I get no money. And that would mean-"

"Relax, Anya, we were going to go in a minute anyway," Buffy interrupted, rolling her eyes. She wanted to make sure that if Faith had messed up anything besides her own room, they would clean it before her mom got home. It would be enough for her to worry about when they told her about Glory… she didn't need to worry about cleaning too.

As she communicated as much to Faith with a meaningful glance, Faith seemed to understand. As they told everyone goodbye and were heading for the door, Xander first stopped them with a hand to Buffy's arm, his eyes showing some concern returning to them.

"That demon that was in the house- it's not still there, is it?" he asked them quietly. "You got it, right?"

"What? Oh, yeah, yeah," Buffy bluffed hurriedly, knowing she was already flushing, her face freezing up at the lie. She had to look away from him as she went on. "Yeah, it's gone. The demon, I mean- it's gone. We, we-"

"Killed it," Faith said smoothly, carelessly, putting a hand on Buffy's arm that looked casual- but she was subtly squeezing her, telling her to shut up. "We told G-Man just in case, but it's five by five now."

"Okay, then," Xander said, but he looked at both with some doubt and lingering concern in his eyes. "Just, be careful, you know?"

As if it were that simple, Buffy thought to herself grimly as she went with Faith and Dawn to her car. As if it were even an option anymore…

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A few days went by without any signs of Glory; the day she had come to the Summers' house had been a Thursday, so in a way Buffy and Faith were glad that the weekend was approaching. When no one was at work or in school, they could watch over Dawn that much more carefully.

And watch her they did. As much as was at all possible in the couple of days following Glory's appearance, Buffy and Faith were constantly near Dawn. They had told Joyce about Glory when Dawn had gone to sleep that night, and immediately overcome with alarm, fear, rage, and a fierce motherly protectiveness, Joyce had agreed without question for the second time to make sure that someone was always with Dawn- preferably someone who could easily pick her up and run away with her if needed.

And so Buffy and Faith had began the surprisingly stressful and difficult task of nearly always placing themselves near Dawn, or at least in the same general area that she was, and yet trying to make their presence seem casual and not deliberate. Of course, this only seemed to work for the first couple of hours for the first day, for Dawn was, despite her innocence, not a stupid or oblivious person.

At first, Dawn seemed surprised but pleased with her sister and Faith's sudden interest and desire to be around her, soaking it up as if she had been wanting nothing else all along. Giles coming over and staying in all seeming casualness with her and Joyce while Buffy and Faith patrolled didn't' seem to be anything unusual to her at first either.

But when the older girls were still so attentive to her the next day, and the next, and Giles came over while they patrolled again and again, Dawn couldn't help but be suspicious. While she had been very pleasant at first, flattered by their attention and rambling on to both of them happily, by Saturday, she was clearly wary, annoyed- and frustrated.

She began to be deliberately bratty to both of them, making comments to Buffy in particular, as if she were testing their limits, trying to make them leave her or tell her to leave them. But they wouldn't do so, and wouldn't even get as irritated as she'd expected, and Dawn couldn't seem to understand this.

She started to leave the girls and all the people they placed near her by trying to slip outside for walks. When this, to her indignation, was immediately banned by her mother and supported by her sister and Faith, Dawn started retreating to her room. But to her increasing anger and incredulity, Buffy kept finding excuses to stick her head inside it- and when Dawn locked the door, she was horrified when her own library card trick was used against her.

Buffy knew that she and Faith were probably going overboard, that they could not be with Dawn every second of the day. For one thing, it would look too suspicious, were Glory to notice- and for another, it was simply not possible. And Dawn was getting so frustrated and suspicious in just a few days…

She had asked her Friday why she was no longer riding the bus when Buffy had picked her up after school. That had been bad enough for Buffy to fumble for an excuse with… it was even worse when Dawn came outright on Sunday night and asked her and Faith what their problem was. Even Faith's attempt at bantering to distract her had not convinced her or swayed her from her insistence that they were being weird.

Buffy knew they wouldn't be able to keep watching over Dawn the way that they were… at least without letting her now the real reason why. But they couldn't yet… she was so happy and confident, so unafraid, so secure in who she believed herself to be. Buffy dreaded ever having to take that away from her. What she really hoped was that they could find a way to destroy Glory 

without ever having to tell Dawn, without anyone but she, Faith, Giles, and her mother knowing who Dawn really was. But somehow she doubted that this could happen…

The truth was that Buffy felt much more tense and anxious with her worry over Dawn and Glory than she had let on to Giles, her mother, or even Faith. But somehow, she felt that she shouldn't let them know, shouldn't show them just how much she really wanted to freak out on the inside… somehow she felt that she had to stay strong.

When Faith had told her about her facing off with Glory in her house, her stomach had knotted, her pulse speeding up with her fear… but she had refused to give into it even a little. Instead, seeing Faith's distress, she had instinctively pushed her own aside, forcing herself to stay relatively calm in order to keep Faith calm. Once she had seen Dawn, though, it had quickly become that much harder for her… it preyed upon her, whenever she let down her guard against her thoughts and emotions even a little.

Glory had been in her house, knew where she lived… she could come back whenever she wanted to. She had threatened Dawn, threatened Faith- she had threatened everyone in their lives… and this knowledge, if Buffy didn't' keep it firmly shoved aside, could make her insane with anxiety

and fury.

With each day that she made herself seem strong, tried to act normally so as not to show here true feelings to Dawn, Buffy felt as if she were getting closer and closer to slipping up, to saying or doing something that would blow it all. She wasn't sure for how much longer she could keep it up without blurting something out- or breaking down…

Buffy was almost certain that, even if Faith never said so to her, she could sense and even shared her feelings. She caught a certain look in Faith's eye sometimes, as Faith probably saw in her own… and both still awakened frequently, sweating and gasping from nightmares they could remember only parts of, chilled with their lingering fear and shock. They never spoke of them, but instead silently held each other tight, praying fervently that they truly were only dreams.

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It was a Tuesday when it happened- which should have warned them right there. It had been a Tuesday when they first saw Glory in the factory… in fact, it seemed that nearly every time before, and quite frequently after, that Dawn had been in more trouble than usual, it was a Tuesday.

Buffy and Faith were at the Magic Box with Dawn; they had taken to heading over there every day after picking up Dawn from school, just to trade updates on any possible new evil happening with Giles. The shop had become the gang's new meeting place for research and gatherings, even putting it to use when the store was open.

Giles had been informing the Slayers about a suspicious breakout of a rather large snake from the Sunnydale Zoo. The occurrence had been all over the news, for it appeared that the class of the creature's display cage had simply vanished. Not broken or cracked, but entirely gone, as if it had never been there in the first place. There had also been no sightings of the snake by anyone thus far, according to the news, at any rate. Giles suspected that the breakout had magical means and motives behind it, and was instructing the girls to be on the alert.

"Now, there are, of course, many rituals that would involve a snake, just as there are many acts of magic that could entirely vanish a solid pane of glass. The question is, which has been used in this case? And of course we cannot know this until we have more in the way of evidence to support one or another. This would also help us establish possible motives, which would, in turn-"

"Hey, you really think it's a good idea to _sell_ these things to people?" Faith interrupted. She had been paying half attention to the man at best. She was much more interested in examining the rather sharp and shiny battle axes that Giles had recently ordered, which were currently sitting on the counter by the register. As she fingered one lightly, nearly caressing it, she continued, "'Cause you know, I think we have enough blood and gore goin' on in Sunnydale without handin' out things like this."

Buffy gave Faith a slightly reproving look for her lack of attention and interruption, but the truth was that she was curious too. "Yeah, Giles, what are those for? 'Cause even if some evil guy doesn't get his hands on them, I could see some kid Dawn's age or something buying them 'cause he thinks they're cool, and end up slicing his hand off."

"I wouldn't do that!" Dawn said indignantly from the side table, where she was supposedly doing her homework, but had actually been eavesdropping intently. "How stupid do you think I am?!"

"Dusk, you should never ask questions like that," Faith said helpfully, grinning as she fingered the axes idly. "Leaves you wide open for smartass comebacks."

"I didn't say you, Dawn, I said some kid your age," Buffy said patiently, glancing toward her. "And anyway-"

"Why some kid _my_ age? Why not some kid _your_ age, or _Faith's_ age? Why do you think that people _my_ age are automatically the ones who do stupid stuff? You-" Dawn fired back, clearly in the mood to fight and working herself up for it quickly. Giles, however, cut her off- mercifully, Buffy thought to herself.

"Actually, Faith, Buffy, those are not for sale. I, I thought that perhaps they may be of use for the two of you in the future."

His eyes met both of theirs briefly but meaningfully, and both understood… perhaps they might be of some use to use against Glory. They had not yet had the opportunity to try out weapons against her- though whether they'd be of any use against a god remained to be seen.

Both girls smiled with surprised gratitude; Faith's eyes actually lit up, her smile almost a beam bordering on ecstastic. She had been eyeing the axes with covetous admiration from the moment they entered the Magic Box. To find that one of them was meant to be hers was exciting and entirely unexpected for her, and Buffy smiled even wider at the near glee in her girlfriend's expression.

"Damn! Thanks, Giles… this is really wicked," Faith said with enthusiasm, stroking the weapon to the left as if it were a mink coat, or some other like object. Still grinning at her, Buffy turned her smile toward Giles as well.

"Yeah, thanks, Giles."

"You are both entirely welcome. I am sure that you will find use for them," Giles replied, and he was smiling as well, but his eyes were serious.

A beat passed between them, and then he cleared his throat, his expression changing. "Now, as I was saying, with the mysterious breakout at the zoo, there could be several-"

"Giles," Anya interrupted, looking up at him with rather intense frown. She had been flipping through copies of the Magic Box's sales transactions for the day during this lull in customers, calculating, as usual, how many items had been sold and how much money they had made. "There's a mistake here. It says that you sold a Khul's amulet and a Sobekian stone to someone."

"Er, no, Anya, I did sell those items," Giles replied, blinking at her. "Why would you think my noting of this was mistake?"

At this, Anya's mouth dropped open. Her eyes bulged, and she gawked at him with a mixture of shock, horror, and furious incredulity flashing starkly over her features.

"WHAT?! You SOLD those- to ONE person?! You sold them TOGETHER?! What the hell is WRONG with you?!"

"Well, really," Giles said dryly, taken aback by her tone and expression. "For someone who seems to understand so much about making a profit, Anya, why would I have to explain the reason for a sales transaction to you is beyond me-"

"God, you're a _Watcher_! Don't you KNOW?! You NEVER sell a Kuhl's amulet and a Sobekian stone together! They can be used for all kinds of evil-conjuring! When did you DO this- how can you be so stupid?!" Anya burst out with, her distress obvious as she threw out her hands for emphasis.

Clearly a bit unsettled, not to mention peeved at her rudeness and her outburst, Giles cleared his throat, making his voice very calm and reasonable when he replied.

"I sold it about two hours ago, Anya. I believe you were in the back room at the time. And if you will recall, the knowledge of the spells those items could invoke was lost nearly a thousand years ago. I highly doubt that a young woman such as the one I sold them to even knows what they are, let alone would have the skill and knowledge needed to-"

"Young woman?!" both Faith and Buffy blurted out in the same instant, their voices shocked, almost strangled. Neither looked at each other; they were staring at Giles, their features frozen, stomachs cramping with sudden, dreaded foreknowledge of what they were about to hear…

"Yes," Giles said, frowning with some puzzlement at their reaction. He still didn't seem to get it, didn't seem to see the connection that Buffy and Faith feared existed.

"Yes, but she seemed quite ordinary-"

"What did she look like?" Faith asked hoarsely, and Buffy heard her swallow beside her. She could feel Faith's fear as well as her own, and it only seemed to intensify her feelings, to heighten the horror twisting itself in her stomach and chest.

"Well, she was perhaps a few years older than you girls, early to mid twenties, I suppose. Attractive, blonde, well-dressed… oh dear…" Giles said suddenly as the meaning of his words, the reason for the girls' horror, finally sank in.

No one needed to speak her name… the three of them knew it had been Glory.

"Oh dear…" Giles repeated slowly, and his eyes shone faintly with his dawning dismay at what he had inadvertently done. His hand drifted up to touch his glasses, as if he wanted to take them off to clean them, but he did not do so. Instead, his hand lingered there as he blinked rapidly, nearly as shocked as the Slayers before him.

"Why would she… there are only so many things she can do with those two items. Mutations, certain types of conjuring, transfigurations."

His eyes dimmed, and he looked from Buffy to Faith slowly, as another thought struck him. "The breakout at the zoo was not so very long after I sold them to her… you don't suppose…"

"_What_?!" Dawn called out anxiously, standing up a little ways across the room from them. "Suppose _what_? Who is this girl you're talking about, what is she going to do? What's going on?"

"Yes, please tell us, Giles, what incredibly moronic and potentially catastrophic thing have you done now?" Anya demanded, her voice getting shrill with her alarm.

"There's, there's no need to panic yet, everyone-" Giles began, spreading his hands palms up in an attempt to calm everyone.

Just then, a giant, scaly, incredibly hideous snake burst headfirst through the Magic Box's window on the right side of the wall, slithering its way at an amazingly rapid speed across the room. Everyone in the room froze where they were standing, completely numb with shock at the 

sudden appearance. In that split second of immobility, the snake continued straight forward- heading directly for the shell-shocked, white-faced Dawn…

Seeing that was enough to shake both Buffy and Faith out of their momentary paralysis, and they started over towards Dawn, meaning to protect her at all costs. But the snake used his huge head to knock them aside in one hard sweep, sending them flying into the bookcase and crashing to the ground, several books falling down on top of them. Temporarily stunned from the fall, the girls could only lie there as the enormous snake stopped directly in front of Dawn, his eyes glowing red as his mouth opened up into a hiss.

Dawn's mouth opened too, her eyes huge with fear, and she began to scream. But as Giles finally snapped out of his state of shock, staring to move to her, and Buffy and Faith got to their feet, they heard the creature scream too… they saw an odd flash in his eyes. Something human, something like recognition… recognition, and triumph…

And then, just as everyone except Anya was hurrying towards her, the snake was retreating, zooming out the window as quickly as he had come through it. Buffy and Faith, with their Slayer vision, could see better than the others how it was already getting away, would soon be out of sight.

They could hear faintly the sounds of Dawn hyperventilating, of Anya saying something shrilly about Giles's lack of mental capacities, of Giles trying to calm the both of them even as his own voice shook. But Buffy and Faith wasted no time trying to listen or really pay attention. They knew the snake had been sent by Glory… and they also knew instinctively that they could not let it go, could not let it get back to her…

Without a word of explanation to anyone- without feeling any need to do so- the two of them hurried out the door, only pausing for Faith to snatch up the new, rather convenient battle axes Giles had just given them. Who would have thought their 'future use' for them would come so soon?

They leapt into Buffy's car without hardly breaking stride… only it was Faith, not Buffy, who got behind the wheel. Buffy had barely closed her door before Faith was screeching out of the driveway, driving at a speed that pushed the car to its absolute maximum.

It would normally terrify Buffy to ride in a car driven at such speed, especially one driven by Faith with such speed. It would also usually terrify her to realize that Faith was able to drive so 

rapidly without crashing or losing control… but in the moment, in the car with her as they sped after the snake creature, the only terror she could feel was for her sister.

They chased the creature down for several miles, always staying right behind it. When they saw it head through the cemetery, however, they were forced to abandon the car. There was no way they could drive through there.

Faith had not even pulled the car to a full stop before Buffy had leapt out of it, clutching her ax in her hand. She heard Faith come up behind her shortly after, and they ran with everything they had, leaping over headstones without hardly even seeing them. Buffy's heart was thudding too heavily; her chest felt so tight with her dread and adrenaline she could not have spoken had she wanted to. She just ran, for she knew that Dawn's life- and everyone else's- depended on it.

It looked like the snake was just too far away from them, moving too quickly, that they would never be able to catch up to it. Even as Buffy put out a fresh burst of speed, she despaired, knowing the snake was too fast, did not seem to care how many walls, fences, or other solid objects it smashed through in its path…

But then, to her shock, a large object went flying through the air, barely missing hitting Buffy in the side of the head as it propelled itself swiftly forward, flipping purposely, before hitting its mark. It was Faith's battle ax… and it had just sank itself into the center of the huge creature's back.

The creature abruptly halted in its tracks, rearing up tall and letting out a loud, hissing shriek of pain. As Buffy ran up to it, hardly able to believe that it had stopped- that they might have a chance after all- she could see as she drew closer that Faith had thrown it with enough force to imbed her ax's blade nearly deeply enough into the snake to slick all the way through its torso. The blade entirely disappeared into its back; its destination seemed forgotten as the snake arched its body up high, screeching, flicking its tongue, and writhing, as though it were trying to shake the ax out of its back with its violent movements.

Buffy could feel Faith running up slightly behind her as she came up upon the beast, clutching her own ax tightly in her hand. Reaching its rapidly flickering tail, and barely managing to avoid being knocked off her feet, possibly onto her own ax by it, she raised her ax high above her head. Timing it, she brought it down with a loud grunt, sinking the blade deep into the monster snake's tail. The snake screamed again, its front rearing wildly, and Buffy pulled the ax out of it, adrenaline and rage making her need less effort than normal to do so. Faith had run up to the snake's middle and leapt to grab onto the handle of her own ax, hanging briefly from the raised upper body of the snake, clutching the ax handle as it fervently tried to shake her off. The 

combined factors of the pressure of Faith's weight and the snake's momentum from its frantic movements, however, shook the ax in the opposite way that the snake had probably wished. Rather than shaking the ax out of its cut torso, it shook it the rest of the way through it, completely cutting its body in two.

Faith fell hard to the cemetery ground as the snake did, barely managing to fling her ax out away from her in time. By this point Buffy had hacked at the snake's lower body four more times, her swings coming harder and faster with each strike. Scrambling to her feet and grasping for her ax again, Faith buried it several more times in quick succession into the snake's upper body before finally striking it once in each eye.

The snake was clearly dying now, twitching, harsh, rasping squawks emitting from the mouth of its nearly severed head. The deep gashes in its body halves were oddly bloodless, but a nauseating, nearly sweet smell was emerging from them, enough to make Faith gulp, swallowing hard. Buffy was unable to notice; she was entirely focused on the rush of fierce, energizing fury shooting up and down her limbs, the unrhythmic, heavy swing of her ax, the heavy knocking of her heart against her rib cage as she brought the ax down on the snake's body again and again…

Even so, even with her singular focus, her lack of caring or noticing of anything else, she could not miss the snake's final sounds. They were not shrieks or incoherent hissings, not animal noises of pain and anger… they were words. Slightly slurred, but still understandable, still very audible human words…

"Gloryyyy..." it rasped, its tongue coming out from its mouth and flickering weakly. "Missstresss… key…"

With that last stunning word, the snake's upper half shuddered, then went still, gunky fluid dripping from its ax-slashed eyes. The lower half had gone still within seconds after being separated from its upper half… it was quite clear that the creature was dead.

Panting slightly, her hair heavily tangled and sweaty around her face, Faith gave it one last slash with her ax for good measure before letting it clatter heavily to the ground. But when she looked over to check on her sister Slayer, she saw that Buffy was still swinging her ax at the motionless creature violently. She was grunting with each swing, her hair flying about her face, even more wildly than Faith's. Her arms were beginning to shake with the effort she was extending without even realizing it from her constant swinging of the ax, and her teeth were grinding together, her face set with grim, nearly irrational determination… a near madness that made Faith's heart leap up to her throat, scared to see such a look on her girlfriend's face.

"B?" she called out to her softly, taking a slow, cautious step toward her, careful to stay out of the way of the ax's swinging range. "B, it's okay… B, it's dead now… you can stop."

Buffy didn't' seem to hear her, didn't even glance in her direction. She continued to swing the ax, each cut hacking the creature so heavily that there was hardly anything left of it to swing at. Faith stared, her stomach tightening with her dread… she didn't know how to do this, didn't' know if she _could_ do this. She was seeing something of Buffy that she never had before… Buffy completely out of control, led purely by emotion… a Buffy that was more like her. Or at least like she had been…

"B…" she tried again, her voice weak, almost a whisper, though Buffy's slayer hearing no doubt picked it up. Whether she would respond to it was a different story. "B, it's me… it's Faith. B, it's okay, you can stop now… B, please stop."

But Buffy did not stop, did not react to her words. Again and again she swung the ax into the horribly mutilated snake corpse, her breath louder, more uneven now, her limbs trembling so that her swings were slower in coming, less forceful. But still she gritted her teeth and continued to hack away at the little that remained of the creature before her.

Faith was afraid to get any closer to her, though she felt that this was what Buffy would need to be shaken out of her nearly trance-like state. She needed something she could focus on, something that would so entirely absorb her, whether thoughts or body, that she could focus on it instead…

And then it came to her, what she needed to say, what Buffy needed to hear… the same sentiment, an assurance that the lack of having had earlier had driven her into this mindset the first place.

"B… Buffy," Faith called to her, and she heard her voice crack slightly. She wanted to pincher herself for it, but pushed on regardless. "Buffy, it's okay… Dawn's okay. She's okay… he can' get to her. Glory doesn't know. It's dead… it's dead, you can stop now. You can stop…"

As she had prayed, her words- but especially her mention of Dawn- seemed to hit Buffy, to finally crack through her single-minded near frenzy. She paused with her arms poised to raise her ax again, her eyes going to meet Faith's, looking shocked, confused. Buffy looked like someone who had just been shaken out of a dream and could not figure out what was going on, or even who it was she was looking at.

And then something in her gaze shifted… she let the ax drop at her feet, her arms suddenly limp and weak, and a cloud of strong, rapidly shifting emotions rose into her eyes. She began to tremble violently, and Faith swallowed hard watching her. It hurt some part of her inside to see Buffy looking so lost, so… so defeated.

Buffy didn't know how she felt, or whether she felt anything at all. It was all so confusing, so painful for her in those few moments that she could make sense of nothing, even her own thoughts and actions. She was only dimly aware of how loudly her heart pounded; it seemed a dull echo in her ears, of how Faith was coming to her side, her face tightening in anxiety as she spoke her name again.

And then Faith's arms were around her, supporting her, holding her hard against her… Buffy could feel her shaking hand in her hair, heard her voice trembling as she repeated her name hoarsely, hugging her tight. She could feel Faith's fear for her, sense her pain as she let herself sink into her numbly… but she could not feel her own. She could not think, could not even bring herself to put her arms around her too.

Several minutes passed with Buffy limp and unresponsive in Faith's arms, minutes that seemed immeasurable by time to her. It was some time before she became aware of Faith's breath coming in shuddery, hitching exhalations close to her face, her chest moving sharply against her own… it took even more time for her to realize how perilously close Faith was to tears, and to realize that they were tears for her. She was so worried by Buffy and the way she was behaving that she was nearly in tears…

As she realized this, Buffy could feel herself, her thoughts, slowly beginning to return to her. But it was still a few minutes before she had the presence of mind to slip her arms around Faith, to attempt to give her the assurance she needed that she was going to be okay. And yet still she could not bring herself to release some of her emotions in the form of words… or tears.

**Author note**: I had pointed out to me by several that Buffy had been rather calm about the whole Glory-in-her-house thing so I figured, hey you guys were right, I should correct that. Having a sort of role reversal of Faith and Buffy here, I figured, would be appropriate. Also I'm trying to show how slowly the longer they deal with Glory, the more they are starting to stress out and slowly come apart… which will lead up to later happenings.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 39

Neither Slayer had even a rough estimate in their mind of how long they stood together in the cemetery, Faith's arms tight around Buffy, her embrace fierce, protective, compared to Buffy's tentative, almost gingerly returned hug. But as a sharper focus and awareness gradually returned to her, she began to realize that they had to get back to the Magic Box.

They had to reassure everyone there, to let them know that the snake creature was dead, that they had killed it. They had to let Giles know for sure what the creature had said, to tell him what happened so he could have as much information about Glory and his doings as possible. But mainly, she had to make sure for herself that Dawn was okay. Until she saw her for herself- until she touched her, spoke to her, Buffy could not quite fully believe this.

But first things first… she was still here with Faith for now, still in the cemetery, with a severely mutilated snake corpse in the background. The latter they could deal with later, if at all… but Faith she needed to handle now.

Buffy could feel Faith's embracing of her much more vividly now than before; the younger Slayer was holding her so tightly that Buffy could feel the pressure even against her Slayer-tough ribs. Faith's fingers were still combing through her tangled hair, her cheek resting against the top of Buffy's head, and Buffy was aware now of how rapidly her heart was beating- almost as quickly as her own. She had scared Faith, that much was obvious… and were her own feelings not still slightly dulled, Buffy would be scared herself at the memory of her own behavior.

Still, Buffy did feel regret, empathy for the feelings she had clearly caused in Faith, as slow as it was in coming… she was beginning to think logically again, to think more like herself, even if she could not do so quickly and with her usual intensity yet- and she knew she needed to speak to Faith, to give her something more than an absent returning of her embrace.

Taking in a slow breath, Buffy deliberately tightened her arms around Faith, hugging her back hard before putting her face briefly against her neck. She kissed the area where her neck joined her shoulder softly, trying to convey comfort and reassurance rather than passion or need in the gesture. Faith's skin tasted slightly salty for some reason- perhaps drying sweat. Whatever it was, Buffy didn't mind it, and she kissed the same area again.

"It's okay, Faith," she said quietly, trying to pull back from Faith's arms enough to look her in the eyes, attempting to give her a small smile. "I'm okay…"

Startled to hear Buffy speak, to see her seeming to be finally pulling herself together, Faith loosened her hold on her, letting her back away slightly while still keeping hold of her. She peered into her face carefully, showing her anxiety, her expression made vulnerable by her feelings and fears for Buffy. Seeing that look in her eyes, a look that Faith was either entirely unaware of or simply for once not attempting to conceal, Buffy's heart squeezed for her, and she felt herself, though still feeling slightly false and unreal, returning even more fully to herself.

"Faith, I'm okay, baby, really," Buffy told her gently, and she reached to stroke Faith's cheek, wanting to make her expression fade away into one acceptable for her to look at. "I'm sorry… let's, let's get back to them, okay? At the Magic Box…"

Faith regarded her carefully for a few more moments, looking her over thoroughly, and Buffy tried to make herself look normal- or at least sane. She must have done an okay job, because Faith took a deep breath, sniffing audibly, before hugging her hard to her one more time.

"You scared the shit outta me, B," she breathed huskily into Buffy's ear, and Buffy could hear the slight tremor in her voice. She knew that on some level, at least, Faith was still afraid that she was going to cry.

Buffy hugged her back, the guilt beginning to kick in a little more strongly now, and she ran a hand over the back of Faith's head before pulling back enough to give her a short, gentle kiss.

"I know, baby, I'm sorry… let's just go, okay?" she told her, and was surprised to hear her own voice shake.

Faith nodded, exhaling heavily again. She picked up their axes with one hand and put a protective arm around Buffy's waist, as if she expected her to have trouble keeping her balance. They started for the car, and Buffy soon saw that Faith wasn't wrong in her expectations; she felt suddenly weak, drained, and light-headed. She leaned on the brunette slightly, glad for her support.

They had reached the car, and Faith was opening the passenger door for Buffy with the same protectiveness, when she said it. Her words were hesitant, but obviously sincere.

"B… Buffy… I love you," Faith said softly.

Her eyes dropped away from Buffy when the words had left her mouth, and for a moment Buffy was afraid that she was not going to be able to keep herself from crying. Faith had told her she loved before… but never without Buffy saying so to her first. She must have absolutely terrified her .

"I love you too, Faith," Buffy replied hoarsely, and she reached for Faith's hand, squeezing it tightly and hoping she understood all that she was trying to tell her with that small amount of contact.

Faith's driving was considerably more within acceptable limits of the law as they returned to the Magic Box, but she was still going a good fifteen or twenty miles above the speed limit. Part of this was because Faith was never abided by such road rules. But Buffy also knew that she too was probably eager to get back to the Magic Box as well, to see herself. They did not talk to each other very often, but Buffy felt Faith's eyes drift over to her more than was safe for her driving. Clearly she hadn't entirely lost her worry over her and her state of mind.

Eventually Buffy wordlessly put her left hand on Faith's right shoulder, the one closest to her, and kept it there for the remainder of the drive, a physical reassurance that she was there with her now in mind as well as body. As often seemed the case with Faith, this seemed to reassure her more than any of her earlier words to her had, and her sideways glances nearly stopped entirely for the rest of the drive.

When they returned to the Magic Box, they found that Giles had closed the store for business as he attempted to restore some semblance of order inside. He had Dawn, still pale and frightened, sitting down at the table again, and Anya was picking up books and other knocked items as Giles duct-taped cardboard over the broken window.

"I shall have to get Xander to fix this," he was muttering to himself as the girls entered, Faith's arm once more around Buffy's waist. "This construction job of his may be a good thing for more than one reason…"

"Buffy, Faith!" Dawn cried as soon as she saw them, and she was running across the room, flinging her arms around them both at once and pressing her face in between them as she hugged them anxiously. "What happened? Are you okay? Is it dead?"

Buffy's breath caught in her throat as she looked down at the younger girl, and she blinked back a sudden rush of tears as a bittersweet sensation rose in her chest. She heard Faith draw in a sharp breath too, and she knew the other Slayer was feeling now what she was feeling.

The moment Dawn had launched herself at them, making it so that the older girls were both holding her, as well as each other, as sudden, intense feeling had come over them, almost a knowledge of a kind. A sparkage passed among them, not one of passion or attraction, but rather of warmth and bonding… a connection. It was as if the moment all three were physically touching, they felt a rightness, a completeness that they had not noticed lacking before. Both Buffy and Faith were more aware than ever of what Faith was to them individually, to each other… and both were more determined than ever to protect her.

Dawn seemed to sense something too… but she did not understand. Pulling away from them, she frowned, her brow puckering with worry.

"What's wrong? Are- are you guys okay? Did it hurt you- you look so-"

"No, no, we're okay, Dawnie," Buffy told her hastily, pulling her back into a hug, this time separately from Faith. Dawn's returning hug was more hesitant this time, and she still looked uncertain as Faith squeezed her shoulder, seemingly casually, though Buffy knew better.

"Yeah, Dusk, we're five by five- it's dead now. Super slayers to the rescue again, huh, B?"

"What _was_ it?" Dawn blurted, her blue eyes still wide and earnest, a little nervous, as she looked from Faith to Buffy. "That big snake thing… it was HUGE, what-"

"Yes, is there another Ascension coming that you all failed to warn me of?" Anya interrupted, her face nothing but anxiety as she too looked from Buffy to Faith to Giles. "Because this whole demon/snake routine is getting old here. And I know Faith is supposed to be Miss Redemption or something now, but giant snakes popping up and blonde girls buying the Khul's amulet and the Sobekian stone all in one day, with her standing right there, seems a little suspicious to me. Isn't the glamour Willow put on you a blonde, Faith?" she asked pointedly, turning her eyes in the other girl's direction and seeming to have conveniently forgotten that Faith didn't look blonde to Giles or any of the rest of them. "What's next, giant bunnies? Are we going to run through eveyr animal in the pet shop, or is it just snakes? Hey, aren't snakes supposed to be some kind of phallic symbol? Is that why you like them so-"

"ANYA!" Buffy nearly shrieked at the same time that Giles barked out with surprising ferocity, "Anya, ENOUGH!"

The ex-demon girl blinked at them, seeming genuinely confused, even indignant at their anger with her. Faith had stiffened, her jaw clinching at her words, but she said nothing in response, made no move toward her… and somehow Buffy thought that this was mostly because Dawn was still watching.

"WHAT? You've got to admit, it's a pretty big coincidence-" Anya started, but she quickly shut up, rolling her eyes and muttering to herself under the pressure of four pairs of eyes glaring at her.

"Faith had nothing to do with this, Anya," Buffy said firmly, and she turned to look at Giles significantly as she spoke. "It… we think the girl he sold these things to must have used them to transform the snake at the zoo. We killed it… but we'll have to research this, this… girl. Be on the lookout for her."

"Yes, not that I- now that WE- have an idea of what she looks like, perhaps we will have more to go on," Giles replied quickly. "Er- perhaps you should take Dawn home, Buffy, Faith… and Anya, you should go home too. I will make sure to contact the others and let them know what has happened…"

He let his eyes rest on Faith. "Faith, I'd like for you to come by in the morning so that I may speak with you in more detail on this, if you will. But tonight I believe we should get some rest."

"Okay… yeah, sure," Faith replied, catching his implied meaning, and she looked over at Buffy and Dawn. "Ready to motor, Dusk, B?"

The two followed her out to Buffy's car, but this time it was Buffy who got behind the wheel. She wasn't about to risk Dawn's life again with Faith's idea of driving.

Almost the minute they situated themselves in the car, with Faith climbing into the backseat to sit with Dawn, the younger Summers girl was bursting with questions. She wanted to know who and what the woman was that Giles had described, and why she would do that to the snake. She wanted to know if Buffy and Faith had already known about her and not told her, and that was why they were being so weird lately.

But above all, she was worried about why the snake had gone straight to her… and why it had acted like it was scared of her.

"Why me?" Dawn asked, her voice rising slightly as she looked rapidly from Faith, sitting beside her, to Buffy in the rearview mirror. "It acted like it was going to me specifically… like it knew who I was. It _didn't_, right? It didn't know who I am… did it? It didn't- that girl wasn't siccing it on _me_, was she? Because then it ran away, that doesn't make any sense…"

"Dawn, we don't know," Buffy lied weakly, doing her best to keep her guilty, stressed-out, clearly knowledgeable face fixed on the road and not visible to Dawn in the mirror. "Giles is going to find out, so don't worry. We're not going to let anything happen to you… or anyone," she added quickly.

Dawn was not put off so easily, though. She leaned forward anxiously, her brow furrowing as she persisted.

"Is it because I'm your sister? Is that why? What if she tries to do something to Mom too? Why didn't we call Mom?" she fretted, her voice getting slightly higher with her worry.

"We're about to be home, Dawn- we'll see Mom then. I'm sure she's okay," Buffy replied, though the younger girl's words struck a chord of doubt and anxiety in her as well. She hadn't even given her mother a thought… what if Glory came after her too, what if she tried to use her to get Buffy to give up what she knew about the key? Maybe she should send her off somewhere where she'd be safe… but then, wouldn't that look suspicious? And-

"You already knew about this woman, didn't you?" Dawn accused, disrupting her train of thought. Hurt and anger both colored her tone, and Buffy could practically feel her slowly rising resentment. "Why didn't you tell me, Buffy- don't you think that I should know-"

"Come on, Dusk," Faith interrupted her quietly but firmly, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze and smiling at her quickly. "Give us a break, okay? We're just as clueless as you are- the girl ain't exactly handin' out her social security to us. And your sis is tired- we hacked the thing to ribbons."

She squeezed Dawn's shoulder again, and Buffy gave an inward sigh of relief and fervent thanks to whatever higher power existed that Faith was such a convincing liar. Now, if Dawn would just shut up and buy it…

Dawn sighed heavily, not seeming placated in the slightest; her face was still pinched as she muttered, "Okay… but you guys still could've TOLD me about this girl, you know… you knew THAT, anyway…"

To everyone in the car's relief- except Dawn's, to a certain extent- they were pulling into the driveway of the Summers' house a few moments later. Buffy had barely put the car in park before Dawn had thrown open the door on her side and scrambled out of it, racing for the front door of her house. Faith and Buffy hurried after her, not wanting he to enter the house alone before they knew for sure that there was no Glory- or anything else- inside.

They were on Dawn's heels, but by the time they had both gone through the front door she had already flung herself into Joyce Summers's arms in the living room. She was babbling away, wide-eyed, at top speed and volume in her excitement at the relaying of the earlier events.

"And it just shot through the window, Mom, and it was HUGE! I mean, Godzilla sized or something. Kinda like the one in Harry Potter, only, maybe even bigger. It was enormous! And it came straight at me, looking at me with these red eyes- I thought it was gonna eat me or something! It looked like it KNEW me or something… it was so ugly. But then I screamed, and it backed up out the window real fast- but Buffy and Faith ran after it. Faith said they chopped it up, so it's okay now. And they all think that some blond girl that Giles sold stuff to sent it, and Anya thought she must have been Faith with her glamour- but I KNOW she didn't do it, Mom, she wouldn't!" Dawn finished indignantly, drawing back from Joyce to look up at her and finally stop to take a breath.

"No, of course she wouldn't, sweetie," Joyce told her soothingly, smoothing a hand over Dawn's straight shiny hair and hugging her to her again. "We know that…"

She took her slightly apart from her again, peering into her face with worry and confusion in her expression. "You're okay, aren't you, baby? You didn't get hurt- this… this thing didn't do anything to you?"

"No, I'm okay, Mom," Dawn assured her, her voice a little smaller than before, now that her earlier tension was beginning to show through her relief. "I was afraid that you weren't, though…"

"No, sweetheart, I'm fine," Joyce said softly, "I'm perfectly fine." She hugged the younger Summers girl to her again, running a hand over her long hair, and Dawn returned her embrace fiercely, pushing her face against her.

For the first time Joyce looked over Dawn's head to where her daughter and Faith were standing in the doorway, partly leaned against each other unconsciously in their emotionally and physically weary mindset. Giving them a small smile, still holding Dawn to her, Joyce addressed them quietly.

"Sounds like you girls had quite the exciting time today."

Her tone was even, light, but they heard the questions in it as well, knew how she must be worrying. Not, of course, that she could say so in front of Dawn, or that they could really explain to her.

Most of the time before now- before she knew what Dawn really was to her- Buffy would have been aghast, even pissed off, to hear Dawn blabber on and on about the current monster of the week Buffy had had to save her from, risking inciting Joyce's anger with her for not 'protecting' Dawn from seeing it. But now, with both of them knowing what they knew, Buffy was in a way grateful… it saved her having to do too much of a recap. Something she was not at all in a right mindframe for.

"You could say that, yeah," she said somewhat tightly in response to her mother's comment, and Faith snickered without real humor.

"Ah, it wasn't that bad, B. Now if there had been two giant snakes, and maybe a dragon or two, now that would've been exciting. But one- no big deal. See it, chase it, slay it," Faith said, making vague gestures with her hands to illustrate her words. But Buffy heard the weary edge to her voice… and of course, both of them knew the real story.

Joyce's eyes remained on them briefly, regarding them, before she looked back down at Dawn, hugging her again and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she set her a distance apart from her, giving her a soft smile.

"Dawn, sweetie, why don't' you go take a nice long bath to help you relax. Then when you fell all better, you can get ready for bed- call me and I'll come tuck you in, okay? You don't have to finish your homework tonight. I'll write an excuse to your teachers."

Dawn perked up noticeably at this, her eyes brightening, and she gave Joyce another quick but enthusiastic hug. Chirping her thanks, she headed upstairs. Joyce watched her as she left, waiting until she heard the bathroom door shut and the faucets turned on before turning back to the older girls, regarding them seriously as she came closer to them.

"All right, girls… what happened?" she asked them quietly, looking into first Faith's, then Buffy's eyes.

For a moment they tensed, glancing at each other, unwilling to say the name out loud… but then both sighed slowly, in nearly the same moment, and Buffy answered her.

"Glory," she said simply- for that was the only word needed.

As Joyce drew in her breath, paling slightly, Faith hastened to reassure her. "But don't worry, Mrs. S- Dawn's alright, we killed it. It's alright, she doesn't know… either she. And Giles thinks we're still safe- that… she is."

Joyce nodded slowly, seeming to be silently convincing herself to accept this. She took a deep breath, briefly closing her eyes, actively working to calm herself. When she opened her eyes again, there was still anxiety in their depths, but overall she was controlled once more. She looked closely into the girls' eyes, appearing concerned. They thought at first she that this was still over Dawn, the snake, and Glory, but then she reached to pull Faith into a warm embrace.

Faith was startled at first, her eyes widening slightly, body automatically stiffening, but after a few seconds she accepted it, even turning her head to lay her cheek on Joyce's shoulder. Buffy saw her slow intake of breath in her mother's arms, and her heart twisted to see a sign of the emotion that she knew Faith must still be struggling against.

After a long moment, Joyce caressed Faith's hair softly, squeezed her shoulder, then released her slowly, reaching now for her daughter. Buffy went to her gratefully, her arms going tight around her waist as a lump rose painfully in her throat. Joyce held Buffy for even longer than she had Faith, rubbing her back and shoulders tenderly, and Buffy closed her eyes against her mother's neck, fighting against even more persistently threatening tears.

"Thank you, girls," Joyce said to them quietly as she continued to rub Buffy's back, attempting to ease the tension she was finding there. " I know this is hard for you. But it's all going to work out… it always does. I have faith in you two."

Where Faith was standing slightly apart from them, watching, her mouth twisted with some bitter irony at that. Looking over at her, Joyce smiled slightly, taking one arm out from around her daughter and extending it out to Faith again.

"Don't give me that look, Faith. I'm a mother, and I'm right, because I say so. Now come here… don't give me that look either, honey, of course I mean you."

Flushing slightly, a little shy now, Faith stepped closer to Joyce again, and Joyce pulled her back against her, embracing both girls to her at once. She waited until she felt both their bodies relax against hers before she let them go. Joyce smiled at them both, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe you girls would like a shower to help YOU relax after Dawn…"

"Mom!" Buffy blurted, her cheeks going pink. She didn't like her mother thinking about her in a shower, innocently alone, let alone in a shower with her girlfriend. And that was what she'd meant… wasn't it? Or had she meant separate showers?

Maybe that was what Joyce had meant originally, but it sure wasn't now; she smiled mischeviously, and her eyes sparkled playfully at her daughter's consternation, even as she said, "What, honey?" in all seeming innocence.

"Sounds good to me, Mrs. S," Faith grinned, jumping on the bandwagon as she too raised an eyebrow at Buffy. "I know I got a lotta kinks that need worked out…"

"FAITH!" Buffy cried, her face scarlet now as she glanced between her girlfriend and her mother, mortified not at what they were saying, but at who they were saying it to- each other. Both of them laughed, amused by their ability to get to her so easily.

"Now, really, honey…" Joyce said with mock indignation, shaking her head. "I can't talk to you about MY sex life, you won't let me talk about YOURS… whose can I talk about? That Paris Hilton girl's? Let's not go there…"

Faith laughed at that, and the two smiled at each other like ten-year-old pranksters. Buffy tried to scowl at them, shaking her head, but before long a smile broke out. And she suspected that this was what Joyce had been going for all along.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 40

After Dawn had finally emerged from the bathtub, fingers and toes red and wrinkled from her long exposure to hot water, Buffy and Faith had taken Joyce up on her offer of also taking showers. Separate ones, however- even had Buffy wanted to 'conserve water' with Faith, which she admittedly was far from opposed to, just knowing that her mother not only knew what they were doing, but had _suggested_ it, would skeeve her out.

Faith had let her have the first shower- to Buffy's guilt, since she knew all the hot water would be gone before Faith could have one, between her and Dawn. Faith had just grinned at her protests and said slyly that maybe a cold one was in her best interests anyway, if Buffy was actually interested in sleeping. Buffy knew that Faith was just being playful, but somehow it made her feel worse about it- as if she were somehow denying Faith sexually.

Seeing the look on her face, Faith had quickly reassured her that she was just kidding. But even so, Buffy had still worried that Faith didn't really mean it. A part of her knew that she was probably worrying over this deliberately, as a way to protect herself from worrying about Dawn and Glory. But it was still a real worry, regardless of her reason or its silliness.

When Faith had come out from the shower, wearing only a towel and still dripping, Buffy hadn't even been distracted by her- even when she dropped the towel. This too she had felt guilty over, afraid that Faith was hurt or disappointed- even though the younger Slayer's expression had instead been one of anxious concern. Buffy knew that Faith must be wanting a physical release with her- she always did after slaying, especially when she was stressed. Usually Buffy did too… but tonight she just didn't. Tonight it would feel wrong, somehow… and even though Faith didn't push her, was sweet and understanding about it, Buffy still felt bad about it.

They lay together in bed, with Buffy wrapped in Faith's arms, her head resting against the other girl's chest. Tonight both were clad in boxers and tank tops, for Buffy had felt a desire to cover up more than usual for some reason. Faith, who usually slept either entirely nude or in her panties now that they were so comfortable sexually with each other, had followed Buffy's lead with her sleepware, and this too made Buffy feel bad. She felt as if she had to be making Faith unhappy, that Faith unconsciously felt she had to defer to her and her moods and wishes.

Again, not the real issue there, and Buffy knew it. But it was easier than going back to other things she could be worrying about.

It was quiet between them as they lay there; Buffy listened to Faith's heartbeat under her head, thinking to herself that hers was a few beats too fast for them to be in sync. This too irrationally troubled her. She could feel Faith slowly stroking her hair, rubbing blonde strands of it between her fingers, but for once the sensation didn't really relax her. Though neither said anything, Buffy could tell from the feel of Faith's body against hers that she too was not going to be able to sleep for some time, that she too was more anxious than she was trying to let on.

Buffy spoke up suddenly, unable to quite any longer about what she was thinking. Pushing her face into Faith's chest so that it was mostly hidden- so that she wouldn't have to look at her- she said quietly, her voice small, "Faith… I'm sorry…"

"Sorry? For what, B?" Faith frowned, her tone startled as she looked down at her, her fingers still absently combing through Buffy's hair. Seeing her honestly confused expression, Buffy bit her lip, pressing her face more fully against her skin so that her words came out muffled.

"For… for being like this today," she nearly whispered, and not surprisingly, she felt the tears that had been threatening on and off for the past few hours prick behind her eyes again. "For… for not wanting to, tonight… for… for acting like I did. Like I am… god, Faith, don't you know what I mean?" she asked, turning her face suddenly to look at her as her voice rose, grew more stressed in tone. "I'm being completely… I completely freaked out on you, I didn't even know what I was doing. I'm _still_ freaking…"

"Hey, it's five by five, B," Faith cut her off gently, and she pulled Buffy's head back down against her chest, stroking her hair again as she bent to quickly kiss her forehead. "You don't' have anything to be sorry for, I get it. You don't have to-"

"Quit acting like it's okay, Faith, it's not okay, I know it's not okay!" Buffy burst out with, her voice getting a little shriller with her own indignant self-condemnation. "You want to make out with me, and, and have sex, I know you do, and I don't' want to, I can't, and that's bad, that's not GOOD, and I totally, completely went crazy on you, out there, and I still am, only now it's all up in my head and I don't even get to cut up something-"

"Hey, what the hell are you talkin' about?!" Faith stopped her, her face scrunching up in worried bewilderment at Buffy's increasingly rapid flow of words, but her tone was gentle. She kissed the top of Buffy's head briefly, then stroked the hand on Buffy's hair down to her shoulders, beginning to rub them in a mini, one-handed massage. "What the hell makes you think it's not okay for you not to want sex? Look, if you don't wanna have sex, B, I don't' want to either. I don't' want you doin' it with me just because you think you should, or because I want you to-"

"No, that's not it- I _like_ it, I _love_ it, Faith!" Buffy started quickly, her eyes widening as she heard the hurt in the brunette's tone, could see some of the no-longer-quite-usual insecurities returning to her eyes. "I DO want to, I, I love it, okay? I love YOU… just… right now it feels wrong, and it's not you, it's me, and I know it's wrong, I shouldn't, it's stupid. And I'm sorry, I don't-"

"Hey, I told you, it's five by five," Faith told her again, squeezing her shoulder and quickly leaning to kiss the tip of her nose. "It's… 'cause you're tired and all, and worried. It's alright B, really. It's okay. Like I said, I don't want to if you don't."

Buffy heard the sincerity in the other girl's tone and was not comforted; instead her stomach squeezed tighter with feeling of being undeserving of it. Taking a slow breath, she pushed her cheek harder against Faith's skin, as if she were trying to merge it with her own.

"I'm sorry, Fai," she repeated, her voice small; she was blinking hard against the tears now, drawing her lips together tightly as she swallowed against the sudden choking in her throat. "I… I don't' want to do this, I don't' want to be freaking out… I've got to…"

"Shut up, B," Faith interrupted, but her voice was tender. She slowly ran a hand up and down Buffy's back, reminiscent of the way that Joyce had soothed her, before, and of how Buffy herself often behaved with her. "It's alright… I freaked out on you too, remember? Freak away. It's five by five."

Buffy knew again that she genuinely what she was saying… Faith really didn't care if she was a mess right now. Well, she CARED… but she wasn't going to get awkward, she wasn't going to leave, or take it on herself as her fault, as she might have before. Faith understood… and realizing this, shocked at herself for having doubted it before, Buffy let out a little sob, a few tears slipping out before she could stop herself. Faith hugged her tighter against her, not saying anything, and a part of Buffy distantly marveled at her reaction, at how much more confident with herself and Buffy she had grown, how much more comfortable in dealing with emotions… even if it were Buffy's rather than her own.

She gained control of herself quickly and just lay there for several moments, allowing Faith to hold her, trying to accept the comfort Faith was trying so hard to provide for her. Her love for the brunette surpassed her feelings of guilt and weakness, and she adjusted herself so that she was holding Faith too, craning her neck to give her a soft, grateful little kiss.

"Thank you…" she said softly, unable to articulate any further what she was feeling.

"No prob, B… it's five by five," Faith told her quietly, repeating the phrase for the third or fourth time unconsciously. But more and more, Buffy was beginning to notice when she said it now, she really seemed to mean it rather than be using it as a defense.

"I love you," Buffy whispered, closing her eyes and turning her head to kiss the skin of Faith's chest closest to her lips, and realizing that it was very near Faith's heart. After a moment's pause, Faith squeezed Buffy around the waist gently, answering slightly hoarsely.

"I love you too, B."

"It's… it's just that I'm so scared, Faith," Buffy went on, her voice shaking slightly, and she kept her eyes closed, turning her face so her cheek was resting on Faith as she continued, finally giving in against her own precautions and venting to the younger Slayer her thoughts and feelings. "For everyone, for everything that might happen… that.. that Glory might do to them. She's going to be furious when the snake doesn't come back- you KNOW she will be. What if she sends something else- or what if she comes back here? What if she finds out? What if… what if she hurts Dawn, even if she doesn't know what she is? What if she hurts Mom, or Giles, or Willow or Xander or Tara… what if she hurts you?"

"Hey, don't' worry about me, B," Faith said quickly, temporarily stopping her words with a gentle kiss. "I've seen her twice now, and I'm still here. Look, it's… it's gonna be okay, you know? That's what you told me, and that's what your mom says too… and I've learned all too well by now that what a Summers woman says, goes," she finished up with a hint of a smirk.

Buffy smiled weakly at that, but her anxieties could not be chased away for very long.

"It's just… I'm so scared, Faith," she said, slowly, her voice faint. "I couldn't stand it if something were to happen to Dawn. I mean, I couldn't with anyone, but Dawn is my little sister, you know? Well… okay, she isn't really, not technically… but it still feels like it, you know? I still remember everything we did together as kids… even though it never really happened. I still remember how she broke my Barbies when she was mad, how she had to have stitches because she hit her chin when she fell off her bike when she was seven. I remember… all this never happened, it isn't real, but I _feel_ like it is. I still feel like she's my sister. Only now… it feels like even more."

"I know," Faith said, and she met Buffy's eyes with her own, combing a hand through her hair without seeming to realize that she was as Buffy continued to raise her eyes toward her. "All this is some freaky shit, B… it's kinda like we don't even know who she is anymore…"

"She's… she's from us," Buffy repeated, as if she were still trying out the idea, testing how it sounded aloud. "Only she doesn't get our powers… I still don't get it, still don't see how it's possible, but I guess it is. She's… it's hard to think how she's not even a real person, Faith, not really. She's… she was never born… she's just a mix of our essences that appeared, and we don't' even know when. But god, she doesn't FEEL like she isn't a real person! She still feels like my sister- like DAWN!" Buffy said, her rising a little with her emotions.

"She is," Faith said slowly, her hand stilling in Buffy's hair, resting against her neck. "She is still Dawn, B… you told me that, remember? It's just… I don't know… now what we think Dawn as being… it's different. You know… but, but it's still her."

"I know," Buffy fretted, still frowning deeply as she shifted her position slightly, trying not to rest so heavily on Faith anymore. "And I still love her… I love her even more. I still would do anything to protect her… but the difference is now that I don't just want to protect her because she's my sister. I HAVE to protect her because a god or goddess or whatever Glory is, is after her, she wants her, she'll hurt people to get to her… and if she gets her, she will use her to destroy the world. I have to protect Dawn because she's the key- because she could destroy the world if I don't. Because she could be used to kill us all…"

Suddenly there came the sound of something crashing to the floor, something that sounded like breaking glass, right outside the door… as the Slayers bolted upright, eyes widening in panic and alertness, there came the sound of feet thudding down the hall. Small, clumsy, unsteady feet, moving very fast. And when a door slammed loud enough to echo through the hall, their fear was all but confirmed.

Dawn… Dawn must have somehow been listening to them, somehow overhead. Dawn must know the truth now about what she was.

The end

Author notes: I know, I know… I will post the beginning chapter of the sequel as soon as possible. Right now I am tentatively calling it Bound, but if you have any other suggestions for a title having to do with the word bound, bonds, binds, or binding (as in Faith/Buffy's slayer bonds and Dawn's blood bonds to both) I would appreciate it.


End file.
